Help me help DD2 manage her emotions

[Twoboos]

DD2 is 5.5yo.

She is a beast when she does not get what she wants or is frustrated. Ex: right now she is looking for a small book that we can't find. And we have helped her look. And she is in HYSTERICS. she is screaming at the top of her lungs. She cannot be calmed down. She will not accept or help come up with other alternatives. From the very first minute that she couldn't find it, she became angry and refused to help look.

This happens pretty much daily, with anything. At any time if something is not going her way or she is frustrated, it is a complete breakdown. Luckily, mainly at home. (Sometimes I can get screaming crying breakdowns 6x/day, starting first thing in the morning. Being woken up by being yelled at by your child is not fun. "I wanna go downstairs NOW!!" It makes me miserable.)

I have The Explosive Child and need to finish reading it. Trouble is, even if she agrees to a plan, in the heat of the moment she will forget that she agreed to it, or refuse to put it into action. But I KNOW she needs to be taught how to do this. She is no fun to play with when her rules are not followed to the T.

Help. I feel she needs a psych eval. Or I do. Does anyone have the "Dealing With Feelings" series by Elizabeth Crary? These have good reviews on Amazon and we could use Mad/Furious/Frustrated to start.

[MamaKath]

DD2 is 5.5yo.

She is a beast when she does not get what she wants or is frustrated. Ex: right now she is looking for a small book that we can't find. And we have helped her look. And she is in HYSTERICS. she is screaming at the top of her lungs. She cannot be calmed down. She will not accept or help come up with other alternatives. From the very first minute that she couldn't find it, she became angry and refused to help look.

This happens pretty much daily, with anything. At any time if something is not going her way or she is frustrated, it is a complete breakdown. Luckily, mainly at home. (Sometimes I can get screaming crying breakdowns 6x/day, starting first thing in the morning. Being woken up by being yelled at by your child is not fun. "I wanna go downstairs NOW!!" It makes me miserable.)

I have The Explosive Child and need to finish reading it. Trouble is, even if she agrees to a plan, in the heat of the moment she will forget that she agreed to it, or refuse to put it into action. But I KNOW she needs to be taught how to do this. She is no fun to play with when her rules are not followed to the T.

Help. I feel she needs a psych eval. Or I do. Does anyone have the "Dealing With Feelings" series by Elizabeth Crary? These have good reviews on Amazon and we could use Mad/Furious/Frustrated to start.
First off...hugs!!! My dc can be like this, it goes in spurts along with her growth spurts. http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288 Raising your spirited Child is one that I found helpful along with Explosive Child. I find that when (either of my kids) the tantrum is going, it is not the time to talk, negotiate, etc. She/he can go in a safe place and explode. I try not to bend in an effort to please. Otherwise, they suck me in and it escalates for both of us.

Have you talked to your ped? In our house it can be very affected by changes in routine, lack of sleep, growth spurts, sensory things and what the kids have been eating (one is sensetive to dairy, the other is allergic to food dyes). We spend much of life being very predictable, that helps. For my one dc is directly/daily related to add and spd, allergies, and food issues. The other is not as clear cut, however the dr had some good things to try. We did keep a tantrum journal and a food journal when things were very bad- it really helped. At one point it helped us realize that dc1's tantrums were directly related to the texture of foods. In the long run it helped us come up with a plan for how to deal with that.

Hang in there Mama!!! Someone once responded to my question of when it got better after having the first few months of my first baby who screamed/cried/only wanted mama that "It changes and gets different. This is parenthood at its best." How right she was, as new things come up, I look back and realize even the most frustrating struggles are part of the best job ever!

[Puddy73]

Hugs! DD1 (7) has trouble controlling her emotions and it is extremely frustrating for both of us. As the PP suggested, a "cooling off" time and place is helpful for us. Usually I just ask her to go to her room until she is ready to talk about it. After about five minutes, she has usually regained some control. This book is a good one for slightly older girls:

http://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Book-Keeping-Emotions-American/dp/1584855282/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1296342303&sr=1-1

Perhaps you could read and discuss it with your DD until she is able to read it on her own. It has some helpful techniques for calming down (counting, imagining a happy place, etc.). Hope it gets better for you soon!