Family/In-Law Visits

[C99]

You are visiting your hometown on a rather lengthy visit (10+ days). Your extended family lives in the area. Your spouse, who has not accompanied you and your kid(s) on this trip, is from the same area and has immediate family members living in the same area. Do you visit with your spouse's family also, or do you leave those visits for a time when s/he is also with you? Does it depend on whether your spouse's family members are part of her/his extended or immediate family?

Please discuss.

[HIU8]

I think it depends on the relationship that you and DH have with the family. Plus, how much time you have (and truthfully, how much you want to do it since you are without DH).

[brittone2]

I would probably feel obligated since it is a 9 hour drive back to our homestate, and both sides of our families are relatively close geographically (many of them within an half hour to an hour radius). I think it kind of helps when they invite a bunch of family over to one house so we don't have to run house to house to house, kwim? Knock it all out in one swoop ;) I think if it was a shorter visit it would be easier to wiggle out of.

I would not enjoy it personally though...we don't have a great relationship with some of DH's family. His side is mostly immediate family though...his extended family are in completely different states nowhere near his immediate family.

Best of luck.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd visit with any family. They are dc's grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles... eta- unless there is some glaringly obvious reason not to spend time with them. kwim?

I would feel a bit out of place with a few of dh's side of the family members but I'd still go for a visit. For the most part I get along great and comfortably with his family.

Beth

[ellies mom]

I would suck it up and arrange some sort of visit with my MIL and SIL. My husband would want the girls to see his mom and sister. But I wouldn't enjoy it and would probably need a stiff drink or three afterwards. Although, considering my MIL stopped acknowledging us at Christmas after the last time I spent time with her, maybe the husband will ask me not to spend time with her.

[Cam&Clay]

I do this a lot. Our parents are about 10 minutes from each other and my DH deploys all too often. I most definitely spend time with both families. Sometimes, we even stay with DH's family to make it more fair.

[edurnemk]

For me going to our hometown means going to another country... so yeah, I do have to visit the ILs, there would be huge drama if I didn't. I'd rather not...but regretably they're my son's grandparents / aunt. I try to limit it as much as possible.

A few months ago we visited for New Year's. My family was out of town, and it's a long drive from my parent's house (where we always stay) to my ILs'... so DH used that as a reason to stay at their place - oh, what a nightmare, the longest week ever. Anyway, DH flew back home and DS and I stayed for another week, but obviously at my parents' who had come back from their trip. The ILs had said they'd come visit one afternoon, but in the end they didn't, I didn't ask why, call or anything, just celebrated the fact that thay didn't call. Well, DH was really upset that I didn't invite them over another day...
During the weekend my aunts came to see us and we had a pre-birthday cake for DS who would turn 1 a few days after our return home. ILs had said they'd be away that weekend. Even so, DH was really upset that I didn't invite them. I explained it was a reunion with my family, and that anyway they said they weren't available that weekend. He was still upset. That whole subject is very tricky with us, ILs are very manipulative and use guilt in their favor.

[sunshine873]

Sounds a lot like my scenario. Our family's both live in the same town (for now) and we live approx 17 hours away. So, when we go, we really need to see everyone. It's exhausting. We're definitely not as close with DHs family as with mine, but we see them a few times while we're there. Thankfully we always stay with my family too. Partially because we're more comfortable there, but mostly because they accept our dogs into their home.

If I go without DH it is usually for a very specific quick trip. I will arrange to see his family if possible. That said, we've been married for a long time now, and they have not managed to come see us. His mom came once the first year we were married. So, if they can't ever be troubled to come see us, I don't feel absolutely obligated to always go see them. KWIM? We'll be taking DD there for the first time next month. We'll see if things change after that.

[TwinFoxes]

I'd visit with any family. They are dc's grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles... eta- unless there is some glaringly obvious reason not to spend time with them. kwim?

I would feel a bit out of place with a few of dh's side of the family members but I'd still go for a visit. For the most part I get along great and comfortably with his family.

Beth
:yeahthat:

[wellyes]

No grandkids involved, heck no.
Grandkids involved, yes.

[soontobe]

this is my scenario. the first time that I went back by myself with ds I was there for about 4 days without dh and I only saw his family 1 time. well dh threw a FIT. I didn't really do it purposly not to see them, it was just that both of them work full time and ds goes to sleep pretty early so it was just very hard to coordinate. well he threw the fit anyways and now if I go back without him i really work hard to see them more. (it stresses me out but atleast our marriage doesnt get hurt by it:)!)

gosh i hate this family type stuff

[ErinMC]

I'd visit with any family. They are dc's grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles... eta- unless there is some glaringly obvious reason not to spend time with them. kwim?

I would feel a bit out of place with a few of dh's side of the family members but I'd still go for a visit. For the most part I get along great and comfortably with his family.

Beth

Yeah, that :-)

[C99]

FTR, I was asking not because I'm trying to get out of visiting a family member, but because I am the relative that my godson's mother never contacts. Was just trying to gauge whether my reaction was normal or out-in-left-field.