In a power struggle with DD- help!

[elektra]

DD can go to the bathroom on her own. She is completely potty trained. Sleeps in undies. Poops on the toilet, no problem- never had a problem with constipation (knock on wood).
And I don't have a problem helping her wipe for poop. She freaked out once when she saw some skid marks and I am also not a fan of them so I am fine with helping with that.
HOWEVER, she is completely capable of wiping for pee. She does it for school and she does it for the babysitters.
BUT, she pretty much refuses to do it on her own when I am around. Each morning has been a huge meltdown if I insist she do it on her own. This happens with other things too (getting dressed, putting toys away) but I just really want her to do the wiping thing on her own.
I have tried bribes and threats, and just the plain truth- we will not be able to leave until she does it.
I try to be very simple in the instructions- wipe, flush, pants, wash hands.
Any tips?

Do I need to just back off and wipe her?

[boolady]

I wish I could help, but I can't. DD doesn't do this, but has her own ways of engaging me in a power struggle in the mornings when we need to get out of the house, DH is long gone to work, and she essentially knows she's got be by the cojones because I'm alone with her and there's really nothing I can do. I really can't even tell you the last time I was technically to work "on time" because of how protracted our morning routine has become due to these little battles of will. I'm sorry I can't offer anything more helpful...at least I can commiserate. Hopefully someone can offer you some advice.

[wendibird22]

We have the same issue with DD1 (3.5yo). Each morning she tells us she can't put her coat on by herself. Yes she can. Just yesterday she pulled this with DH when he picked her up from pre-k. The teacher was right there and immediately told DD1, "We don't say can't in this room." And wouldn't you know DD1 forced herself to put her coat on by herself.

I do think it has something to do with their still wanting to be babies. As much as my DD1 wants to be a big girl and claims she doesn't want to be a baby I do think she misses being babied sometimes. All of that independence is probably hard to adjust to. She still wants to need me/DH.

[wendmatt]

Remember this..."It's just a phase!" It'll help you get through almost anything! I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure she'll do it soon, one of those things that's not worth worrying too much about.

[mommylamb]

This may be bad advice, but I wonder if you started doing it all the time if pretty soon she would start asserting her independence and telling you not to.

[bubbaray]

Same issue here. Don't sweat it. There are so many MANY other battles to have. LOL.

[egoldber]

Funny, my younger DD does the same thing. If I am home, she wants to wipe her and "help her". I know for a fact she is completely independent at school and when I am not home.

For her, it is very definitely because she wants to be close to me and connect with me. I find it very frustrating and annoying, although I try to be tolerant....

[AnnieW625]

It's a phase, just wipe her and it should go away. She just wants your attention.

[elektra]

It sounds like I need to just back off. I really do try and pick my battles- this was just one of the few (out of many to choose from) I chose to pick!
Defeated by a 3 yo yet again! Gah!

I think part of the problem too is that DH and I disagree somewhat on this, and in part it's driven by his laziness. I have just been wiping her and then on the weekend, when I would love for him to just help, he'll say, "she's big enough and she can do it on her own" and he continues to sit and read the paper. And so I back him up and not help and the melt down ensues.
And I totally get she just wants to be with me. But I just think it's a practical thing to know how to do. I guess the point is she will do it if I'm not there so just backing off when it comes to me is probably the best thing.

[bubbaray]

If you exit the room and leave HIM to deal with her scream-fest, eventually he will wipe her. Trust me on this. BTDT.

Get used to it -- 4yo also trumps adult. Ask me how I know. LOL