why do I feel forgotten????

[AnnieW625]

I am due in a little less than 2 mos. and I don't think anyone is throwing me a shower. My friends in Norcal aren't doing anything and never mentioned anything so I gave my parents an airline credit I had and was going to use for me and DD to fly up there. I think my co workers might do something as I heard them talking potluck earlier, but this bitch is more for my local mom group friends (and Norcal friends) who have all had second kids and had showers that I have been invited to and attended. We don't know the sex of the baby (and we didn't know last time either) so I think that might have something to do with it, but honestly I am really surprised I feel this way. I never thought second showers were common until I moved here and three or four friends who weren't having twins had them (the two who had twins the second time around did have them). Did anyone else feel this way if you didn't have a second shower?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I hinted that I wanted a sprinkle and that got the ball rolling. Drop some hints and see. Otherwise, throw a good "welcome baby" party. :)

Beth

[arivecchi]

Awwwww, hugs. :grouphug: I felt the same way. I would throw one for you if I could. :)

[elektra]

I would drop a hint too.
I have a friend who is now pregnant with twins after going through IVF. She had I think 3 miscarriages and so she basically has not officially announced this pregnancy although she may even be in her 3rd trimester now, I really don't know. I think everyone is scared to congratulate her/ offer to do a shower because of her previous losses. Do you think there might be something similar going on with your friends?
Maybe your mom's group and norcal friends were not sure what you would want. Still, it seems like they should be offering to do something now that you are almost full term.
Hence the rec. for dropping a hint.
I thought I didn't want a shower for #2, but then it turned out that SIL and I were pregnant with only a 6 week difference in due date and so DH's family had a joint shower for us. I think I would have ended up actually wanting one too if they had done one, even though I was reluctant at first.

[citymama]

I wish we could throw you a virtual shower!

Do you have a friend or relative who is just really into all things baby who might be chomping at the bit to organize something? You could hint that you want to do a girls' activity before the baby arrives - spa day or something - and she might take it upon herself to plan for you. Problem is, you never know what you're getting yourself into!

The other thing as the PP suggested is a welcome-home baby party when the baby is a few weeks old. I love going to these much more than showers!

ETA I agree with elektra that friends might be walking on eggshells a little and a well-placed hint might go a long way!

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I have never attended a shower/sprinkle for a 2nd baby, so I didn't feel bad that I didn't have one.

(Actually, that's not totally true. I had one at work, which was super nice as they didn't do anything with my 1st.)

For 2nd+ baby, I usually bring a present over when the baby is born. Perhaps that's what your friends are planning?

[bubbaray]

I didn't have a shower or anything for DD#2 -- kinda sucked. :grouphug:

[hellokitty]

{{{HUGS}}} DS1 and DS2 were only 18 mo apart, so I didn't really think about another shower/sprinkle for DS2. However, by the time I had DS3, my network of mom friends was pretty big and there was a 4 yr gap btwn DS2 and DS3. In our area, it's pretty common to throw a, "sprinkle" for moms expecting again, often it's like a GNO (dinner) and ppl bring a small gift. It became obvious that nobody was going to do it (of course, in the past few yrs, I have helped to throw several of these showers for other friends). I couldn't help but feel that they would have thrown me one if I had a girl this time, vs another boy. At the last minute (like 2 wks before I had the baby), two friends threw me a very mini-shower/playdate/pizza party with just the 3 of us and our kids, I suspect b/c they knew that I was feeling down about this last pregnancy since it was my last chance to have a girl and I had another boy (both of my friends have two girls). It was very sweet of them and it makes me tear up to think of how nice it was for them to do that for me. It probably sounds bratty of me, but I still feel kind of disappointed though that nobody else from our moms group, apart from my two friends felt like doing anything. I hope you get a shower or sprinkle. Every baby should be celebrated.

[MamaMolly]

Every baby should be celebrated.

:yeahthat: ITA. I had a small shower for DD2 and I was so glad. I honestly would have been disapointed if I hadn't. No stones thrown here.

I think dropping hints would be a great idea, as would be a Welcome Baby party. GL!

[catpagmo]

I didn't have a shower or anything for DD#2 -- kinda sucked. :grouphug:

Same here. DS totally got the shaft. No shower, no sprinkle, no celebration. OP, I know how you feel. I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated. I also agree about dropping a few hints. Sometimes people need a gentle push.

[DrSally]

Same here. DS totally got the shaft. No shower, no sprinkle, no celebration. OP, I know how you feel. I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated.

Same here. It was shocking the difference in gifts that DS got compared to DD. The gifts for DS came on a daily basis in the mail (and also incl. a shower) for months. The number of gifts DD got I could count on ONE hand. It's not so much the gifts, but the celebration aspect. ITA that every baby should be celebrated.

[maestramommy]

:hug: Awwww! I didn't have a shower for Arwyn, but none of my mom friends had a shower for their second, probably because bunch of us had our second right on the heels of the first! But we brought each other meals when the second was born, very appreciated!

[KHF]

For me, I requested not to have a shower for my second. I didn't need anything baby-gear wise and I just preferred not to have one. In my mind, the shower is about the mother, not the baby so it's not a matter of the baby not being celebrated. I think it's awesome to have a party once the baby is born...a meet and greet or something like that. I don't like being the center of attention, so showers are really not fun for me. I like it more once the baby is there...then I can deflect the attention!

However, if second showers are common in your circle of friends, then I can certainly understand why you feel slighted. I agree with the PP's maybe drop some well-placed hints. Or just wait till the arrival and throw a party for the baby yourself.

[mudder17]

Aww...big hugs!! We did end up having a small celebration with DH's coworkers at one of their biannual get-togethers, but his coworkers take any chance they can to celebrate babies. :heartbeat: But otherwise I would not have considered a 2nd shower. I can understand you feeling somewhat forgotten because they seem to be more common in your area, but if so, I'd drop some hints. As PP have mentioned, it's possible your friends aren't sure whether you would want one, especially because you weren't originally from the area and found them strange at first. :hug:

[brgnmom]

I am due in a little less than 2 mos. and I don't think anyone is throwing me a shower. My friends in Norcal aren't doing anything and never mentioned anything so I gave my parents an airline credit I had and was going to use for me and DD to fly up there. I think my co workers might do something as I heard them talking potluck earlier, but this bitch is more for my local mom group friends (and Norcal friends) who have all had second kids and had showers that I have been invited to and attended. We don't know the sex of the baby (and we didn't know last time either) so I think that might have something to do with it, but honestly I am really surprised I feel this way. I never thought second showers were common until I moved here and three or four friends who weren't having twins had them (the two who had twins the second time around did have them). Did anyone else feel this way if you didn't have a second shower?

:hug: I'm sorry that your local mommy friends (& norcal friends) haven't offered yet to hold a shower/sprinkle on your behalf. I would hold one for you! We are moving to SoCal in June (you may be giving birth to your second just before or around the time we move?), and I was born & raised in the bay area, so I'm a norcal girl at heart.

With my DS, I was the first out of my group of friends to get pregnant, and so my close friend (who was also my matron of honor) gave me a baby shower on the east coast. It was very sweet. I don't expect a second baby shower though, because my friends from my childhood still haven't started having kids yet.

In your case however, I would probably drop a hint to your SoCal friends (since it's been common among your group to have sprinkles/2nd baby showers and you have already attended other friends' sprinkles). I would also let your NorCal friends know that you'll be visiting, if you still plan on doing that. :hug:

[AnnieW625]

You guys made my day. Thanks for the kind words.

I guess it could be that we lost the baby last year, but even then no one had mentioned a shower either and I was almost 6 mos. along by that time so probably not on everyone's radar yet.

My MOH is one of the Norcal friends who hasn't mentioned anything (she's busy being a mom herself to an 18 mos. old), but yeah maybe the second shower thing isn't as big up there than it is here. I know my mom had a shower for my sister but that was 23 yrs. ago and sister and bro. are 7 yrs. apart.

I am sure we'll get stuff as the baby comes too, and the mommy group does do new mommy meals and I can't wait for that! DH hates to cook so they will be uber helpful.

Again thanks for reading and all of the hugs. I really appreciate it.

[truly scrumptious]

I'm crossing my fingers that you'll come back in a few days and post an update about the awesome surprise sprinkle your friends threw for you that you were *NEVER* expecting!

Like the PPs, I wish we could throw you a BBB shower!

[BabyMine]

Awwwww, hugs. :grouphug: I felt the same way. I would throw one for you if I could. :)


:yeahthat: Everyone forgot about me when I was expecting #2.

[hellokitty]

Annie, I hope someone throws you a shower or sprinkle. However, if not then throw your own meet the baby get together. It wouldn't be for asking for gifts obviously, but just nice to celebrate the baby. We did one of those for DS2, and most ppl did bring gifts (it wasn't our intention to get gifts though). Are your friends at least going to organize some meals for you? Our moms club does meals for moms after they have babies if they want them. I wasn't sure if I would take advantage of it or not after DS3 (I was so tired this time, I did not get to stock my freezer as planned), but decided to accept their offer. It was AWESOME! Better than any baby toy or outfit. A few of those moms who brought me dinner also brought a small gift for my baby, which was unexpected, but very nice. I hope that if anything, your friends will give you some TLC by helping out with postpartum meals.

[ShanaMama]

I wouldn't be suprised if it has something to do with the baby you lost. You are so open about it here, is it the same IRL? Perhaps some of your friends think you might be in a delicate place emotionally & are walking on eggshells, as pp suggested.
Or, since so many of your friends had their second kids already, they are just all busy & overwhelmed with their own daily lives. In either case, a subtle (or not!) hint might solve things really simply. I know it's really about them doing it for you, not you asking for it. But in case they are unsure if you want one this will solve the problem.

[sunnyside]

My friends usually have a "Sip and See" for the second baby after the baby is born. I also believe that every baby should have a celebration, and like the sip and see because then everyone meets the baby! I hope someone will take care of that for you. If you do sip and see and wait until the baby is a couple months old, it will be gorgeous summertime. I don't blame you for feeling left out.

[hellbennt]

throw one yourself? ok what i mean is if you have a close friend you feel comfortable with, confide in her that you'd like to have a shower at your place (or wherever), but are embarrassed and ask her if her name can be on the RSVP? I kinda did this for ds2. I had a diaper party where everyone was asked to bring diapers of various sizes...It was co-ed and I paid for the food (inexpensive trays of 'catered' Italian food)...
I also like the meet the baby idea, too!

[SammyeGail]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry and believe me, I more than know how you feel! I never got a shower for my twins, my first pregnancy! I was so exhausted I had to stop working at 15 weeks (while seeing the bank take $ from each of us & purchase a big gift for 3 pregnant ladies the year I worked there, I got nothing, get me a gift card to babies R us, geez).

Then my DH got activated in the Reserves when I was 23-24 weeks pregnant so we were relocated to a city that was actuality 45 minutes from my family. I went into pre-term labor at 25.5 weeks, it was stopped but I was on full-time bed rest after that. DH and I were in a nice little furnished apartment, but for some reason my 'family' couldn't think to throw me a shower. I couldn't go jogging or anything, but I could sit on the couch!! Out of 3 older sisters and one niece who was 21 and had a baby already, nothing.

I was hurt alot over it then, but now I don't care. I'm just happy I have my boys. After one of my twins DX of autism (he's now considered mild and doing awesome!), their non-contact with me after my mothers death, my near death recently with an advanced adrenal gland disorder (had flu and sinus infection) they showed no support, no concern. Part of me says screw 'em and part of me really, really hurts.

We currently live in a small town in the South and have no real friends. I hope when I get better I will make some.

I truly hope you get a shower/sprinkle, I know it hurts alot when you don't, lots of hugs your way!!!!

[newg]

We had some friends who threw a "welcome home baby" shower for their new little DS. We went and took a gift for the new DS, as most people did. It was really nice to meet the new little guy, and it was much more relaxed and informal compared to a traditional babyshower.
I don't know if they did it because they didn't get a second "sprinkle" and wanted one, or "just because"........either way I think it's a great idea!!

[Globetrotter]

hint that you want to do a girls' activity before the baby arrives - spa day or something - and she might take it upon herself to plan for you.

:grouphug:

That's what I would do.. hint that you want to go out with the girls before the baby comes. Even an MNO would be fun, if not a full blown shower.