Christmas gifts: making it 'even between kids

[KrisM]

I'm wondering what you do. Do you spend the same amount per kid? Does each child have the same number of packages to open?

Right now, I go with an even number of items and don't worry about how the money works out between them. I can do this fairly easily by grouping things together or splitting them up. DD is getting a barn and horses and those could be 1 or 2 presents, depending on how they're wrapped.

But, as things get more expensive for DS1, I can see this changing and spending a certain amount of money and giving fewer gifts to those with pricier things. If you do this, do they understand it?

[lizzywednesday]

My MIL makes herself crazy trying to make sure that each of the grandkids have exactly the same number of packages to open.

This usually results in an avalanche of presents.

I'm thankful that FIL has finally retired officially so I'm hoping that it won't happen to my DD, but that's another whine for another day.

True, I do try to give the same number of packages to the nieces & nephew, but I don't spend more than $50 per kid.

[boolady]

I only have one, but as kids, while I know my parents tried to keep things even moneywise, they didn't worry about package numbers. I knew that if I got a new bike, I wasn't getting as many smaller things as my sisters, and vice versa. My parents weren't into mounds and mounds of presents, and lots of them were things we needed (pjs, clothing) so it didn't really set things up for comparison.

[nellonello]

For our 12 and 9 yo kids we get them each one big gift (this year is iPod touches) and 4 small gifts. For the big gift we try and do comparable costs and don't worry as much for the small gifts.
Our 2 year old just gets 5 (or so) gifts.

[buddyleebaby]

Right now, we do the same number of packages...
Sometimes it does take a little bit of creative wrapping on my part, like wrapping two things in one, or passing off what was meant to be a gift as a stocking stuffer, etc.
As they get older, I probably will go by value rather than number of packages, but not as long as they believe in Santa. After all, Santa doesn't buy the toys, he makes them. ;)

[BabyBearsMom]

I think "equal" is giving each kid what he or she needs even if those needs are different. That being said, my mom and MIL try to spend equal amounts on each kid/grand kid and try to make sure that the number of presents isn't drastically different.

[ett]

I just try to keep the number of packages relatively even and sometimes it will involve wrapping multiple items together. I don't try to make the value the same since I buy most things discounted.

[infomama]

We are going with set number and kind of similar. We will see how it goes.

[sariana]

Right now, I go with an even number of items and don't worry about how the money works out between them. I can do this fairly easily by grouping things together or splitting them up.

:yeahthat:
This is what I do. DC are 6 and almost 3, so they don't really care about cost. Our family opens on a rotation (youngest to oldest), so it helps to have even numbers of gifts for the kids. It would be very obvious if one had more than the other.

[Seitvonzu]

we only have one, but i don't think i would get fixated on being precisely equal. my MIL did this when DH was growing up and he said it would get really silly because she'd be buying packs of gum or whatever, so packages/money was all perfectly even (yes, down to the quarter)

sometimes it's easier to figure out what a kiddo wants/"needs"---sometimes they are into something new and different and all their toys/clothes/books seem to not relate to who they are NOW. sometimes they seem to have everything. sometimes you buy one thing that shouldn't be expensvie, but is...and sometimes everything is bought on sale and you can get more.

i think kids pretty much get the "big" vs. small--i think as kids get old enough to think about equality and fairness, they also can start to understand that some things have more "value" than others. but then, i have one child... so this isn't really an issue. i will say that last christmas (we were with the cousins) --none of the kids even cared about the others getting gifts (my nephew is 4 and the girls were 2)

[niccig]

I'm going to say it depends on your kids and if it matters to them.

In my family, it was never an issue. It was an issue for SIL, so MIL made sure everything was equal and still does for the grandkids so SIL won't complain that her kids got less.

A friend's sister says their parents were unfair with giving gifts and her sister (my friend) got more. My friend disputes that, and her sister replied "you got 5 more years presents than I did" My friend is older by 5 years. And apparently those extra 5 years of presents mean the parents were unfair!

So it might not matter what you do or don't do...

[Binkandabee]

I don't fixate on number of packages or dollar amount. I just get what seems like a right amount for each child. No complaints so far! I figure if "I" fixate on making sure each child has the same # of packages to open...it's sending the message to them that that matters and it really doesn't.

[maestramommy]

We do not spend the same amount of money per kid. We see no reason to because our kids are so young I don't think they tie the item with money. For example Dora asked for a Tinkerbell camera. It's a $3 thing they sell at the Disney store. She'd go nuts over it because she pretends little boxes and lids are her camera right now. It's $3, but if that's what she wants.....:tongue5: She also asked for princess toys, but that's so general, and she knows she's only going to get one gift (from us) off the list. I haven't decided which one to buy, and she tends to change her mind a lot.

OTOH, my sitter has our permission this year to buy Dora and Arwyn a barbie doll. Last night Dh decided if she wasn't intending to buy Laurel one as well we would get her one, just to keep the peace. I've seen some inexpensive barbie dolls at Target, but I'm pretty sure they're more than $3.

Arwyn doesn't even know to ask for this or that. I bought a spare fairy doll when I bought one for Dora's bday, so she is getting that.

[KrisM]

:yeahthat:
This is what I do. DC are 6 and almost 3, so they don't really care about cost. Our family opens on a rotation (youngest to oldest), so it helps to have even numbers of gifts for the kids. It would be very obvious if one had more than the other.

We rotate too. Both here on Christmas morning and at my family's party on Christmas Eve. I think DS1 would be greatly bothered if he had nothing for the last 2 rounds of giving.

My mom gives each grandchild 3 gifts. One of DD's gifts is a dress up wedding dress, veil, underskirt and a matching doll dress. So, lots of things wrapped together. DS1 is getting only 3 'things' all wrapped individually. But, they'll run out on the same turn :).

[icunurse]

I don't really pay attention to price or number of gifts, other than they each gets gifts from us, from each other, and from Santa. I also don't buy gifts for them when it is the other childs birthday. I have a max limit on how much I will spend per child and, at least this year, DS will be much closer to that than DD. When they get older/teenagers and can undertstand prices and such, I will probably have to be a little closer in spending between them to be "fair".

[KpbS]

We rotate too. Both here on Christmas morning and at my family's party on Christmas Eve. I think DS1 would be greatly bothered if he had nothing for the last 2 rounds of giving.

My mom gives each grandchild 3 gifts. One of DD's gifts is a dress up wedding dress, veil, underskirt and a matching doll dress. So, lots of things wrapped together. DS1 is getting only 3 'things' all wrapped individually. But, they'll run out on the same turn :).

We rotate through but so far it hasn't been a problem. Inevitably the adults run out before the kids so we change things up and skip people, someone opens two at one turn, etc. DS1 hasn't noticed or complained. He usually is too absorbed with a new toy to notice much of anything ;)

[maylips]

DS1 hasn't noticed or complained. He usually is too absorbed with a new toy to notice much of anything ;)

That's what I was thinking as I read this thread. My kids are too little to have that issue right now but as I thought back to my childhood, I can't remember ever "counting" gifts between my brother and I. All I cared about was what I got! I think most kids are too wrapped up in their own gifts, unless the parents make a big deal about the numbers.

[dogmom]

I think kids learn pretty early that fair doesn't necessarily mean equal, especially with siblings. I mean, the oldest lived through the youngest being a baby and needing a lot more from Mom and Dad. And the youngest has got to learn that the the older one gets to do more things.

We frequently hear, "That's not fair!" My response is, "No, it's fair. Remember x time when you got something/did something your sister/brother didn't?" That usually gets the crossed arm "Hrrmmphh!" but stops the complaining.

[hillview]

We don't rotate opening (although I like this idea) so it sort of doesn't matter so much since the kids open at different rates. We get about the same number but perhaps not exactly the same.
/hillary

[egoldber]

Right now, I go with an even number of items and don't worry about how the money works out between them. I can do this fairly easily by grouping things together or splitting them up.

We do this too. We do the 8 nights of Hanukkah, but some nights it's a small gift and some nights it's an inexpensive gift.

I don't worry about the money at all right now, but as older DD gets older she is more conscious of money and knows the difference between a $100 AG doll and a $10 Barbie.

[Melaine]

Yes, it is exactly even for us. But, as usual, that really doesn't apply to most siblings I guess.

[nov04]

my parents kept things even moneywise which we were informed of if we complained about volume or # of gifts.

mil kept things even $ and #. What a pain for her.

we'll be doing things by $. The kids don't care now but we'll explain it to them when they do start comparing.