WWYD: How to get out of a social situation?

[pinkmomagain]

So a few months back a former babysitter friend-requested me on FB. She was a caregiver in daycare for my oldest when she was very young and we later used her as a babysitter for a short time. Stopped using her because my kids did not like her. We lost touch and then a couple of years ago she started to send xmas cards. Turns out she moved out of state. When I got her FB request I hesitated, but looked to see that several former coworkers were FB friends with her so I OKd it. She's sent me a couple of messages touching base and mentioning that she will be coming back into town in a few months and would like to get together and see the girls. I have no desire to get together with her and my girls would not either.

So far, I've just kind of brushed off her suggestions of getting together...one time I simply said "keep in touch." Well she is now trying to lock in a date to get together. She is in town for a few days. If I flat out lie that we will be out of town, she could very well pass by my house and check....and I would not put it past her to do that.

So if you've stuck with me so far, how do I get out of this without being flat out mean? I've thought about 1) simply ignoring all messages, 2) saying things are so busy with the kids I can't commit to anything right now, 3) tell her we have plans for those days....I just don't know what to do, and figure I'd ask you knowledgeable ladies! And let me tell you, I was in a complete panic last night while the boards were down, not being able to ask you guys!!!!!!!

[wellyes]

If I were you, I'd probably offer to meet, but somewhere where it'd be fast and casual vs a long social encounter at your home. Like: "We are going to a movie Saturday, can we grab a bite at Chipotle's with you guys beforehand!"

[TwinFoxes]

I go with option 2.

Do you think she plans to ask you for something? I'm wondering why she's so set on meeting up with you.

[pinkmomagain]

I go with option 2.

Do you think she plans to ask you for something? I'm wondering why she's so set on meeting up with you.

I don't think she wants to ask me anything. She is a little wackadoodle, though. She is apparently very close to getting engaged, so I am wondering if she's talked up "home" with her soon-to-be fiance and wants to introduce him to people from "home" or if she wants to show off a soon-to-be ring to anyone who will stop to take a look?

[MomToOne]

I'd go with option three, then two, then one. I think that's least mean to meanest. People usually get it by option one.

[elephantmeg]

we have something similar. The kids were in a home based daycare before the center where they are now. Origionally loved the dcp then DS really freaked out about going. Like would ask every night if I worked the next day, cried when you left the house etc (at 4!). Anyways, moved them to the center, DS has been fine since, the dcp really wants to see the kids again. We tried having her babysit them one evening and DS really didn't have a good time, didn't want to go, DD doesn't want to go etc. Now DH wants to invite her to the kids' b-day party. (They came to the last 2-weird situation in that we had been invited to her DS' who is our DD's age). I don't have nay desire to see her at this point. When she sends FB messages offering to babysit for free etc I just ignore them. I think I would do the same here. Just ignore it- if you need to say something just say you have a busy weekend planned and can't really add anything to it. Or develop the stomach flu... ;)

[zoestargrove]

I like option 2, then 3 then, 1

[jenfromnj]

I think in the case you describe, I'd go with option 3. Normally, I'd prefer option 2, but she seems the type who will look for any opening, and telling her that you can't firm up plans "right now" will probably only invite her continued asking and bothering you.

[minnie-zb]

This isn't the best, but you could say someone is sick and contagious. I hate to do stuff like that as I'm afraid it will come back and bite me -- yes, I'm paranoid.

[pinkmomagain]

What about something like this:

Hey xxx, Between the three girls and all their activities and social things (I am literally their taxi driver, lol), I can't commit to anything right now. However, even if we don't get a chance to get together in March, I'm so glad we've connected on FB and please keep us posted on your upcoming engagement!!! We are very happy for you.

[KpbS]

I'd probably offer to go get ice cream or something with her and the girls. Let that be your opportunity to wish her well and after that I wouldn't feel bad about turning down any future requests to get together. She will probably be too busy after planning a wedding and getting married to keep up anyway.

[cuca_]

What about something like this:

Hey xxx, Between the three girls and all their activities and social things (I am literally their taxi driver, lol), I can't commit to anything right now. However, even if we don't get a chance to get together in March, I'm so glad we've connected on FB and please keep us posted on your upcoming engagement!!! We are very happy for you.

I like your email, but I think you should just tell her that you will not be able to see her, rather than you can't commit to anything right now. Also, I would not ask her to keep you posted on her engagement, as it makes it seem like you want to continue the friendship. Here's how I would change it.


"Hey xx, I've been looking at my calendar and have realized that the girls' have multiple activities and social commitments on the dates that you have suggested, and we will unfortunately not be able to get together with you when you are in town.

I am sorry we will not be able to see you, but I am happy that we've connected on FB. Please continue to keep in touch. We were very happy to hear about your upcoming engament. Such exciting news!!"

I honestly think it is better to nip it in the bud now. It sounds like she would continue to insist on setting a date unless you flat out tell her you can't meet.

Good luck!

[s7714]

If it's been a couple of years I'd maybe at least meet up with her for coffee or something for a few minutes. Maybe she's matured/changed. But of course maybe she hasn't.

If you don't want to chance it at all, then I'd go with something like option 2.