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View Full Version : How do you find time for yourself/you and DH?



robinsmommy
01-28-2011, 06:10 PM
After years of whining about lack of date nights (even when we lived in the town where my parents have a weekend home), I finally figured out something.

DH takes an early lunch, and we can squeeze in a short lunch before I have to go get DD2 at preschool at lunchtime. It helps that we go early before the crowds hit. We go once a week.

Why did I never think of this before?(There must be a D'oh smiley, I'm sure) She's been in half-day school for a year now...and we can go out to the nicer places we crave, when lunch is cheaper and we don't have to eat fast and worry about kid behavior. Our marriage was in a decline due to lack of time for us, to be able to talk openly about everything.

How do you fit time in for yourself?

And how do you and DH fit time in for yourselves as a couple?

I'm hoping to score some more ideas to expand on this.

Pennylane
01-28-2011, 06:23 PM
We do lunch on Monday and Friday when he works in the office. He travels mid week so we don't see each other at all and on the weekends, we just really want to spend time with the kids as a family!

We do need to be better about planning date nights. I can't think of the last time we have been out to dinner alone.

Guess I'm not much help :)

Ann

misshollygolightly
01-28-2011, 06:23 PM
We also do lunch occasionally (DH and I work on the same campus so it isn't hard to do--in fact, we should do it more often!). We also have two couples we trade babysitting favors with, so we get to go out occasionally without the cost of a babysitter to worry about. On two occasions, we've turned my conference trips into romantic vacations. Granted, I still have to present a paper and attend a good chunk of the conference, but we leave DS with my in-laws, enjoy the private hotel room, make reservations at a nice restaurant, and go see a movie or go to a comedy club or something. My travel expenses are usually at least partially covered and the conferences aren't in particularly exotic locations, so we don't have to break the bank.

It's not just "us" time, but we also like having couples over for dessert and game nights just after we put DS to sleep (at 7:00). Lots of our friends don't have kids yet, so it works out great! We get to play games, have dessert, and visit with friends while having adult conversation...all without leaving our house or paying a babysitter!

Nooknookmom
01-28-2011, 06:35 PM
We keep having this discussion ourselves. If we do lunch, DD2 has to come along b/c there is nowhere to leave her (no close family in the area).

I'd love to do a date night but then DD1 would have to watch her sister and be ticked off that we went to eat without her. (Backstory, we took DD1 *everywhere* with us b4 DD2 came along 11 years later. Only exceptions were some Las Vegas trips. So since she was spoiled - thanks DH, it's tough to go alone).

So I'd love some suggestions!!!

robinsmommy
01-28-2011, 06:43 PM
See, I knew my idea was not that novel.....

We do have plans to trade with other couples for evenings- need to work on actually making it happen. The cheapskate in me hates paying $10/hr AND for dinner or movie tickets or whatever.

Our kids don't go to bed early (bummer, but then I know some parents really pay for that with an OMG early morning, so I guess I'm ok with it.). The game nights sound fabulous. I wonder about hiring a sitter to watch ALL the kids and then the grown-ups can play without worries about what is actually happening in the playroom.

We have no close family here either, but when Gramma comes we do go out. Hence the preschool timing.

We took DD1 everywhere and never understood friends who said they couldn't take their child out to eat at a nice restaurant. Now that we have DD2, who is not the highly-parented kid her sis was, I get it. We don't take her out to fancy places much either.

pinkmomagain
01-28-2011, 07:34 PM
We keep having this discussion ourselves. If we do lunch, DD2 has to come along b/c there is nowhere to leave her (no close family in the area).

I'd love to do a date night but then DD1 would have to watch her sister and be ticked off that we went to eat without her. (Backstory, we took DD1 *everywhere* with us b4 DD2 came along 11 years later. Only exceptions were some Las Vegas trips. So since she was spoiled - thanks DH, it's tough to go alone).

So I'd love some suggestions!!!

I pay my oldest to watch the other two if DH & I do a date night. I'm sure you've tried that, but thought I'd mention it just in case.

sste
01-28-2011, 07:56 PM
We have a regular sitter on Sunday night. Often, we are too tired on Friday night from work and on Saturday night from running our DS around cities, museums, swimming pools, etc. The sitter comes Sunday at 4pm when we are about to collapse - - we each take an hour at home with sitter there to nap or catch up on something for work or get ready and then we do an early date night with no lines, no traffic, no crowds! Often we are back at 8 for tuck-in. :)

SASM
01-28-2011, 08:38 PM
Unfortunately, we seldom go on dates. I am content right now with snuggling on the sofa after the kids are in bed and watch either House Hunters International or Chopped. I really miss dates but I'll take these little things for now. :)

sariana
01-28-2011, 09:03 PM
I have no idea what you're talking about.

(In other words, we don't. Find time, that is.)

Kira's Mommy
01-28-2011, 10:17 PM
I have no idea what you're talking about.

(In other words, we don't. Find time, that is.)

Yeah that. We have no family around. I only have one DD who is 11 mo and before I read this thread I was for some reason hoping that things get better in this department as kids get older. I see that many of PP's kids are not babies anymore but moms still find it hard to find time for themselves. Sigh.

kijip
01-28-2011, 10:44 PM
One day a week I go into work a bit late, then my husband picks me up from work at 5pm and we go to dinner and then to a dance class, then we go home in time to get the kids to bed. I go in a bit late that day so I still get to spend some time with them. This is new, just this last month as it was a holiday present from my husband.

Before, we tried 1 night a week after bedtime and it was getting hard. This is much nicer.

We also make an effort to go to bed together at about the same time, makes a difference in how much we can talk.

♥ms.pacman♥
01-28-2011, 11:07 PM
We have a regular sitter on Sunday night. Often, we are too tired on Friday night from work and on Saturday night from running our DS around cities, museums, swimming pools, etc. The sitter comes Sunday at 4pm when we are about to collapse - - we each take an hour at home with sitter there to nap or catch up on something for work or get ready and then we do an early date night with no lines, no traffic, no crowds! Often we are back at 8 for tuck-in. :)

this is such a great idea, i will have to save this idea for later on!

the OP's lunch idea sounds great too, i will definitely have to try that for when i start working FT again. i'm a SAHM now and DH works from home usually, so a lot of times DH & I do actually get to have lunch together at home, but of course DS is there too (and amidst flying bowls & spoons i'm usually busy trying to feed him at the same time as i eat, so i don't really count that as "together time" :) )

like other posters, we have no family around, which makes finding regular time to ourselves a challenge. still, it was doable in the first 6mos or so, when DS wasn't as mobile and napped a ton and i could easily get errands/other stuff done during the day, so DH & i would have most of the evening to ourselves to just sit and veg and watch TV. tho as DS got more mobile and then i got pg, i made it a mission of mine to get a sitter, bc i knew it would only get harder (and it did). dh was really reluctant at first (not about the cost, but about finding & trusting a non-family member to watch DS) but i kept insisting and finally he gave in. we have had our sitter for past 5 mos or so and nowadays i can't count the number of times DH thanks me for finding her! we usually only go out for "date-nights" or "date lunches" once a month or so...most of the time we have the sitter watch DS a few hrs a week during the day (while DH is working) so i can go grocery shopping, cook a few meals or do other stuff around the house. in a sense that buys DH & I more time to ourselves bc as a result in the evenings there is more time for us to just chill and relax vs. doing chores.

niccig
01-28-2011, 11:14 PM
We don't let the babysitter leave until we have booked in the next date night.

We just weren't getting any time together, and by always booking one time ahead, we do go out. I think we go out maybe once a month, sometimes it's more depending on what is going on.

We normally vege out on the couch together...but I now work in the evenings, so I can keep my days for school study. I need to get these 2 projects done, then I can have evenings back with DH.

salsah
01-28-2011, 11:46 PM
i really need to make some time. whenever i do, the plan falls apart. lately we have been spending mornings together since the girls are both in school in the morning and dh goes to work late. but it isn't dedicated time for us. sometimes we talk while i'm getting dressed, sometimes we do other things ;), and sometimes we are both too busy doing our own thing. i think i need to set aside one day a week just for us time. lunch wouldn't work because the girls finish school at noon. no sitter. haven't tried exchanging with friends yet, but we should consider it.

twowhat?
01-29-2011, 12:08 AM
Never at the beginning. We have family in town but anytime they came over, everyone was ovewhelmed with baby care. DH and I didn't have a single date night for about a year. After that when the babies were a little easier to handle, we maybe managed one or two (though does it count if one is the office holiday party??) Those required both sets of grandparents (because a single grandparent wasn't physically capable to handling twins). We never used a sitter - it was just completely out of the question since our girls were so extremely shy. In retrospect I wish we'd thought of finding a regular sitter before 4-5 months of age when stranger anxiety set in.

It got better when I went back to work because on days where we both had time, we'd do lunch together. Granted it didn't happen very often (maybe once every couple of months) but it was something!

I try to make myself feel better about this by telling myself that it will get easier when the girls are older, when one grandparent can physically handle them (or when they're more emotionally ready to have a sitter come in).

The saddest thing of all is that when we do manage some time to ourselves - we have nothing to talk about. Our lives are consumed by our children! It's totally like that Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Debra and Ray struggle to make conversation about the bread and the butter. LOL!!!

oneplustwo
01-29-2011, 04:28 PM
We have a subscription to six concerts to our local symphony orchestra each year. It's something we've had together even before we got married. Once kids came along, I refused to give the subscription up, knowing those concerts would be the only date nights we'd have. I was right. Having the date far in advance and already having paid for the tickets really helped ~ it forced us to arrange for a sitter and go out, even when we didn't really feel like it. (Of course there are a few times someone's sick at the last minute and we can't use them, but then we just give them to friends.) We've always appreciated having that subscription. Especially in those early years, I don't think there would have been any date nights if it weren't for those concerts!