PDA

View Full Version : Anyone use a male sitter



niccig
02-02-2011, 03:59 AM
DS started at his school's after care 2 afternoons a week and loves it. The aftercare is contracted out to local company that does after care at a few schools and big summer camps, it's been around for 85 yrs. I was talking to the coordinator that is on site every afternoon and he lives 3 blocks from my house - sort of unusual as no one every lives in our little neighbourhood, we're tucked away in a canyon.

Next semester I might need someone to pick DS up from school and take him home as the school after care finishes at 6pm but the class finishes at 6.15 and I won't get there until 7pm. I said something to the counsellor about this and that other parents had suggested I see if an after care counsellor would agree to drive DS home and babysit him until I can get there. He said he would be interested. But now, I must admit that we've never had a male sitter before. He's back ground checked, worked as the school coordinator at our school for a few years, I've heard good things from other parents. DS said he doesn't play much with him, as DS's age group has a different counsellor assigned to them for the afternoon. And we have only done 3 days, so would need to get to know him better before I would set anything like that up, regardless if girl or boy. I've usually used sitters that other friends have used, so there is that more unknown factor here. I've just never considered using a male babysitter before...maybe because more women do it.

Thoughts?

maestramommy
02-02-2011, 08:03 AM
We used a male sitter for Dora a couple of times when she was about 2. Our HS sitter went away to college, and this young man was also from our church. I mostly knew him because he and his dad were in handbells. He was an eagle scout, and was staying in town to go to community college and work PT. Really that's all I knew about him, but from seeing him week after week at church the vibe I got from him was a good one. He came a couple of times. It appears all he did was study, read a book, which is what our other sitter did since Dora was in bed. I wouldn't have any hesitation about using him again.

Our sitter's Dh has come along with her on gigs before, and helps her out. Laurel esp. LOVES him. I don't have any qualms about him either.

I think if you're considering this counselor, like any sitter, get to know him, see what kind of vibe he gives you.

gatorsmom
02-02-2011, 08:24 AM
We had a neighborhood high school boy babysit for us for datenight a couple of times. The twins were already sleeping when he came over so he just played with gator and cha cha before he put them to bed. However, I have known that kid even before he started kindergarten and we know his parents really well. Otherwise, I'm too paranoid to get a male sitter. It's sad and unfair to all the good ones out there, I know. Just my mama instinct screaming at me.

hillview
02-02-2011, 08:28 AM
I have not but I wouldn't really hesitate if I got a good feeling about him and he had a background check. I might have him over to babysit and see how it went.
/hillary

crl
02-02-2011, 09:21 AM
Yes, under much the circumstances you describe. I know the stats, but he worked at ds' preschool so was background checked, I knew him and liked him, and ds knew him and liked him.

Catherinr

toystorymama
02-02-2011, 09:25 AM
My dad is our nanny. So technically he is a male, but also a close family member. This may sound strange, but for some reason I am more comfortable having a male watch my kids because they are boys. If I had a girl I don't think I would - a male other than my dad that is. :)

I think in your case if you feel comfortable with the counselor it should be OK. Good luck!

belovedgandp
02-02-2011, 09:26 AM
Given what you described and having a little more time to get to know him; most certainly I'd do it.

newnana
02-02-2011, 11:35 AM
We rarely get a sitter because we lead very boring lives, but I would use him given the situation you describe. But only if your DS likes him.

My favorite babysitter growing up was the teenage boy next door. I was kind of a reclusive kid and didn't like many of our babysitters. But he played with us. That kid earned his money. We played catch and built forts and he gave the best piggy back rides. My brothers LOVED having a guy babysit. He was super cool to us and treated us like friends and having a guy that wasn't dad that was interested in them was HUGE.

Obviously it's not all because he was a guy. It was because of who he was. And every babysitter is different. But give him and your DS a chance to hang out before you really need it so they get a chance to know each other better and if they hit it off, go for it. It really sounds like the perfect situation for you. Good luck!

jacksmomtobe
02-02-2011, 11:41 AM
I have typically avoided male sitters (though I've rarely had one apply when I've been looking) but based on the description of the situation that you give I think I would be comfortable. Especially since he has been background checked. The people up the st have a Male Nanny who is awesome. He is probably in his mid to late 20s so he is very mature and actually a very calming presence. He deals with 3 boys, a 5th Grader, Kingartener and a 1 yr old. He really has a nice reasonable approach with the kids and they listen to him.

BeccaB-D
02-02-2011, 01:27 PM
One of DH's best friends babysits our kids often, he is just great with them.
He doesn't have kids of his own yet (he and his DH are in the process of adopting a child)
At my mother group there was a lot of comment on leaving a (gay) man alone with my children, but he really is a great guy, the kids are always very happy when he shows up (even our tweens & teens, who don't need a babysitter anymore)
He really is a great guy and the kids love him (they call him uncle T.)
I feel very safe leaving my kids with him, he takes great care of them.

We use cloth diapers, and he had no problem with that, I told him first he could just use the Bumgenius since the work as a sposie, but with the help of our older children at first even prefolds are no problem for him anymore.
(he even rinses out the poo before he puts the diaper in the hamper) :bowdown:

We used to live in a community where gay people were called 'sinners in the eye of God', and other terrible things, so I was a little anxious at first.
But as soon as I saw him with the children all of my worries were gone.

He works as a Forensic Psychologist, so I know the background check is okey.:thumbsup:

niccig
02-02-2011, 01:54 PM
Thanks everyone. We have the next 4 months to get to know him better. I asked DS if he liked him and he said Yes, but he doesn't really play with DS. He is the site coordinator so oversees the entire program at DS's school. So we'll see where we're at come August.

ilfaith
02-02-2011, 02:20 PM
We've used a male sitter and my boys loved him. He was a counselor at their summer camp and an elementary education major at the local university. I was sad to have him graduate in December because he moved back home to South Florida.

mmommy
02-02-2011, 02:25 PM
One of our regular sitters for DD is male, and I have no reservations about him at all. He's great with her.

g-mama
02-02-2011, 02:26 PM
I would, depending on who it was, but DH will not hear of it.

MelissaTC
02-02-2011, 02:31 PM
We have a male sitter. His sister used to be our sitter until she went off to college. I have known both of these kids, as well as their parents, for over 13 years. I used to babysit them!! I know their parents really well and the kids are really good kids. M just loves him. I like that he follows my directions down to the letter.

scrooks
02-02-2011, 02:36 PM
Our neighbors have 2 boys and for the past several summers I know they have had a male sitter for them. The boys were a bit older...probably 8 and 10 when they started using him. I think their boys are in scouts and that is how they met this young man. They have been very happy with him.

LMPC
02-02-2011, 03:43 PM
We had a male sitter for DD last summer while I worked (he and another female HS student split the days). He was awesome! Engaged DD differently than the young woman -- read more to her and seemed to talk to her more directly (I know I'm not explaining that well). I approached hiring him the way I would any sitter (regardless of sex). FWIW, they both live in our neighborhood, and I know their parents. Neither DH nor I have an issue with male sitters.

kijip
02-02-2011, 06:58 PM
Yes, but 1 was an old friend close enough to be family and the other is a mother helper sort (younger boy) and I am around when he is here. Frankly, I think my older son does better with males than with female caregivers, in part because my dad has been a big presence in Ts life, functioning as a pt nanny since his birth, 1-3 days a week.

We would use a less familiar to us male sitter, but we have very high standards for sitters and I am not especially comfortable with baby-sitters in general who I don't know really well.

bubbaray
02-02-2011, 07:05 PM
I would not be comfortable with it and I have no rational explanation as to why. There are male teachers at DD#1's school and after care program. And I'm fine with them. There was a male student teacher at DD#2's daycare too. Again, fine.

DH used to babysit a LOT when he was a kid. So, I know he would be fine having a male sitter. Maybe I would be better with the idea if I had boys? Dunno.

Again, no flames necessary, there is no rational explanation for my thoughts on this.

kijip
02-02-2011, 07:35 PM
Again, no flames necessary, there is no rational explanation for my thoughts on this.

I understand. I am in the same boat with my overall approach to sitters. I have tried to figure out my irrational fear of less than as close as family sitters in general without much luck but it is what it is, right? A coworker offered to babysit for us and I was really really not ok with it and she is great, and I know safe but I just don't know her all that well and I freaked out about the prospect of having her over with the 3 boys.

ABO Mama
02-02-2011, 07:38 PM
Growing up, my and my brother's favorite sitter was male. He was great fun, and played lots of games with us. I don't have much need for a sitter, as my parents live in the area, but I'd be fine with the right male sitter for my kids.

newnana
02-02-2011, 08:27 PM
I understand. I am in the same boat with my overall approach to sitters. .
:yeahthat:
I posted upthread about being okay with it given the right guy and how he interacts with your DS.

But in addition to our being really boring, it's also that I'm really sketched out about sitters. In my case, especially family. There are very few folks I trust. I know I'm the overprotective mama-bear. I'll own up to that. I know our families better than anyone and I trust them less because of it. So where does that leave me :wink2: Okay, aside over.

If you get a good vibe from him and you see how they interact and your DS digs him, it really is a good situation. And like I said before, our favorite babysitter growing up was a guy. No competition.

g-mama
02-02-2011, 08:27 PM
It didn't help that there was a case not two miles from my house at a daycare center where a male daycare provider was arrested while fleeing the country after being caught sodomizing four 3 and 4-year-old girls. It was all over the news and my dh said if he'd ever been even close to reconsidering his stance on male sitters, that story did way too much damage.

I know that doesn't mean all male sitters would do the same thing, but you just hear about it happening way, way more often than female caregivers. I hate to feel that way, and I KNOW my boys would ADORE having a male sitter, so it really sucks that I don't feel I can go there.

lhafer
02-02-2011, 09:11 PM
:yeahthat:
I posted upthread about being okay with it given the right guy and how he interacts with your DS.

But in addition to our being really boring, it's also that I'm really sketched out about sitters. In my case, especially family. There are very few folks I trust. I know I'm the overprotective mama-bear. I'll own up to that. I know our families better than anyone and I trust them less because of it. So where does that leave me :wink2: Okay, aside over.

If you get a good vibe from him and you see how they interact and your DS digs him, it really is a good situation. And like I said before, our favorite babysitter growing up was a guy. No competition.

Most of the molesters out there are family members or friends of the family whether people want to believe that or not. The child knows them. Trusts them. It's okay to not like your family members for certain situations.