Need advice on talking to my boss about personal time

[elektra]

I am going to need some personal time this week, although I can't really predict when that will be or how much time I am going to need exactly.
I am helping my dad with dealing with putting my mom in a residential full-time care facility, and I am also grieving in a way myself. I had not shed a tear over it until just now, because I had to hold myself together for some work meetings last week and today, and to be there for my dad this weekend. But I feel like I need to take care of myself a little more in these upcoming days, so as not to have it blow up in my face in a bigger way down the road.
My dad just called me bawling and telling me upsetting things and I just cannot really jump into a meeting right after, you know? But I need to be there for my dad right now.

It seems like I usually regret giving away too much details about any personal situation I might be in to work people. However, I really messed up when I had one of my ectopic pregnancies and I didn't take a single day off of work. I should have taken some time for myself then, and I think I need to now too.
I also don't want to be all dramatic and cryptic though.

SO my question is, how much detail do I divulge? Do I just say I am going to still get everything I need to do but I may have to miss some meetings or be away at certain times between 9-5 when I would usually be working.
We are so busy and that is also what is adding to my stress- I am working all. the. time.
I work from home (but still need to be available from 9-5 basically) so that makes things a bit different.
I should have told her before now but I really did not have a chance to think it through.

[smiles33]

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. Given how busy it is at work, I think you need to say something more than just needing a personal day. I'm afraid whatever you say other than laying out the situation is going to sound cryptic. I don't think that should be a concern right now. It's not anyone's business what's going on, unless you have an unusually close-knit office staff.

Maybe you can say something like, "I realize it's incredibly busy right now but my family is going through a difficult time and I know I'm going to need some time off this week to deal with some of it. I plan to make sure I complete all my work (though some may be done during non-business hours). However, I anticipate I will need to miss some meetings. I can make sure to brief/prep someone else."

This shows that you're thinking ahead, you won't put anyone else in a lurch, but you just may not be available during certain hours.

Good luck with this week!

[tny915]

:hug:
I'm sorry. This must be so hard for you and your dad.

IMO, I think you should say something to your boss. Do you feel safe telling your boss that your mom is going into full-time care? Let your boss know that you may have some last minute appointments come up during the work day as a result of this. I would think you don't need to divulge a lot of detail, and that would be enough.

You do need to take some time for yourself and your parents and can't extend yourself too far, for your own mental and physical health. My mom has Alzheimer's and recently took a turn for the worse. I feel for you and completely understand the grieving and the potential to overextend yourself.

[WolfpackMom]

I think smile's suggestion is good. I always end up giving too much info to my male boss who is less than interested, lol. I know whatever I tell him doesn't go past him to anyone else, so if you feel like you need to give more explanation to your boss I am sure she would be sympathetic to the situation. I would just explain that you are moving your mom and will need a few days to get things taken care of and settled, she won't know if you are taking one of those days specifically just for yourself to recoup.

I'm sorry that you and your dad are going through this, good luck!

[elektra]

Thanks for the ideas. I just sent the email, taking a lot of what smiles suggested. I actually did specify that my mom was being placed in a facility and that I would have to handle some things surrounding that. I left off any details about needing time for myself or my emotional health or anything like that.
Thanks for the advice. :)

[TwinFoxes]

I just saw this post. You should check into FMLA type laws in CA. You don't have to take 6 months, you can be eligible for smaller periods of time too. Just knowing your legal rights might give you peace of mind.

Most of all :hug:

[dhano923]

You may be eligible for FMLA leave if your mom's doctor will certify that you need to take time off to assist with her care. FMLA is dependent on a few things (50+ employees within a 75 mile radius, you must have been with the company at least 12 months and worked at least 1250 hours, etc). Alternatively, look into just taking a personal leave of absence for 1-2 weeks.

[arivecchi]

Thanks for the ideas. I just sent the email, taking a lot of what smiles suggested. I actually did specify that my mom was being placed in a facility and that I would have to handle some things surrounding that. I left off any details about needing time for myself or my emotional health or anything like that.Seems like the right way to approach it. I hope your boss is understanding. :hug: