Do I say something or not..

[niccig]

My sister is an academic and she has a great opportunity to meet professors here in the USA and she hopes to one day, be able to compete for a job here. I used to work at a university, granted I was not a professor, but I worked with professors and was considered an academic appointment.

My sister does some things that I feel are unprofessional
a) her skirts/dresses are a couple of inches too short.
b) she has a blog for research topics and she signs off "Smiles, X" I sent her an email and her out of office reply is "Smiles, X". She's always had a little saying that changes that I've always found a little silly. Facebook when it's only friends (though she has many other academic as friends) is one thing...but the blog/official email...Really??
c) she's always formed very close friendships with work colleagues and they all know the ins/outs of her life. I too had one or two close colleagues but my personal life was never so mixed with my professional.

Part of me wants to say that these things could be hurting how she is viewed professionally. Maybe it's best for someone else to tell her. She may not listen to her big sis, especially as I haven't held a similar position.

[TwinFoxes]

Could you maybe find a "how to find a job" article that deals with these? I feel I've seen tons that deal with this sort of thing. Maybe send an article about life in a city she's interested in too, so it's a little less obvious you're criticizing her. Or you can just try the direct approach, but it sounds like it might not work.

I would say something. This could have long term consequences. I have several friends who are academics, and I have heard how small their worlds are. It seems that reputations people get are hard to shake. She doesn't want to get a rep as being someone who doesn't have to be taken seriously, a bimbo.

[MoJo]

If it was my younger sister, I'd say something too.

I'd probably just point out how her closing, clothing, and too-close relationships *could* be taken the wrong way. If the US or academia are cultures she is not familiar with, that would be one way to approach it. As in, here, people tend to think this way about such things. I would throw in lots of encouragement (those things are great with family and friends!) and help her see if anything she already owns is better suited for her desired lifestyle.

The "smiles, X" seems appropriate for a photographer or dentist. . . and not many other people. But it would be a very easy thing to change, and she can still be upbeat & friendly while being more professional.

The dress issue is a little harder, but if you can show her how people in her desired role dress, it might help. Maybe even discuss that what she's been wearing was fine for school, but now that she's wanting to advance, her clothing needs to too. BTDT more than once in my life.

The relational issue is undoubtedly the hardest. And as someone whose co-workers are among my best friends, I don't have any advice except build relationships slowly and make sure you know the other person before divulging too much information.

I tend to start these conversations by asking if she wants advice, or telling her that if our roles were reversed and I noticed these things, I'd want her to tell me.

[sste]

Well, here are a few concrete facts that may help her and may help you broach the discussion with her:

1. At least in my discipline, and I actually think this site is universal for all professors, there is a rate your professor website where students can rate how "hot" you are. I believe there are chili pepper ratings. My goal in life is not to get on that site because students won't even conceive of the word hot when I trudge in in my early years of Oprah-inspired "every woman" clothes and my eileen fisher probably five to ten years too old for me stuff. And my second choice to not being on the site would be a low rating! Another issue is that dressing better/sexier than your female students, esp. at the grad level, can be upsetting to them because they so dearly want a professionally sterling female role model or mentor. And I have also seen it cause weird competitiveness/snarkiness among female students.

2. Lose the smiles, I agree! The only thing that should be at your email footer is your contact info and I REALLY like footers that include the professor's SSRN link (online research paper posting site for social sciences). Maybe you can suggest that she replace smiles with the ssrn link and that you have been seeing that more and more.

3. The friends issue is hard because friends in academia can be VERY, VERY helpful to your ability to move and your inclusion in various conferences, etc. So, her outgoing personality may be an asset here. Personally, I have colleagues that I see socially and I will tell them a certain amount of stuff but not things like marital problems, depression, romantic encounters, etc. I have *one* colleague that I tell all to and I knew him before we both became professors and he is the most honorable and trustworthy person I know.

You are a great big sister. :)

[niccig]

Thanks for your advice.

My sister and I are being a lot more honest with each other, and if I can find a way to gently broach the subject, I'll try. She's going to be visiting for a few days and she asked about seeing my hairdresser, who is fabulous. Maybe I can start with losing the bottle blond hair colour. A warmer blond would look so much better

[sste]

You know, I think the idea of framing the entire thing as a cultural difference is a good one. You could even say, "I know how you are a big believer in cultural differences, institutional culture, etc. (maybe this feeds into her research somehow??) and I wanted to give you a heads-up that US academic culture is much more conservative and formal than (wherever she is from). Let me know if you want any ideas . . . from my former job and colleagues I have some ideas about how american academics sign off on emails, formality in blogs, dress etc.). Maybe add that you are self-interested in her fitting in because you so want her to relocate to the states. :)

On the hair, will you see her this trip? Maybe you guys can have a salon day or at home dye day and you can nudge her to a more conservative shade. I would take the tact - - which is true for almost everyone - - that she will look MUCH YOUNGER without the bottle blond (the shade is very aging).

Good luck!

[niccig]

You know, I think the idea of framing the entire thing as a cultural difference is a good one. You could even say, "I know how you are a big believer in cultural differences, institutional culture, etc. (maybe this feeds into her research somehow??) and I wanted to give you a heads-up that US academic culture is much more conservative and formal than (wherever she is from). Let me know if you want any ideas . . . from my former job and colleagues I have some ideas about how american academics sign off on emails, formality in blogs, dress etc.). Maybe add that you are self-interested in her fitting in because you so want her to relocate to the states. :)

On the hair, will you see her this trip? Maybe you guys can have a salon day or at home dye day and you can nudge her to a more conservative shade. I would take the tact - - which is true for almost everyone - - that she will look MUCH YOUNGER without the bottle blond (the shade is very aging).

Good luck!

This is what I'm going to do...tell her the colour is no longer working for her. She's very attached to the colour, has had it since college. But she's had some major life changes in the last 5 years and she's poised to head off in a new career direction - still academic but wanting to move into a different department. So, I'll suggest making some visual changes as well. If anyone can do it, it's my hair dresser - truly is skilled - she weaves my highlights and hides all the gray, I always get complements on my hair.

She seems to be forming a mentorship with someone in the new department, and my sister has expressed some concern over whether her work is good enough. I think it is, but I might also suggest she use the mentor, who is only a couple of years older, as a good role model of how an academic behaves as well.

Funny thing is, she's been in UK university in a male-dominated departments, she finds the USA academic culture much less conservative!

[Globetrotter]

Others have given great advice, and I concur. Approach it as a "cultural difference" and something she must do to be taken seriously - this is a good time to break some of those habits!

It is always hard to give advice, but I think you are right that it is necessary to do so.

[wellyes]

I really recommend the book "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office". Adult women who use too informal, cutesy, eager-to-please language (like "Smiles!") can sabotage themselves professionally without realizing it.

[momm]

I would absolutely talk to her openly. Is she planning to come to the US anytime soon? If so, there are plenty of other things you would be needing to teach her. E.g. how to do groceries, driving, many other cultural things. I would continue on the topic and talk about the professionalism.

I am not from here, too and absolutely appreciated people giving me advice. Especiall a loving sister, and especially when it's for my own good.

I would've never thought of some things, only knew because kind friends told me bluntly.

[niccig]

I really recommend the book "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office". Adult women who use too informal, cutesy, eager-to-please language (like "Smiles!") can sabotage themselves professionally without realizing it.

I think this book will really help - especially the parts about you being a brand - she's in marketing.

I actually think that book will help me - I read some of the excepts, and I don't work in the corporate world, but I did recognise some things that *I* do.

I'm getting the book, and I'll read it, and I'll give it to her with a heart to heart chat. I did mention something to her on similar lines the other day on the phone about her needing more confidence in herself, so I think I can keep up the conversation.