starting daycare

[jhrabosk]

Hi Mamas --

Just looking for a little support from others who have gone through the trauma of starting daycare...

DD is starting at a lovely little center right near our home on Wednesday, just a few days shy of 3 months. It really has a home daycare feel and I'm certain they'll take excellent care of her. The ladies are very warm and the other babies looked very happy and content when I visited.

Besides the fact that I really can't afford to stay home or to hire a full-time nanny, I think that being around other people and babies will be great for her. She's very interested in everything and I think she gets bored at home.

Nonetheless, I'm dreading leaving her there. It's two days away and I already feel the tears every time I think about it.
And, on top of everything else, we've started putting her to bed earlier, so we really only get an hour or so with her in the morning and then about the same in the evening when we get home. I know she knows me and loves me best, but I miss her so terribly!

Anyone who's done this...please let me know what helped and reassure me that it gets easier?


Thanks,
Jessica

[ribbit1019]

I know a lot of people can chime in. It is really hard to leave your baby, I can relate. Even when it is somewhere/one you trust. DD is watched by my MIL, and I trust her (for the most part) my mom watches her one day a week and DD spends the night with my parents or my mom stays here. It makes it harder when you don't know the people you are leaving them with.

It does get easier, but I won't tell you that it doesn't break my heart when she starts crying when I leave. It kills me to shut that door somedays. But the days now are fewer and farther between and get farther apart as she gets older and used to the routine.

Allow yourself to cry, it is o.k. I promise, no one will hold it against you. You will find that a lot of fellow moms at work may even check on you to see how you are doing. I started a new unit knowing next to no one and they still stopped by to check on me.

I wish you lots of luck and send you lots of hugs.


Christy
Maddy born 6/09/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png

Little Man due 3/02/06
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Co-Owner Ribbit Baby

Frogs are lucky, they eat what bugs them.

[mamato1]

Jessica-

I have been there, done that. Please know that the first day is hard and then the 2nd day is even harder. After that it gets easier every day. I know how much you are dreading this, but it sounds like you have found great care for her and that she will thrive in such a wonderful, stimulating envirnoment. The things that helped me most at first were calling often to check on my DS and spending every moment away from work with him to enjoy him.

Now at 2 years old, I can tell you there are days that I am glad to drop him off!! :)

Hang in there mama.
Chris

Mama to Brendan (aka Boomer) 01/04

http://lilypie.com/baby2/040116/0/1/3/-6/.png

[kaylinsmommy2]

Jessica,
My DD started daycare at 1 year, so I haven't exactly BTDT. But I'll tell you what helped me - repeating to myself "this is good for both of us" (becuase it allowed me to get work done and her to have some social time) and "she's being well taken care of." Starting a half week like you're doing is also great. The first days will be hard. It's totally normal. But it really does get easier. I promise. She'll start to like certain caregivers or certain toys at daycare. She'll be used to the routine. She'll look for the other kids in her classroom. It'll get better.

Plus, on the first day I dropped her off, I bought myself a slice of chocolate cake to eat for breakfast. :) That helped a lot.

Caroline
"ma meee" to Kaylin 6/5/04

http://b2.lilypie.com/9KMlm7/.png[/img][/url]

[elliput]

Your post brought back memories of starting DD in daycare last spring. She was the same age as your DC when she started, and it just broke my heart to know that I was not going to be able to be with her every minute of everyday.

The biggest suggestion that I can make, if you are able to do it, see if you can take her into daycare for part of the day tomorrow and stay yourself. I was able to do this the day before I went back to work full time and it helped me immensely. I was able get a better feel of how things were done at the daycare and saw the teachers interact with my DD and the other babies.

It does get easier, but it takes time. You mention that you have started to put your DD to bed earlier. I actually did just the opposite, I kept DD up later so I could spend time her. I figured I would rather have her sleep all day at daycare, and be awake for our time together than the other way around. As she has gotten older, her bedtime has gotten earlier to accomdate her needs but we still get a couple of quality time hours in the evenings.

{{{HUGS}}} to you Mama!

[karolyp]

Hi Jessica,

You're post couldn't have been more timely as I am looking to put my DD in daycare too. I stayed home with her until she was 5 months old and then it was a combination of DH, SIL, and myself watching her. Even though I was not able to be with her every minute of the day, I was happy knowing that she was at home and with family. But now SIL wants a new job and DH's work is starting to pick back up so we've got to put her in. I know that she'll love being around all the other kids as I also think she gets bored at home, but it's still really difficult for me too. So I'm right there sharing tears with you. This sucks doesn't it??

[karolyp]

Hi Jessica,

You're post couldn't have been more timely as I am looking to put my DD in daycare too. I stayed home with her until she was 5 months old and then it was a combination of DH, SIL, and myself watching her. Even though I was not able to be with her every minute of the day, I was happy knowing that she was at home and with family. But now SIL wants a new job and DH's work is starting to pick back up so we've got to put her in. I know that she'll love being around all the other kids as I also think she gets bored at home, but it's still really difficult for me too. So I'm right there sharing tears with you. This sucks doesn't it??

[Zana]

Its a really tough transition, I remember the feeling well!!

I went back to work at 6 weeks and leaving DS (with the ILs) was terrible, even though he was with family. He started daycare at 11mths and is really happy and well-adjusted - he has made friends, loves his naps, learned table manners, started potty training and now that he is almost 2, we get plenty of time to play/eat/bathe with him in the mornings and evenings (he's awake at 6AM and sleeps at 8PM).

Sometimes I feel I really wouldnt be able to stimulate him 24/7 as well as they do in daycare (he's like a little sponge when it comes to picking up stuff). So even though there are still bad days when he cries at drop-off, or when he catches his gazillionth cold...It has worked out well for us...

So (((Hugs))) and I hope you feel better soon....

[juliasmom05]

It does get easier but it definitely sucks in the beginning. We put DD in day care around the same time as you, and boy was it difficult. The second day was actually harder than the first, but I promise you it does get easier. I bawled the first day, DD didn't. I bawled harder the second day because DD starting crying hysterically when I handed her off to the day care worker. But honestly after that, no more tears from either her or myself.

Can you transition her in to day care when you start? They say it is suppose to help DC ease into day care but I really think it helps us Mamas more. We left DD the first day for 2 hours, the second day for 4 hrs, etc. This helped me tremendously, because it helped me get adjusted to the whole idea. I think another pp suggested this as well, but it may make things easier if you can stay with DD so you can see for yourself that she will be well taken care of.

I've been able to pop in from time to time as well. If you can do this, this also helps. This way you can really see that DD is really in good hands and that she is happy there. We've been lucky in that we found a really good day care that really dotes on DD. So although I still feel guilty at times, I have no qualms about leaving her there.

During the week, we don't get to spend much time with DD either. Maybe an hour or two in the morning and 30-60 minutes in the evening. This one is a hard one to deal with because I think she spends more time with her day care providers than with us, but we haven't pushed back her bedtime because it makes her really cranky. We try to make up for it on the weekend. I have to admit though, some days this is harder than others.

The one thing that gets me through is that when I go to pick her up she seems really happy playing with the other kids and toys, but she gets estatic when she sees me. There is nothing so heart warming as her getting so excited when we walk in the door, flailing her arms and legs, crawling towards the door with the biggest smile on her face. It makes it all worth it and she lets me know that even though she does care for her care takers she still loves me the best.

Hang in there and it will get easier

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/05

[JacksMommy]

Starting daycare is so hard! I've done it with both my kids, DS at 2 months (yikes! although only part time) and DD at 8 months (I compensated...).

I actually think that anticipating the separation is harder than the actual separation, although the first few days are a definite bummer. But then the second week is much much easier. DD adores her daycare provider and never cries when I drop her off, but she is also always thrilled to bits when I show up and mommy is clearly still number one. Even though I only see her about two hours a day M-F.

I'll be thinking about you.

Laurel
WOHM to Jack, 6/4/02
Baby Madeline 12/14/04

[kath68]

Jessica --

You are not alone! The daycare transition is the toughest part of being a WOHM. The only thing that really helped me is (1) the comfort of knowing he is being well taken care of, (2) that I believe being with other kids is really good for him, and was even when he was as young as your DD, and (3) time. Oh, and knowing that I didn't really have a choice so there was no use in wallowing in my sorrow about being separated from him.

As Charlie grows older it becomes more and more apparent that his daycare is a great, enriching place for him to be. And that it is good for me to be away from him. As a baby, it was a little less clear, because their needs are so basic when they are so little. It definitely gets easier, but it is hard to know that he has a life separate from me. He reaches milestones without me around.

I am not a morning person, but DS is. He went to bed really early, in the beginning, so the only real quality time I had with him was in the morning. If you can manage getting to bed early yourself, I recommend carving out time in the morning for the two of you.

Good luck! You can do this! You are not alone, and you are doing what you need to do to take care of your family. Hugs Hugs Hugs!