I need a device to record cell phone conversations ASAP!!

[SammyeGail]

Title says it all, I have a LG Xenon. I'm going to look on Amazon but if anyone knows of something I can go grab at Wal-Mart pls let me know! This is a matter of my Dad's health, his life or death...

TIA!!

[HannaAddict]

Are you in a two party consent state? If so, and you record without the other person's permission (no matter how dire you feel the situation), you are probably committing a crime. Don't rise to the drama, contact the health providers if you have concerns. Did you dad have any estate plans or Power of Atty in place? Deep breath.

[vejemom]

That was going to be my question, too. My state is a two party consent state, and I believe it can be prosecuted as a felony. Better to work with your dad to get a living will/POA in place. Don't talk on the phone, talk with the healthcare providers about what steps to take. This is not the first time they've dealt with a family in conflict over a relative's medical decisions. I've got to say that your dad did you a real diservice not having a living will/POA in place after the drama surrounding your mom's death.

[o_mom]

Aren't you also in a different state? That may further complicate things.

[SammyeGail]

Thanks, its not to pull out for legal purposes, my oldest sister has turned around and said "I didn't say this" and "I didn't say that". This has happened numerous times concerning other things. I just want something to play it back to her when she has a memory loss.

I was unable to talk to my Dad, the drugs he was on made him loopy, plus no one there would leave me alone with him :32:.

I will update my OP, this has all been beyond draining emotionally, DH has been mad about it, but like 'get over it, we're moving in 10 days'. Jerk.

[codex57]

While it might not come to anything for most matters, medical stuff like your father's situation can really turn normally loving family members into real vindictive creatures.

I know you're frustrated with your sister's flip flopping, but there have been enough prosecutions to really take the legal aspect seriously. Felonies are no joke. If you go away for a few years, think what it's gonna do to your kids.

[wellyes]

Don't deal with your sister, deal with your father's physicians directly if at all possible.

[o_mom]

Thanks, its not to pull out for legal purposes, my oldest sister has turned around and said "I didn't say this" and "I didn't say that". This has happened numerous times concerning other things. I just want something to play it back to her when she has a memory loss.



The lawyers here can clarify, but I think they are saying that even just recording the conversation is illegal without consent of both parties if you are in one of the states that requires all parties to consent.

[codex57]

The lawyers here can clarify, but I think they are saying that even just recording the conversation is illegal without consent of both parties if you are in one of the states that requires all parties to consent.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. And on another board (can't remember which one anymore cuz I wasn't all that active there), they pulled up a TON of reported prosecutions. Scary. Some states do NOT mess around with this kinda stuff.

All I needed to see was multiple instances of a charged felony and that was enough to sear a giant red flag in my head about doing this. Employment applications ask about felonies (sometimes misdemeanors). Plus, when you get to a felony level crime, the punishments and stuff ramp up big time. Lots of prosecutors will basically blow off misdemeanors. If they decide to charge you with a felony, they're looking to extract some noticeable amount of flesh. Even if they let you plead down to a misdemeanor, it's gonna be a somewhat painful misdo because the pain that comes with a felony is so much worse.

[SammyeGail]

Ok, I didn't know that, DH's ex-wife (him unknowing) recorded a call where she told him not to call the house ever again. She would get mad like that, then be fine the next day, kwim? So when he called back to talk to his kids, he talked to them for 2 days in a row. Then she called the police, played her recording, showed where he called on caller ID the next 2 days and filled harassment charges against him. She didn't mention they had children together. The police department called DH, he told them, they told her she was false in her report and he could call and talk to his children. She went to the police department, started a big fuss, the Sheriff came and told her she better leave or he would press charges against her for filling a false police report. That finally made her leave. He was keeping DH updated on everything because it was all so crazy and the Sheriff had never experienced something quite like her.

Well, she had call DH first, he said she had told him the same exact thing. It was that they were going to be putting my Dad on a respirator within 30 minutes, last night she said she never said that, that a respirator may be a possibility. So she didn't say to me that since I was the only one that stood by my Dad's decision, the fact that he would wither away in a nursing home bed would all be on me and she hoped it haunted me the rest of my life. When people say things like that to you, you don't misunderstand or forget. Its burned in my memory.

I hate not being there, but I am trusting my uncle who is adamant with me that he is going to talk to my Dad as soon as he can about a living will.

A huge negative thing is they are down in a 'who knows who' small town. My oldest sister is a teacher so she can pull alot of strings I can't. Well, she's kind of the type thats going to run her mouth to everyone until she gets what she wants. The hospitals 'policy's and procedures' are being broken all over the place. They let my nephews girlfriend in there, then another nephew came in and was dragging a friends of his with him. Sure, we'll let 10 people cram in the ICU room, doesn't matter who you are....:banghead:

[StantonHyde]

Talk to the doctor and the Nurse Manager and the Customer Service people. They need/MUST observe the visitation policies for ICU--its an Infection Control Risk.

Have you talked to the doctor about a Living Will? There is a Joint Commission requirement that if a patient/family member requests materials to write a Living Will, then they MUST be given a referral to the necessary materials. Tell the doctor you want a meeting with your family and the social worker and your dad so that your DAD can dictate his wishes, the social worker can write them down, your dad signs it, and (depending on the state), a hospital staff member or another person witnesses it. Done. Deal.

STOP taking phone calls or communicating with the sister. Only talk with your uncle or the medical professionals. If you stop playing, there can't be drama.


:hug:

[Indianamom2]

Talk to the doctor and the Nurse Manager and the Customer Service people. They need/MUST observe the visitation policies for ICU--its an Infection Control Risk.

Have you talked to the doctor about a Living Will? There is a Joint Commission requirement that if a patient/family member requests materials to write a Living Will, then they MUST be given a referral to the necessary materials. Tell the doctor you want a meeting with your family and the social worker and your dad so that your DAD can dictate his wishes, the social worker can write them down, your dad signs it, and (depending on the state), a hospital staff member or another person witnesses it. Done. Deal.

STOP taking phone calls or communicating with the sister. Only talk with your uncle or the medical professionals. If you stop playing, there can't be drama.


:hug:

I think this is all good advice. It's time to stop the drama by communicating only with the doctors. It's also time to get hospital administration involved, or at least, it certainly sounds like it to me. There should not be rules broken in the ICU...they are there for a reason. You also most definitely need someone to help manage this chaotic situation. The hospital will have someone who can sit down with your dad and help him fill out a living will document.

I'm sorry this is such a mess. And on top of it all, it came at the absolute worst time. Is there any way you can actually go to be with your dad for a couple of days? I know it would be unbelieveably inconvenient, but it might make a world of difference.:hug:

[codex57]

I agree. Stop playing with the sister and start using official rules in your favor. Your sister can pull strings until someone (you) threatens stuff that can cause fines/loss of accreditation to the hospital. That stuff gives the hospital excuses to say no to your sister. Even in a small town.

On a side note, that's kinda cool that there's a town where a school teacher has that much pull.

[kcimato]

I meant to chime in on your other post but didn't get a chance. First of all my heart goes out to you in this difficult situation. I know how emotionally draining this can be as my Dad passed away in Oct. We didn't have this kind of family drama but it is still very emotional. Your Dad was fully aware when he made his decision and tha's what matters. He can change his mind at any given time. We had a Health Care proxy when he was admitted to the hospital and that was in the event that he couldn't make his wishes know my Mom would then make it known what he wanted. The Health Care proxy can be negated at any time also. Please get your social worker in the hospital to help you and your family out. Ours did a wonderful job. Like previous posters have pointed out, have a family meeting with the social worker.

My Dad ended up in Rehab then had to go to their Skilled Nursing section.There was no way my Mom could have cared for him. He had chronic leukemia which you can live with for years but because he was 86 when he was diagnosed they just kept it at bay and it finally caught up to him. He decided he was done with all the treatments. The Nursing home treated him with respect and dignity right up to the day he died. They really aren't scary places. Thier Social Workers , Dr.s nurses and entire staff were awesome. I'm glad he didn't die in the hospital. This is probably TMI on my end. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[urquie]

i may be wrong here, but i believe if you inform someone that you are going to record a conversation, you should be okay... assuming that you record that first part of the conversation. then you are not secretly recording them.

15 yrs ago, i was having problems with a landlord (and recorded myself telling him) that i would be recording all future conversations.

but i do agree with pp's, it would be best to avoid any conversations with the offending family members.

[Bens Momma]

Don't have any legal expertise to offer, but it seems like many who do have given good advice. Just wanted to offer hugs and send lots of P&PTs your way. I experience similar family drama and have siblings that are IMHO downright evil/nasty, it's so tough to deal with and I can only imagine that your father's heath issues make it worse.

Big HUGS, stay strong!
Momma to 2 ACTIVE DS

[SammyeGail]

Thanks everyone, everytime I try to update the other post, I may step away from the computer for a minute and DS is on it playing Zhu-Zhu pets.

DH and I talked, he had offered one of our cribs to someone. OK DH, my Mother passed away 3 yrs, 1 month ago, all this is going on with my Dad, (DH & I went economical + quality over looks and quality ;), that happens when you're buying 2), I didn't know my parents had paid for the crib for everyone's first child, they were going to make us take the money. I knew it was a matter of pride, don't know if thats the best word, but we threw a # out there to them that we thought they'd believe, they did cover about 2/3. I was really upset that DH had offered one to a friend at the fire station expecting a baby. I took a xanax and layed down.

No, I have not talked to my sister today. I have called the ICU and talked with his nurse 3 times so far. My uncle's cell goes to his VM, its full. My uncle is going at 10AM, he is going to call me from there so I can talk to my Dad. Yeah!!

My Dad does have a Power of Attorney, they nurse told me as I left the hospital for us to come home, its my full sister who is stuck in Ireland. She flies out on the 30th. That is the last I heard, since he is doing so much better she may stay her entire time there. Its her life, but she's been in a relationship with some guy there for about 3 years. They see each other about twice a year. He was supposed to come over when her dragged out divorce was finalized, then all of a sudden he had an ex-wife in Australia from when he worked there. They split up but never divorced. He had written a letter to her parents looking for her, thats all I know. That was about a year ago. Its always confused me, no judgement going on, its her life, I just don't understand how you have a relationship that long from America to Ireland, I had thought about posting about it in the Lounge before.

Anyway, we had my family's Christmas the week before, it was me, full sister, oldest 1/2 sister talking. We were talking about Dad, then when he passes away was brought up. Full sister, POA, said she can't even let that thought enter her mind and started crying.

Hey! It's 5AM, I just came back to my computer to check for an email, this was still up. I never got to update the original, I would start on it, have to do something, DS would close it out to play Zhu-Zhu pets. I just saw I wrote that at the top, LOL, DS is addicted!

Last night I talked to my uncle, he is going to call me when he gets to the hospital so I can talk to my Dad on his phone. Yeah!

I could not talk to my Dad while there, the antibiotics made him loopy :(. He was very happy, I don't know what pain killers they had him on, lol.

When I talked to his nurse last night he had a great day. I just don't think my sis who says she can't even think about my father passing away needs the responsibly of POA. You are never prepared for the loss of a parent, but I tried to prepare myself as much as I could for my mothers, kwim? You can't go stick your head in a hole, especially if you're POA. My uncle is going to talk to my Dad about a living will and offer to be his POA. My uncle lost his wife to the same condition as my Dad has, since my Mom has passed away they have grown alot closer.

I may not live there, but my Dad and I talk, alot. I don't stop by for 10 min., and talk at him, he and I talk for about an hour at least once a week. I know alot about my Dad's feelings about things that he has told me he has told no one else, 'cos they get all upset, but he can also talk to my uncle. I asked him how often the 3 siblings who live in town visit him, he says the 2 sisters may stay 10 minutes, every 1-2 weeks or so. They take turns taking him dinner at night, its fast food, if he's in the den they drop it off in the kitchen and leave, if he is in the bedroom they assume he is asleep and hang it on the doorknob. It just all makes me very upset and feel so guilty that I can't take care of him.

I'm going to try to get some more sleep!

[Fairy]

Nevermind. Sending positive thoughts.

[elektra]

Also sending positive thoughts. SammyeGail- I have been hoping for a long time that you can move to a place where you can see a counselor, as I know your previous remote location prevented you from doing that. I think you really could use some guidance outside of your DH and family to help you with everything you are dealing with. Please seek out some help IRL.

[SammyeGail]

Also sending positive thoughts. SammyeGail- I have been hoping for a long time that you can move to a place where you can see a counselor, as I know your previous remote location prevented you from doing that. I think you really could use some guidance outside of your DH and family to help you with everything you are dealing with. Please seek out some help IRL.

Thanks, that is what I know I really need to do. DH was supportive when he took the phone from me and talked to her, but while I was there he had to stay at the hotel and watch the boys. He also had a cold or something so was acting like a jerk. At first he was saying we would stay a few days, then he was pitching a fit that he was too sick and had to come home. We were home maybe 15 minutes and an alarm went out for a fire, so he leaves for 1.5 hrs to help put it out. He didn't seem very sick but acting extremely grouchy. Of course he went to work the next day.

I am really upset with him right now. Whatever he had he has given to me, being sick is a bit worse for me because of my adrenal gland disorder. I don't have much of an immune system. He was bragging about how much better he felt last night, but is still going to the dr today. We both called and were put on the wait list, I have my appt Monday.

Did I mention we're moving next Thur?

I got an email saying I had a reply, someone asked about my sister saying she can pull strings because she is a HS teacher and knows people. I don't see it here. Its a small town, she knows some people, but she's nobody special. All the nurses who work at the local hospital got their degree at the hospitals program or the local community college. The ICU was full of RN's with maybe 1-2 LPNs. My sister has been a teacher forever and throws around 'I taught you, I taught/teach your brother/sister' etc all the time. She doesn't have a degree, she teaches the computer classes. In some small towns there is a certain way things work, the buddy system, if you've ever lived in one of those towns you'd understand. It's too hard to describe. Of my mothers 5 children, I was the only one who wanted to leave.