Can we just let it drop? (sorry, long)

[jent]

DD's daycare does a twice yearly evaluation, and I just read over hers today. DD's big issue for the past year has been her shyness, no big surprise b/c that's how she is at home too. Last spring it was bad enough that she wasn't talking in class at all (she is otherwise a very verbal 2y/o). We worked on it over the summer, and it got better. Then in fall, she moved to a different room, with 1 new teacher, 1 old teacher (but the one she was more shy with) and several new classmates. She stopped talking again, and DD's teacher thought the issue was...her hair. He thought that b/c her hair was in her face all the time, she was able to tune people out more, and thus not talk to them. So, we brought in a bunch of barrettes and ponytail holders, and the next day, they made a big deal of how great this worked and that she was so much more social.

Or, just maybe, getting fussed over and paid special attention to and drawn out also helped her talk more? Just a guess?

So, I didn't want to make a big deal over this. It doesn't matter to me how she wears her hair. In fact, I prefer it pulled back, but DD seemed to hate it and resisted wearing her hair that way (and still does, for me). To me, getting DD dressed, teeth brushed, sunscreen on, and clothes on was more important, and I let the hair go. Now, every time her teacher brings it up, I feel like the bad parent who let her kid go out with wild, ridiculous hair. Plus, I just disagree with his assessment, but I don't feel like it's important enough to argue over. But, he keeps mentioning it, and now it's repeated several times on her evaluation that she's much more social now that her hair is pulled back. Really, do you need to keep repeating it? Can we just let it drop?

Sorry this is so long for such a petty vent, but it bugs me. And I still don't think it's worth arguing about with the teacher.

[brittone2]

DD's daycare does a twice yearly evaluation, and I just read over hers today. DD's big issue for the past year has been her shyness, no big surprise b/c that's how she is at home too. Last spring it was bad enough that she wasn't talking in class at all (she is otherwise a very verbal 2y/o). We worked on it over the summer, and it got better. Then in fall, she moved to a different room, with 1 new teacher, 1 old teacher (but the one she was more shy with) and several new classmates. She stopped talking again, and DD's teacher thought the issue was...her hair. He thought that b/c her hair was in her face all the time, she was able to tune people out more, and thus not talk to them. So, we brought in a bunch of barrettes and ponytail holders, and the next day, they made a big deal of how great this worked and that she was so much more social.

Or, just maybe, getting fussed over and paid special attention to and drawn out also helped her talk more? Just a guess?

So, I didn't want to make a big deal over this. It doesn't matter to me how she wears her hair. In fact, I prefer it pulled back, but DD seemed to hate it and resisted wearing her hair that way (and still does, for me). To me, getting DD dressed, teeth brushed, sunscreen on, and clothes on was more important, and I let the hair go. Now, every time her teacher brings it up, I feel like the bad parent who let her kid go out with wild, ridiculous hair. Plus, I just disagree with his assessment, but I don't feel like it's important enough to argue over. But, he keeps mentioning it, and now it's repeated several times on her evaluation that she's much more social now that her hair is pulled back. Really, do you need to keep repeating it? Can we just let it drop?

Sorry this is so long for such a petty vent, but it bugs me. And I still don't think it's worth arguing about with the teacher.

Ummm...that's just crazy talk from them. I'd say just ignore them, but it must be hard with them repeating it over and over.

FWIW, my DS was sort of quiet in larger group settings when he was little. He's super outgoing now at age 5.5. It wasn't predictive at all. And he had short hair that wasn't in his face ;)

DD is pretty extroverted, and her hair is frequently in her face because she doesn't always want me messing with it (she goes in cycles of tolerating it and then not tolerating it).

I think the comments they made to you are insane.

[ha98ed14]

Very odd. If she was 13 and like Violet from the Incredibles, I might buy it. Her hair was a definite wall between her and the world, but I don't think a 2 y.o. is that self aware.

[sste]

I would be upset too - - if only you had pulled your daughter's hair back earlier does seem to be the implication!! And it is as Brittone notes it is crazy talk.

Really I think this is about the teacher and has nothing to do with you. The teacher is understandably excited to think he helped his student (even if he is wrong about that). He spends all day dealing with cries, spills, herding little ones, and tons of other not so glamorous tasks. He is thrilled that he effectively problem-solved, in his view, and helped your DD's development. And he is probably under some pressure from the center/other parents to come up with solutions and implement them and document it.

So, you are completely entitled to your bitch. But, I agree with you about not saying anything to the teacher . . . every time it comes up I would just say to yourself, I am grateful that DD is at a place where they care so much about her development (even if its a little misguided at times).

[jent]

Thanks for the support, guys. I feel much better knowing I'm not crazy about this.

Really I think this is about the teacher and has nothing to do with you. The teacher is understandably excited to think he helped his student (even if he is wrong about that). He spends all day dealing with cries, spills, herding little ones, and tons of other not so glamorous tasks. He is thrilled that he effectively problem-solved, in his view, and helped your DD's development. And he is probably under some pressure from the center/other parents to come up with solutions and implement them and document it.

So, you are completely entitled to your bitch. But, I agree with you about not saying anything to the teacher . . . every time it comes up I would just say to yourself, I am grateful that DD is at a place where they care so much about her development (even if its a little misguided at times).

I think you're right, sste-- you've articulated pretty well what I've been thinking. I'm going to continue to ignore it-- it's just that every time it comes up it feels like a jab at me, but I know he doesn't mean it that way. And it's true, I do love this place b/c they do care so much about the kids development. It's not just about keeping them occupied for 8hr/day.

[spunkybaby]

Sorry that it's bugging you, but FWIW, my cousin's an optometrist, and she told me it's better not to let hair cover my two DDs' eyes because the blocked vision could affect their eyesight. If your DD fights having her hair done each day, maybe it's time for a haircut where her hair doesn't hang into her face?

[jent]

Sorry that it's bugging you, but FWIW, my cousin's an optometrist, and she told me it's better not to let hair cover my two DDs' eyes because the blocked vision could affect their eyesight. If your DD fights having her hair done each day, maybe it's time for a haircut where her hair doesn't hang into her face?

I do, actually-- she has bangs & the cut is angled back to keep it from being in her face. It's not actually in her eyes. When she is feeling shy, she tilts her head way down, so that if her hair is down it all hangs forward. The only next step would be to cut her hair completely short, which I don't want to do. My mom did that when I was a kid b/c she didn't know how to deal with curly hair, and I hated that I was always mistaken for a boy.

The day the teacher asked me about it, she was a bit overdue for a haircut and it was on my to-do list, along with about a million other things.

BTW I really can't imagine a hairstyle that would truly affect a kid's vision. Hair swings and moves, and so wouldn't constantly block the same field of vision.

[KBecks]

The teacher sounds weird. I think there should be other things to be worried over than your daughter's hair, and the fact that it's a guy focused on her hair makes me feel a little creepy.

[spunkybaby]

I do, actually-- she has bangs & the cut is angled back to keep it from being in her face. It's not actually in her eyes. When she is feeling shy, she tilts her head way down, so that if her hair is down it all hangs forward.

Ahh...I see. Sounds like your daughter has a great haircut and is blessed with a loving mom and caring teachers :)

[buttergirl12]

That sounds really stupid. My 2 year old is shy to. He used to cry just from people looking at him. Now he just tries to avoid eye contact by looking down or turning around. His hair is super short. He just looks down to avoid eye contact. It's not the hair causing her or allowing her to be shy. That's just her personality.

[hellokitty]

I think your feelings are very valid. FWIW, I think the daycare person's, "advice" was dumb and it was a fluke. If they say something again about dd not talking or being shy, I would just say, "IT'S HER PERSONALITY, DEAL WITH IT!" Seriously, there is nothing that bugs me more than teachers or parents (not you) who act like being shy is some sort of disease. Some ppl are just shy. I had to deal with this from K-12 as a child. I was painfully shy, and every single parent teacher conference, the teacher would tell my praents I needed to talk more in class (regardless of the fact that I was always one of the top students in class) and then my parents would come home and be determined to, "make" me not be shy anymore and try to force me to be more outgoing or sign me up for more activities, thinking that this would somehow, "fix" my shyness. You can't change somebody's personality, in fact, if they are constantly hounding your dd to be less shy, I wouldn't be surprised if she clammed up even more. There's nothing wrong with being shy. Can you imagine how annoying our world would be if everyone was outgoing??? FWIW, I finally came out of my shell after college and while I seem like a pretty outgoing person now in my mid-30's, there are still instances where I revert back to being very shy again. Nothing wrong with it, it's just the way some of us are wired.