Scary nanny

[kusumat]

I heard several true horrible nanny stories from my friends before. It was the main reason I decided to stay home and take care of DC. This is one example of them.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/22/lamb.nc.nanny.cam.abuse.wral

[rprav8r]

I heard several true horrible nanny stories from my friends before. It was the main reason I decided to stay home and take care of DC. This is one example of them.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/02/22/lamb.nc.nanny.cam.abuse.wral

Wow, that is a scary video.

However, I think you may have inadvertently insulted those of us who must or choose to work outside the home and leave our children in the care of others. Yes, terrible things can happen to children in the hands of caregivers, but the vast majority of well-screened and carefully chosen caregivers are loving, wonderful people who enrich both the lives of the the children they tend and the parents who hire them. I don't think you meant to, but your post seems to imply that those of use who aren't at home full time with our kids are dooming them to ill treatment and abuse as shown in the video.

[Pennylane]

This actually took place where I live. The nanny was hired off of Craigslist and was not background checked. The mom also said she suspected that something was not right at home. So she went online and ordered a video camera to record the nanny. Now, I don't know about you but if I suspected that something was not right I would not wait for a video camera to come in the mail to see. I would have had that girl out of there.

Also, within a day of being let go from this position, she had an ad back on Craigslist.



Ann

[janeybwild]

Wow, that is a scary video.

However, I think you may have inadvertently insulted those of us who must or choose to work outside the home and leave our children in the care of others. Yes, terrible things can happen to children in the hands of caregivers, but the vast majority of well-screened and carefully chosen caregivers are loving, wonderful people who enrich both the lives of the the children they tend and the parents who hire them. I don't think you meant to, but your post seems to imply that those of use who aren't at home full time with our kids are dooming them to ill treatment and abuse as shown in the video.

Well said.

[annasmom]

That video is really truly horrifying. I have to admit that I couldn't even bring myself to watch it in its entirety.

That being said, I must say that I found your post to be highly inflammatory. Please know that many of the parents on this board are working parents, with some sort of childcare arrangement. Choosing a childcare provider is an incredibly difficult, even gut-wrenching decision. We are all trying to do our very best with the resources we have.

[Marisa6826]

**removing Moderator Hat**

While there are many horror stories out there about incompetent child care providers, there are also MANY, MANY loving sitters/nannies providing just as much love and support to kids day in and day out while their parents work.

It's hard enough having to deal with the inner struggle of leaving your kids with somebody else, since who else does it better than Mommy, right?

FWIW, my sitter does as good a job - if not BETTER - of taking care of my two kids. She's been with me since the day Amelia came home from the hospital and I trust her with them as I trust Jonathan. She is an older woman who has become very much a part of our family. In fact, she is more like a Grandmother to the girls than my own MOTHER is. And as far as I am concerned might as well be so. And I will absolutely defend her as such.

Please don't imply that just because you've heard bad stories from your friends, and that you stay home, you're somehow superior to those of us that choose to leave our children with caregivers.

-m

[Melanie]

That is scary, but you know what people, all she said was it was the main reason that SHE decided to stay home to take care of her DC. She didn't say, "and anyone who chose differently is a horrible parent."

I really think you're projecting.

[Ceepa]

I also read it as the OP's personal reason for choosing to stay home, not as a condemnation of those who don't.

[boogiemom]

Wow. I completely read it as one example of the horrifying stories we hear that causes some moms to choose to stay home when they might not have otherwise done so. It's simply one of the considerations that many consider. I don't think there was anything judgemental in there at all. It seems that it is a sensitive issue for some mamas.

If the OP had stated that this is an example of why moms SHOULD stay home, then I can see why you might be upset. As stated, however, it points out a valid point. I think every mama fears a situation like this and definitely considers it when choosing to stay home or when choosing a caregiver. Certainly there are wonderful caregivers out there. Unfortunately, some of us don't know any of these caregivers and are left to decide to take a chance with a complete stranger or stay home.

I choose to stay home because of a very short but uncomfortable stint working for a very expensive, bright and cheerful daycare that required employees to blatantly lie to parents about things that occurred during the day. They had some truly cruel ways of doing things. I was a college student at the time and I will NEVER forget that experience. Up to that point, I had fully intended to continue to work after I had children. That short few days changed my outlook completely and I decided at that moment that I would care for my children myself.

I would love to have someone whom I could trust completely. I simply do not have anyone like that close by and available to me. Therefore I choose to stay home. I don't think everyone should choose to stay home. If I had someone I trusted, I would be out there working in a heartbeat. My brain has atrophied and I am BORED! I would be much more fulfilled if I were working atleast part-time outside my home. With my kids being young and my DH travelling extensively for business, even part-time is really not an option because I never know when DH will be home.

I am the only SAHM left of all of my friends. They have all gone back to work. I certainly don't think they are less of a mama than I am. We made different choices. We make different choices about a lot of things. I do not think that stating someone's opinion and why they feel that way is being judgmental. If it is then we shouldn't discuss why some mamas choose to circ/not circ, elect to have c-sections/choose v-bac, choose to delay vacs/vac on schedule etc........the list could go on and on.

[KBecks]

That is scary, but you know what people, all she said was it was the main reason that SHE decided to stay home to take care of her DC. She didn't say, "and anyone who chose differently is a horrible parent."

I really think you're projecting.

I don't know. Given the tone of the vax thread, I read this one to have a "there's one best way" vibe. Or, there's just lots of things to be scared of.

[daniele_ut]

Wow. I completely read it as one example of the horrifying stories we hear that causes some moms to choose to stay home when they might not have otherwise done so.

Well, I didn't really have a choice about going back to work after DS was born, since dh was a full time student in a master's degree program that wouldn't allow him to work. Now that we have just had our second child I'll be returning to work. I *can't* choose to stay home and there are many, many women in the same position. I found the OPs words to be inflammatory and yes, this is a sensitive topic for me.

[JBaxter]

Wow, that is a scary video.

However, I think you may have inadvertently insulted those of us who must or choose to work outside the home and leave our children in the care of others. Yes, terrible things can happen to children in the hands of caregivers, but the vast majority of well-screened and carefully chosen caregivers are loving, wonderful people who enrich both the lives of the the children they tend and the parents who hire them. I don't think you meant to, but your post seems to imply that those of use who aren't at home full time with our kids are dooming them to ill treatment and abuse as shown in the video.

Very well said. I was both WOHM and a SAHM. All my care providers I check and or were family.

[Rayray24]

I don't see how it is insulting, I work outside the home and sent dd to a daycare provider. Since I and my husband and his sisters were both sent to different "friends" of the familys home and both us and his sisters were abused this is why we choose not to have single people watch our child. I think all that was trying to be done was get it out there to people. I would have to say that if you think nothing, verses knowing nothing is going on is a big difference. Not that anything is happening to anyone's child why they are at work.... but I know my parents trusted my sitters with everything they had, and they didn't steal or anything like that but they also didn't take good care of me!!!!! I think that it is a good thing people are using nanny cams and I think if posting them on here help gets the word out about just one person it has help possible save a life. Don't mean to make anyone mad or upset this is just my personal thoughts.

[s7714]

That is scary, but you know what people, all she said was it was the main reason that SHE decided to stay home to take care of her DC. She didn't say, "and anyone who chose differently is a horrible parent."

I really think you're projecting.

I agree. I didn't read any accusations into the OPs original statement, but I wasn't really looking for them either.

[Marisa6826]

I do not think that stating someone's opinion and why they feel that way is being judgmental. If it is then we shouldn't discuss why some mamas choose to circ/not circ, elect to have c-sections/choose v-bac, choose to delay vacs/vac on schedule etc........the list could go on and on.
It's not a matter of stating an opinion, but a matter of HOW it's stated.

If the OP came and posted: "OMG. This was just linked on CNN. I feel *horrible* for this Parent. You're not going to believe your eyes when you see those poor little babies and how they were being slung around like bags of flour at a bakery by that evil Nanny :( ", there would have been a VERY different spin on the thread.

BUT. Instead, the OP to be put an inflammatory spin on it with the comment:

I heard several true horrible nanny stories from my friends before. It was the main reason I decided to stay home and take care of DC. This is one example of them.


See the difference?

-m

[kusumat]

I don't know. Given the tone of the vax thread, I read this one to have a "there's one best way" vibe. Or, there's just lots of things to be scared of.

KBecks

For vaccine, I may lean to vaccinating than not. But this is the totally DIFFERENT topic. Every family is different and what I chose for my family does NOT mean to be the best one for others. It also doesn't make me a better mom than others. My mom went back to work when I was only a few months but she was lucky enough to be able to find someone she could trust. I have not been able to.

Chosing to be a SAHM or working mom doesn't cause any harm to others. Not vaccinating older kids put young ones(under than 1 yr old) who can not be vaccinated at risk. As you can see the example from the current outbreak in San Diego, California. The unvaccinated 8 yrs old child took the measles back from his vacation at Switzerland and caused other 11 children including 11 months old one sick. So, this topic is the totally different from vaccination topic. I am NOT the type of person that things needs to be my way or no way that you assume I was.


http://www.10news.com/news/15346976/detail.html

[maylips]

This is an interesting thread. I work but did not read the original post as a slam on working moms, just as something she personally chose.

I think this shows how the written word is interpreted so differently.

[bubbaray]

Please don't imply that just because you've heard bad stories from your friends, and that you stay home, you're somehow superior to those of us that choose to leave our children with caregivers.

-m


Yeah, that.

[julieakc]

Count me as another one who read nothing inflammatory or judgmental in the OP's comments, nor do I think she in anyway implied that she was superior for staying home. She was simply, as others have noted, stating that her choice was to stay home because of stories she had personally heard and linking to an example.

[vludmilla]

As a mostly WOHM I found the original post a tad offensive. I don't really choose to work, I live in the NY metro area and home prices are sky-high, even higher than in California in some cases! I think that Marisa and others said it well, there is a tone that conveys the sense that any choice other than staying at home is inferior.

[Emmas Mom]

This is an interesting thread. I work but did not read the original post as a slam on working moms, just as something she personally chose.

I think this shows how the written word is interpreted so differently.

ITA. It definitely shows how people personalize and interpret the tone of the written word differently.

[kellij]

Holy guacamole! That is horrifying. I found myself gasping throughout the video! On the video the mom says she wouldn't have thought anything is she didn't have that camera. It's unbelievable that someone would treat babies like that!

Kelli

[citymama]

This thread is interesting (to say the least). It confirms my belief that moms like us deal with a constant, omnipresent "damned if you do, damned if don't" Catch-22 situation. I am proud to be a working (outside home) mom and grateful to have amazing daycare on-site at my workplace. But I have almost daily regrets and second thoughts (I love my work, I love being a parent, why is it so difficult finding that perfect, guilt-free balance?). My sister who is a SAHM has similar twinges about having put her professional life on hold. Sigh.

And like many of us here, I am overly sensitive to the judgements (real or imagined) I feel I receive from family members, either for not staying home to raise my child FT, or by others for compromising on my career by working shorter hours (I work 75% time and no longer accept out-of-state work travel). I'm just working on accepting that you never can win as a mom - and that we really can't hold judgment on other parents who approach these decisions responsibly, regardless of what their choices are.

[julieakc]

...and that we really can't hold judgment on other parents who approach these decisions responsibly, regardless of what their choices are.

:yeahthat: Exactly! What works for some, doesn't work for others, and that's ok. Everyone has to find the best solution for their own family given their circumstances.