Big bro/lil sis dynamic: enlighten me!

[misshollygolightly]

We found out several weeks ago that we're having a little girl. DS will be a couple weeks shy of 3 yrs when she is born. Talk to me about the big brother/little sister dynamic. I'm an only child and have *no* frame of reference for the sibling thing at all. DH has a younger sister but they're not very close and their relationship (while not antagonistic or anything) isn't really a great model for various reasons. What are some things to do or avoid doing to help DS and soon-to-be DD have a healthy relationship? What are some of the annoying things to look out for or really sweet things to look forward to about having an older DS and younger DD?

I guess I'm not feeling very confident about raising my kids to navigate this sibling thing since I have no experience with it myself! All I know about siblings is what I gathered from reading the Boxcar Children series :rotflmao:

[maestramommy]

Well, my sis has DS who's 3.5 and a DD who'se 10 months. While the DS had trouble adjusting and I think did once ask for her to be taken back to the hospital:hysterical:, he loves his sis. From all accounts he is very much the older brother, taking care of his little sister. I saw videos of them playing together too. Very cute:heartbeat:

[lizzywednesday]

It'll depend on the kid, really.

But, I can say that as a "big sister" to a little brother at a similar age separation between your DC, if you don't push the issue, they'll be fine.

The only time I really didn't want anything to do with my baby brother was when one of my friends (an only) came with her mom to visit and all she wanted to talk about was "Baby Gerald." I pitched a fit because (a) she was MY friend and (b) his name wasn't "Baby Gerald", it was "Gerald."

We've had our ups and downs over the years and went through a really rough period when I hit my teens (but there were other things going on then, too) but we managed to find our way back to each other after high school. Heck, we shared a room once I'd graduated college and we now try to get together more often because we've got DC 6 months apart.

For "sweet" stuff to look forward to, if your kids end up with that dynamic, are things that I can remember from my brother Joe and my sister Catherine (there are 4 of us in my family) though Joe was just under 2 when Catherine came along, so it's a tiny bit different.

Joe loved Catherine so much that he wanted to give her hugs, but, being 2, he was a little more inclined to do things in a "big" way ... by the time Catherin was a week old, she'd learned that if she let out a yell when she heard Joe coming towards her, he'd slow down and remember to be more gentle.

They've pretty much been like a little old married couple ever since. It's really funny sometimes.

[sidmand]

I don't have a ton to say yet but DD and DS have about the same gap. DS was 2 years 10 months when DD was born. For a long time he didn't really care one way or the other about her but she absolutely adores him. If he's doing something, she needs to be doing it. Sometimes it works out well as in, see, your brother is going downstairs, do you want to go downstairs? Sometimes not so much.

It is very very sweet to see them to play together and when he helps her out but often they butt heads too (as I think all siblings are going to do).

I'm sure it'll all be fine. There are good days and bad days with any siblings!

[tlw]

My DS was 3.5 when my DD was born. All he ever wanted was a baby sister. There was and has never been any mention or desire for a baby brother. He is an amazing helper and a great friend to her, now that she's 18M. His name was her first word. When she wakes up in the a.m., his name is the first thing she says. He insists on giving her a hug and kiss every night. He even talks about getting bunk beds "so she can sleep on the bottom." I truly believe they will always have this amazing relationship.

[jenstring95]

My DS is 2 years older than DD. For the first 6-9 months he had absolutely NO interest in her, and then they slowly started playing together as her abilities increased. Now at 3yo and 5yo they play VERY well together and are the best of friends. They fight too, of course, but I have gotten numerous comments about how well they play together. I guess what I'm saying is, if they are not close at first, don't freak out. Sometimes it takes a little while! I can tell you, though, that it was worth the wait. :)

[bubbaray]

My DD#1 is almost 3 yrs older than DD#2. I too am an only child. I find the whole sibling dynamic curious and strange. Its just so foreign to me. DH finds it easier to deal with (his brother is 4y younger than him). So, when the girls start beating each other up, he just lets it slide because that is what he did to his brother....

[elephantmeg]

Love it! My DS didn't pay much attention to DD at the begining (they are 2 years appart-my nephews are 3 and big bro is so much more hands on than my DS ever was) but they are so close now. They share a room, take baths together, play together. They have their moments but overall they are so sweet! I had a big brother and still idolize him!

[misshollygolightly]

My DS was 3.5 when my DD was born. All he ever wanted was a baby sister. There was and has never been any mention or desire for a baby brother. He is an amazing helper and a great friend to her, now that she's 18M. His name was her first word. When she wakes up in the a.m., his name is the first thing she says. He insists on giving her a hug and kiss every night. He even talks about getting bunk beds "so she can sleep on the bottom." I truly believe they will always have this amazing relationship.

Ok, that is just adorable :love-retry: DS was convinced he was getting a baby sister long before the sonogram confirmed this, and he seems pretty interested and excited about it. So we seem to be off to a good start!

For the record, I'm totally ok with them not being BFFs or whatever. I think it's just difficult for me to imagine or understand the sibling thing! I'm sure it will be a learning experience :)

[DrSally]

I think it depends on the individuals, but I think it's wonderful. After DD was born, DS wanted to give her hugs and kisses all the time. I tandem nursed for awhile and they would hold hands while nursing. Even now, DD outstretches her hand from her carseat and asks DS to hold her hand. They do butt heads over toys, etc., but they love each other dearly, and are great playmates.

[mypa]

As DS recently said they are best friends and have recently started sleeping in the same room together to keep each other company. I'm actually surprised at how well they play together, it's very heart-warming. They still have the typical sibling fights but for the most part they get along well.

[jacksmomtobe]

My DS is 6 and his little sis is 4..they are 2yrs 4 mo apart. They love each other and for the most part can play together well. DS is more of the sensitive, caring type whereas DD is quite the talker, very physically capable, & a bit more of hand full. The 2nd is always a bit different than the first regardless of sex. She definitely wanted to keep up with him and did things earlier than he did. She is very tough (wants to be a field hockey goalie when she gets older). They can get very physical with each other and she does not back down. He will often appease her and definitely looks out for her When either is not around they want to know when we will be picking up the other one. Often the first thing out of her mouth in the morning is where is my brother. I've found that she plays with a diverse type of toys. She will play with trucks, legos, magnatiles, will play sports or any sports related game that they make up and has just now gotten into dolls. In her preschool class which is almost all siblings of kids who went through a few years earlier the girls play in the block area as often as the boys. In DS class the only two girls who played in that area where two twins who were older than the rest of the class. I've also noticed if Ds is playing with another boy who has a younger sister he is always very caring & inclusive to the other child's sister. Overall my love each other even if they do have their brawls.

One thing I heard over the summer is if you have a boy first then a girl you think the girl is a genius but if it's vice versa you think there is something wrong with the boy when in reality they are all normal kids. Girls tend to excel at the fine motor skills so the stuff that is worked on first at school such as letter writing, etc tends to be easier for them.

[DrSally]

On the wanting to sleep in the same room thing, DS has asked if he can have a sleepover in DD's room and DD has asked if DS can sleep on her rug. In reality, I think they'd just keep each other up. DS has a tendency to talk to himself when he wakes up, which would certainly wake DD up.