Gift giving question

[LarsMal]

DD and DS were invited to our neighbor's birthday party, but we can't go b/c we'll be out of town. Do I give her a gift? They moved into the neighborhood a couple months ago. We see them outside from time to time and have played with them a few times.

I never know with these things. Last year I gave everyone in our playgroup (who had a party) a gift, whether we went or not. DH thought that was ridiculous, but I didn't know! I know you give a wedding or shower gift if you go or not, but I don't know about kids b-day parties!

If so, how much should I spend? (She's turning 4)

TIA!

[Melanie]

I think it depends. I usually give gifts if we cannot attend a party. However this year Ds got invited to lots of parties from school friends where I didn't know their families. We went to the ones we could, but we did not give gifts if we could not, unless it was a family we'd known from years before.

So, I guess I'm no help. I think if you want to, then do. If not, then don't. If you hardly know them I wouldn't spend more than $20, and keep it as low as possible for a quality gift.

[clc053103]

I invited four neighbor families to DS's first b day b/c it was in our yard, and didn't want to be rude! one came with a gift- one decined and did nothing. one declined and brought over a small ($10) gift about a month later. The last declined , and bought him a $50 bond. So I think that covered every possibility!

I think small $10-20 gift is fine, they are your neighbors after all so it can't hurt to be nice! But if finances are a concern, I would just skip it. I don't think any less of the neighbors who declined and didn't send a gift- in my mind, since they didn't come, they aren't expected to send one for a child's party.

[Kungjo]

I don't usually give a gift to the B-Day child unless we really know them well or have play dates with them often. DD is invited to so many B-Day parties from kids in her preschool that we don't go to every one. When we don't go, I usually don't give a gift unless she's a good friend or that person gave DD one when she couldn't attend DD's B-Day party.

So, I guess you go with your gut. If you feel like doing it, give the child a gift even if you don't attend the party. If you don't feel like it, don't. Most mamas don't expect gifts when a child can't attend. Of course, it's a bonus if they get one and it would be a nice surprise, but not necessary.

HTH