I think I'm developing Agoraphobia : (

[SammyeGail]

This is not easy to write about, I don't even come on this posting board or even visit others I used to.

I can be ok with the idea of going out, but the closer it gets to actually doing it the more I get freaked out. I called and canceled an eye appt last Fri. an hour before because I just couldn't handle the idea of going out and being in public or around people.

I'm sure this started last year about this time when I was extremely ill, I couldn't drive, I was so weak I would collapse/fall down 2-3 times a week. It was like that for months. I found out in late Jan of this year I have adrenal gland failure, (Addison's Disease) the meds helped for 2-3 weeks, then just faded off. I continued to have severe problems, had adverse effects to meds.

I have felt a bit better (not normal, I don't even remember what 'normal' is like anymore) since getting T3 for my Thyroid and raising my corticosteroids to 20mg a day.

I still have bad days, honestly more bad than good. This all has put this me into a deep depression. I have contacted my old therapist and have an appt Sept 5 & 14. I'll continue on from there.

I'm very concerned about this extreme fear of going out. I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack until I canceled that appt last Friday, I still had to take anxiety medication to calm myself down.

I have no desire to go out. I am so afraid I am going to get so weak I am going to collapse in public, which has happened before.

Its hard to explain, but I just can't be around 'normal' people, or a crowd. I get dizzy, overwhelmed. I feel like I have the word 'FREAK' stamped all over me because I can't physically do what normal people can. I feel like I am stuck in a 75+ year old body and it sucks.

thanks to anyone who read this, this was hard to write and I'm trying not to cry now.

[HonoluluMom]

:grouphug:

I've never been through what you're going through and I really hope that your therapist, family and friends can help you work your way through this. Please hang in there!

[LMPC]

:hug: I'm so sorry this is one more thing on your plate to deal with! The good news is, though, that agoraphobia and panic attacks respond pretty well to talk therapy. Would seeing a psychologist be an option for you?...you might have to get someone to drive you to the appointments the first few times (I realize that).

The longer you wait, the longer you are going to reinforce your behavior by avoiding things that set off that panic...so the sooner you deal with this, the better! You can do this!

I'm thinking about you!!!

[hbridge]

First of all, BREATH! I have not been through nearly what you have, but have had panic attacks in public and collapsed, only to be driven home by a very nice man I did not know, NOT FUN!

Call your doctors and talk to them. You have VALID concerns that they need to listen to! All that you're afraid of HAS happened and could happen again, you are not ridiculous to fear this!

That being said, you also NEED to leave the house since your children need you. Fighting this now will be SO much easier than after it's been ingrained for awhile. Remember, you don't want to miss concerts, ball games and school activities, CALL YOUR DOCTOR!

Hugs......

[WolfpackMom]

Agree with PP, start doing something about it NOW. I had a bout with agorophobia after an unpleasant incident in college. I would have panic attacks anytime I was in a crowded place, dizziness, vimiting, passing out etc. The sooner you get this under control the better.
I would make an appt with your therapist asap, as pp have said talk therapy works great, Paxil also made a big difference for me. Until you can get yourself to the dr, get out of the house everyday. That doesnt mean you have to try and drive somewhere, go out in the yard, go the mailbox, take a walk around the block. Start small and work your way to bigger things.

:grouphug: I know this is hard, but the fact you are writing about means you are acknowledging there is an issue, which is great, so the next step is trying to do something about it.

[7pages]

So sorry for what you are going through! I'll send prayers your way. I agree with the other posters, reach out for help. There is no shame in having anxiety. With the support of others, and a good therapist, you can get back to normal again. Do it for yourself and for your boys!

:grouphug:

[tiapam]

Samantha, have you tried Melaine's cold water therapy? You said you would! I think it is helping me and I am not even doing it fully, just doing a cool rinse at the end of every shower. Also, I have been on Nature thyroid for about a month and I *think* it is just starting to make a difference now. Have you tried a natural thyroid supplement?

I have sometimes thought I was a little agoraphobic. It seems to come and go. I think part of it is wondering if I am physically up to taking the DC out by myself on any given day. But I also feel anti-social sometimes and that is when I start to worry about it. Can you break down your feelings this way and work on one thing at a time?

If I were you, I would try to leave the house daily for short periods, either to the backyard or on a drive.

As far as your overall health, are you drinking enough water? I recently upped mine and have noticed improvements in so many areas of my physical health, and consequently my mental health.

I hope you get the help you need. Here is the link to Melaine's post on CWT:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=367406&highlight=cold+water+therapy

[wellyes]

Good for you for talking about it. That's the first step. It takes SO MUCH courage. It's a long road but I know you can feel normal again. I have anxiety issues, different from yours but I can relate to the feelings of frustration.

I wish I could help more. Did you watch that TV movie about Temple Grandin? She develops a phobia where she can't go through doors that open automatically. At one point a woman sees that she's struggling because she wants to go into a store but can't get through; the woman goes WITH her through the door talking calmly but not condescendingly to her the whole time. I wish I could do that for you - just do a tiny bit to help - since in one way or the other we've all been on the other side of that equation.

[SammyeGail]

Thanks everyone. Since I've lost contact with my few IRL friends, I know when you realize you have a problem the first thing to do is acknowledge it, so I did it here.

I did go to a small store very close to home about 2 weeks ago, I was really proud of myself. I was feeling good that day, unlike this week where I have felt really weak.

The therapist I am seeing is an actual psychologist, one of the few in our small local city. I saw him for about 9 months every week or 2 in 2008.

It stinks that we don't have anyone to watch the boys, DH will take me, the dr. office is next to the parking lot of a small mall, it has one of those indoor play areas.

I also have a fear of driving to the city. DH does not support me trying it. Its a 45 min drive to the therapist office, I am confident I can drive there, but not confident I can also make the drive back, I'm afraid I'll get too weak.

Its hard to explain these conditions, you take the medications, but the symptoms don't go away. My family does not understand, not my 4 siblings. I only talk to my Dad, I talked to my niece last week (she's only 10 years younger than me), it was nice. My 4 siblings do not talk to me at all. I guess they think I'm awful because I don't rush home every other weekend. As if the one was 5 hour drive is easy, paying $100 for a hotel, running around, etc is easy on me, or even all of us with a son with autism, the other high spirited. I didn't ask to become sick, I don't want to be sick, but its here and I have to live with it.

I do look forward to the Fall. I will actually be able to go outside more. One side effect of one of the medications is to stay out of heat or I will get very fatigued, which I do. So ready for Fall!

[hopeful_mama]

I'm living with a chronic illness too, and have often had trouble getting out on my own or with DD. There have been many times I've been afraid I'll get sick when I'm out and not be able to get back home safely. Sometimes this is a legitimate fear and I'm really not doing well enough; sometimes it's just because I've gone so long without going out on my own.

Some things I do or have done:

Bring things that may help deal with any symptoms or problems. Heat makes me sick (my bp will drop and I'll get dizzy and not have enough concentration to drive safely), so in the warm weather I'll bring some little ice packs and/or some water. Just holding on to them can really help, especially if I do it before it gets too bad.

Food can be helpful sometimes, something to give me some extra energy. Water if it's hot or a longer outing. In the past, soda for the caffeine.

Also, if there are any meds that you would take if things worsened, make sure you have them! And water if you need that for meds.

Bringing a cellphone and number of someone you could call if you were really stuck is good. If you're concerned about physically being up to driving home but anxiety making it difficulty, the phone number of someone you could talk to, or if you have a cellphone where you can go online, the email address of someone, or even just post here if necessary.

Making short and close to home outings when it's been awhile is helpful. It helps to let you test the water more safely, see how much you can accomplish, and gradually build up to longer outings. Even just going for drives might be helpful to start with (maybe throw in a drive-through to feel like you accomplished something even).

A lot of it's about setting the stage for success: plan short and manageable outings; when they're going well gradually increase the length or difficulty; and plan ahead for how you'll respond to any problems you might encounter.

Good luck! I know it can be hard sometimes. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk to someone else about it.

[MZS V]

Thinking of you! Congrats on taking the first step and posting about it here. Once you get the right help, you will feel SO much better.

[SammyeGail]

Samantha, have you tried Melaine's cold water therapy? You said you would! I think it is helping me and I am not even doing it fully, just doing a cool rinse at the end of every shower. Also, I have been on Nature thyroid for about a month and I *think* it is just starting to make a difference now. Have you tried a natural thyroid supplement?

I have sometimes thought I was a little agoraphobic. It seems to come and go. I think part of it is wondering if I am physically up to taking the DC out by myself on any given day. But I also feel anti-social sometimes and that is when I start to worry about it. Can you break down your feelings this way and work on one thing at a time?

If I were you, I would try to leave the house daily for short periods, either to the backyard or on a drive.

As far as your overall health, are you drinking enough water? I recently upped mine and have noticed improvements in so many areas of my physical health, and consequently my mental health.

I hope you get the help you need. Here is the link to Melaine's post on CWT:

http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=367406&highlight=cold+water+therapy

Thanks for the reminder, I think about it but I just want to hurry up and shower. The meds and just my state of mind, its like I have anxiety all the time. Also the first time I tried it DH kept coming to the door every minute knocking and asking 'Are you ok?'. He knew what I was doing, it really broke the concentration, kwim?

And yes, I do need to drink water more!


Good for you for talking about it. That's the first step. It takes SO MUCH courage. It's a long road but I know you can feel normal again. I have anxiety issues, different from yours but I can relate to the feelings of frustration.

I wish I could help more. Did you watch that TV movie about Temple Grandin? She develops a phobia where she can't go through doors that open automatically. At one point a woman sees that she's struggling because she wants to go into a store but can't get through; the woman goes WITH her through the door talking calmly but not condescendingly to her the whole time. I wish I could do that for you - just do a tiny bit to help - since in one way or the other we've all been on the other side of that equation.

Thank you so much for your reply, I have seen the movie. One of my sons has autism, so I know alot about it. I know my perception on life is different now. Very different than others. It would mean so much if I had someone that could help a bit. Just a basic friend, kwim? This small town is so backwards. DH is more protective. There is one counselor who started a small practice in this town, I went to see her once. They called about my next appt, DH answered, I was feeling really ill, he asked if he could go an talk to her, to see about things to help me. I put in a movie for the boys and he went. A week later I realized the day after they didn't call about my appt, I brought it up to DH, he didn't want to tell me, but she had said she didn't think she had the training or experience to help me. That was really horrible and devastating to hear, kwim? Not much of a counselor!

So I finally broke down and called my old dr. and made an appt, told DH later and he was fine with it. The appts will all be after 5PM, so we will all go out as a family. We will be eating out so that will be a 'being out' bonus for me too.

Thanks everyone for the supportive replies. All the really good therapist/dr. are on the other side of the city, it would be a 1:15 hour drive thru crappy traffic, ugh!

[KathyN115]

First off, (((hugs))). It breaks my heart reading your posts, and I hope that things get better for you soon.

I am going through something similar here. Since the birth of my DD, I have had many medical problems of my own. I somehow injured my hip and lower back during delivery, and have been living with chronic pain daily since then. It really wears me down, and has led to problems with depression and anxiety too. I used to be a happy, active person with a great career and lots of friends. I now feel a bit like you - I usually don't feel like leaving the house, it is just easier to stay home. I don't keep in touch with most of my friends. I feel guilty that DD does not have the mom she deserves. It is tough, we can only do the best that we can. But know you are not alone, I am also in a place I didn't expect to be a few years ago. PM me if you ever want to "talk". I hope you can feel better soon!

[DrSally]

I'm glad you have a therapy appt. scheduled. Has this old therapist been helpful to you in the past? I mean, it sounds like your fear of having physical problems in public (a legitimate concern at the time) has snowballed into panic attacks and avoidance of going out. Anxiety is self-reinforcing thing. The more you avoid the anxiety provoking situation, the less anxiety you feel, and the more you avoid, etc., etc. At the same time, depression is the flip side of anxiety and the 2 often go hand in hand. If your therapist can help you get out of the cycle of avoiding the anxiety provoking situation and reinforcing the anxiety, you will be able to get your freedom back. We're pulling for you. Feel free to come for support whenever you need to.