WWYD? friends and feelings

[c&j04]

This might get long....sorry!

Minor stress but DH and I are going back and forth. Lots of friends with first babies within a year of ours. This is about baby gear.
I REALLY want a Vista. Have been saving $ for one "nice" baby item. Crib was less than half price so great quality, cheap item. Changing dresser FIL offered to build for $100. Again, top top quality. I have spent very little on stuff so far! Do I buy a Vista which is above and beyond anything they even know about and live thru the comments about $ when they Google it? Or buy a $300 stroller which is already a fair amt more than they've spent on strollers and feel good about not hurting feelings? What a petty worry, I know :)

Looking forward to hearing your opinions.

[wencit]

I would buy what I want. If your friends are trying to make you feel guilty about any of your baby gear purchases, I think it's coming from a place of envy on their part. So I say go for it!

[HIU8]

Buy what you want for your baby. Don't worry about what other people say and you don't have to justify your purchase to anyone. You want it, you get it. Simple.

My friends talked behind my back b/c they got a graco stroller and I got a PP (at the time a nice stroller). They really talked when I got an expensive double. Didn't matter. I used it and it was what I wanted and needed at the time.

[kozachka]

I would buy whatever makes you happy. People are going to judge you for the stroller you buy or something else you do, that's just a part of being a parent/around people. They will get over it eventually and you'd have a nice stroller to enjoy. As long as you can comfortably afford it and are not going into debt, why not? We've had a $300 stroller (Inglesina Zippy), which was just fine and lasted us through 3.5-4 years and worked for different climates but there were other purchases that I've been judged for so I know how it goes. Strollers are just seen more than furniture/gear and easier to price compare.

[chozen]

strollers in general get alot of use. go for it.:)

[nov04]

I had lots of comments about my P3 back when dd1 was little. I just mentioned that it was our 1 splurge and it seemed to close the subject with ppl.

Very few ppl (mostly strangers) pressed the subject and when they did, I mentioned that we spent lots of time in hospital and needed a very good and comfy stroller if we spent the night in emerg (which we did quite often!).

[SnuggleBuggles]

Go for it! If you have to "defend" it simply say that it was your splurge and that you love it.
eta- if that gets old you can always lie and say it was a gift. People won't bug you then. It's crappy that they would though. Yeesh!

Beth

[TwinFoxes]

I would buy what I want. My SIL makes comments about things we buy, I couldn't care less. It's not like I'm telling them how much things cost. If someone wants to go through the trouble of googling how much I spend on a purchase, well that's not my problem.

Why would their feelings be hurt? Do you mean they would be jealous? If so, whose problem is that really? (theirs)

[edurnemk]

Buy what you want, pay no attention to others' comments. IF anyone says anything, which IMO would be very distasteful, just dismiss it and change the subject, it's no one's business what you spend your money on.

If your DH is worried about offending them in some way, tell him it's not the object that offends, but the attitude, and that you're not going to be rubbing in anyone's face what you spent on your stroller.

[maestramommy]

As long as you can afford it, you should buy what you want. Good strollers do cost, so might as well get the one you really love, esp. if you're planning on using it a lot.

[maylips]

Buy it and then OWN IT. Don't be embarrassed or apologetic for your decisions. Believe me, you'll get judged a lot on multiple decisions as a parent so you might as well be proud of your choice once you make that call.

FWIW, buying a good stroller is one of the best investments you can make, IMO. When all of you go walking together and you're easily pushing yours while they're huffing and puffing and complaining about squeaking wheels, you'll be glad you invested the money!

[MamaMolly]

Buy it and then OWN IT. Don't be embarrassed or apologetic for your decisions. Believe me, you'll get judged a lot on multiple decisions as a parent so you might as well be proud of your choice once you make that call.

FWIW, buying a good stroller is one of the best investments you can make, IMO. When all of you go walking together and you're easily pushing yours while they're huffing and puffing and complaining about squeaking wheels, you'll be glad you invested the money!

:yeahthat: Well said! I agree 100%. And so long as you don't leave the price tag dangling I think it is NO ONES business how much you spend on any item. Course I'm touchy because I'm replacing our Graco with a more $$$ stroller for DD2. Like you, it is my one huge splurge and I've been saving up for it, so razzberries to anyone who is nosey enough to google it. :p

[creativelightbulb]

prepping for baby one now and for the most part I've been very modest in planning what baby will "need"

but I so want this $800 crib...

DH and I had this convo over dinner last week...he rolled his eyes and said he KNEW we could get something less expensive etc etc

but honestly...baby will be using my old furniture until he/she can buy their own so this is the only piece of furniture I'll have to buy and well - I want it to at least match and me not have to worry about recalls or having to replace for subsequent babies...

DH and I finally agreed I could splurge and that we'd both get our indulgences and I'm SURE I'll hear comments from family and friends but quite frankly I'm "ok" with that...

Girl, go forth and shop guilt free.... *high five*

[truly scrumptious]

Really, no one can be totally sure how much you paid for a stroller.
We got our Vista from the Uppababy factory in Rockland, and paid a little over $400 for it (brand new, without the bassinet, which we didn't need.)
For all your friends know, you could have done that.
Or bought it very gently used on CL.
Or done an awesome *magical* discount-pricematch-ebates thingy and gotten it for a steal.

None of their beeswax. Frankly, their googling it to see how much it cost says more about them than your buying a fancy stroller says about you.

We love our Vista. Hope you do, too.

[gatorsmom]

Get what you want. Don't get what everyone else is getting just to stop the talking. Because if people want to judge you, they'll find a reason. If it's not the stroller, it'll be your other parenting decisions- breast vs. bottle, circumcision vs intact, c/section vs natural childbirth, cloth vs disposable diapers, pacifier vs not, etc.

Everyone I know IRL owns travel system strollers. Many of them hate their strollers. I got a Mountain Buggy for a lot more money. That stroller is still in great shape while their strollers are mainly thrown in the trash. I plan to pass mine to my brother or resell it. Everyone who pushes it raves about it and mine is 7 years old. You get what you pay for.

[Melanie]

Buy what you want!

Everyone makes different choices on what they think is "worth the money." I have a friend who clearly has scoffed at my children's clothing but would drop a mint on something I think is totally ridiculous. I wouldn't worry about it, nor "defend" it, just not and smile. ;)

[sste]

Well, I guess I am coming at it from a different perspective. We have several dear friends who make literally 10% or less of our income. It is actually somewhat unusual I have noticed to have many different-income friends - - people tend to make and sustain friendships in their own income strata for the reasons and conflicts you describe. I have always kind of hated that though and have been determined to not have that happen to us.

Our friends are happy people working in wonderful helping professions and they do not deserve to have their face rubbed in the fact that they are underpaid relative to their contribution to our society - - particularly with respect to things for kids, which can really hit hard. So, we have always downplayed things and lied.

In your case I would say buy it but let it be known that: 1) crazy rich aunt bought it for me out of the blue; 2) relative found it for a couple of hundred dollars on mega-clearance and picked it up; 3) bought it barely used for a song on craigslist from someone who rec'd two strollers are her shower. You get the idea. It is a stroller, it really isn't worth the risk of hurting someone's feelings over it.

[mamicka]

Because if people want to judge you, they'll find a reason.

:yeahthat:

Get what you think would be best for you, whatever that means to you.

[wellyes]

Buy it and then OWN IT. Don't be embarrassed or apologetic for your decisions.:yeahthat:

A family we're friends with has to to really, really has to pinch pennies whereas we are reasonably well off financially. So I have all the yuppie baby gear and they have hand-me-downs. But I'm pretty sure I'm more jealous of them than they are of me because they have something we don't: TONS of family in town - a wonderful thing for their kids, they have cousins galore and aunts & uncles who are eager to babysit anytime. I don't apologize for the things we can afford to buy, and I'd never expect them apologize for the resources they have at their disposal either.

FWIW I bought a like-new Vista off Craigslist for 50% retail. If you ever do feel awkward about it, feel free to use my story as your "excuse".

[baymom]

I agree with PP....as long as you can afford it and you love it, you should get the stroller you want. This is just the first of many decisions as a parent that you will potentially get judged for, esp considering so many of your friends are first time parents, with you. Breast feed/formula feed, co-sleep or not, which preschool, ect., ect. You know what is best for your family and for your child, your financial situation, ect.--try to do what feels right to you without being 'peer-pressured' too much.

As someone said, 'judgment' might actually be 'envy.' I know I suffered from stroller envy as a first time mom, even with my P3 AND Maclaren Global. :-)