HELP- Talk me thru this...

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

First I have to say if any of you presented this "thought process" aloud I'd have all the answers for you(LOL)...but since it's me I just can't think. In other words I know the answer, I need convincing. I'd be so opinionated if this was your situation and I'd say "use 'em!!!!!"...

Help me here please...

I have three handmade baby quilts from family members, these have NOT AN OUNCE OF MACHINE WORK TO THEM-ALL HANDMADE, and when I say quilts I mean quilts!!! Not two pieces of fabric sewn together and quilted (which is the real definition of quilts) but actual applique, hand stiching, hand work and then quilted. In otherwords a lot of work was put into them, you don't see such quilts often today...

Two are from my grandmother that were done when I was young for my future child "one day", one of them even has some hand embroidry that I did when I was like 8 years old.

With that said, one is displayed outside of Tristan's room on a quilt rack and the others are tucked safely in the closet, I show them off often but PROTECT them with all my might.

Please help me come to terms that these quilts need to be out on the floor and used, sure he might bust a stich as he crawls on them but I desperatly need someone to convince me that is OK...that they should be used for him. I mean at this rate I can of course pass them on to Tristan's children but can I honestly say "these were your daddies" when they were hidden in a closet for his childhood.

I have no place to hang them from walls, that's not really the style I have going on and just don't really have a place for them. So it really is either put them on the floor and really use them or hide them from the world.

Guys I know the answer...I know I should use them...I'd be the first one begging you all to use them if you explained this scenrio to me...adn I would BEG you to do so I know, I'm real into tradition, honoring antiques and respecting things "passed down" so I know I would be so passionate for others in this situation...I just can't take my own advice...

Here is a pictures of two of them
* Goldilocks and three bears, which I think was made in like 1979-that one is all applique that is not print on the fabric!
* Hand Stiched bears (I made one of the panels)
* (not pictured-mom made) a rocking horse

http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan/images/blankets1.jpg
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan/images/blankets2.jpg

Neve
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[daisymommy]

Neve, your quilts are absolutely georgous!!! And I hope someone has something convincing to say, because I have two hand sewn quilts for Joshua that are packed neatly away in his closet as well. I just can't bear to let him get them dirty, spit up on them, rip them, etc. My aunt and grandmother would probably be upset if they knew I didn't let him use them, but they're just so nice!

[miki]

This is not the same situation but maybe this will help a bit. My mom visited recently and gave me a piece of gold jewelry that was given to me by a friend of hers when I was born. She was giving it to me so I could give it to Lorelei. It is a fairly large pendant of very thin gold, not solid but with a lacy pattern. Before my mom gave it to me, I had never seen it before so I thought it amusing that my mother would say it was mine. I'm sure had she given it to me as a very young child, I would have played with it and bent it all out of shape. But she could have given it to me a bit later when I was old enough to wear jewelry. She could have supervised me wearing it on special occasions or something. Lorelei is only 2 months old now but I think she'll be seeing her pendant before she has her first child.

[bnme]

You can always use them, but use them lightly. You would still have to be prepared for something to happen to them -but it would be less likely. Use them for for "special occasions" only. To show them off a bit. Use them to snuggle on the couch with DS to create memories around them.

BUT - you can use them everyday, too. Without feeling guilty. There not likely to get completely ruined or anything. And I am sure your grandmother would be happy to know they were being used.

Either way they are wonderful heirlooms to pass down -slightly worn or not! Just gorgeous.

[KGoes]

The quilts are absolutely lovely! What if you used them as a bedspread? That way Tristan can snuggle under them as a blanket but they aren't getting the hard wear and tear of being on the floor? There are also quilt racks - an old-fashioned notion that seems to be coming back into vogue. We have larger quilts on ours, but the smaller sized ones would look even better since you would see more of the pattern.
If it makes you feel better, DH's aunt handstitched a quilt for DD and passed along the sentiment that she would be "hurt" if the quilt did not show wear and tear when she saw it next. I guess if you are devoted enough to the craft to handstitch a quilt, you understand that they were made to be used.
Kelley
DD born 7/03

[sweetbasil]

Neve,
I don't know if it was ever even a phase that Tristan went through, but is he past the danger of spitting up, for the most part? That can be one of the worst stains, IMO, for white cloth. Like with all of Kellen's clothes- they all were washed, dried, and clean when I stored them, but the stains came back and reared their ugly heads when I pulled them out of the storage boxes. (I know you can get the stains out in such a situation, but for heirloom stuff, I've tried to keep them as chemically-untreated as possible.)

With Kellen, my Great Aunt sent a quilt for him after he was born, and my mom pulled out the quilt that same Great Aunt had made for me- and I used them both. With great care, of course, but she wanted us to enjoy them, not keep them in the closet. And I've used them with Charlie (in moderation, as he's a projectile spitter-upper! Sorry if TMI ;)), and will probably use them more as his little tummy settles down and he gets bigger.

So, I probably wouldn't worry quite as much about it now that Tristan is a little bigger....What special gifts to enjoy!


HTH,

[cinrein]

Neve,

The quilts are beautiful. I can see why you are so protective of them. I too think Tristan should use them, but maybe when he's older? My nieces and nephews all had small "throws" my MIL bought them (nothing as nice as a handmade quilt) that they used to snuggle on the couch, built forts by draping them over chairs, rolling each other up like sausages, etc. They must have been 3-5 years old when they really got into playing with them. I think it would be nice to let Tristan play with them at that point, that way he may even remember using those quilts when he's a Daddy himself.

Cindy and Anna 2/11/03

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Wow what a story!!!
That reminded me of a situation that I was in very much. My god mother has been deceased since I was in 2nd grade, she was an "old maid" (though not to old), but was a spinster that lived with my grandmother (my dads mom) for her whole life, they lived in an old Victorian home in the burbs of Chicago and lived together!!!!

Well my Aunt Pat had a lot of costume jewelry, and evidently was always dressed up with scarvs and jewelry-she had been a ballet dancer and was a tiny thing ...I degress...

BUT I have had this jewelry for years, never wore an ounce it (it's very "old fashioned" but wouldn't part with it for any amount of money.

I hired a decorator two years ago to make me a diopini silk shower curtain to go around a claw tub I have in the powder room...the crutain puddles to the floor and touches it and starts from the ceiling...it has embrodreid bees on the dipoini silk...and I hate to admit this (hubby doesn't know) but those 10 yards of fabric of diopini silk cost more than I will ever publically admit :)...(not bragging becasue I can assure you that was the last place my money should have gone...or lack of money I should say)...my heart palpitated while they rung it up...

Well this decorator over the phone without knowing me said "Do you have any jewelery from a grandmother, or old jewelry that can be added to that powder room" (honest to god this was a phone consult, she didn't know me, hadn't seen the room she was jsut talking)...I thought she was on drugs, I mean jewelry in a powder room???? Well sure enough I hung up the phone with her and went to my jewelry box and there was a costume jewelry bee of my Aunts (possibly my grandmother) and I took it and placed it on the hand towel in the powder room and anyone who washes their hands in there and dries them can not miss that bee. Some instantly said "what if it get's lost" I say "HOW???"...but really if you think about it that bee has been in that jewelry box for 30 years (atleast) and never once saw the light of day...today it is seen atleast 10 times a day I would imagine...and if it got lost I'd cry my eyes out...but it was enjoyed, vs the other scenerio...

Maybe you can incorporate that piece you have in some way like that...sorry that was long, but reminded me of your story...

Neve
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[suribear]

I would hide them, too :) They're so nice!

However, that's not right of course, sooooo... why don't you use them as bedspreads? Could you have special portrait/s taken with them? That's what I want to do with some of our nice blankets and stuff, to preserve the memory.

Personally, I would hang them on the wall, but I understand they take up a lot of space!

Kris

[alkagift]

Neve,
I use one that my great aunt made me when I met Mark (she knew he was the one) and I've never regretted it. Having said that, I don't have a toddler rubbing pudding and crayons on it, either.

I guess what I would do if I had those jewels is take one (the most delicate, the oldest, or the one you like the best) and put it away. Then, use the rest! Use them as throws for sitting in front of the fireplace, use them for play areas for Tristan, put them on the end of your guest bed for your guests to enjoy, whatever. If you were concerned, then you could take all of them and put them all away for the period of time when you think Tristan would be the most unintentionally destructive--maybe until he's 5? Then pull them out again.

I don't have a "quilty" theme going in my house either, but I do have mine in the guest room and my family enjoys looking at it and sleeping under it--because they know who made it and everyone loves her. A couple of years ago I stayed at my aunt's house and she made her guest bed with a quilt made from my great-great grandfather's suits. It was so cool to sleep under history, even though it didn't "go" with the decor!

Allison
Mom to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[Jen in Chicago]

The loved ones who made then want you to use them, and by using them they are sure to become a favorite of your child.

I was a "save it until a rainy day" person with a lot of things, then I realized LIFE IS SHORT so use everything you want and enjoy it.

Using heirloom items I think are a way of respecting those that put so much love, sweet and tears into the items you now have. I love that on our bed we have the wedding quilt that my Great Aunt (now deceased) made for my Grandparents as a wedding gift. How special! I love pulling it off the bed and wrapping myself in it for a night on the couch. It is like a big hug from Grandma and Grandpa. When I was little at their house I got to sleep with it too.

[ismommy]

Hi Neve,

use the quilts - thast what the people who made them want. We have a quilt my best friends made for our wedding which is dispalyed on our wall. She loves that we show it off but has said she hates it not being used. When I became pregnant with bella- I asked her to make Bella's quilt. She did on the condition Bella would USE it. So once the sids risk passed that is the quilt Bella sleeps with. I was always worried that she might get sick on it so nights when she didnt seem well I would put ina different blanket. This recently stopped when Bella made it clear she only wants her Bonnie quilt. she recently peed on it(potty training) and I was upset but washed it and it is fine. I know Bonnie is thrilled that it is used and loved.

Helene
mommy to isabella
9/19/01

[lukkykatt]

Neve, first of all - so glad to see you back! Your quilts are beautiful! I have a handmade quilt from my cousin, who is a mother of three boys. She sent me a note along with it, informing of the washing instructions, and that she hoped it was something that DS would love through childhood. She told me that she hoped he would sleep with it, make a fort out of it, etc. I have it hanging on the wall...that is as close as I could get to having it be "used". But, I am hoping that by the time DS' room is decorated into more of a "big boy" room, I'll let him make those forts. But knowing me, I'll pack it away.

I just wanted to give you the perspective of the person who had made them. She knows all about boys, and wanted it to be used and loved. She even told me that quilts get better with washing. Only time will tell!

Good luck with your dilemma and I owe you an email (we've all been sick)!

[egoldber]

Neve, in general quilts are VERY, VERY sturdy! But I would have some cautions about these particular quilts. I would be a little careful with the white one, since its, well, white! Also, one thing to think about is some of the older quilts with older fabrics may not be quite as sturdy as ones made from more modern fabrics. Fabrics made even 20-30 years ago are not as fade-proof or as strong as ones made today. Do you know what kind of thread was used in the embroidery? Some threads are not color-fast. If they were made with standard DMC type embroidery floss, then I wouldn't worry about it UNLESS the thread is red (I can't tell from the photo). You may want to spot test that one (on the back) for colorfastness.

HTH,

[peanut4us]

As someone who does quilt, I would be so sad to know that my quilts weren't being "loved" by the little one I made them for. If I were you, I would pick one that is a "pass down" quilt and then I would let Tristan use the others. I would also make sure to take LOTS of pictures with him and the quilts as he grows. Then if they do disintegrate before he is a daddy himself... he'll still have pictures of him and his quilts.

You need to understand too that I am a total Linus kind of girl. I have a woobie to this day (he's a down comforter and has had many covers over the years), but I love him. And I only let people I love use him: DH, Sara, my mom, my best friend... no one else. I think getting attached to a blanket is the greatest thing. Sara's lovey (of which I have 3) is a knit blanket that she is still swaddled in (legs only) at night. She rubs the ends of it on her face and no matter when i go in, she has got is clutched in a hand or touching it in some way... it's so sweet.

I am making her 2 quilts right now, and I fully intend to let her go to! They weren't made to be in a museum, or the folks who made them wouldn't have given them to you for a baby!

And tey are more durable than you think. I have 5 of my baby blankets that my grandmother made for me still. They are a little worse for the wear, especially the white one, but I love them! Use 'em!

[starrynight]

Those quilts are gorgeous!!! I would pick one and put it away but let Tristan love the other ones. :)

[lisaE]

Hi Neve.

Your quilts are gorgeous.

My grandmother was also very handy making things and embroidering. She lived through the depression, so she made use of every little scrap she ever got her hands on. For example, she had these ratty houseshoes that barely held together but she refused to get new ones because she thought hers were fine. She passed away last year, so all the things I have that she made are even more special and beautiful to me now.

However, that being said, whenever I think of packing something away that she made and not using it, I can't help but think what her reaction to that would be. She would think that was so silly. If you can make use of something, then do it. So, I honor her by having those things out and loving them. She had embroidered some kitchen towels with rabbits, etc. and I can't bring myself to use them for kitchen spills. My husband had the good idea of heirlooming them and framing them for the nursery. That's what we plan to do- although I know if my grandmother were here to see that she would think it was just ridiculous!

Quilts do get better over time- I used one of hers (my favorite) so much that I finally had to take it to the seamstress and have her repair the edges of it. It's the most soft and wonderful blanket. These were meant to be used and loved. If something happens, you can have it repaired. No store-bought blanket will ever compare to the beautiful quilts you have that were made with such love.

Lisa

[himom]

Neve, it's so nice to see you back! We missed you and we missed seeing Tristan's cute little face.

Why don't you pick just one quilt out for Tristan and make it exclusively his? (I think if he only has one it will make that one more special) When he's a little older he can sleep with it, play with it, take pictures in front of it, etc. When he outgrows it you can keep it for yourself as a reminder of his baby days.

Then when you get your other babies give them each one as well. When we are old and gray you can take out all their old quilts and let all the associative memories kick in! I have this really sweet vision of you in 20 years with little row of cedar chests, each containing reminders of each individual child. The quilts can go on top. :)

Off subject a bit -- my brother and I still fight over a quilt my great-grandmother made my mom when she was in high school. It's old and tattered and not holding together very well, but it's still our favorite blanket to cuddle under. I don't know why - it's just love and memories, I guess. The last time my brother visited (he's in Indiana) I let him take it back with him, but next time he comes home I get custody! I hope to have objects like this that are treasured by my kids some day.

Jodi
Mommy to Joshua, born February 2003

[jojo2324]

NeveO!!! You're back!! Yeah!!

I say, use 'em! Has anybody read that short story, Everyday Use? I think it's by Alice Walker. Basically, a woman and her mother are arguing over some quilts. The woman thinks they should be used as decorative things, a remembrance almost to days past. And her mother can't fathom them hanging on a wall, because, well, that wasn't what they were made for. It's a good story.

[NancyJ_redo]

That's a very cool story Neve and it sounds like you have a beautiful bathroom. Silk shower curtain, claw tub, antique jewelry, I'm envious just picturing it all :)

Oh, and as for the quilts, I haven't read all the other posts but for what it's worth, my inclination would be to save them. I would be very honored to get a hand-me-down quilt from a grandma or some other ancestor that was in pristine condition (um, the quilt, not the ancestor). So although the quilts are obviously functional, maybe their true purpose in life is to be handed down as keepsakes. Just my two cents.

[loewymartin]

Alia received a lot of quilts and knitted blankets at my shower as well. Two quilts I let her play on when she was little (they were her floor blankets) and she learned to crawl on them. I have a ton of pictures of her taken on them (so the aunts know she used them!) I have to admit, I didn't use the knitted blankets. But, now that she's running around and won't sit still, I've put her quilts away.

I'm sure we'll be using them as lap quilts in the winter when she's old enough to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. But until then, they are in her closet.

An idea my mom did for me at my shower was to give me a box of my old baby clothes. On top of each outfit she had the picture of me in that outfit. It was neat for me, but even more so for the women in the room. My aunts, grandmothers and cousins etc were all in tears! These were outfits they had sent (bought or made) to my mom for me, and loved that she had saved them. Maybe you can do something like that with the blankets. Let T use them for a little while (take pics) and then pack them up so he will have them for his kids one day.

Another idea, since you will be adopting, is save them for those kids. It would be nice to give all your kids something from their family.

Michelle - Mom to Alia born 5/16/02

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I love the story about your mom and what she did...what a special mom you have!!! sweet!!!

Neve
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties