how long does/did it take you to feel settled in your new neighborhood?

[brgnmom]

It's been around a month since my DH, DS and I have moved into our new place on the opposite coast, and while our belongings have been unpacked & everything looks settled... I personally do not feel at home b/c I haven't met any mommy friends in the area yet and we haven't had a playdate since we lived on the east coast. I think a huge part of this is my fault, because I don't feel all that comfortable making new friends and socializing while I'm only getting bigger (starting my 3rd trimester next month). I feel bad for my DS, but I have taken him to the nearby parks, beach, and library -- we just haven't actively socialized and gotten to know any of our neighbors yet.

How long did/does it take for you to put yourself out there, making new friends in your new neighborhood? we will probably move again next June, when my DH finishes his fellowship program, but I would like to make some effort to meet other families in the area. I think I became really used to making at least one or two playdates per week, on top of my son going to school three days per week, and I guess I'm feeling a withdrawal effect now. Thankfully, my son's new preschool does offer drop-in summer school classes, and I'm planning on going there with him this Monday, just so he can meet some of his future classmates, teachers, and director.

[luckytwenty]

I have moved cross country twice and we may move again next summer. Sigh. What field is your DH in? The first time we moved for my husband's fellowship also (allergy) and then we moved for his job.

I am extremely outgoing and social, and it took about 1-2 months both times to get some kind of a social life going. The first time, it was me and a 13 month old, and a really nice mom and her 9 month old "picked us up" at a pizza place where we were eating alone. We just clicked right away and she had a lot of friends, and after she invited us to be in her playgroup, it all just came together. Our husbands hit it off, too. We were just lucky.

Then, two years later, that 13 month old was 3 and I had a 7 month old baby. We moved in July and I immediately found a Mom's Club--but didn't click at all with the women. Then in late August, my 3 yr old started preschool, and I became friendly with a few moms in his class. I had a lot of trial and error friendships that fall, but I know by around New Year's (I remember having a lot of fun at a party that year) I had found a good groove.

A lot of it depends on where you live. The place I'm at now isn't that friendly and is a little snobby. The place where DH did his fellowship was very friendly (in the Midwest.)

[yournamehere]

I always found it easiest to meet the neighbors when walking the dog. For some reason people are more apt to use the dog as an ice breaker.

[brgnmom]

I have moved cross country twice and we may move again next summer. Sigh. What field is your DH in? The first time we moved for my husband's fellowship also (allergy) and then we moved for his job.

I am extremely outgoing and social, and it took about 1-2 months both times to get some kind of a social life going. The first time, it was me and a 13 month old, and a really nice mom and her 9 month old "picked us up" at a pizza place where we were eating alone. We just clicked right away and she had a lot of friends, and after she invited us to be in her playgroup, it all just came together. Our husbands hit it off, too. We were just lucky.

Then, two years later, that 13 month old was 3 and I had a 7 month old baby. We moved in July and I immediately found a Mom's Club--but didn't click at all with the women. Then in late August, my 3 yr old started preschool, and I became friendly with a few moms in his class. I had a lot of trial and error friendships that fall, but I know by around New Year's (I remember having a lot of fun at a party that year) I had found a good groove.

A lot of it depends on where you live. The place I'm at now isn't that friendly and is a little snobby. The place where DH did his fellowship was very friendly (in the Midwest.)

thank you for sharing your experience! It's reassuring that it took a month or two for you and you're outgoing.

my DH's fellowship is in musculoskeletal radiology, and I found out that one of his co-fellows is also married w/ kids, but his wife and kids haven't yet moved out here yet. I've joined a mom's group in my city in Los Angeles via Facebook, but haven't met any of the moms yet in person b/c a lot of their get-togethers are at night -- the only time I have w/ my DH unless he's busy studying.

[SnuggleBuggles]

A year+. I was pg when we moved so there wasn't an easy in to meeting people, like going to the playground. Dh was working, I wasn't.. I didn't really have much interaction with the world except errands and some work get togethers. I could have tried harder but I was pretty homesick too. It got better...just in time for us to move again. :) GL!!

Beth

[cono0507]

We moved across the country almost 4 months ago. Not settled yet. We are renting a small place right now while we search for the right house, so this rental doesn't feel like home at all.

I totally hear you on the friend thing. I miss having friends to go to the park/pool/etc with. We are meeitng poeple - mostly, as it turns out, through daycare. My kids go 3 days/week while i work and we've met friends there that have led to nights out, playdates, etc. But I still don't have a lot of friends and often find myself wishing we had someone to go places with. I just signed up for a moms group on meetup.com. i made a few great friends through meetup in our old town, so i'm hopeful. but i know what you mean. it is lonely!

[PMJ]

We also just moved about 6 months ago across the country and it is DEFINITELY frustrating. We have been in our house about 5 months and the first month I was here, I did w/ DD go around to the neighbors on the street (about 5) and introduced ourselves. Since then, NO ONE has come by to even say anything etc. I leave through the garage and come in thru there and rarely see anyone. I can't take our dog for a walk, b/c she pulls too much and I can't manage her and the baby. :(

Looks like you are doing everything you can, and of course now it is going to be even harder since you are pregnant.

I also joined a Mommy group, but don't go to many events, b/c of the timing issues. I go to the Library weekly and have met a few people there.

Unfortunately, I'm beginning to think that people are mostly "set" in their ways and are pretty hesitant to be interested in meeting new people. At least - this has been my experience.

Good luck !

[Roni]

We moved when dd#1 was only a few months old. It took years to feel settled, but we are in a rural area. There wasn't anything in place in our town for babies. There was a library program starting at age two, so that helped. Once she started school, I started feeling like part of the community.

[wencit]

I did a big cross-country move 5 months ago, and I still don't feel "settled." I think a lot of it depends on your natural personality, as well as how much you put yourself "out there." I'm a really shy person by nature, so I forced myself to go outside and meet other moms through the local mom's group. I've met quite a few people, but I'm still not totally comfortable around everyone. I think PMJ hit it on the head when she said that most people are pretty set in their ways and not very open to meeting new people. That has been my experience, too. I've also found that I need to be proactive and approach other moms to set up playdates, rather than the other way around, because if not, most people are just content to not really make the effort.

It's hard and definitely takes some patience! I feel like the new kid on the playground, going up to other kids and asking, "Will you play with me?" Ugh. I long for the day when I can go to the grocery store and actually bump into someone I know, LOL!

[ncat]

We moved to New England about 4 years ago - I still don't feel at all settled! It took me about a year to start meeting people, and then I went back to work and lost those connections.

People are pretty set in their ways out here, compared to the Midwest or the West coast, or the DC area. I'd take DD to the park, and if we saw anyone there, they were there with their sisters or best friends from high school, etc. and I really never felt like I had a chance to make friends. I am shy by nature, but everywhere else we've lived I had an easier time.

[lmwbasye]

We are constantly moving (5 times in 7 years so far). Our last move was a month ago and I haven't met anyone yet. Our neighbors are all older...they have kids my age. The boys have been going to camp at DS1's school, but pickup/dropoff are all in the car in the roundabout, so no time to chat with moms.

Hoping when school starts for the boys I'll start to meet more people. It's definitely hard. DH is gone all day and I'm on my own all the time.

[amldaley]

REALLY comfortable? One year. One full cycle of seasons. Then, the next time the cycle comes around be it back to school, holiday decoratios, HOA votes, spring plantings, whatever, it seems familiar.

[maestramommy]

Well, we've been living here for 2 years, and I'm finally feeling settled and somewhat connected. The first year was hard because I was just getting to know some moms when school started, then winter came and we had a few house calamities, and I was pregnant and exhausted. Then summer came, but Laurel was born and very demanding, and I barely made it out before school started and winter came again. This year I made more focused efforts to get to know people, (like my neighbors!), have playdates. I joined an official MOMS club, which has regular activities and meetings, so that has helped a lot.