Birthday Party Do-Nots

[sste]

OK, since I have birthday parties on the brain recently and want to avoid a toddler/preschooler disaster birthday scenario of my own this fall, I was wondering what everyone has seen that has NOT worked well.

For me, a 2-3 y/o birthday party I attended a few months ago: Timing from 9-11 so not expecting a meal and host just ordered pastries and donuts for the kids only, no adults (ehhh, but not a big deal and who knows times may be tight).

However, the mom then brought out a small birthday cake ONLY for her daughter!! My DS actually attempted to physically charge the birthday child's cake as did a bunch of other determined and PO'd toddlers and preschoolers.

I was really taken aback by this . . . though perhaps it is not so unusual (??) or I think the (seemingly very nice) parents didn't think it through in advance.

Anyway, what things do you think have not worked well in practice?

[lizzywednesday]

No, if you're going to have cake, you have enough cake for everybody, IMO.

ESPECIALLY when it's kids under 10.

[khalloc]

Wow! Who would only have birthday cake for their kid and not for any of the other children they invited?

[Melaine]

Wow! I can see someone might think that was a great idea.....if they'd never met any children.

My contribution is: Don't throw a "no-gift" party and then forget to tell your closest friend it is going to be "no-gifts".

[wellyes]

However, the mom then brought out a small birthday cake ONLY for her daughter!! My DS actually attempted to physically charge the birthday child's cake as did a bunch of other determined and PO'd toddlers and preschoolers.

I've seen that before, particularly for parents who want to give their kids the chance to dig in hands-first, but only when there is a larger cake for everyone else!

My do-not: water balloons. At least warn parents first! Not only did it require a change of clothes, it also got the ground so muddy that it wrecked both outfits for good.

[kbud]

When I was about 7 or 8 mom thought a gift exchange would be fun. She always felt parties were greedy so if everyone brought a gift we'd pick numbers that corresponded with a gift. Everyone would then go home with a gift. Well, I got a gift I didn't like and all my friends left with gifts I would have rather had and it was my party. Needless to say she didn't try that again!

[TwoBees]

However, the mom then brought out a small birthday cake ONLY for her daughter!! My DS actually attempted to physically charge the birthday child's cake as did a bunch of other determined and PO'd toddlers and preschoolers.

I was really taken aback by this . . . though perhaps it is not so unusual (??) or I think the (seemingly very nice) parents didn't think it through in advance.


THat's incredibly rude and tacky IMO.

[Fairy]

No cake for the guests? TACKY beyond measure.

Here's a brief list from me, but I'm not the norm, clearly, from what I've read on this board. And, I am just about to post a thread about my own bday party challenges shortly, so ... who knows. But here's a short list:

* DO provide food for all. I don't care what time it is, and I don't care if it's a meal or snacks, but FEED EVERYONE, including adults.

* DO send out real live invitations, and plan to have to follow up, cuz people are not going to RSVP when you ask them to.

* DO invite everyone in the potential respondent pool. If it's a daycare class, invite them all. If you don't, you're only setting yourself up for parents snickering behind your back that you didn't invite their kid.

* DO NOT put the invites in the parent folders if you do end up not inviting everyone. I know it's a pain in the ass to mail them, but if you don't include eveyrone, this is going to be a potential mine field.

* DO NOT get the plastic bag o'crap for the goodie bag. No one needs that stuff in their house, it always gets forgotten and ends up in the corners of the room collecting dust. Get something more practical and useful, like coloring books, bubbles, sidewalk chalk. Cost is comparable or less than the plastic bag o'crap. Now, I never ever do that stuff, personally, but that's just me, and I seem to be an army of one on that standard. And that's ok. that's actually my quandary this year, actually.

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.

Hope this helps!

[TwoBees]

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.


I'm curious, why not? We always opened the gifts at birthday parties when I was a kid (and at my friend' parties as well). That was a while ago though.

[sste]

Fairy, does evite count as a real live invite? We primarily use evite (with paper invites to people whose email we don't know) because it reminds people periodically to rsvp and its environmentally friendly.

As for me, I hope I don't sound snarky about the no-cake, b-day party. I am sure the party itself involved some expense since they had it at a kids playroom and they did invite the whole class plus their outside friends. And I am generally delighted to be invited, esp. if it is one of DS's friends and I can get to know the family. But, at almost 3 DS VERY much connects birthday party with birthday cake (one of his favorite parts of the party) - - he was basically 34 pounds of righteous toddler indignation over not getting any cake. In desperation to de-claw him from birthday child/her birthday cake we had to promise to take him to a bakery right after the party!

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm curious, why not? We always opened the gifts at birthday parties when I was a kid (and at my friend' parties as well). That was a while ago though.

Maybe in case your kid doesn't respond well to the gift? Or if there are duplicates so no one feels bad? I remember being at a family party once where a child was openin presents and at the end responded "well, this was disappointing." It's a good thing we are family.

[cuca_]

As for me, I hope I don't sound snarky about the no-cake, b-day party. I am sure the party itself involved some expense since they had it at a kids playroom and they did invite the whole class plus their outside friends. And I am generally delighted to be invited, esp. if it is one of DS's friends and I can get to know the family. But, at almost 3 DS VERY much connects birthday party with birthday cake (one of his favorite parts of the party) - - he was basically 34 pounds of righteous toddler indignation over not getting any cake. In desperation to de-claw him from birthday child/her birthday cake we had to promise to take him to a bakery right after the party!

Not snarky at all. If you can't afford cake for everyone (and I think anyone can make one pretty cheaply) then don't have cake at all. That is the rudest thing I have ever heard -- having cake for the birthday kid but not his/her guests. IMO it is not acceptable at any age!!

I agree with the no opening of gifts. But I think it is pretty common in some areas/circles. We never open gifts at parties growing up, and it does not happen in the area where I currently live. However, we have been to family parties (large ones) where they do open them. My objection is that if you have a toddler who is not used to this tradition, try telling them that they cannot touch the toys that are being opened. I have a distinct memory of such a party where DD1 was a mess and I spent the whole time keeping her away from the presents. She could not understand why she could not play with the toys. I guess it might not be a problem with toddlers who are used to this tradition, but if they are not it can be a nightmare.

ETA: I thought of something else. No permanent paints/markers in the goody bags. We went to a party at an art place and the favor had a small paint kit with permanent paint. Unfortunately I did not look through the stuff in the bag, as DD was 4, and she opened it and ruined an adorable MiniBoden outfit. Hence my suggestion that all markers/paints included in the loot bag should be washable.

[doberbrat]

we went to a party once for a 4yo and the father of the child was SCREAMING at other kids not to touch the new presents. scared the heck out of my kid who wasnt even near the gifts.

REALLY???? is it that important? if so, then dont open presents at the party!

[ciw]

No cake for the guests? TACKY beyond measure.

Here's a brief list from me, but I'm not the norm, clearly, from what I've read on this board. And, I am just about to post a thread about my own bday party challenges shortly, so ... who knows. But here's a short list:

* DO provide food for all. I don't care what time it is, and I don't care if it's a meal or snacks, but FEED EVERYONE, including adults.

* DO send out real live invitations, and plan to have to follow up, cuz people are not going to RSVP when you ask them to.

* DO invite everyone in the potential respondent pool. If it's a daycare class, invite them all. If you don't, you're only setting yourself up for parents snickering behind your back that you didn't invite their kid.

* DO NOT put the invites in the parent folders if you do end up not inviting everyone. I know it's a pain in the ass to mail them, but if you don't include eveyrone, this is going to be a potential mine field.

* DO NOT get the plastic bag o'crap for the goodie bag. No one needs that stuff in their house, it always gets forgotten and ends up in the corners of the room collecting dust. Get something more practical and useful, like coloring books, bubbles, sidewalk chalk. Cost is comparable or less than the plastic bag o'crap. Now, I never ever do that stuff, personally, but that's just me, and I seem to be an army of one on that standard. And that's ok. that's actually my quandary this year, actually.

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.

Hope this helps!

Fairy, we are in complete agreement about birthday parties. Now, if only the rest of the world would get on the same page, lol.

There are lots of problems with opening gifts at birthday parties for toddlers (I do think it is easier when you're talking 7 and up). I know a lot of older kids like to see their friends open gifts they picked out and I think it's good to foster in children the importance of giving and sharing (and understanding that sometimes things are about other people besides themselves). BUT, these are lessons that a one, two, three year old can't really grasp.

We've had birthday parties where we've been suckered into opening gifts b/c other parents that were present insisted. In one case, another child was so indignant at the gifts DS received that he picked them up (ripping two of them out of DS's hands), ran off with them and refused to share any of them with DS or the other children. His parents (who had been among the ones insisting we open gifts) stood by and did nothing. Then when their son's older sister tried to intervene, they yelled at HER, saying the two boys needed to work it out on their own. Um, yeah, my two-year-old isn't going to stand up to your four-year-old. He's going to do exactly what he's doing -- sitting in the corner on his birthday sobbing uncontrollably. It ended with their DS BREAKING my son's new toys. Great.

Another time we got pushed into opening gifts, DS received several toys that were duplicates and some that were way too young for him. I put them aside thinking I'd try to return them later. Another parent pulled them out and opened them -- ripping the packages open -- for DS. So much for returning them.

So yeah, I know some people are insistent that children open gifts at parties and like I said, I do see some purpose in that for older children. But for very young children, the potential for disaster is just too high in my book.

Some other suggestions:

If you have guests driving 45 minutes or more to the party, you need to serve something more substantial than pretzels and cake.

If you absolutely have to have your child open gifts at the party, give the other children wrapped gifts/favors to open at this point as well.

If you offer prizes for games, make sure that all the prizes are the same so children don't fight over them. And be sure to have extra prizes to give to the children who didn't win at the end so that every child has something.

As a parent, DO NOT open the birthday child's gifts. DO supervise your own children.

[sste]

ETA: I thought of something else. No permanent paints/markers in the goody bags. We went to a party at an art place and the favor had a small paint kit with permanent paint. Unfortunately I did not look through the stuff in the bag, as DD was 4, and she opened it and ruined an adorable MiniBoden outfit. Hence my suggestion that all markers/paints included in the loot bag should be washable.

Excellent point! We recently went to a party with both the non-washable crayons that are sometimes on sale at target for 25 cents and a non-washable marker in the goody bag. So, while the goody bag was not plastic-y but rather crafty we had to pry these things out of DS's hands and throw them out. Painting walls and getting new furniture or special cleaning is very, very expensive!

ETA: Making sure all the prizes are the same for the games and that every kid leaves with a prize is another great one - - I wouldn't have thought of that.

[LexyLou]

I totally agree about not opening presents.

We had DD2's 3rd birthday at our house on Saturday. The invite said 11-1pm, but at 2:30 when people still weren't leaving and we had run out of things to do the kids started begging to open the presents. UGGGG!

So we did. Luckily, a lot of people had already left but it was a mad house trying to figure out what was from who, and then some kids were freaking out that they couldn't play with things, etc...this is why we don't do presents at the party!!!

I totally agree you need to feed everyone. It doesn't need to be extravagant. We just had bowls of animal crackers and pretzels and chips and salsa out. Then we had lots of pizza and a huge bowl of cut up fruit. Water, juice boxes, and soda. Everyone was content and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg. :)

[Percycat]

I wasn't at the party, so I don't know how it was handled..... but, the OP stated that the party was 9-11 and that the children were served pastries and doughnuts. This is a tricky time slot.... perhaps the hostess was being considerate in not serving cake after the kids had already eaten doughnuts knowing that they would soon go home for lunch.

I can see wanting to have a birthday cake for my child so she could blow out candles... and I could see the hostess thinking she was being thoughtful to provide a breakfast snack to the kids at an early morning birthday party.

I think there are too many "rules" about birthday parties. I enjoy (LOVE) planning parties for my kids, but I really distaste the comparison between different parties and the evaluation of what is right or wrong....

Okay, off my soapbox: my personal pet peeves are people who don't RSVP and people who don't write Thank You notes... but this may be a sign of changing times and one we must be prepared to accept (either plan on people coming with out RSVP, or call and find out who is coming).

My suggestions are to plan a party at a size and within a budget that you and your child will enjoy and to invite people early enough so your guests can plan to attend and avoid future conflicts. If the party is too much for you to enjoy, your child and guests will notice and have their enjoyment diminished too.

My lesson learned is you don't have to do what 'everybody' does: it seems like a lot of parties in my area involve a meal of some sort. I have one of the most picky eaters and planned one party that included lunch.... for all practical purposes, my DS's party was 30 minutes shorter because we spent that time with the guests eating a meal... We had a morning party so other people's Saturdays would not be disrupted by a party in the middle of the afternoon. I now pick the time that works best for my family (and it is not just before a meal) so that I don't have to worry about providing substance before serving cake.

[sste]

Hmmmm . . . after your post, I am realizing that the party space rental was only for 1.5 hours and maybe the host was concerned about running out of time if she served donuts then cake or perhaps just too much sugar (???).

Anyway, for me the point is not etiquette in the abstract or right/wrong in a "rules" sense but rather things that in practice lead to negative situations, young child meltdowns, etc. As someone who also loves to plan parties, I want to avoid birthday practices with a high likelihood of ensuing problems!

With my example, and now speaking from first-hand experience I can say that cake only for the b-day child is a terrible idea in practice! If the candle-blowing is so important to your family then I think it is better to get everyone cake or to have the small cake with just your family after the party is over and guests have departed. Perhaps the best compromise for a breakfast party would be to get each guest a frosted muffin (rather than the donuts) and have the bday child's frosted muffin have a candle in it . . .

[MommyofAmaya]

maybe the host was concerned about running out of time if she served donuts then cake or perhaps just too much sugar (???).


Perhaps the best compromise for a breakfast party would be to get each guest a frosted muffin (rather than the donuts) and have the bday child's frosted muffin have a candle in it . . .

This would have been a much better solution, as I'm not sure cake following donuts would have gone over that well either.

[SnuggleBuggles]

11-1, no food except a bowl of goldfisth crackers and cake.

The 20 kid party at an indoor playplace when the kiddos were 4 and the b-day boy paid zero attention to anyone. The parents could have tried but they just let him run around ignoring people.

I know there have been other head scratchers along the way but those are the ones that stick with me.

Beth

[sunshineandme]

The birthday kid blows candles and cuts the cake and shares it with everyone!! I thought that was the spirit of cake cutting! I have heard of parents getting 2 cakes, one for the kid (to dig in etc) and one to share...I do feel sorry for the kids who had to just see the cake and not get any. DS is 18 mo and LOVES cake! I'd feel really bad...

I'm in the evite group - fast, everyone can respond easily, easy to manage reminders, etc., and envirnomentally friendly. You can even send after party thank yous (although not individual. but even here, I'm inclined to do email) and pictures of the party. I always feel like "Oh I want to see that picture" when I see pictures being taken at a party, but then the host does not end up sending them. I think it's fun. So, that would be my contribution to this thread: do send pictures. But note that it's a nice thing to do, not important.
Of course, all people I know have and respond well through email.

I agree about gifts not being opened by kids aged 1-6 - they may not be able to handle the etiquette that's required.

ETA: reading more of the responses, I agree that having the event at a party place where the guests don't get to meet the birthday kid, or the kids are on their own individual play routines are no fun. I wouldn't do them either, unless, there was some organized activity other than the cake cutting, or unless all kids were friends of the birthday kid (in which case they would hang out together).

Also, food for everyone, for me, is not even a question. But I'm the kind who likes to feed people :)

btw, cupcakes would work really well for the "birthday child only cake" types.

[SnuggleBuggles]

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.




To match the strength of your statement, I think it sucks when they don't open the gifts and always include it at birthday parties. We coach ds on good present opening manners and we have never had any problems with gift opening at parties. There are all sorts of clever games and strategies to use to make gift opening more enjoyable and less chaotic. Every party with gift opening has been a hit. The kids love to see what the b-day kid got. I have not witnessed any greedy experiences or negative experiences. I feel completely the opposite- open the gifts. And if you really, really don't want to then make sure and send a personal thank you note that includes specific mention of the gift. Super sucky to get a generic thank you so you feel like mom just returned everything and the kid didn't even get the gift you put the time and effort into picking out (not saying you do this!! it's just mt contribution to the thread).

Beth

[Meatball Mommie]

To match the strength of your statement, I think it sucks when they don't open the gifts and always include it at birthday parties. We coach ds on good present opening manners and we have never had any problems with gift opening at parties. There are all sorts of clever games and strategies to use to make gift opening more enjoyable and less chaotic. Every party with gift opening has been a hit. The kids love to see what the b-day kid got. I have not witnessed any greedy experiences or negative experiences. I feel completely the opposite- open the gifts. And if you really, really don't want to then make sure and send a personal thank you note that includes specific mention of the gift. Super sucky to get a generic thank you so you feel like mom just returned everything and the kid didn't even get the gift you put the time and effort into picking out (not saying you do this!! it's just mt contribution to the thread).

:yeahthat:
I'm with you on this one. I *personally* dislike it when there's no gift opening at parties and honestly, so do my kids. They want to see the birthday child open the gift that they helped pick out and wrap. I teach them good manners and we have always talked ahead of time about how to behave during gift opening. They get so excited when it's time for *their gift* to be opened. Plus I think it's important for the birthday child to really connect that a specific person took the time to pick out, etc. the gift and we're not just opening up a bunch of random presents. That way the bday child can learn how to be gracious and also thank the giver right on the spot. You don't get that kind of connection when you open them after the party.

That's not to say I don't sympathize with the difficulties of gift opening with the younger set (under 4 IS hard), but I think there are lessons to be learned from doing so.

Just my 2 cents...

[sste]

Well, in search of common ground on the To Open Gifts or Not Question, I wonder if (as pps have alluded) whether this works well depends on:

1. children's ages - - both b-day child and guests. Our almost 3 year old is sweet but not reliably polite, doesn't understand the concept of the polite lie, and def. guards/hoards special toys. And I don't think his friends really understand the concept of "giving" a toy to another child.

2. size of party - - I haven't yet been to a party where the gifts were opened because we tend to get invited to large parties and it takes a looong time to unwrap 20-25 presents. Also, I could probably RIDE HERD on DS to make sure he was nice about present-opening (and to supervise the other kids' reactions) with 3-5 kids but I am not confident of my ability to control DS with more kids and more gifts.

3. your child's level of politeness and self-control: snugglebuggles your DS sounds very well-raised and thoughtful! I aspire to this. My DS is still very much in phase where he doesn't have reliable impulse control AND he frequently "defines" his relationships in opposition - - like x or y gift or person; don't like a or b gift or person

4. context in which your child knows the guests: many of my DS's friends are from daycare/preschool setting where they all share toys. So, I wonder how that would translate to gift opening.

Anyway, I do agree that eventually the present opening can be a very nice learning experience for the DC in saying thank you, making others happy with a gift, etc. I just don't think I will be there for another 3-5 years with DS . . . and I don't want him to learn at the expense of hurting the feelings of another kid or family.

[Fairy]

To match the strength of your statement, I think it sucks when they don't open the gifts and always include it at birthday parties. We coach ds on good present opening manners and we have never had any problems with gift opening at parties. There are all sorts of clever games and strategies to use to make gift opening more enjoyable and less chaotic. Every party with gift opening has been a hit. The kids love to see what the b-day kid got. I have not witnessed any greedy experiences or negative experiences. I feel completely the opposite- open the gifts. And if you really, really don't want to then make sure and send a personal thank you note that includes specific mention of the gift. Super sucky to get a generic thank you so you feel like mom just returned everything and the kid didn't even get the gift you put the time and effort into picking out (not saying you do this!! it's just mt contribution to the thread).

Beth

Beth. Dude. The strength of my words were simply to cap all the do's and don't's like many do/dont lists are. Not meant to offend.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My ds2, same age as your ds, will be opening his gifts at his 3rd b-day but I plan to invite less than 5 kids. Last year we had a fine time with it. One thing that has worked at parties I have given and gone to is when they are 3-4yo, give them their goodie bag when it is gift opening time. That way they have something new too and are also kind of distracted. It has worked really well!!

People need tougher skin if they get offended about the way a 2-3yo reacts to a gift. I doubt the kids will care, especially the same age, and the parents should be understanding. It's all practice, imo. They get better over time.

Now, if I were having a large party I would probably still open gifts but I might do it one on one at some point during the party rather than expect stillness and cooperation in one big chunk.

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

Beth. Dude. The strength of my words were simply to cap all the do's and don't's like many do/dont lists are. Not meant to offend.

No worries. I have absolutely no idea at all why this is a hot button thing for me! I suprise myself with why I care. :)

Beth

[sste]

Beth, have you had either of your DSs tell the guests "I already have this toy" or "I don't like it"? If so, where kids/parents upset?

I can completely see my DS saying that or worse. He is excessively verbal right now and communicates not only, "I don't like that" or "that is for babies" but sometimes, "I don't like you" or "I don't like x person." I would be mortified!

And does the birthday child have to share the toy? Generally, in our house our rule is that toys are shared with guests (extremely special toys we tuck away prior to visitors arriving). But, I think my DS would have a complete and utter meltdown if he had to share a brand-new, never played with, high-value (in his case vehicular) toy.

Uh, can you come to my house and work your magic?!

Maybe we will try incorporating public gift opening into the "relatives only" dinner we often do in addition to DS's friend b-day party . . .

[SnuggleBuggles]

That sounds like good practice to do it at a smaller party.

No, ds2 wouldn't say anything like that but he also isn't very chatty yet. :) Ds1 skipped over that phase. He had other moments instead!!

Sometimes presents just get opened to see what it is but not taken out of the box until guests leave. I would probably quickly remove the toy from the group. But, even if I didn't imo b-day etiquette says that the b-day kid gets 1st crack at his stuff and it doesn't need to be shared- playdate rules don't apply.

Beth

[DrSally]

That is so weird!! (the cake part). Why not just make a big Betty crocker cake for $1, plus $1 for frosting?

[maestramommy]

I think the only party I've been to where we saw opening of presents was at Bounce U. It looks like that's part of their party routine. It took a LONG time even though the staff were there to hand the presents to the kid and swap it for the next present. I'm guessing this is why kids normally don't open during the party. Most parties are only a couple of hours, and opening presents takes a huge chunk of time. Not to mention I'm not sure if most 3yo have the attention span to open more than 2-3 in one sitting. I know my didn't. We had to spread their gifts over several days. They'd open one and get so engrossed in it we couldn't persuade them to move along to the next gift:p

[tiapam]

Opening the gifts one on one as guests arrive has worked for us a couple of times at kid parties. It helped to have something to do right away when the first guest arrived, since a lot of the other activities really need the whole group before starting. Since the party was just starting and guests kept arriving, my DD was able to control (with help) the impulse to rip something open and just start playing with it. I think last year we did it all at once though, and that went fine. She was older and so was everybody else.

[salsah]

i also don't like opening gifts at the party. one reason, which i don't think has been mentioned yet, is that some gift givers may feel bad or embarrassed when their gift is opened because it wasn't as expensive as the others or because the birthday child didn't react to it with as much excitement as (s)he did with the other gifts. i strongly believe that we should teach our children how to receive gifts (at the very least not making negative comments about the gift) but even some adults can't hide their emotions when opening gifts. it's isn't easy to pretend that you love all the gifts equally.

[HIU8]

Ok, now we sort of did this. HOWEVER, DD blew out her candles on her special cake and it was taken away and EVERYONE (including DD) got cupcakes with a prize on top (FWIW, the cake was taken home--but it would have been cut into if all the cupcakes were eaten up).

To not have cake for anyone else is just BAD.

[AnnieW625]

* DO send out real live invitations, and plan to have to follow up, cuz people are not going to RSVP when you ask them to.
this is me too. I much prefer real invites to evite.

* DO invite everyone in the potential respondent pool. If it's a daycare class, invite them all. If you don't, you're only setting yourself up for parents snickering behind your back that you didn't invite their kid.
We did not do this this past year as our list would've been approximately 30 kids (DD1 splits her time between daycare, and preschool, plus the normal 5 kids that DD1 knows from playgroup), which if all of them would've showed up would been close to 60 people including at least one parent. DD1 hadn't been invited to any of the other kids parties at preschool until after her birthday so I didn't feel like I had to invite the whole class; I just invited one girl whose parents we know, and another girl DD1 talked about all of the time and DH had met the mom. There was never any behind back talking either from daycare or preschool so that made it easy.


* DO NOT get the plastic bag o'crap for the goodie bag. No one needs that stuff in their house, it always gets forgotten and ends up in the corners of the room collecting dust. Get something more practical and useful, like coloring books, bubbles, sidewalk chalk. Cost is comparable or less than the plastic bag o'crap. Now, I never ever do that stuff, personally, but that's just me, and I seem to be an army of one on that standard. And that's ok. that's actually my quandary this year, actually.
This is me too, but this year I did do pencils for 4 yr. olds, which can be pretty stupid, but hey I was 36 weeks pregnant so I am claiming that a preggo brain!

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.
:yeahthat: It's just so much easier to do it afterwards.

Not snarky at all. If you can't afford cake for everyone (and I think anyone can make one pretty cheaply) then don't have cake at all. That is the rudest thing I have ever heard -- having cake for the birthday kid but not his/her guests. IMO it is not acceptable at any age!!

We can always afford cake, but I do cupcakes because it's cheaper and way easier to handle:)



The 20 kid party at an indoor playplace when the kiddos were 4 and the b-day boy paid zero attention to anyone. The parents could have tried but they just let him run around ignoring people.

Beth

I kind of hate that too, but DD1 got invited to a party for two boys whose mom is a friend of mine. DD1 doesn't see the kids much so that made it kind of hard, but I know that DD1 was invited because it had been a hard year for the boys (5, and 3) because their little sister has spina bifida so the parents really wanted to have the party of the year for her boys, but it was still hard for DD1 as she knew very few of the kids there.

[sste]

BTW, I draw NO distinction between cake and cupcakes. And neither does my DS who I as I may have mentioned has recently turned into a birthday party afficionado. :)

We may do a cupcake tower for DS and imo that is a great cake option so long as all guests and DS are treated the same.

I think the dynamic that did not work out so well at this party was delicious-looking, frosted, cake-type product for birthday kid and none for the other kids. :(

[KrisM]

* DO invite everyone in the potential respondent pool. If it's a daycare class, invite them all. If you don't, you're only setting yourself up for parents snickering behind your back that you didn't invite their kid.

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.



Good list, except I disagree with these two.

* My house can not support an entire preschool or kindergarten class! But, DD invited 3 of 20 and DS invited 4 of 25 this year, so I didn't worry about the majority that was not included. Plus, I do not want to make my kids invite people they do not like.

* Maybe this sort of goes with the above. If I invited 20 kids to a party, I wouldn't want to take that time to open the gifts. But, with a small group, the kids want to open and the others enjoy it as well. I've never had a child say they don't like something. DS did tell my SIL he already had a Lego set, but that was the family party, so would have met your rule anyhow.

My addition to the list - do not give LIVE GOLDFISH as party favors.

[Fairy]

do not give LIVE GOLDFISH as party favors.

Oh good lord. I ... uh ... oy vey.

[fivi2]

Well, we did a big cake for all the guests and my girls each got their own individual cake to dig into with a fork... So, the guests didn't get the same cake my girls got, but they got cake!

We don't open presents at the party - but we tend to have big parties and with twins, it would take twice as long to open them (and they'd have to open them simultaneously since most people get them the same thing). But we have never been to a party where the gifts were opened, so maybe it is a regional thing?

I don't mind e-vites for a birthday party, but I do think thank you notes should be written, not e-mailed.

As far as inviting the whole class etc... I think it depends. We have small classes and it would be awkward to leave some out, but in a big class it could be hard to include everyone. I do think that if you are inviting more than 1/3 but not all, there should a reason for the exclusion (all girls/boys, all in the neighborhood, etc). I also agree that invites should not be put in cubbies if not all are invited, but the kids are going to talk about it anyway...

phew - parties are hard!

[KrisM]

Oh good lord. I ... uh ... oy vey.

Yeah. The host did say we could let them go in a local pond. But, really, like the kids will want to do that. So, now we have an aquarium with 5 goldfish in it. Nice, huh?

[Fairy]

Yeah, I knew my list would not go over with most people. I can't believe the present opening debate! Well, I guess my feeling is that whatever way you wanna do it is up to you. I do think there is a wrong way to do some things, but it's tact and sensitivity-related, not really party and fun-driven.

* You may not be able to invite the 50 kids that are defined by "everyone" for whatever reason, $$, space, etc. If that's the case, then you do what ya gotta do, and that's not "the wrong way." It is for me, but that's ME (and i'm struggling this year), and not for you, necessarily. What's "wrong" is not being sensitive about it, like putting the invite in the parent folders when not everyone is invited, or giving a goodybag that would advertise that a kid went to the party that another one did not (I learned the hard way with that on the tshirts I give away as goody bags). So

* I have yet to go to a bday party at anyone's home. No one I know in three years of going to these melees does that at all. And I would never in a million years do it. I don't have it in me. 5 of 6 kids, sure. but the 25 or 30 that we have? God help me. I bow down to the ones who can do it, but I am not one of them. Just incapable of hosting such a thing.

* The dreaded present-opening topic. We always did this when I was a kid. Without exception. When we went to the first party when DS was 3, I was shocked that there was no present opening. And none after that one, and none after that one and ... none in the 20 or so parties since. At first I was confused, but now I do get it and completely am on board. For every reason already stated in this thread. The under 6 set does not have the rationality to process the envy and want that they feel to covet the toy. When you have 20 kids in a room, someone's gonna have a fit that they can't play with the toy. Then there's the gift that maybe isn't so great. I hammer into my child that you LOVE EVERYTHING, even if you don't love it. You can hate it later when everyone is gone, but when you open presents (family party), then no matter what, I LOVE IT THANK YOU YAY! But we're all only human, and the one time the light is not in his eyes, someone's feelings are gonna be hurt. Also, it takes away from activities they could be doing. I want the eating. Others may want the presents. Hey, up to you, man.

* I ... don't like evite. I never have for anything. My beef with it is that it seems to be yet one more thing that impersonalizes human communications. Everything is electronic now, and sometimes I just want something tangible. My invites send a clear communciation as to what is to be expected from us, and I really enjoy doing them. But I do get it why evite is so compelling. I don't think evite is wrong, I just don't want to use it. So, that's why it was on my list. That said, my SIL sent her bday invites via ... text. <rolleye>

* In no way whatsoever can I see not providng bday cake for all. Or bday muffins. Or bday coffeecake. Or bday carrots. Whatever the heck ya wanna call it, if there's a candle in it and you're singing, provide it for your guests, cuz having a cake for the bday kid only is just plain tacky, uncouth, and makes you seem like an ingrate.

These things are getting harder and harder, I'll tell ya.

[mommylamb]

Maybe in case your kid doesn't respond well to the gift? Or if there are duplicates so no one feels bad? I remember being at a family party once where a child was openin presents and at the end responded "well, this was disappointing." It's a good thing we are family.

I remember once one of my little cousins opening his gifts at a family party and saying in a really put out voice "I expected more from this family!"

I also prefer to not open gifts while the guests are there. We went to one party for a 3 year old that was so huge and they opened gift after gift... it felt like going to a party for King Tut. The kid wasn't even interested in it and it just seemed like such gross materialism. DH never wants to visit those friends again now he was so yucked out by it.

ETA: Oh, SSTE, that was totally out of line of them not to provide cake for all the kids. It was bad that they didn't feed adults, but only providing cake to the birthday girl??? That is awful and rude!! Your poor son.

[Fairy]

Yeah. The host did say we could let them go in a local pond. But, really, like the kids will want to do that. So, now we have an aquarium with 5 goldfish in it. Nice, huh?

I'm just still agape at this. Really, Kris, I think you win, here. I mean, holy!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't invite everyone, even when there were only 6 people in the preschool class I didn't invite them all. I invited one, discreetly, in person and let them know that the party was going to be small so not to bring it up with the other families. It felt awkward a bit but I really like x kids per x age. It just was so successful for us and so easy. Like you said, don't invite in a way that the uninvited will feel singled out. Invites by mail vs in school.

I like evite. It's handy. I do it for family parties b.c that is how my family rolls. I talk to them plenty so if I can streamline things sometimes I like to do it. But, I love making invites so I almost always mail. I don't care one way or the other on this.

I guess I have just gotten lucky on gift opening. It has never been a problem. But, I also don't think that I have gone to many big parties.

At home vs out is about 50/50 here. Both have pros and cons.

Cake for all and no living favors--agreed!!!

Beth

[KrisM]

I'm just still agape at this. Really, Kris, I think you win, here. I mean, holy!

:)

Overall, it was a great party. A carnival theme with games to win tickets and then a prize table where you could turn the tickets in for prizes. One of the games was tossing a ping pong ball into a cup of water with a fish and you won the fish. All the cups had fish. My kids were determined to play until they won and won and won and what am I going to tell them??

Otherwise, a fun party with a goody bag of junk, but the kids had a wonderful time.

[Fairy]

Given the choice, I officially want a bag o'plastic crap over the goody bag o'salmon.

[Twoboos]

Given the choice, I officially want a bag o'plastic crap over the goody bag o'salmon.

Ok, I will be changing my poll about goody bag ideas. DEFINITELY doing live fish. Why didn't I think of this before??

:hysterical:

[dcmom2b3]

Only one disaster that I've seen stemmed from the hostess mom distributing the party favors at the beginning of the party rather than at the end. The favors were helium balloons, they were different color combinations of balloon and ribbon -- so each was just distinctive enough for a child to claim it as his or her own -- whether mistakenly or not. So when DD was told to choose a balloon from those floating around the ceiling, another guest invariably snatched it from her hands, saying "that's mine." This continued for the duration of the party. DD wasn't happy by the end, and neither was I, quite frankly.

My takeaway -- identical favors, passed out as guests leave. :thumbsup:

[brismom]

BTW, I draw NO distinction between cake and cupcakes. And neither does my DS who I as I may have mentioned has recently turned into a birthday party afficionado. :)

We may do a cupcake tower for DS and imo that is a great cake option so long as all guests and DS are treated the same.

I think the dynamic that did not work out so well at this party was delicious-looking, frosted, cake-type product for birthday kid and none for the other kids. :(

For DC's bday we had a cupcake cake, it simply was a bunch of cupcakes bunched up together and frosted over as one, candle on top and when ready to serve just pull the cupcakes apart. I believe they are also called pull apart cakes

[div_0305]

I'm curious---did the parents of the bday girl get a sense of the kids getting upset about no cake? Sometimes I think I've heard everything, and then I read your post about the cake. I just can't believe it. I mean, the parents have to have realized their mistake when they saw the kids' reactions and parents in disbelief---no? What were they thinking?!?!?

Also, the timing of the party is crazy, and then no donuts for the parents who had to scramble to bring their kids at that hour for a party?

[DebbieJ]

:popc1: while planning DS2's first birthday party

[twowhat?]

:popc1: while planning DS2's first birthday party

:ROTFLMAO:
same here!

[bubbaray]

Fairy, ITA with your list, except for mailing the invites.

So far, we have invited everyone in they daycare or class (depending on the child). My kids don't really seem to have only a few friendships, they seem to (for the most part) have different friends based on the day/time/lunar phase, so by the time I get a small list together a month in advance, the "most favored friend" will have changed by the party date, KWIM?

I don't have any mailing addresses AT ALL for either daycare or school. Mailing the invites isn't possible. I hand them out in person, as I don't have any other way of getting invites to people.

For those of you who don't have space to invite all the daycare kids, maybe you could have the party AT daycare -- that is what we did for DD#2 last year. It was GREAT, the daycare staff LOVED it (we had an entertainer dressed as Ariel come in).

[liz]

Birthday party = Birthday cake. For everyone. It's the best part, imo!

We were going to use e-vites for our party :bag because that is how our friends and family roll.

As far as opening presents, it depends on the situation. When there are too many little kids, it can become chaos.

And lastly, imho, you can never have too much food. Maybe it's where I'm from, but if you don't have enough food, that's a bad thing.

[luckytwenty]

I have a 7 1/2 yr old and my daughter's turning 5 this fall--have been to dozens and dozens and dozens of birthday parties and have NEVER seen anyone open gifts at the actual party. I guess it must be regional?

I don't agree with inviting everyone as being a "do" unless you personally desire this. If you can swing it and that's what your kid wants, fine, but I can't think of a better recipe for overwhelmed, fussy small children than being around 30+ other kids, sugary cake and goody bags, and all that noise. We had a few parties like that when my oldest was little and now I keep it small and simple. Just this year, we invited "everyone" (the whole class/aftercare friends/neighbors) for my son's 7th birthday and it was great. it was NOT so great when we did this for my daughter's 3rd birthday party. She was one of a few children crying on Mommy's lap the whole time.

Yes to having meals if it's mealtime, yes to everyone having cake, and YES YES YES to evites! When I get a pretty invitation, I put the info in my iPhone and either discard it or let the kids play with it. I've sent out paper invites myself, but I love evites and will be using them this year for certain.

My big nos are birthday parties that last all day long, and weekday afternoon parties. As a working mom, I can rarely do the weekday afternoon parties and sometimes will take off if it's one of my kids' closest friends, but I always kind of resent that, to be honest. And on the flip side of the coin, do I really want to spend from 1 pm till 6 pm in a hot park on a Saturday while the rest of my family is somewhere else? 1-6 is too long (exceptions might be a family first birthday party or something--but for first graders and their parents who only know each other from school events and other parties? Too long.)

[lhafer]

No cake for the guests? TACKY beyond measure.
:yeahthat: Totally tacky!

* DO provide food for all. I don't care what time it is, and I don't care if it's a meal or snacks, but FEED EVERYONE, including adults.
:yeahthat: It doesn't have to be extravegant, or a buffet. Put out some chips, cupcakes, small stuff and you're covered.

* DO send out real live invitations, and plan to have to follow up, cuz people are not going to RSVP when you ask them to.
I think real invites are a nice touch - especially if they are for my daughter. I think people have forgotten what getting "real mail" feels like anymore! Because all we get in our mailboxes anymore are loads and loads of paper/ads, credit card apps, and bills. It's quite a joy when I (as an adult) get a card or invitation in the snail mail. And I love the joy I see on my daughter's face when she gets mail (she's 4 - my sister sends her cards and post cards all the time).

* DO invite everyone in the potential respondent pool. If it's a daycare class, invite them all. If you don't, you're only setting yourself up for parents snickering behind your back that you didn't invite their kid.
I disagree here. I specifically chose NOT to invite all my daughter's peers from day care (would have been 25 kids total I think). 2 main reasons: the cost of the party would have gone WAY up because I paid for the party long before any RSVPs came back (so I would have to assume all kids are coming - even though in reality I know they are not, it's hard to judge how many would show), and my daughter wasn't friends with all of them. So I asked her day care teacher to make a list of about 10 kids who she played with a lot and were her friends. THis worked really well. I know I wasn't invited to everyone's party - and frankly Thank You for that. Because that would just mean that I would have had to spend $$$ 25 different times (because in our daycare, each room the kids are all about the same age so birthdays tend to fall around the same time every year). The best way to get around this caveat is to invite who you want to invite privately, and then bring cake/cupcakes to the school on/near the actual birthday so everyone then gets to celebrate. And let's face it - birthdays are all about the cake!! :ROTFLMAO:

* DO NOT put the invites in the parent folders if you do end up not inviting everyone. I know it's a pain in the ass to mail them, but if you don't include eveyrone, this is going to be a potential mine field.
See above

* DO NOT get the plastic bag o'crap for the goodie bag. No one needs that stuff in their house, it always gets forgotten and ends up in the corners of the room collecting dust. Get something more practical and useful, like coloring books, bubbles, sidewalk chalk. Cost is comparable or less than the plastic bag o'crap. Now, I never ever do that stuff, personally, but that's just me, and I seem to be an army of one on that standard. And that's ok. that's actually my quandary this year, actually.
It's easy to get little coloring books, sidewalk chalk, etc that kids will actually play with and parents will be less annoyed with! THe dollar store is great for this!

* DO NOT open gifts at the party unless it's the family party.
Many places have this as part of the party, and it's hard to get around. I don't necessarily like it, but oh well. One thing I did for my daughter's last party was put no gifts necessary on the invite. But I knew people would bring a gift, so I also put books/games appreciated if bringing a gift. She has way too many toys already, and it was nice when she got preschooler games and books - she loved it!!

[TwinFoxes]

* In no way whatsoever can I see not providng bday cake for all. Or bday muffins. Or bday coffeecake. Or bday carrots. Whatever the heck ya wanna call it, if there's a candle in it and you're singing, provide it for your guests, cuz having a cake for the bday kid only is just plain tacky, uncouth, and makes you seem like an ingrate.


I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but there is no way, on this planet, that someone should be so clueless as to not provide cake to every kid at the party. Get real. To quote a famous woman, that's just plain, tacky, uncouth and makes you seem like an ingrate! ;)

I also prefer to not open gifts while the guests are there. We went to one party for a 3 year old that was so huge and they opened gift after gift... it felt like going to a party for King Tut.


This would be my reason for not opening gifts...I have zero desire to watch a kid open present after present...not even MY kid! At the girls' first birthday we had it at MILs, all of DH's side of the family were there, meeting the girls for the first time. It was ridiculous. And since they were one, they weren't opening the presents, I was. It went on for an hour! But in his family, gifts are opened, period.

Some of the bad behavior described in this thread, on both the part of the parents and kids, would probably surface regardless of whether presents were opened. If my kid were crying in the corner because the parents were refusing to intervene, I'd have to ask them to leave. I'd do it nicely, but they'd either at least TRY to get their kid to behave, or they'd be gone. And I wouldn't care if they didn't like me after.

One thing I don't get, was people being upset at the lack of interaction with the birthday kid. I personally wouldn't care. I mean if the kids were saying "gosh, I didn't get to play with Madison at all!" I can see why it would be a slight bummer, but other than that, eh.

I remember once one of my little cousins opening his gifts at a family party and saying in a really put out voice "I expected more from this family!"

Bwah ha! Too funny. I hope that was captured on video.

[DebbieJ]

As for invites--for DS2's first birthday coming up, I've already created a FB event so people can save the date. But I'm going to mail invites too. It's just a family/close family friends party.

[gatorsmom]

Haven't read all the replies. Not sure if this was already mentioned.

WAIT until everyone is leaving before giving out goodie bags. Otherwise, the kids will take all the stuff out at the party, mix it up with other kids' goodies and moms will spend their last few minutes trying to reassemble goodie bags AND get out the door.

give the goodie bags as they are walking out the door.

[KpbS]

I would say--esp. for the age group you've got--don't have a very long party. I find those to be exhausting. Even if the kids are having fun they are totally tired and cranky at the end. Keep it on the shorter side 1.5 hrs-2 hrs. max. Some activity based parties do require more time but for the younger set I think those are just too long.

[infocrazy]

My general take on the presents thing is if you aren't going to open them at the party, it should be a no gifts party. I'm sure lots won't agree with that, but if I take the time/money to select/purchase/wrap/bring a gift, I think you should take the time to let me see the reaction (good or bad).

I asked DS1 if he wanted his party to be a no presents party and he asked if I was kidding! I will say that I've only been to 1 no gifts party so far and it was at a Pump it Up, so it's just not in my norm. We always open them but we are still mostly at the family and close friends party stage.

PS, wow on the fish...

[sste]

So, just so I am clear do you all think variation in goody bags among kiddos is OK *if* you hand out the goody bags as they are leaving the door? Or do you think it is just NEVER a good idea? I am now thinking about buying an assortment of that ikea play food mentioned earlier and breaking it up into goodie bags or even a different set to each child (assuming we find a cheaper party venue!!).

Funny story on the no presents party, we did this for DS's first and second birthday as he could have cared less - - I think for third it would be iffy and for fourth I am sure my DS would respond as pp's DC! Our no gifts was I think politely and cleverly accomplished courtesy of DH who appended funny lines to the evite - - party #1 was election theme as it was first week in November and dh wrote,"No gifts please - - this maverick wants to cut pork barrel spending!" and party #2 which was tractor theme was, "No gifts necessary - - this farmer is running out of room in the barn!" And virtually EVERY SINGLE GUEST brought a gift to both of those parties.

[wellyes]

My general take on the presents thing is if you aren't going to open them at the party, it should be a no gifts party. I'm sure lots won't agree with that, but if I take the time/money to select/purchase/wrap/bring a gift, I think you should take the time to let me see the reaction (good or bad).

That's how showers work, not parties! To me parties are about food and games and hanging out, while showers are a group watching someone open a pile of gifts. I guess you could have a "birthday shower" instead :).

[sunshineandme]

So, just so I am clear do you all think variation in goody bags among kiddos is OK *if* you hand out the goody bags as they are leaving the door? Or do you think it is just NEVER a good idea? I am now thinking about buying an assortment of that ikea play food mentioned earlier and breaking it up into goodie bags or even a different set to each child (assuming we find a cheaper party venue!!).

Don't take my word for OK :) but that's what I did at DS' first birthday party. We had kids of all ages, and I couldn't have given them the same thing! And, I was handing out the goody bags as they were leaving (each at a different time). But the bags all looked the same, although each had a tag attached to it that was individualized (good for me too to differentiate which bag should go to who) since it had the child's name, thanking him/her for coming to the party.

[ang79]

Phew, I finally made it through the whole thread! It was all very interesting info, as I am currently planning DD's 4th B-day party. So far we've only done family parties (well last year she asked one special friend since we took her to Chuck E. Cheese). This year I'm still undecided about what kids to invite. DD has a few friends from church and from our small playgroup. The kids range in age from 16 mos. to 8 though. I don't really want to invite everyone from the playgroup, as some of the kids we only see once in a great while. There are about 5-6 kids that we see pretty consistently and that she plays well with, so I think I'm going to stick with them. Is it OK to ask her who she wants to invite and stick with that?

Also, what is a good time for a 4 yr. old's party if I don't want to serve a meal? I know several of the kids from playgroup take afternoon naps (including both of my girls) so an early afternoon party is not really reasonable. If I do the party 10-11:30 or 10-noon (thats our normal playgroup time) on a Saturday, can I get away without serving lunch? I am planning on doing a cupcake tree and other snacks (pretzels, animal crackers, fruit).

[elephantmeg]

I think the whole opening/not opening gifts at a party must be regional. From reading these boards before DS' b-day I decided that we weren't opening gifts. About 1.5 into the party someone from out of town asked if we were going to open the presents soon as they needed to get on the road. When I said I hadn't planned on opening presents it was like I announced I was going to drop a bomb on our yard. Complete disbelief. So we opened presents. And have at every party.

[cckwmh]

my pet peave - if the person requests a no gift party - please respect that. I did this with DD and some people brought gifts and it made the people who were following the request uncomfortable.

to get around this we did a birthday bag. A local charity does it where you collect items to give a low income child a birthday party when they wouldn't have had one. (cake mix, stuff to decorate cake, candles, favors, party hats, plates, juice boxes, invitations, a few presents, etc. ). they cap the limit of everything at $50.00 and estimate 8 kids per party. we had enough people at the party to make 2 bags. We talked about it alot with DD before the party and then we went to drop them off and she was so excited about it. she told the worker all about what she and her friends put in the bags. We are doing it again this year.

I also hate the no food thing. recently went to a party from 10-1 that was a 45 minute drive away and there was fruit salad and cake only. DD kept talking about how hungry she was and the birthday girls 2 y.o. little brother dove into the cake way before cake time. we ended up leaving the party and pulling into a restaurant next door, as did many parents.

[Fairy]

Also, what is a good time for a 4 yr. old's party if I don't want to serve a meal? I know several of the kids from playgroup take afternoon naps (including both of my girls) so an early afternoon party is not really reasonable. If I do the party 10-11:30 or 10-noon (thats our normal playgroup time) on a Saturday, can I get away without serving lunch? I am planning on doing a cupcake tree and other snacks (pretzels, animal crackers, fruit).

I think a 10 - 11:30 party is a good time for nappers. That's a snackfood time IME, so I think as long as you're doing snacks beyond a bowl of fishy crackers and are doing what you indicate above, with cake (whatever that means for you), too, then this sounds like a decent plan to me.

[sste]

I agree with Fairy about 10-1130 being good for snacks only but wanted to mention that you need to have some structure or plan that kind of scoots people out the door at 1130. Or have it at a venue that wraps things up at 1130. And of course specify the end time!

The only issue I would see is if alot of people stayed later (at our last at-home party people stayed 3.5 hours, to my shock!) . . . and then were hungry.

[Fairy]

I agree with Fairy about 10-1130 being good for snacks only but wanted to mention that you need to have some structure or plan that kind of scoots people out the door at 1130. Or have it at a venue that wraps things up at 1130. And of course specify the end time!

The only issue I would see is if alot of people stayed later (at our last at-home party people stayed 3.5 hours, to my shock!) . . . and then were hungry.

Yes, that's true! I don't do bday parties at my house, but I do have a Hanukkah party every year at my hosue with a handful of kids and their parents, and while I always specify the end time, they'er always still lurking about an hour later! So, shuttling them out the door is something ya may wanna be prepared for.

[DebbieJ]

As far as food is concerned, I don't care what you serve, but just be clear about it. We were once invited to a party that started at 1p.m. on a Sunday. We figured that was past lunch time, so we went out to eat after church. Then we got to the party and there was a huge lunch spread. D'oh! We are having DS2's party in a month and I put on the invites that lunch and cake will be served so that there is no question about it.

Also, as kids get older, please indicate if parents are supposed to stay or if it is a drop off party. I always do ask when I RSVP as well, but it would be nice to know in advance so I can plan something else during that time or plan to stay.

[klwa]

As far as food is concerned, I don't care what you serve, but just be clear about it. We were once invited to a party that started at 1p.m. on a Sunday. We figured that was past lunch time, so we went out to eat after church. Then we got to the party and there was a huge lunch spread. D'oh! We are having DS2's party in a month and I put on the invites that lunch and cake will be served so that there is no question about it.



*sigh* If you had different aged kids, I'd think you were talking about one of our parties. I assumed that since everyone coming knew that my family was driving 3ish hours to come to the party that we were having lunch. Or, that DH had bothered to tell his family that, at least. Yeah, my family knew to just come for lunch, but everyone from nearby ate before coming. I've since learned to ALWAYS state that lunch will be served!

[sunshineandme]

I've always wondered how to say it when I'm NOT serving lunch...can I say "cake and snacks"?

[rlu]

I've always wondered how to say it when I'm NOT serving lunch...can I say "cake and snacks"?

works for me or maybe "appetizers and cake will be served".

and the fish story reminds me of a story DH tells - when he was little there were ducks in the pond at FIL's office. Little DH brings in duck eggs to the class for show and tell and some of the kids take them home (why? who knows) so MIL gets calls a few days later asking what to feed the little ducks. This is suburbia, not the country. The ducks probably ended up at the perc ponds.