View Full Version : A little sad....
03-04-2004, 11:04 AM
My SIL had her baby Tuesday at noon, and by Wednesday night she had decided breastfeeding wasn't going to work...the reason: "the baby just wouldn't take the breast". WORST of all, her ped ACTUALLY said "some babies never take to the breast"...I find that hard to believe. Anyway, I'm a little sad over this, I don't know why...I'm not that close to her, either.
i am determined to breastfeed unless my boobs fall off or something, but this is a little discouraging. Good thing my DH (her brother) is VERY supportive of breastfeeding, even though he was formula-fed...
thanks for letting me vent...
eri and the bean, due next month:)
03-04-2004, 11:21 AM
>all, her ped ACTUALLY said "some babies never take to the
I admit that sometimes it may not be easy and a baby doesn't latch on immediately but why is that a baby eating from a breast isn't considered to be a natural thing for some people (like this doc)? I'm not debating FFing vs BFing. It's just odd that there is such a prevalent attitude that the breast is not "normal." I'm fortunate that I've never encountered naysayers about my Bfing DD but sometimes DH's family do act like I'm doing something special and extraordinary by BFing. I'm just feeding her. Now, I know there are women/infants who do encounter difficulty, I'm not diminishing their obstacles at all. Just commenting that even trying to breastfeed is seen as deviating from the norm, which is the impression that I got from the peds comment, as if babies are born knowing they should suck on a bottle only.
03-04-2004, 11:33 AM
that's the impression I get too, and that's why it's discouraging...
03-04-2004, 11:35 AM
Sounds like the ped has been listening to the dogma of formula companies for too long.
Pediatricians are experts in infant health, not nutrition or breastfeeding. See if your SIL will speak to a lactation consultant before making this very important health decision.
Good Luck. It makes me a little sad, too.
03-04-2004, 11:50 AM
I DID!! I asked my MIL to tell her to at least see an LC, and according to my mother in law, she did, but I'm not sure if this was the case...
My SIL is not one to do something that's inconvenient for her, though, or research or anything like that. In their area (midwest, suburbs) bottlefeeding seems to be the norm(from what I have seen), so it's not that I expected her to stick with it for any period of time...But that she quit within 24 hours is beyond my comprehension...
EDITED to ADD re the stupid ped comment: As my DH said last night when he came home and I told him about his sister "Well, breasts do not give kickbacks and aren't convenient for the peds. Formula companies do". Makes me grateful that he is so pro this, despite his family's practices....
03-04-2004, 01:15 PM
I'm really hoping the new breastfeeding ad campaign will change the attitudes of society so that doctors will not say things like that. what a shame that she did not get support from him and from the people around her.
I hope we can get back to the days when the family and friends of a new mommy helped her to breastfeed.
Jacob Nathaniel Feb 91
Logan Elizabeth Mar 03
03-04-2004, 01:34 PM
Wasn't that campaign supposed to be out in Nov. 2003? I had heard that the formula companies were trying to delay it or change it. Have you heard when it's coming out?
03-04-2004, 01:38 PM
Yes, that was true about the formula companies trying to "edit" stuff out of the campaign (mainly that breastfeeding reduces the chances of getting certain diseases, etc)... Don't know the end of that battle.
What struck me in what I read in a NY Times article, is that formula companies had infiltrated the American Pediatric society, and trying to influence things that way...I hope I remember correctly and am not misinforming...will try to find that article...
03-04-2004, 02:31 PM
Here's a blurb about what they edited out-- ugh.
Eri, if you have trouble getting started with nursing, call me. (I'll give you my number.) I'll gladly support you on the phone or come to your hospital room to help you. Support makes all the difference!
Mom to Abigail Rose
03-04-2004, 02:38 PM
That makes me sad. When I had my dd BF was a challenge for both of us. A LC was my lifesaver. I was completly committed to BF and now 10 1/2 months later we are still going and showing no signs of stopping any time soon. I would encourage her to meet with a LC or BF support group. I was lucky b/c I had so much support (family and friends). I could see how someone who didn't have any support could just give up.
Melissa and Emma (4/16/03)
03-04-2004, 03:21 PM
Thanks Rachel, i SO appreciate it. i am determined ot do this...will email you once I have the ped all straightened out, ok??
I also hear you on the support...I'm taking a breastfeeding class tomorrow, taking DH with me...I also made sure he read articles and such VERY early on, and now he's just as dead-set on this as I am...Helps a lot, especially if we have a hard time starting out.
I was just reading a very interesting article in the Journal of Human Lactation about what factors influence a woman to stay with breastfeeding. Some of the most common are the culture of BFing vs. bottlefeeding in her community and support of family and friends (which they defined smartly as "practical support [which I guess is like loaning a breast pump or bringing over dinner], empathy, and approval."
It also discussed this program in Glasgow, Scotland where women who had BF before volunteered to help new moms in poorer areas where formula was the norm -- amazing what success that earned. Made me think -- that is kind of what we have here.
Eri, you are welcome to call me anytime also. That goes for anyone who needs empathy and approval, plus advice. And if you are local, I'll bring you dinner, too!
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
03-04-2004, 08:35 PM
My DD will be 9 weeks on Friday and if it were not for the LC at the hospital, she would be formula fed. From day 1 DD had a lazy latch. After weeks of pumping, frequent visits to the lactation center and using a nipple shield, DD and I finally have it down. There were definitely days when I was ready to give up but I was determined to stick with it and I'm glad I did.
Good luck to you!
Dillan Rose 01/02/04
03-04-2004, 11:56 PM
The formula companies donate money to the AAP and to The National Ad Council. I heard they were threatening to take money back or to stop donating if they didn't change certain things about the campaign.
03-05-2004, 03:19 PM
Shannon, I'm not surprised to hear that the local community support is a big thing. In my community it really has become expected that you will breastfeed at least for the first 4 months. I do think that it makes a huge difference.
03-05-2004, 03:26 PM
GO DH! I just wanted to say your DH sounds fantastic. I, like you, am determined to BF until they "fall off". It can be challenging at first (I had to use a SNS-supplemental tube attatched to the breast- to give extra fluids because she had severe jaundice) but mt DH sat by my side and helped get the tube into her mouth while I latched her onto the breast. The LC actually called us a great team! Having him help made all the difference! I am thrilled you're husband is such a wise and caring man.
03-06-2004, 12:09 PM
I know how you feel. It's sad to see someone decide that it doesn't work, when you think that it could if they tried a little harder.
I knew so many people who gave up breastfeeding because they said that their baby would not latch on. I was terrified about this happening because I did not want to formula feed - I was concerned about having to spend money on formula. My attitude while I was pregnant was that I would approach bf-ing as if there was no such thing as formula. I read several books on bfing, had borrowed the Dr. Sears' book from the library around the time that I was due so I could use it as a guide while I was home. It was a great reference and answered some questions that I had.
I think one of the best things I did was go to a La Leche meeting in my last month of pregnancy. I was given some great tips to nurse, and I actually got to see a baby latch and see for myself what the correct positions were. If you can find a local meeting, I would go just so you can see what to do, and then you'll also have a leader's number in case you need some support. Also take Rachel's phone number. Sometimes the hospital LC isn't the most helpful and you might have to go and find different ones until you get the help you may need.
I was fortunate that I had no problems with DD. She took to it right away. When they handed her to me, I had to ask the nurse if I could try to bf her. So don't expect the nurse to tell you to go and do it. Just try it yourself or tell the nurse. I remember looking down at my beautiful baby thinking, there is no way that my nipple is going to fit in her tiny little mouth. That tiny mouth got very big.
Good luck with everything. You'll do great. Don't worry about problems that others have had. Remember women have been bf-ing for centuries and centuries, it's in your genes!
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
>her, though, or research or anything like that. In their area
>(midwest, suburbs) bottlefeeding seems to be the norm(from
>what I have seen),
Just wanted to point out that bottlefeeding isn't necessarily the norm among suburban Midwesterners. I live in an urban environment in the Midwest, but many of my friends and family live in the suburbs and have breastfed their children. I know that you didn't mean to make a generalization, but I think in the case of breastfeeding, you can't say with any certainty what a particular group's tendencies are going to be.
03-06-2004, 10:19 PM
sorry if I offended...It's just the impression I got from what *I* have seen in my visits there, and talking to my DH who is from there.
But i don't know, since I do not live in that area.
03-06-2004, 10:20 PM
The "breastfeeding basics" class we took last night was very useful...most of the stuff I knew from being here and reading, but they showed videos of little babies correctly latching on, and other practical stuff like that, and those visuals were very helpful, I thought...
03-07-2004, 12:52 AM
Maybe your SIL just doesn't want to breastfeed. And that is her decision to make, just like it is you and your husband's decision to decide to breastfeed. I know it is hard when we see things that others do that we really disagree with but just be confident in your choice to breastfeed. It works for most people and it is great that you are planning on nursing.
As for feeding norms mentioned on this thread...I know that bottles are the norm in parts of the country but would like to point out that in some parts of the country breastfeeding is the norm. In my city everyone from the OB to the NICU nurse to the stranger on the street promotes breastfeeding. Which is great, right up to the point that a few (mind you not all) get in your face and insult you. Breastfeeding did not work for me. I gave it a nearly 6 month try with every trick suggested by 3 lactation consultants and invested over around $1500 in the effort on special pumps, SNS, hormones and every other possible remedy. The reasons it did not work are many, they are serious and they are private. Giving up was hard but the best choice for me and my family. 3 months later I still have people ask bizarre and intrusive questions and make insulting remarks to my husband and myself. This week, I just had a person, who I know only in passing from my gym (I don't even know her name), offer to help me with a re-lactate intervention. She said point blank that if I tried harder "this time" it surely would work and then I could better bond with my son (who is an attached baby with no lack of bonding!). The only info she had on me (besides seeing me on the next treadmill from time to time) was that she saw my son and my husband with a bottle and when she asked I said I was not nursing. She was oblivious and unfeeling to the great effort that I invested in the first place. She was also assuming things she had no way of knowing. For all she knows I could be an adoptive mother with a double masectomy and hepatitis with nothing to relactate. Just another perspective on feeding paradigms. My husband and I are pretty mellow with these things so we have developed thick skin and humor. My husband told the last busybody at the park who wanted to know if his wife could nurse that he was a widower who lost his spouse in childbirth. I think I will tell anyone else who asks that I am transexual or a kidnapper. That should throw them off for a minute or two...long enough for me to escape with a smile!
03-07-2004, 01:34 AM
oh, I'm sory about the comments you are getting. It is nice to know there are areas where BF is the norm, but no one should have to explain themselves to strangers, whether FF or BF...geez.
I never personally talked to my SIL about this, because I am not that close to her, and I KNOW every word I would have said would be taken as a criticism. Who needs that after a c-section and all that? So I kept my mouth shut...
03-07-2004, 02:04 AM
Thanks! You sound pretty level headed. Breastfeeding is the norm here in Seattle in a big way.
A note on your SIL and others who deliver via c-cection or any one with a baby in the NICU (I was both)- Dom Peridone helps make up for the prolactin generated by the delivery of the placenta that we c-cection moms miss. Also if your baby can't nurse right away due to being in the NICU the Dom Peridone will greatly increase your production with the pump. Think of it as a replacement for the hormone wash generated by delivering the placenta and immediate nursing. Had I known about Dom Peridone sooner than I did and taken it as soon as I delivered I might have had a more sucessful go with breastfeeding. If I have another baby I will have a c-section and I will ask for Dom Peridone upfront. If you are interested in Dom Peridone talk to your lactation specialist and check out compunding pharmacies in your area. You will need a prescription.
03-08-2004, 03:03 PM
I am still breastfeeding after 3.5 months (it took 2 months to get a decent latch, and the last 5 (6? argh!) weeks I've spent trying to get rid of the thrush). Yes, it's been hard but I think worth it. Everytime I mentioned a problem, my sister tried to get me to ff. She didn't nurse her children because she never felt comfortable with it. My mom bf all 4 kids and never had ANY problems, but after the 4th week of thrush even my mom suggested I bottle feed! And she's an RN! There's lots of reasons people don't bf, and some of them can be very personal reasons, so I don't judge anyone's decision. Given the problems I've had, the LC was VERY surprised that I was even still trying at 8 weeks when my baby's lips were still turning inward! I would not have blamed myself for quitting, but I am just stubborn. You can do it if you really want to, but if someone really doesn't want to, I don't see any sense in trying to change their mind. If they are on the fence, however, I say feel free to give your opinion! Good luck with the BF, I'm sure you'll do just fine! :)
03-08-2004, 03:57 PM
Wow, what a sacrifice on your part!! Your experince is very inspirational, actually, I'm so glad you posted...
Yeah, the ONE thing I have going for me is that I am VERY very stubborn!!
03-08-2004, 04:54 PM
I just felt I had to comment in defense of pediatricians after reading some of these post( & since I'm a pediatrician- LOL.)
I'm a huge BF advocate ( I hope). Although I admit I'm much more enthusiastic now that I've been a BF mom than before I had children . I enjoyed BF so much that I want to help everyone women experience those special moments.
Yes formula companies are everywhere- but hopefully most peds are intelligent and don't really pay too much attention to all the formula "hype". As far as I'm concerned BF is natural and the norm. Formula offers an alternative for those who choose not to BF and those few women who despite a valiant effort are unable to BF.
Personally I think the most important factor that leads to success in BF is having a suppoprt group of other BF moms. I found this on a BF message board. Other sources are local LLL, friends family members etc.
I think slowly but steadily we are becoming a breastfeeding society.
BF is a labor of love......
Welcome -- there's several docs on the boards, if you haven't noticed already. I'm a surgical resident (in the lab, now).
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
03-09-2004, 01:51 PM
Good for you on your decision to BF. I feel that having a supportive DH will help you be more successful. I had an unplanned c-section and DH was so good about helping with positioning, as well as bringing the baby to me for feedings. He was also good at waking me up if we had gone too long without a feed. Of course I hated having to wake up, but that was the key to getting that supply going. It was also helpful that I felt like you do, with a strong desire to BF and make it work, no matter what.
Also, the more educated you are from the getgo the better off you will be, especially if you encounter any initial difficulty. I made sure to read whatever I could get my hands on. Yes, it's natural, but knowledge is power. Talk to your friends (and people on this board) about their experiences. You may be sore initially, and you may feel that your baby takes forever to nurse. But your baby will get faster and more efficient as time goes on. We went from a sleepy nurser, who would take up to an hour and a half to an efficient nurser who would take 10 minutes at the 8 week mark.
I too had a similar expeience as in your original post. My best friend decided not to BF right after delivery. She said she was too tired and said, "the heck with it". She even went to the BF class and left in the middle because she thought it was "stupid". It surprised my in some ways because she is a very health conscious person, but on the other hand she is the type that "can't be bothered". I was sad too about her decision, but finally I thought, well, she has a right to make that choice. Perhaps your SIL wasn't interested enough in breastfeeding. It seemed to me that my friends who encountered barriers, who really wanted to make it work, saw a LC, sought advice, etc. Most were able to continue. A few decided not to. Either way, either choice was okay. Everyone had circumstances behind their choices. And all are still good moms nonetheless....
I commend you again on your strong desire to BF! Good luck with the arrival of your little one!
03-10-2004, 04:40 PM
I ended up giving up attempting to breastfeed about 2.5 weeks into it. I was having a very difficult time, as was my baby. I'm sure if I kept up with it we would have eventually figured it out, but by the time I threw in the towel I was mentally & physically exhausted. My Ped was very supportive of my attempts to get DD to breastfeed, recomending us to a LC and setting time aside to have us sit with a nurse in his office to help us. However, he even go to a point where he said that sometimes it is more important to be there for your child and not be frustrated and resentful every time we went to feed. My daughter was not gaining weight the way she was suppossed to and the bottom line for me was her immediate health was more important. It was a tough decision to make and I cried & agonized over it for a long time. I still wish we could have made breastfeeding work. I'm glad that I at least gave it a valiant attempt, and will try again with any future children I may have. I've been pumping and feeding DD expressed breast milk, but I can see myself starting to dry up so I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to manage that. I find it tough to find those pockets of time during the day in order to pump as often as I should. But I'm glad that I was able to give my baby breast milk for this long and will continue to do so until that doesn't work for us anymore.
I agree that a day & a half is nowhere near enough time to make a decision like that, but as one previous poster said, it is her decision to make. Her child will do fine on formula.
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