View Full Version : When did you know the time was right to TTC again?
08-12-2010, 12:54 AM
And did it take more or less time to conceive the 2nd, or 3rd, etc. time? I've really been thinking a lot lately about trying for a 2nd DC. One of the main reasons I'm unsure is that we just bought our 1st house (a 2bdr) a little more than a year ago, so it will be at least 2-3 years until we move to a bigger place. Its tight enough already, so with another baby, it would be really crowded. Plus I don't know how I'd handle a toddler and a newborn! Like I'm not tired enough already :tongue5: But I had concerns the first time around too, but they ended up not really mattering compared to the big picture, KWIM?. Also, this may seem silly, but I feel like there's a small window of opportunity because I would rather have a DC born between Jan-July, for various reasons I won't bore you with. So I could wait until next April, but at least 8 months + 9 of pregnancy seems like a long time to wait. And that's assuming it wouldn't take long to conceive. With DS, I did 2 weeks after going off BC. I doubt lightning would strike twice.
08-12-2010, 01:03 AM
With the baby we lost we started trying right after DD1 turned 2. I wanted my kids 3 yrs. apart. We tried for six months and I got pregnant.
Lightening can strike twice! I got pregnant with DD1 after being off the pill for one month (I'd been on it since I was 21, so 7 yrs). With DD2 I got pregnant three months after the loss because we got lazy one afternoon and didn't use any protection (I only had two periods before getting pregnant); I had been off the pill on purpose because I wanted to lose about 20lbs before we started trying (and wanted no hormones interrupting the process). We were in no hurry so our initial plan was maybe after the holidays , 2009.
We have an 1100 sq. ft. house with 3 beds., 1 bath. It's a tad small and we'd like a second bathroom and a bigger master (really all three rooms are the same size), but the house works for us and we are happy here. I think about all of the post war families that raised their kids in some cases 4 or 5 in these houses and survived so I know we can do it too:).
Good luck with your decision.
08-12-2010, 03:30 AM
We lived in an 1,100 square foot, two bedroom, one bath bungalow with two kiddos for 18 months. It was tight, think train table in middle of the dining room, dining room table near the window. Toys, toys, toys! We loved our house though and great neighborhood and were trying to decide whether to build up. Although the housing downturn has been awful for many, the downturn helped us get a three bedroom house about eight blocks away and we were lucky to sell our craftsman for close to what it would have been at the peak (lucky break). We did survive with two bedrooms, but the last stretch was hard since it seemed like our second child needed total silence to sleep and was rooming with us. Our first could go with the flow. We had a finished half story that was office/storage area but if we'd stayed in that house for much longer, we would have made it our room and/or playroom and had each child have a bedroom on the main level. We did need more room at the end. I think you would be fine for the first six or seven months no problem. But we have baby room in our room (co-sleeper then crib) for the first seven+ months anyway. We have one in our room right now, in the bigger house!! The best laid plans . . .
I've had three children (youngest six months) and had no problems with conceiving any of them immediately without any real planning (just "should we think about having kids" talk) or timing, just not taking precautions. But that is totally individual and no guarantee. I have friends who had no problem with number one, and a longer wait for later children. Honestly, that issue never even occurred to me after I had my first.
08-12-2010, 05:30 AM
I had to have the first one able to dress herself and get in and out of booster seat alone before I was ready for a second. That's just me though. I had no desire for 2 babies at once. I got pregnant on the first try both times. The first time we had only used family planning and the second time was pregnant 2 weeks after my IUD was removed.
08-12-2010, 06:58 AM
we started when DS was 15ish months-wanted them 2 years appart. Got pregnant on the first try with both kids, lol. So they are exactly 25 months appart. I will say that being pregnant with an 18 month old was HARD. He was very active but still needed a lot of hands on care-huge stinky poopy diapers, cutting up food, lifting up into the crib/high chair...
We tried & succeeded the first time when DD#1 was 16 months old. . . . the girls were born 2 years and 4 days apart.
The main reason we didn't wait is that we are older parents (I'm 37), and the rapidly increasing risks of birth defects or not being able to have another child concerned us more than the temporary trouble of having two so close in age.
Our plan is for the girls to share a bedroom (and right now they are, but it's the wrong one. . . mine!) I shared one with my younger brother and sister for several years until my parents could buy a bigger house, and most of my friends with older kids and bigger homes seem to alternate between the kids having their own rooms and sharing.
The hardest thing so far about the newborn/young toddler combo for me is that DD#1 doesn't hold hands or listen to instructions reliably when walking, so it's tough to take them both anywhere by myself unless it's a place with a cart corral that I can park next to. But DD#1 is getting better, and when the summer heat ends I can much more comfortably wear DD#2, and then use a stroller. (We don't have any version of a stroller for two yet).
Best wishes whatever you decide!
ETA: ElephantMeg is right . . . the hardest part of this was BY FAR being pregnant while caring for an 18 month old! That was much worse than this is.
08-12-2010, 08:23 AM
With DS1 I had 2 rounds of IUI treatment to get pg so with DS2 I wasn't "READY" per se but knew it might be hard to get pg. It took 3 rounds of IUI with him and the boys are just over 2 years apart. We started trying once I weaned DS1. It is hard to have an infant and a toddler. It is a rough 18 months.
08-12-2010, 09:18 AM
I thought long and hard about a 2nd and waited till I was totally ready- hence a 5.5y age gap! I didn't want more kids before that. When I did get bit by the baby bug I made myself wait 6 months to see if it was real or I just wanted to be pg b/c my friend was. I had always said I wanted 1 potty trained before having more; I am not one who could handle 2 close in age. I love that ds1 was so independent when I was pg and had a new baby. He could get into his carseat and buckle up, he could get dressed, I could trust him to watch tv or play quietly if I needed a short nap during the 1st trimester...I love my spacing and it was just right for us. Ds1 got to be an only for a few years and we had a lot of fun. Now, ds1 is in school so ds2 is kind of like an only during the day with a bonus big brother that comes home later. It's good for our family.
I got pg on my 2nd cycle with ds2.
08-12-2010, 09:34 AM
When DD was 20 months old we had a "surprise" that ended in a miscarriage. When I first tested positive I was completely freaked out but then when we had the loss I was really upset and decided that I was actually ready for the next one. We were able to conceive again pretty quickly but had another loss at Halloween. So it ended up taking us around 9 months (Jun-Mar) to have a successful pregnancy, which is about what it took with DD1.
If this little one comes on schedule the kids will be 2 years and 4 months apart. I always wanted my kids to be close in age and we started our family when we were a bit older so I didn't want to wait too long.
I've had friends who got pregnant the with their first child immediately and then had it take over a year with the second, friends who took over a year with their first and managed to conceive the first try with the second and friends who got pregnant the first time with all their kids (a couple when they weren't trying). I don't think that this is something that you can count on planning.
I know a lot of people who have had 2 kids and lived in small 2 bedroom apartments, so it is possible. You just need to be strict about limiting the amount of stuff that you "need".
If you look at the averages, it takes 5-6 months for a fertile couple under 35 to have a successful pregnancy (3-4 months if they are charting etc) and takes over a year for someone over 35.
The bottom line, for some couples, conceiving is easy but for many others it can take several months/years.
08-12-2010, 11:26 AM
We wanted to start ttc after we had been married one year. My mom tried for 10 years before I was born so I wasn't sure how easy it would be for me. I got pregnant the first try. After that we knew we wanted our kids about 2-3 years apart (we wanted 3 and I didn't get married until 30) so that is how we timed our "trying". We were very fortunate that we didn't have to try much, I tried to get pregnant 4 times and was pregnant in the first month each time (1 mc). DH and I joked that it was fortunate that I was religious with my birth control as apparantly we are rather fertile! :)
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