Discipline question for AP/Gentle-Discipline types....

[Judegirl]

I'm in the process of searching the GCM boards for answers to this, but I thought I'd come here in the meantime (old habits die hard, lol!)

We've managed to stay away from punitive approaches so far, but lately Rory has been doing things that I'm not quite sure how to handle. She'll dart toward something and do something she shouldn't (like turn off my monitor computer or hit a plant) and then laugh and dart away. Normally undesirable actions have logical consequences (e.g. she has to put her crayons away if she colors on the table), but these don't really, and we're talking about things that can't be toddler-proofed.

So far, we've been reminding her it's unacceptable, moving her away, and ignoring it until it happens again. But we're discovering an impulse to punish/ "condition" because we're irritated by the sense that she's deliberately "getting away" with something. None of these ideas fit with our philosophy...but there you have it.

We have a cozy corner, where she can go to take a break when she's having a hard time following directions...but it's not enclosed, so if she's having *that* hard of a time, then there goes that, lol!

I just thought I'd toss it out there to see if anyone here has any ideas. To be honest, I think the board has changed a lot since I first joined, so I'm not sure whether this is even an appropriate place to ask this, but I figured I'd give it a try. :)

Thanks much,
Jude

[californiagirl]

Hmmm. I think I'd try moving the boundary. That is to say, if she can't be around it without darting up to it, she can't be around it. We have big perimeters in places; she's out of bounds if she so much as sets foot in the kitchen without asking first and yes, I do tell her to move when she puts a foot over the line. She gets to test the boundary without driving me insane, which de-escalates everything. And it's usually easier to have good
consequences (consequences for pushing the dishwasher buttons? You leave the kitchen where Mama is, which is therefore the most desirable place on earth. Consequences for entering the kitchen when removed? You get put further away and/or I put the gate up.)

I'd also try to figure out what she's asking for. Is she checking the boundaries? Then firming them up is definitely the way to go (some kids want strength to feel safe). Is she looking for attention? Then I'd try to up the amount of attention separate from the incident.

[brittone2]

ITA :)

It depends on why, but I'd start with the above suggestions. If there are things she does repeatedly, for sure I'd remove them, or absolutely ban her from coming near a certain area if possible.

Ahhhh....toddlerhood is so fun, huh? ;)

[stillplayswithbarbies]

To me, the logical consequence of those things would be that she could not be in the same room with the plant or computer until she was able to behave appropriately around them.

So I would (as you do) remind her of the appropriate behavior ("we don't turn off mommy's computer") and then take her to another room telling her "you'll need to be in here until I am done on the computer" or "you'll need to be in here until you stop touching the plant".

Actually I think I would just remove the plant if it is that much of a temptation.