View Full Version : Can we do another update on everyone?
01-19-2005, 10:28 AM
It's been awhile and I know that there are probably some people who are just lurking because they are only thinking about adoption but it would be really nice to hear from everyone no matter where they are in the process or if they are just thinking about maybe someday adopting.
One of my motivations for doing this is that I think that the more people get to read about adoption the more they understand it and also those who are sort of thinking about it will get to hear more about things.
So whether your child has been home 18 years or 18 months or isn't home yet or is just a future dream, let's hear from everyone.
01-19-2005, 10:40 AM
we actually were going to start in Nov. Well first we were going to wait until Jan but then we moved it to Nov but in the end we went back to Jan. We've both had our physicals and honestly I think that's why we didn't start before Jan because I didn't want to commit to something and then have a reason come up that we couldn't follow through (I know, I know, the chances of something coming up on a routine physical are slim to none but for some reason I was a bit parnoid this time around) plus I wanted to get a little bit better handle on money. So now that we got the money from DH's company and are looking at a huge tax refund (because of the adoption tax credit and the fact that Luke's adoption was actually final before the end of the year) we are better set to start. As I have already said we are going back to Korea and requesting another boy.
Luke had his 18 month appointment today and he hasn't gained much so we are having a weight check in April. He's pretty much off the charts for weight but the doctor isn't concern per say because his weight is good for his height. Anyway the problem with my fruit and veggie loving guy is that fruit and veggies are so low in calories. It's a joke isn't it? When your child eats the foods that are really healthy for them, they don't get same amount of calories as if they are eating the less healthy foods. :) Still he's a healthy little boy so the doctor isn't concerned but you know how it is.
So that's our update
01-19-2005, 11:19 AM
We are almost at our 1 year home mark. Actually, our official Chinese adoption date (although the day after gotcha day) happens to be Chinese New Year this year. Kind of a neat coincidence. I'm looking forward to our LAST set of paperwork (the one year follow up packet)! This year went so much faster than the last (the waiting year).
01-19-2005, 12:36 PM
Well, our first year with our son has flown by. Parenthood is everything we imagined and hoped for, but it also gave us a few surprises along the way (how teeth marks can end up on the crib higher than the child, how such a smiley little guy can turn into stone at a picture studio, how quickly he learned to throw his toys over the gate, etc). But, while frustrating at times, I love every moment.
We will be starting the paperwork for a second attempt in a couple of weeks. We're hoping to be able to adopt a brother or sister for Connor soon so that they can be close in age. The paperwork will take less time (a lot of it is just being updated), but the wait could be longer. I'm hoping the wait might be a little easier since I have my son to occupy my time, but I'm probably fooling myself :)
Connor and I have also started to volunteer through our agency to speak along with adoptees and birthmothers about adoption. We go to local highschools and just try and provide education about what adoption is and how it has changed over the years, giving our stories and answering any questions, trying to clear up misconceptions about how it works. I'm a big advocate of adoption, so this lets me help out for something I believe in.
Congratulations to everyone who has adopted, good luck to those in the process, and welcome to the people thinking about adoption in the future or just trying to learn more.
01-19-2005, 05:02 PM
We've adopted both our kids (Evan 3 1/2, Kylie 11 months) from a great agency in Oklahoma. They are both blond haired, blue eyed beauties, and we were there for both of their births.
Evan was born within 6 weeks of us getting our application in, which was obviously unusual. We were matched with Kylie's birth mom about a month after applying, and she was born 3 months later.
We lived in Kansas when Evan was born, and Ohio when Kylie was born. We chose Oklahoma because their laws greatly favor the adoptive parents, and our agency has been just terrific. We've referred a number of friends to them, and all have adopted within a year or so.
gotta run, Kylie's getting up from her nap.
Feel free to ask questions...I could talk about adoption all day.
Best of luck.
01-19-2005, 06:44 PM
I am in the cheerleading stage- very excited to hear about everyone's adoption plans and SO wishing it could be me too! :) Besides that, I am often reading adoption journals and hoping I win the lottery so I could make this dream become a reality. Congratulations to everyone who is in process or pondering the decision to adopt!
01-20-2005, 11:14 AM
Julie, I'm pretty much in the same place as you. We make good cheerleaders, don't you think? :-) DH and I are considering it. Due to some complications I had with pregnancy, we've decided not to risk another. So we are deciding now between DS being an only child or adopting. Not sure yet what our decision will be.
My sister, on the other hand, is in the process of adopting from China. She was DTC in November, so is just waiting. And I'm waiting too, because I want to buy her some cute Hanna girl clothes! ;-)
01-20-2005, 11:32 AM
Just a cheerleader for now! But DH and I both feel that we will adopt down the road - perhaps once Colin is school age, particularly since DH can retire by then and stay home full time, if that makes sense for us (we can't afford for me to stay home full time since I make significantly more than DH). Hoping to give Colin a biological sibling sometime sooner than that, too.
01-20-2005, 06:09 PM
We have decided on China, as you all know. We are also requesting an infant girl. We will name her Maggie.
I think we are solid on our choice for agency- CCAI. We were going to use Nathanson for our homestudy but was told to stay away from them after I heard of people's experiences with the agency. I am investigating two more agencies for our homestudy. Once we make these final decisions and gather up our pennies, we will send in our application and begin!
I am currently reading "Lost Daughters of China" by Karin Evans. It is a very interesting read, even if you aren't adopting a child from China. I have joined several adoption groups and am trying to learn as much as I can!
I am also dreaming of our little girl. I want to start a journal for her, so she can one day understand why we adopted her and the process we had to go through. I want her to know that she has been born in my heart and that I love her, even though I haven't seen her face to face. I dream of her and the life our family will have once she is here.
Anyway, that is me and where I am!
01-20-2005, 08:43 PM
We used CCAI and LOVED them!! They are an amazing agency and have wonderful in China staff.
01-20-2005, 08:48 PM
I can't believe Makenna has been with us for 4 years now! The time has flown by! I've been after DH since I stepped off the plane to adopt another child. Lately I can't get it out of my head but Dh won't budge...so for now I have to live vicariously through all of you lol. But I would love to either go back to China and adopt a waiting child or maybe adopt a biracial child domestically. (Id be open to other foreign countries too, but if I were to pick one it would be China)
01-22-2005, 04:56 AM
We have everything--adoption and another IVF try--on the back burner right now due to my health issues. Once we get that cleared up, we will see where we are at and whether any more infertility treatment is practical. If it is, we will probably try for one more biological child. I had a very easy pregnancy and loved being pregnant, but the IVF cycle was intense.
Either way, we are looking at a potential EE, probably Ukraine, adoption in a few years. We would like to try to adopt an older girl, about two years ahead or behind Lindsey.
However, we are most certainly on hold right now...but keeping it in our thoughts and hearts.
01-22-2005, 09:15 PM
My dh and I are currently waiting to be matched with a birthmother. We finished our homestudy at the beginning of December 2004. We are working with an agency and were told that our wait would most likely be a year or less.
We are so thrilled to be so close to becoming parents. This will be our first baby. It's been fun setting up the nursery and buying baby things.
I've also been researching adoptive breastfeeding, and I do hope to induce lactation. Any experienced adoptive bfeeders out there?
Any advice on how to make the waiting 'easier' is appreciated too. :)
01-22-2005, 09:47 PM
We've been home from China with Mia for just over a year! Like Susan and Melissa (to-be), CCAI was our agency and was FANTASTIC!
I'm not 100% sure we won't adopt again, but DH is. I think I'd be okay at finishing my family with Mia if the decision were mine but it's made due to finances, space in the house/car, older kids going off to college, DH's health, etc. I'm missing the closure of saying "okay, my family is complete NOW."
That said, Mia's a joy and we're having so much fun. Life's far from perfect and a heck of a lot different than when I just had 2 teenagers, but I wouldn't trade a minute.
01-23-2005, 11:21 AM
Been at the adoption for over a year now. Lost one baby so far. Finally entered PGN for current one. This is the final stage for Guatemalan adoptions, and she will be ours at the end. Unfortunately, time in PGN varies from 1 week to many, many months. Cross your fingers that we are in PGN for a very short time!
Once we are out of PGN it's about 2-3 weeks until we pick her up while they complete all the final paperwork. But, she is ours at the end of PGN.
I'm not entirely sure that we will ever adopt another. This has been too painful and difficult.
01-23-2005, 11:40 AM
I have been hoping you would post so I would know where you were in the process - selfish I know. I thought of you frequently over the holidays and again as our one year mark approaches.
I'll continue thinking of you,
01-23-2005, 04:03 PM
Hi. I am Stephanie. My husband and I are waiting on a little girl (12 to 18 mo) from China. We went through Alliance for Children, who have been amazing in their support, openness, humor and education. I am DTC October and looking at traveling in June or July but I'll take May if a miracle happens.
I am very excited that there is a place to come to ask experienced parents about bargain hunting since I am hoping to save some money before I leave my job (as a preschool teacher) to be a SAHM and go back to school for my masters.
01-23-2005, 07:04 PM
Glad you are joining us. Hopefully you can a match sooner rather than later. As for making the wait easier, that's a hard one. When we were waiting for our first referral from S.Korea (which took 15 months) I decide to repaint every room in the house. OF course because I tend not to do the things the way I planned I didn't finish. You would think with all that time I would have but the laundry room and some of the doors are still waiting :)
01-23-2005, 07:07 PM
Been thinking of you also. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully your next post can be we are going to PICK UP our daughter
01-23-2005, 07:09 PM
There are times I really wonder if any of us SAVE money by being on this board. Oh we might find great bargins but sometimes we just end up buying more :)
Hoping you get an early match and travel
01-24-2005, 07:51 PM
>When we were waiting for our first referral from
>S.Korea (which took 15 months) I decide to repaint every room
>in the house. OF course because I tend not to do the things
>the way I planned I didn't finish. You would think with all
>that time I would have but the laundry room and some of the
>doors are still waiting :)
Thanks for the idea! It certainly would keep me busy. :)
01-24-2005, 08:02 PM
Thank you everyone for writing where you are in the thought process or physical process...I enjoyed reading the posts although I hesitated when it came to posting my own because I'm not really sure.
I was very gung ho about adoption, but we had such a bad experience with our agency (and then discovered we are pregnant and *knock on wood* so far things have been better than I ever would have thought) that although I still really like the idea of adoption and the finances are there and I'm all for it morally, ethically, and whatever...I'm really not sure how we're going to approach number 2. And I would like there to be at least two--although that's a long way off.
It was hard enough when I was a huge advocate...trying to get our feelings across to family members, that now that I have doubts myself, I wonder how I would be able to convince others. I know that a lot had to do with our agency and we already changed agencies and would go with the new one. And a lot of it may have been that domestic adoption just wasn't the right choice for us. But I honestly don't know. Like I said, the IDEA still sounds perfect for our family, but the actuality was so hard and so painful...I'm not sure I'm up for that again.
But, I've got more than a year to think about it now! I'm sure I'll have a lightbulb moment and all will be clear. At least I hope. :)
It's a boy! Now we just need to come up with a name!
01-24-2005, 08:18 PM
The waiting is definitely hard. We had a support group in our area for waiting parents and we went...mainly to see what other waiting parents were doing while they were waiting...but we ended up being the only ones there! Not so helpful.
If you haven't already, I would suggest taking an infant CPR course and reading whatever you can get your hands on. We had a great book for family members called "Adoption Is a Family Affair!" that I thought was very helpful. We also joined the local ODS (Open Door Society) chapter and they had a class for adoptive parents on the care of an infants/toddlers. They also had a lending library and you could take books, videos, and audiotapes out at no charge for a month at a time.
I am a huge shopper and that was how I made things more real for myself. I told myself I was only buying things people might not get me or that I would need in the first 24 hours (since I didn't want to have a baby shower until the baby was actually home). I spent a lot (too much if you ask DH) time on these boards and researching various products. But it's how I spent my waiting time.
Good luck. I hope for only the best for you...and keep us posted.
It's a boy! Now we just need to come up with a name!
01-26-2005, 08:46 AM
Okay, I admit it, I am a lurker on in this forum :) We are seriously considering adopting our second child. Because of the preeclampsia complications I had at the end of my pregnancy with Liam. But, DH and I agree that whatever we decide, we'd like Liam to be a bit older, so we wouldn't be adopting for 2-3 years.
01-26-2005, 10:43 AM
We came home from China in October with our third daughter and she is doing great. She just started walking and now has 10 teeth! Our house is very full and busy with three girls in all stages of life, infant, preschooler, and teen but I don't really feel done yet. Maybe an older child in a few years.
01-26-2005, 10:58 AM
I guess that's the way with a lot of things in life. The ideas seem perfect the reality is often flawed (of course it sounds like your experience was more than that..an agency that is no good is one of those things that can pretty much put a huge negative experience to the whole idea)
In the end of course adoption is like a pregnancy in the case that some of us sail right thru it and others doubt. It's especially hard when the experience doesn't result in a child in your arms. And as someone who had 2 m/c, I think sometimes a "failed adoption" puts you through the same emotionally ringer (obviously not the physical side of things but emotionally) and even if you don't get to the point of a "failed adoption" (I really hate that phrase but I'm not sure what else to use), it's sort of like every month trying to get pregnant and not getting pregnant. You are doing all the things that you can within your control and it still doesn't work.
In the end however just because you have a bad experience once doesn't mean you would have another one. Sometimes it's really hard to put your heart out there again and sign on with another agency or accept another referral or another match. The leap of faith is bigger then the first time around. Sometimes it's a leap that is right for you and sometimes it isn't.
Whatever you decide to do in the future, I hope that find that your family ends up being more supportive and understands your decisions. :)
02-08-2005, 11:57 PM
Still dreaming, here. :) I love reading about the process of adoption and the experiences you've had with your children. I'm always rooting for you all!
02-09-2005, 09:18 AM
We have 2 adopted children, both from Guatemala. Our son Alex came home at 7 mos. of age. He has been home for 20 months. Our daughter Sara came home this past Sept., at the age of 18 months. Alex and Sara are 5 months apart in age! :) They are such a blessing to our family, and I can't imagine my life without them. Sara was born w/ a heart defect, and we knew about this when we accepted her referral. Luckily, she won't need surgery right away, and is doing great! During our adoption process we found out she also has a rare skin disorder called Epidermolysis Bullosa Simplex. Her's is the mildest form, and we are very grateful for that. I would love to adopt again, but my husband thinks 5 is enough. :)
02-09-2005, 11:55 AM
No I believe the song was "8 is enough" but your husband probably won't go for that would he. Glad your daughter Sara is doing well despite her health issues
02-09-2005, 12:39 PM
Wow, its been a while since I checked on this forum (I've been hanging out on the stroller forum obsessing about stroller decisions!)
What a great roll-call/update!
My wonderful DS is Theo and is just over a year old. He arrived home from Korea just shy of 6 months old in July and is such a joy and a blessing! He is just such a bright little light in our lives and right now neither DH or I can fathom a #2, but I'm not counting it out ever...maybe in a few years. In my research I looked a lot into China and I still feel like a little piece of my heart is there - so I think if we make a decision to go for #2 we'd look into China. The Korea program was great for us and we had a wonderful experience with Theo's adoption, so I think it would be a big decision (like another child isn't a big decision anyway!)
We're waiting on finalization right now and are hoping we'll get our court date soon.
That's us in a nutshell :)
Mom to Theo, born 1/12/2004 in Korea ~ home forever 7/6/2004
and Morgan the yellow lab
02-10-2005, 01:08 AM
I'm not really a lurker on this board (yet), but I do plan to adopt someday. We hope to have one more bio kid pretty soon and then adopt after the two older ones are at least school aged.
I have wanted to adopt all my life. In fact, I really wanted my parents to adopt a sibling (I have two younger bio sibs). My father was adopted and my parents thought of adopting, but (A) I think my dad realized he had too many "issues" with being adopted, and (B) I think they ran out of room/money after three. :)
We have not decided yet about whether we will look internationally or in the US. We are open to any race/ethnicity. We haven't decided on age range or what type of disability we could care for.
Some things I'd like to know more about (No need to answer, just a reference for myself):
1- if circumstances permit, is it a good idea to adopt two? Not necessarily at the same time, but perhaps two who are significantly younger than the two older bios.
2- how old is too old to breastfeed a child who has never been breastfed? (or is nursing an adopted child more about the comfort/bonding than the milk?) How easy is it to induce lactation after nursing two bios?
3- How far in advance do we need to find an agency?
4- Someone once told me, "If you can have bio kids it is selfish to adopt because so many people are looking for kids to adopt, hence the long waiting periods." I believe this is quite untrue. But to other adoptive parents think this? Will we be scorned for "stealing" kids?
02-10-2005, 11:19 AM
O.K>, I know you said you don't have to respond - but for #4 - I can't BELIEVE someone told you this! What a horrible, self centered, awful thing to say. The waiting periods are the waiting periods. Unfortunately, there are always more kids than parents. I'm just so in shock that someone would even think this, much less have the you know what to say it!
02-10-2005, 01:03 PM
Well I can believe that you were told that (number 4) because the truth is some people just don't get it. Here are the facts (more or less), when it comes right down to it, there are in fact more children waiting for families then there are families waiting for children if you look at the situation as a whole. However specific situations result in there being longer waiting times for different groups of children for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's because there are less children that met a certain profile but other times its because of the paperwork involved or the process (I think China is a great example of that..it takes a while from the time your paperwork goes to China to get a referral, that really doesn't mean that there aren't children waiting in orphanges to be adopted, it means that the Chinese gov't hasn't gotten to the point where they have caught up entirely with the number of children to be placed and the amount of paperwork to be handled.)
That being said, yes if you are waiting for the domestic adoption of a healthy white baby girl, your wait might be longer then if you were open to a number of different children. But that doesn't mean that you are "stealing" someone elses child. Birth mothers for the most part in the USA pick the parent of the child. How can you be stealing a child when the birth mother picks you specifically to parent that child. You can't be. Agencies and countries create rules on who they will work with. S. Korea for example will not allow you to adopt a non-waiting child if there are already 5 children in your home. Does that mean that someone who has 4 children is wrong to adopt from Korea. Not at all. It means that the gov't and the agencies in Korea leave that as an option. Not every country does. If you fit the countries criteria then you have just as much rights to adopt a child as anyone else. Obviously this is something I feel pretty strongly about. And let me add something we waiting 15 months for a referral after our homestudy was accepted and we had no children. I never in any part of my mind thought that someone who already had a child was "stealing mine", my child was there for me when the time was right.
Okay now for less emotionally responses :)
1. If you can afford to adopt two children and they aren't biological siblings then usually it's better not to do it at the same time so you can give each child time to adjust to your home as the center of attention and not have to divide your time. However in the end, how many you adopt and when is a personal matter that really is dependent on your family make up. I know people who have adopted unrelated (before they were adopted that is :) ) children at the same time, those who have adopted sibling groups and those who only have one adopted child. People adopt children younger and older then their biological children. For each family the answers can be different. From one standpoint, you might say well it makes sense to adopt more than one child because then the child has someone "like" them in the household. However lots of families are made up of families with uneven numbers (one girl and lots of boys or the other way around) so from that standpoint I think it's a really it depends type of situation.
2. Any number of women who adopt do breastfeed and really it is going to depend on the age of your child. And the truth is that nursing the adopted child is really more about comfort and bonding then anything else so if that is something you are interested in then there are resources out there.
3. How far in advance you find an agency really depends on what your time frame is like and where you would like to adopt from. Since you are looking at your older children being school age, that means you have at least a couple of years before you get into the thick of it and how you define school age. But since you are hoping to have another biological child first I would say when that child is about 2 years old you could start looking that would give you time to make an informed choice and not feel you have to rush into things (figuring most adoptions are completely within 2 years or so of the first application)
So now while you weren't looking for answers you got some anyway
02-10-2005, 01:07 PM
I also had someone say something REMARKABLY similar to #4 several years ago (perhaps the same person?!?!?) and it always has just sat funny with me. I could see perhaps an impact to a wait time in domestic newborn adoption (and maybe I'm way off base, we never researched domestic newborn adoption) or maybe a very small impact to the early part of the wait in international adoption...but like Holly said, the wait is the wait and the majority of it is usually the time that legal and procedural "stuff" takes place.
Mom to Theo, born 1/12/2004 in Korea ~ home forever 7/6/2004
and Morgan the yellow lab
I'm a newbie! Hi! :7
We accepted a referral a few weeks ago and are waiting to get into PGN. We're hoping to get our little girl home by May or so.
03-04-2005, 10:41 AM
I hope that everything goes as smoothly as possible for you in PGN. It can be so hard once you get the referral because you just want your baby home (no matter how old your baby is..they are still your baby :) )
Did you adopt from Guat as well? The baby in your avatar is so cute! Our little girl is 7 weeks old... we're in family court now...
03-06-2005, 01:24 AM
1. I think this dependson you and your family. Just do what feels right for you.
2. Again, do what feels right for you. There are several web sites on inducing lactation for adoptive moms. The human body is an amazing thing. Dependingon the age of the child, I think this would be great for bonding.
3. It took me almost a year to find and agency. It does not have to take that long but I am very happy with my agency and I believe that has to do with the research I did to find them. Not only are they professional and knowledgable but the people I have talked to make me laugh. We clicked.
4. This is as foolish as someone saying that people who have bio kids are leaving an orphan homeless. Judgements like these are driven by ignorance. I do not think adoptive parents would agree with this statement. Adoptive parents know (and many have seen) the number of children without families all over this world. Someone said this to my husband (we desided on adoption b/f TTC), he said that it will be a lovely day when there are fewer orphans than waiting families to warrent a comment like this. Afterall, how can it be selfish to want a child (bio or adopted) to join your family and share your life?
Good luck with the plans!
03-11-2005, 02:20 PM
Hi - I'll introduce myself and my wife since we recently adopted and I just discovered these forums.
I'm Bill and my wife is Tami - we went through 5 unsuccessful IVF treatments and one failed adoption before our luck changed. :)
Our son Zachary was born on 2/12/05 in California - we were blessed with the birth mom that wanted us present for and involved in the birth (we flew out on 2/9). My wife got to cut the cord, hold him first and even give him his first bottle (I was a close second!).
Our birth mom and son were both released from the hospital on Sunday afternoon 2/13(she had him in the early early morning of Saturday). We had her over to visit with us at our hotel on Monday and as we were taking a walk on Tuesday 2/15 - our adoption agency in California called and said we were allowed to fly home to Pennsylvania! We managed to get an 11:30pm flight from California to Pennsylvania on 2/15 and got home to our new life on 2/16!
We were totally expecting to be in California for a minimum of a week if not two - so to be told we were free to fly home after only a total of 6 days in California was amazing!
Right after we got our call to go home - we called our birth mom to tell her and asked if she was able to come over to visit before we left. She came over and spent the entire afternoon and evening with us before it was time for us to leave for the airport. It was a very emotional "parting of the ways" when the time came.
We are so lucky to have such an amazing birth mom and to be surrounded with such a wonderful group of people throughout the entire process from Pennsylvania to California. Our situation truly could have been one for "An Adoption Story" television show.
03-11-2005, 10:00 PM
Okay, thanks for making me cry. :) We won't have the opportunity of knowing anything about our daughter's birth mother. You truly opened my eyes to the joysof having an involved birth mother.
03-15-2005, 11:49 AM
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm sure you are enjoying these first few weeks (as much as any sleep deprived new parent can be). I'm sure it's hard to believe that your little one is already over a month old.
Just be care that the forums don't have you buying more stuff that you never knew you needed. Sometimes it seems like we all forget that the title of the book is baby bargins. :)
03-22-2005, 07:44 PM
I'm a lurker. ;)
DH & I are in the process of adopting an infant girl (or girls) from China. Our dossier should be to China next month. We expect to travel in late fall or early winter.
We have asked for twins or a single infant and would be thrilled with either. :7
We struggled with infertility for many years before deciding to adopt, but know we wonder why we waited so long. We are very excited to be new parents soon!
03-23-2005, 09:20 AM
Glad you decided to post. Can't wait to hear you have your referral of your daughter (or daughters :) )
03-23-2005, 11:40 AM
Congratulations! Things are moving so fast now!!! Good luck.
03-23-2005, 09:35 PM
It always makes me happier to hear about others who have adopted or are planning to adopt!
04-01-2005, 07:33 PM
I've never posted here before, but my husband and I are extremely interested in adoption. This looks like a great board to come to for support. We have one little boy Luke, who's almost 2. We are able to have biological children, but we feel really called to be adoptive parents as well.
My husband is in grad school right now, and so we are putting adoption in our 3-5 year plan. We obviously want to have "all our ducks in a row" before pursuing any more children, biological or adopted. We should be done with the school thing December of 2005, and then we will move away somewhere, my DH will get a job, and we will buy a house. (Finally! :) ) It seems like we've been in this limbo stage forever.
We've heard really good things about an agency in Eugene, OR, called the HOPE agency, (well, I think that's what it's called...). Anyone heard of it? We are open to domestic or foreign adoption. We just know we have a stable and loving home to offer, and it seems silly to limit it just to our biological children, when so many need families.
Well, I wish everybody good luck and best wishes with their children and children to be.
Mommy to Luke (April 2003)
Hoping for another this year sometime!
04-02-2005, 09:24 AM
I'm going to go out on a limb here and I think you might actually mean HOLT. Holt USA is actually for the most part the first international adoption agency in the USA. That's because over 50 years ago Henry Holt worked to bring 8 (I think it was 8) Korean-American children into the USA (they were children of the Korean war). Anyway there may well be an agency called Hope out of Eugene, OR but there Holt USA is the biggest agency in Eugene and the most well known.
Now of course there are lots of great agencies for international adoption and Holt might not be the agency for you, it truly depends on what country you are interested in and any number of other factors and as with any agency there are people who have had good experiences and people who have had not so good experiences.
One way Holt differs from a lot of other agencies that place internationally is that they actually have a pretty strict policy as to what agencies you can use for your homestudy. So if you live in a non-Holt state you don't just get to pick an agency at random to work with.
And no I am not working with Holt, I just know of a lot of people who have since we adopted from Korea. (Of course Korea is a unique country/program to adopt from by itself since you are limited by what state you live in as to what agency you can work with..and that is set down by the Korean gov't).
Anyway it never hurts to start reseaching things now even though many things will probably change on the international adoption front (not so much on the domestic) so don't feel you have to have all your ducks in a row before you start narrowing down your choices.
04-02-2005, 04:41 PM
We used Holt for our adoption and we were pleased. One thing I both liked and hated was that their concern was primarily for the children and secondarily for the future parents. For example, our son was on their Waiting Child list. We had to fill out a seperate application for him and go to committee - which is sort of like "competing" with other parents for your child. I completely understand their rationale - they want to find the best parents for the child, but it was the longest month of my life. There was only one other couple interested in our son and they backed out last minute. It was really horrible, even though I understand why they do things that way. On the complete rumor side, I have heard that they have left children without parents rather than place them with someone who didn't meet their standards in committee. Now, that is a complete rumor, and I don't know what their "standards" were, and I really do wonder if that was just an internet rumor that I remember because I spent 4 weeks biting my fingernails waiting to hear from them.
Two more things I liked are: they told us longer than it actually took to finish our adoption (I have heard this from several people) -I would much rather have it be shorter than expected than longer than expected, and they were enormously professional and organized. Nothing they did ever caused us a delay, they made the paperwork relatively easy, after our final homestudy visit, we had the homestudy within a week etc. Our guide within the city was enormously helpful, double and tripled checked everything; we never had to worry about paperwork.
The one thing I didn't like: there is a long wait in between paperwork being done and anything happening and it felt like we had dropped off the planet as far as they were concerned. No granted, there was nothing they could have done for us, but a once a month phone call - how's it going, any concerns, here's some ideas for the wait - would have been nice.
HTH and please e-mail me if I can help anymore,
04-02-2005, 09:25 PM
LOL! Yes, I did mean the HOLT agency. I was typing this late at night... Thanks! We have not even begun to research agencies, but we do live in Corvallis, OR, which is only 45 min. from Eugene, (where we used to live). It was the main one we had heard about, and it sounds like for good reason. Anyway, thanks for all the information, I will definately remember what you all have shared.
Mommy to Luke (April 2003)
Hoping for another this year sometime!
07-06-2005, 10:35 AM
UPDATE: We finalized Sean's adoption on 20 September, 2005. :D
We had a wild yet wonderful road to where we are now with Sean. :)
(Warning, my story is REALLY long!)
Back in Sept, 2004, hubby and I were married for 2 years and had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant from day 1 of our marriage. I decided to see my family doctor to see if there was anything wrong. He referred me to a fertility specialist who I started to see in early October. She ran 2 tests on me (hormone blood test and an x-ray procedure that looks for blocked fallopian tubes) and 1 test on my husband (to check for sperm motility and count). She diagnosed us with both female and male factor infertility and recommended ICSI, an aggressive form of IVF.
Turns out that our insurance company pays for only 3 rounds of fertility attempts and only the procedure at that, not the meds. Additionally, the procedure's success rate in her office is less than 30%. That translates to 3 rounds of the stress and emotional ups and downs of fertility treatments and still no guarantee. We were days away from starting the treatments when we sat down with the doctor for a discussion. Following that, we decided that getting pregnant wasn't so much as priority with us as being a parent, and that adoption would be a better option for us.
Okay, I'm not going to lie to you. Every couple when faced with infertility deals with moments of "It's not fair!" and we were no different. In October we ceased the fertility treatments, but it wasn't until February, 2005 that we bothered finding an agency. We looked at three: one that specialized in special needs, another that was religious-based, and a non-profit, non-sectarian agency (which was the one that we settled on). We called them for the first time on 21 Feb, 2005 to ask for the information packet. We liked them, so we applied and were placed on their waiting list on 15 March with the expectation that we would be matched with a child between approximately 0 and 22 months. We figured we had at least a year to prepare.
On 5 April (2-3 weeks later) I received a phone call at work from Tammy at the agency ( www.adoptionservices.org ). We had just mailed in our Home Study Application the previous week so I thought that she was calling about that. I was wrong. She said that there was a child due in mid-May that fit everything we were asking for. The catch was that the birthparents were military stationed in Yokosuka, Japan, so we would need to travel there. Travel overseas could be anywhere from 3-5 weeks since we had to apply for a passport for our baby from overseas. I said I would need to talk with my husband first and he was currently in-flight on a business trip to South Korea and couldn't be reached until his plane landed the next morning. I got off the phone with her excited, fearful, and not hopeful that my husband would agree to such a financial committment so much sooner than we had ever dreamed.
When I got home form work, I emailed my husband to please call me as soon as his plane landed. All day I obsessed over the decision, wondering what decision my husband and I would make and what was the right thing to do. It was emotionally exhausting. I called my parents and my Mom was so excited and she thought that if we got this call that it was a 'sign' that it was right. I called my MIL and she said that I would have to talk to my DH, but they would support any decision we would make. (Isn't she adorable? :) ) At 5 am I was awakened by Joe's (my DH) phone call. He hadn't slept in over 24 hours. I told him the news, and he said he didn't think we could afford it just yet, but he would sleep on it and call me back later. Oh, and could I please call the agency to get a specific breakdown of the estimate of our total cost for the adoption? I went on with the rest of my day which was going to my PT job and then running an errand or two.
On my way home I received a phone call from Dr. Berger, the head of the agency. Much to my surprise, Joe called the agency before I had a chance to phone them myself. While I was on the phone with Dr, Berger, Joe cut in and said we needed to talk. He sounded excited. He said that when he woke up it was clear to him that this match was the right one for us and we could swing it financially. I asked him, but are you emotionally ready to be a Dad? He choked up as he answered that he was. We called the agency using 3-way calling to tell then we wanted to proceed. Joe made arrangements to get home from his business trip 1 day early so that we could start the Home
Study process. (It had to be expedited now.) We made arrangements to start the Home Study on Fri, 15 April with our second meetings on Mon, 18 April and Wed, 20 April.
As luck would have it, on the morning of the second day of the Home Study, we got a surprise phone call from Dr. Berger. Our baby was born! The birthmother had had an emergency C-section and had to give birth 4 weeks early. As far as they knew the baby was healthy, but no one knew if we had a boy or girl! We made arrangements to start our travel plans ASAP. Good thing, too. It turns out that I left the country with my Mom for Japan Wednesday morning. (Joe followed 24 hours later on Thursday since someone had to stay behind for the last Home Study interview.
We found out Tuesday evening via phone call from Tammy at the agency that we had a son.
In Japan, Mom and I took custody of Sean on Friday morning. The birthparents had to escort us onto the military base. It was a little awkward at first, but they were really friendly. It struck me that there was a lot of love between them. He seemed somewhat protective of her and walked slowly with her, holding her hand. (She still was having difficulty walking from the C-section.) They showed no interest in the baby. As soon as we got off base (and the birthparents were out of sight) we peeked into the carseat and under the blanket to get our first real look at the new baby.
We were in Japan (waiting for the passport) for a total of 4 weeks. In PA, there is a 30-day waiting period before the birthparents' parental rights are terminated. Up until that point, they can legally change their minds at any time and we would have to give the baby back. We didn't think they would, but any adoptive parent gets nervous about such things. The 30-day mark didn't pass for us until after we returned to the US with Sean, so even after we got back we were still biting our nails.
Anyway, Sean has been home since 19 May, 2005. The termination of the birthparents' rights was confirmed by court order on 30 June, 2005. We are now waiting until our last 2 post-placement visits are completed before we can finalize the adoption. (In PA, there are a total of 3.)
It was a crazy road to get here, but we have never been happier! :)
(Edited to clarify and fix spelling errors)
07-06-2005, 11:23 AM
Wow that's an amazing story. We too went through 5 rounds of ICSI - that's awesome you guys had some insurance coverage - we only had meds covered.
It's kinda like you had a combo domestic/international adoption!
It's funny hearing about PA's rules since the wife and I live here too - but we adopted from California - so we mostly had to deal with CA's rules - which are quite a bit better than PA's. One more post placement visit for us - CA (or the agency there maybe) wants 4.
Are you near Pittsburgh? Did you use Dr. Wakim's group or RHS?
07-06-2005, 12:42 PM
We're actually in eastern PA and used Dr. Lee. We only did testing, though. We opted for adoption before actually starting fertility treatments. We would have had to pay for the meds, just not the procedure -- still probably about $1000/month cost or so. Those injections are pricey, plus I hate needles. ;)
It is sorta like a combo int'l/domestic adoption. Technically, because the finalization and legal stuff is handled here, it's a domestic adoption. The birth couple is from IL, but they waived their rights in favor of PA's laws.
07-06-2005, 05:18 PM
Congrats! That's a great story.
09-23-2005, 05:29 PM
I just joined the forum today. My husband and I are in the process of adopting our first child from Colombia. We have been approved and are waiting for our referral. We have been told it will happen in Oct/Nov of this year!
>It's been awhile and I know that there are probably some
>people who are just lurking because they are only thinking
>about adoption but it would be really nice to hear from
>everyone no matter where they are in the process or if they
>are just thinking about maybe someday adopting.
>One of my motivations for doing this is that I think that the
>more people get to read about adoption the more they
>understand it and also those who are sort of thinking about it
>will get to hear more about things.
>So whether your child has been home 18 years or 18 months or
>isn't home yet or is just a future dream, let's hear from
10-05-2005, 09:11 PM
I just stumbled across this forum this evening and decided to share my story. Not much has happened except we are very excited to adopt a baby girl from Korea. We have to wait until the first of the year to apply because of finances and it is so incredibly hard (as I'm sure a lot of you here can understand.) We have a biological son, who is 3 1/2, and after his birth (and my subsequent emergency hysterectomy) adoption is our only way to build our family. We originally wanted to adopt from China but we are under the age minimum (I am 28 and dh is 29) and I couldn't bear to wait two more years to even start the process. I would love to read about anyones experience with Korean adoptions. I have read several topics here and have gained some very helpful and reassuring words.
Andrea W :)
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