Ever run across people who seem to have nothing nice to say

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I personally don't need for them to say anything nice...but when they find an opportunity to say something not nice, unwelcome, and "picking" when they can't say or acknowledge anything nice you really have to bite your tongue...

It is strange behavior...

Maybe this belongs in the bitching post but I guess today it really hit me...



Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 Baby girl BRONWYN
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine 12-10-04
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[Marisa6826]

OH YES. And her name is MY MOTHER ;) :P

A prime example for you: I told her that I was heading into NYC to get my haircut Saturday. Her response, "Thank God. It looks just HORRIBLE in that picture you sent me. It's too heavy and scraggly. I certainly hope that you plan on getting cut at least above your shoulders!"

The picture I sent? The one I posted here in the preggo Mom's thread. Here it is again in case you don't recall how horrid I look.

Um. Thanks Mom. I'm not feeling self conscious enough about those additional 30lbs. I'm carrying at the moment.

-m

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/17165.jpg

[murpheyblue]

Hello, you look gorgeous! I would kill for hair like that! The color, the length, the fullness. Mine never grows past my shoulders.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Girlfriend your mother is JEALOUS of you!!!-I've supected that since story #1 about her.
That picture is gorgeous...and so is the frame, paint color etc... I can tell I like your decorating...

I think that sums it up by the way I find the folks (the few) who I have met in my life that are this way are I beleive Jealous people...if they can't say anything nice and can only pick on bad they must be MISERABLE...
the good news is I am quick to spot them and avoid them like the plaque but sometimes they stand in your path and shout "me me" let me say something not nice to you, you look to happy I must try to ruin it.

I'm sorry your mom is that way Marisa...my mom is not totally that way but she does have some traits like that and I know it hits you to the core...


Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 Baby girl BRONWYN
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine 12-10-04
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[jec2]

My mom too! I swear, I could be all dressed up and feel like a million and she'll smirk, squint and say, "oh, you are wearing that color lipstick." Ugh.

[jec2]

I thought your hair looked great in that pic! So long and thick.

[crayonblue]

I think I remember posting that I loved your hair when I saw this picture!

I totally understand, though. My mom comments EVERY time she sees me that she thinks I looked so much better with bangs. I haven't had bangs in years. Oh, well.

[Marisa6826]

Funny Juliet, that brings back memories.

I went to go pick up my Mother years ago at the airport. I remember what I had on clear as day. A little sleeveless black turtleneck dress, and a cropped red tartan plaid jacket with red lipstick.

I just had lost 35lbs and thought I looked just fabulous. You know, the real cat's meow?!

Well, she got off the plane, took one look at me and told me my lipstick was horrible.

Nothing like blowing out somebody's candle to make yours look brighter, KWIM?

UGH.

-m

[Marisa6826]

Ali-

Thanks, you're so sweet. BTW, you TOO can have this colour ;) :P

I'm about 20% grey in real life, so I have some help from my friend Craig the colourist every six weeks :P


-m

[Marisa6826]

Thanks Neve.

I'm sorry that I've seemingly hijacked your thread.

I've always loved the pics of YOUR house! And don't you have a chocolate bedroom too? We joke that our decor is kind of indo-asian-country french. I've always liked colours with attitude. NOTHING white in this house except trim and even then, it's *creme* not white :). BTW, the mirror is from Bed Bath and Beyond.

I agree that when people are nasty so regularly, a lot of it is pure jealousy. The only redeeming quality of knowing about people like this is that we can be conscious of OUR behaviour and avoid acting this way. It really does hurt - especially when it comes from the LAST person you hope it would.

I can't imagine EVER speaking like that to my children.

hugs

-m

[starrynight]

Marisa, sounds like my mother too!! Neve, it drives me up the wall but I have learned to tune it out. My mom is known for quite a few not so wonderful remarks. I always love(major sarcasm here) when she comes to visit and the first words out of her mouth off the plane are "geez Jac have you gained weight, your butt looks bigger in those pants" um "Hi mom I love you too and I'm so glad you came to visit" grrrrrrrrrrrr.I did call her out on it though and she said sorry, it's her nature I guess. Even when I was skinny she said comments about my weight. Thank god she only comes once a year because she hates it here (she loved GA so she would visit twice)

ETA: M, you look great in that pic, ignore her! And yes even your hair looks great :D.

[pritchettzoo]

Suddenly I really love my mother, but anyway...

Neve, aren't you getting pregnant enough to snark back? ;) Like say, "Let's just stick to the weather, shall we?" I think I remember reading a Miss Manners blurb on how to handle these people, and her response was very formal and cold, but of course technically polite.

The daughter of the guy who's law practice we're working with is like that. Unfortunately she's the paralegal! She always has a story to top whatever you're talking about too. UGH. Completely unpleasant to be around. However, she is miserable with her "job" (using that term *very* loosely!) and her marriage, so I think it is true that these people are usually just so unhappy they have to drag everyone else down.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03)

[ellies mom]

My MIL. I've been with my husband for 6 years. I've never heard her say anything positive about her children without putting a "but" after it, and that was only once. "Susan is smart BUT she has no ambition". So naturally DH has similar habits. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much, but I've been really trying for the last few years to become more positive (it's a work in progress). So it makes it harder for me to be more positive without positive stuff coming back. I blame it all on his mom.

[kijip]

Neve, I hear you!

My husbands's Grandmother.

My mother's mother. I do not call her my Grandmother because frankly she is no more my relative than Bob Dole IMHO. On seeing me for the first time in 10 years the woman said to me "You are not the skinny Katie you used to be". She then tried to give me diet pills. Then she launched into telling my husband he was too thin. Then she said that Toby's eyes were "too blue to be Katie's son". Um, would you like to see the scar on my bikini line? I assure you that that is the baby that came out of me. Hello, when presented with one of the cutest kids on the planet (technically her great grandson, but I won't tell him that) all she can say is that his eyes are "too blue"? WTF!!!??? Then she shared with my husband her belief that I was a communist, lesbian, devil worshipping slut. In reality I am a heterosexual, free market believer, happily and faithfully married young wife who was raised Catholic. And so what if I were a lesbian or a communist? We did the cold, thin smile Miss Manners thing. It was great seeing her frustrated that we were not responding to her. This woman is a racist, bigoted, abusive, ignorant by choice, CRIMINAL (I am not exaggerating- she has spend time in prison and deserves to spend some more), freak and she thinks that since she watches religious TV that she can tell me what God wants for my life?

When I see my mother's mother I marvel that my mother was able to convert to Catholicism, not abuse her children, attend some college (after being taken out of school in the 6th grade) and just make the world a better place through her volunteer work and her insistence that her children get an education. I thought I hated my mother but examining the vast improvement she made over her mother is amazing. THERE I can see the positive.

I really dislike the picking, nasty minded people in this world!

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

ughhhh (edited it looked like I was cursing there in my typo) can't sleep insomnia...
I do have a chocolate room...it's still "naked" to me and missing stuff so I don't really consider that room decorated.
I actualluy thought of you and Helene the other day with some dog beds and wondered if they'd fit in your decor (I thought of you all since the models were pugs), but they are french provencal in Ballard and Designs...so cute!!!!

No I couldn't imagine beig that way with my children you want to foster and hope only the best for them.

with that said I have a mom who would volunteer at the DAR MUseum before being here on my death bed to help out though the person I was mentioning is practically a stranger who just can't seem to say anything nice to people...and picks...just appears "pickey" in how they portray themselves in general and seems to young to be that way to me. Anyway it just hit me today, though I have noticed the trait for awhile *sadly almost instantly)-and deep down I know they know they appear miserable. I agree with a poster that I am going to pull my hormonal deck of cards on this one...

Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 Baby girl BRONWYN
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine 12-10-04
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[Marisa6826]

I saw those beds in Ballard Design! ;)

Unfortunately, no they don't match. My stuff isn't *quite* that country french ;).

Remember that really expensive dipe with the giraffe print on Ebay a while back? That's my kitchen fabric!

-m

[barbarhow]

I know so many, too many people, like this. First my mother but that should go on the bitching thread. The one who lately sticks in my craw-oh I mean my mind-is a coworker. She is the most miserable human being I have ever known. She is nasty and goes out of her way to make trouble. She is the one who tried to get me put on probation after I came back from maternity leave. She told my boss that I was coming in late and leaving early. (Yeah by 5 minutes-with her at my side). She is so jealous of my happiness, my wonderful husband and baby. She is divorced X2 and walks around with the angriest puss on her face. A year ago she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. While I feel very sorry for her, she has not in the least let up. She is more angry and more vindictive. She is likely dying and still won't let up. I steer a wide berth of her. Speak only when spoken to. It is so hard. Its amazing that someone with so little insight and compassion works in psychiatry.
I try to steer clear of these types of vicious people. Given a choice I would not allow any of them into my life. Unfortunately they are everywhere. And sometimes you don't see them coming. I always try to remember that they are miserable inside. Somehow that makes them more tolerable.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
expecting #2, a Yankee fan, around 5/9/05!

[momathome]

Ah, yes, my MIL. When Kasey was 15 months-old, MIL called to tell me about a picture she had taken of Kasey that she just had developed and how cute it was. Innocent, right? She follows this up by telling me how amazing it is that Kasey is cute now, given how ugly she was a baby. "She was a real ugly duckling, wasn't she?" This is a GRANDMOTHER saying this about her GRANDDAUGHTER to the child's MOTHER! The funny thing is Kasey looks just like dh - go figure!

[lukkykatt]

My mother too, unfortunately... I have vowed never to do that, especially to my children. Actually there is quite a history of this type of behavior on my mother's side of the family, so I am quite familiar with it.

If I find other people like that(outside of my family), I quickly try to distance myself - I just don't have time for that anymore.

Marisa, you could be a maternity model - don't give it another thought. You AND your hair are totally beautiful. I like your saying about the candle - it's perfect!

[jec2]

Ugh, I know. I always empathize with your mother stories. My mom doesn't seem to be nearly as severe as yours, but when your own mom is not your #1 Cheerleader and instead seems to be playing for the other team, it hurts.

One time, a few years ago at Christmas we were all talking and I was giving my opinion, which was also contrary to my mother's, and she said to DH "put a muzzle on her!" WTF?! I am a grown adult and cannot even give my opinion? When I responded that she was rude and mean and she hurt my feelings she told me to lighten up, she was only joking! Really funny joke, ma.

[Dcclerk]

I totally agree. You have gorgeous hair that I would love to have. Can you fire your mom, please? ;) (When my mom says stuff that I don't like-- and it is never even close to insulting like this-- I tell her she's fired and I'm finding a new, nicer one. :) My mom thinks its funny and realizes when she has crossed over the line. But I think in your case, it should be a reality!)

[mudder17]

Marisa, your hair is absolutely gorgeous!!! It's very similar to how my hair was pre-baby. Yes, I miss my old hair. :(

Oh, and I didn't notice before, but I have a play pen gate just like yours. But your decor is so much nicer than mine. :) I agree with Neve--your mom is just jealous.

And to stay on topic, Neve, yes, I've run into people like that at my school when I was teaching. I either avoid them, or I just sort of nod my head about things they say, and then walk away. It seems to work. :)

Eileen

Mother of Beautiful Kaya, www.chemicalgraphics.com/kaya
http://www.babysfirstsite.org/newtickers/ticker/16994.birthday.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_garnet_6m.gif Breastfed 8 months and counting

[aliceinwonderland]

Can I join the club?? Our living room is chocolate with champagne drapes, and the adjoining dinning room is red ("foxy red" to be exact). How fun :)
Back on topic:
My SIL...but she is also not very smart and just unhappy in her life. What REALLY gets me is the people who are that way, but are also smarter than me because then I can't just "snap" back at them...LOL, I guess I have some issues too :) :P

[Marisa6826]

I have a red dining room and Sophie's nursery is red ;)

-m

[mudder17]

Cool. My living room is ... Eggplant? Our room is an orange color (burnt orange?), our den is green, our study is blue, but we want to make it a chocolate room, and DD's room is lavender with yellow trim.

Our dining room is plain white, but it has a large Indian rug on one wall. Oh, and our bathroom is black and white with a black toilet.

Eileen

Mother of Beautiful Kaya, www.chemicalgraphics.com/kaya
http://www.babysfirstsite.org/newtickers/ticker/16994.birthday.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_garnet_6m.gif Breastfed 8 months and counting

[NancyJ_redo]

Ugh, those type of people are awful. And I agree with you Neve, I have no doubt they are very unhappy souls. Watching the Bachelor I totally thought that one girl - what's her name, Krista - she's one of those people, always has to say something horrible about other people just to make herself feel better.

Sadly, my mom is like that too. I've got a million stories. A few years ago I co-chaired a big local charity event, which is very unlike me. Because it was such a departure from my norm, I was pretty proud of myself for being the leader and putting on this successful event. My whole family came and I was so proud to show them around (there was a live and silent auction, wine tasting, etc.). A few days later I saw my mom and she talked about the event. She was giggling like a school girl and could barely contain her excitement. I thought she was going to tell me something really nice about the event, but no. Instead, it was that the self-tanning lotion I had put on my legs that day had streaked on my feet (I suck at doing my feet) and that a group of people had pointed, talked and laughed about it. I was dumbfounded.

Last year when I was pregnant she gleefully told me "I never thought I'd see you with a big butt, but now I've seen it". This is the same woman who complains time and time again in front of my MIL who is extremely overweight about how she (my mom) "just cannot keep any weight on". Nice.

[JFC]

UUUGHHHH!!!

It is sad behavior, and it is so hard not to react. I always spend way too much time afterwards trying to come up with an decent comeback - my best to date is a smile and a 'Thank you for your thoughtful comments.' Of course, back in the safety of my car/home/etc. or over coffee with girlfriends we can usually come up with even better ones! ;-)

To the PP - Kristi (?) was over-the-top!! She scares me!