View Full Version : Shower Etiquette
04-18-2002, 02:21 PM
I have a friend who's brother and his ife are expecting in July. They want a couple's shower/pool party! Grandma is throwing the shower and thinks its a tacky idea to have a shower/pool party/BBQ and she wants absolutely no children there. She lied and told them that the room they wanted to rent(with a pool outside) was under renovation and wouldn't be available. Now, my friend just happens to live in the complex where they wanted to have the shoer and now she has to lie too about the room not being available. She is pretty ticked at her mom for doing this as you can imagine!
Isn't a shower something you are "GIVEN" and not "EXPECTING IT"?? I never had input on my shoer. I accepted what was given to me. Also, this couple has received two hand me down infant car seats from family members(never been in any accidents and in great shape) to borrow. They also registered for one. Now, the family members who let them borrow the seats are ticked about it. Like their hand me down wasn't good enough or something! Any advice as to how to handle these situations?? I think its all petty nonsense, but they are really ticked off about all of it!
04-19-2002, 11:01 AM
Sorry, no actual "advice" here. But I do agree that it was rude of them to accept the "hand-me-down" carseats and then still register for one. If they didn't like or didn't feel safe about using the loaners, they should have politely (and gratefully) declined the offer. I guess depending on how strongly the lenders feel about it, maybe they should say something like, "I saw that you registered for another infant carseat. If you don't think you're going to use the one I lent you, why don't you give it back to me so that maybe I can find someone who will be able to use it?" (They can say it very sweetly and politely, while still making their point.)
As for the shower, again, I agree that a shower should be something that you are "given" and not something you "expect" or ask for. So they should be grateful for whatever type of shower someone wants to throw for them -- UNLESS Grandma actually asked them what kind of shower they wanted to have. If she asked them, then she should have been open to hearing their ideas! (For example, they may feel like none of their friends will be able to come if children aren't invited -- in which case maybe Grandma should be more flexible on that point.) Either way, though, I don't think it's appropriate for her to lie about why she's not doing the pool party. If she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea for whatever reason, she should be up front with them about it. Lying about it just puts her (and the friend who lives in the same complex) in an uncomfortable situation -- and the consequences if/when the lie is "found out" could be just awful for everyone involved.
Just my 2 cents!
Mommy to Adam 6/98
Jeremy(?) expected 7/02
04-19-2002, 02:52 PM
Nope, grandma didn't ask them what kind of shower they wanted. They just started discussing their shower a month or so ago and they let everybody know they wanted a couple's shower complete ith pool party, BBQ, and beer, etc. They are rather young parents, not that its a bad thing, but most of their friends aren't even married or have significant others more than a week at a time. Also, the sister who lives in the complex grandma lied about is now in a bit of a pickle. There are NO KIDS allowed at the shower(strange!) and she has 2 kids. A 4 year old and a 15 mo old. Since its a couple's shower her DH won't be able to watch the kids! She is family! And, she is helping throw the shower along with grandma. I think its a bit much with what they are doing! After all, isn't a baby shower celebrating the arrival of a new child?? Thanks for your comments! I appreciate it!
05-09-2002, 06:10 PM
I think I agree with your original opinion that this is all petty nonsense! Well, Grandma can throw whatever kind of party she likes. The couple has no say in the matter. I'm wondering why the sister is going along with Grandma on the no kids issue, since she would have to hire a babysitter? Personally, I think Grandma and sis are going to be in a REAL pickle when the couple finds out they lied. Lies travel round the world, while the truth is putting on it's shoes!! As for the car seats... well... maybe they accepted the hand-me-downs in case noone gets them one for the shower (a highly likely occurrence). They may not be able to afford one on their own. If they do get a new one, they can either give the used ones back, or pass them on to others who need them. I don't think the people who gave them car seats should be upset about the whole thing, but that's just my opinion.
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