Just venting

[arivecchi]

I am feeling awful today. My DH is super stressed out about his job and could not sleep last night. He is a lawyer and has very few hours because of the lack of deals in this economy. He has also had a really hard time developing his book of business. He is incredibly smart and such a hard worker. It kills me to see him feel so badly about himself. The lack of job security really has taken a toll on both of us and I have no idea how to help. If he is let go, he will try to start his own business and that scares the bejesus out of me. We just cannot seem to catch a break. We have lived like this for the past two years and I sometimes feel like just giving up. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel here. I really try to be strong and just keep going for the kids, but it all seems useless at times. We invested a lot in our education and worked really hard for seemingly nothing.

Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

[wellyes]

Stay strong! You know it's not you.

Ack, why couldn't we all have been this age in, say, the late 90s when the money was flowing freely???

[lmh2402]

a - i really relate. totally feel your pain and your exhaustion with it all.

chin up... it's all we can do, right? if there were a way to fix it, i know we would do it in a heartbeat.

:hug5:hoping better days are ahead for all of us

[larig]

hugs, girl! :grouphug:

I think about this issue all the time. We know so many people who have been negatively affected by this economy. I am stalling on finishing my dissertation, because there are just no jobs. I feel you.

[HIU8]

I'm right there with you. Hopefully it will get better soon (for both of us).

[mctlaw]

So sorry. These tough times make everyday challenges all the more difficult, don't they? I hope your DH's business picks up soon. :hug:

[TwinFoxes]

:hug: I'm sorry you're having another rough patch. Like PP said, it's not anything you or your DH did wrong. It's a bad time for a lot of people.

[scriptkitten]

You guys are great parents. I totally believe in you and I know it will work out

[goldenpig]

:hug: Hugs, A. Sorry that you guys have been working so hard and struggling to get by. It's not your DH's fault...it's happening to everyone. We totally feel the same way. Just bad luck and poor timing...nothing we can do about it but accept it and move on. Easier said than done, I know.

You and your DH have been through a lot and made so many sacrifices. I hope it will start to pay off and that things are going to look up for your family very soon. Hang in there--you are a strong mama! :hug5:

[Momof3Labs]

:hug::hug:

[kara97210]

I can really sympathize. Hang in there. There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is too small to see at this point.

[Kaylee31]

:hug: I'm so sorry to hear you guys are having problems. I agree, so many people are struggling right now and it sucks. I can sympathize, DH was laid off last year and I know how stressful situations like this can be. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and things will work out for your family. Sending you thoughts & prayers, and hoping things will improve soon.

[mommylamb]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. Like everyone else has said, it's just a crappy crappy economy out there, not at all your or his fault. It sucks to live life always feeling stressed though.

[hillview]

:hug::hug:
/hillary

[elektra]

:hug5: :hug: :kisscheek: :grouphug:

[MontrealMum]

Sending lots of :grouphug: to both of you. Like pp said, it's noone's fault, but that doesn't make it easier to take as it just drags on and on.

[boolady]

Sending lots of :grouphug: to both of you. Like pp said, it's noone's fault, but that doesn't make it easier to take as it just drags on and on.

:yeahthat: :grouphug:

[arivecchi]

Thanks for commiserating. This has just gotten so old. It may be time to take some drastic measures and change the status quo. I just cannot continue like this indefinitely.

Thanks to those who posted. I really appreciate it. :grouphug:

[bubbaray]

Wishing you & your DH peace.

[jgenie]

:hug: Sorry you're going through a rough patch - hope things improve soon.

[kozachka]

Hugs :22:.

[ashleybama24]

So sorry you are dealing with this stress. Hopefully things will get better soon!

[kedss]

hugs-hope things get easier soon

[tmahanes]

Hugs!!!

Sent from my Ally using Tapatalk

[Beth24]

Sorry I missed this yesterday. Just adding to the hugs!!!! :hug:

[arivecchi]

Thanks everyone. We had a big blow-up this morning. We have radically different ways of trying to fix the this situation. I honestly do not know what to do at this point. :( Being an adult sucks.

[hellokitty]

:hug: I can understand why you're stressed and scared of the, "what if."

[HannaAddict]

I'm sorry, I know the stress of low billlables and nothing on the horizon. Tech downturn of 2001 . . . If he does end up going out on his own, would be switch to plaintiff's side? He should start having lunches and coffee with people just to keep in touch. It can help. I'm sorry. :(

[arivecchi]

HannaA, he wants to get completely out of law and start a business that he has been working on for 2 years now. I am really scared of the idea. I make a good living but not enough for a family of 4 to live comfortably in such a high COL area. He is almost 40 and feels that he has to go for it. I am very risk averse and would prefer that he just find a job in-house or something similar. We have been under this kind of stress for almost 2 years now and it is really taking a toll. Every time we try to talk about it, we end up arguing and upset. I usually have a plan to deal with things, but I really have no idea what to do at this point. Tell him not to pursue his dream and be miserable? Tell him to suck it up and get a more stable job? We don't seem to have any good options unfortunately.

[liamsmom]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice, but I completely understand your concerns about your DH starting a business right now. You're an awesome mom and you'll get through this. :hug:

[mom2khj]

HannaA, he wants to get completely out of law and start a business that he has been working on for 2 years now. I am really scared of the idea. I make a good living but not enough for a family of 4 to live comfortably in such a high COL area. He is almost 40 and feels that he has to go for it. I am very risk averse and would prefer that he just find a job in-house or something similar. We have been under this kind of stress for almost 2 years now and it is really taking a toll. Every time we try to talk about it, we end up arguing and upset. I usually have a plan to deal with things, but I really have no idea what to do at this point. Tell him not to pursue his dream and be miserable? Tell him to suck it up and get a more stable job? We don't seem to have any good options unfortunately.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm 5 years into DH doing his "dream" of his own business and it sucks now more than ever. He refuses to see the whole picture that it clearly isn't working and the toll it's taking on me/us isn't worth it.

[ijopint]

sorry that you and DH are going through this...everything will work out at the end...

[elektra]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm 5 years into DH doing his "dream" of his own business and it sucks now more than ever. He refuses to see the whole picture that it clearly isn't working and the toll it's taking on me/us isn't worth it.

:(

arivecchi, can you and the kids go take a 2 year vacation somewhere while your DH gets the business up and running? ;)
The payoff could be great but the potential for the stress level increasing even more in the short term seems like a very likely scenario.

I'll start asking around about CA job opportunities. Maybe you and the kids can come live on the compound we are thinking of getting with my dad. :)

[Indianamom2]

Oh goodness, we're living parallel lives, I think! Dh's work is slowly drying up and the only other person in his specific area of attorney-ship (yes I just made that up!) is leaving next month. He is scared she will take all the clients with her.

Being in limbo is terrifying. Being in limbo with huge therapy/doctor's bills coming up is even more scary. Being unable to help is very, very scary.

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.:hug:

[AnnieW625]

:hug5: :hug: :kisscheek: :grouphug:

Can't think of anything else to say that hasn't already been said, but I'll keep thinking about you guys. PM or email me if you want to talk!

[ashleybama24]

I thought there was no way we could live off of one income until we had to when I was laid off last summer. Well mommy tracked (my boss's idea) and then included in the mass layoff. I was the bigger bread winner so we certainly had to make adjustments in our lifestyle. We cancelled the cable, all the extra home services like Terminex who never bothered to show up anyway, we don't eat out very often, don't shop weekly at Whole Foods anymore, and put ourselves on a strict budget. Almost a year later I couldn't be happier. All the money in the world doesn't matter if you hate your job and going to work each day. It puts strain on yourself, your family and your happiness. I say tell him to go for it...start his own company. It may be hard but he can always go back to law and he will be happier and you will be happier!

[cuca_]

I'm sorry you are going through such a stressful period. Any chance your DH can continue to work and launch his dream business on the side?

[georgiegirl]

I'm so sorry that things have been so stressful. As a lawyer, I understand how crappy the job market it. Many hugs to you. It's hard when your husband is stressed out and unhappy. Not sure what the answer is. Hugs.

[happymom]

Just wanted to add my hugs. :grouphug: Sorry you are going through this stress. As PP mentioned, would it be possible for your DH to start the business without leaving his job? And then leave his job once the business is off the ground?

[DietCokeLover]

I'm sorry about your stress. We are in the tourism business and we have really been hit hard by the economy as well. Travel and dining out are usually the first places people cut back. I can totally empathize.

[jenfromnj]

Coming into this thread late, but I just wanted to say that we're in a similar situation and I so sympathize!

What's happened to the legal market is really unbelievable, my DH is in a very similar position and while I know it's not really his fault, but rather the terrible market, it doesn't make things any easier. And I've tried to put out feelers/reach out to contacts for f/t work for months now, but as a former CMBS lawyer, there's really nothing to go back to and the competition is fierce. Not exactly what I planned when choosing a career path.

Sending you lots of PT that things get better soon.

[golightly1118]

Coming in late to the thread, but just wanted to say :grouphug: You guys will get through this.

[arivecchi]

I'll start asking around about CA job opportunities. Maybe you and the kids can come live on the compound we are thinking of getting with my dad. :)I'm in! :)

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. I will give this all a lot of thought over the next couple of days and try to come up with a course of action that I am comfortable with.

I so wish I had a larger support network nearby. It is hard to go through a crisis without much support.

I hope that those that are in similar situations have happier times soon. It is so hard to live like this. :hug:

[Multimama]

Just wanted to add my :hug: to the pile.

Our situation is sort of similar and it stresses me out. I am working on trying to believe that it will all work out somehow, but it is hard! I find stroller therapy helps a little. :)

[tiapam]

:hug:

Job uncertainty is so draining. We had an involuntary job change here last year. It was scary and I still feel nervous. After the first sleepless night, I decided it was not worth losing sleep over. Plenty of time to worry when you wake up!

A book that really helped me with deciding about my career path was Do What You Love the Money Will Follow by Sinetar. Maybe it would be helpful for you and/or him to read?

[swissair81]

I'm sorry A! I didn't notice this before, but I'm adding my support to all the posters who were quicker than I was. Being an adult really does suck.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

just sending more hugs. it must be so hard seeing your DH so stressed out. i know it is for me...when DH gets stressed over something (usually work-related) life for everyone in our household becomes miserable.

[firemama]

I hope things turn around for you. We are on DH's income and he works 2, sometimes 3 jobs. We are barely getting by, so I sympathize with you. The economy has got to get better!

[KpbS]

:grouphug: Just sending some hugs to you.

[Aishe]

I'm sorry, I can completely empathize. I have been through this multiple times with my DH. He is a serial entrepreneur. Unfortunately he is not yet a terribly successful entrepreneur. After we had children I had to put my foot down. The agreement we have come to is this: if he can get robust funding for a company (i.e. enough so that he gets a salary and benefits for at least a couple years), I want him to go for it. Truly. If a vc firm or angel investor or whoever has enough confidence in him and his idea to invest, then I am all for it. They do so much due diligence, particularly in this economic climate, that I would feel comfortable with a start-up they deem worthwhile. Until then, he has to keep his day job. This has worked well for us because he doesn't feel as if I'm squashing his dreams, and I don't live in fear that his big dreams will render us homeless. I hope you can find some resolution. It's a very stressful way to live, I know.