so tired

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i am so sick of waking every morning feeling like total crap. i havent' slept more than 3 hours at a stretch since my DD was born 7 weeks ago. my head is throbbing, and every joint and muscle in my body aches. at the end of every day i just feel like collapsing.

i know that we planned this on having 2 so close together, but i did not plan on DD being a preemie, and using up all our help while she was in the NICU so when we brought her home we were all on our own. i did not plan that when she is 7 weeks old she is still is like a 2week old in terms of feeding/sleeping, nor did i expect that she would want to be held all.the.time (DS was not like that at all). i did not plan on DS to get sick so often

i keep waiting for it to get easier, and hoping that some day i can get a full night's sleep...

[kedss]

hugs, sweetie

[LMPC]

Oh no! :hug: I know you said that people helped you while DD was in the NICU but any chance you can get someone to come over for just a couple hours so that you can decompress a little? The first weeks are so hard!!

[twowhat?]

There is no "end of the day", right? It's just one really really really really long day.

One day you'll sleep again! Your DD sounds like she's going to be a handfull- soon you'll reap the benefits when she is a little older and can hold her own against DS:)

But yeah, totally agree - it sucks when you're in the middle of it. Hoping your DD starts sleeping longer at night very soon!

[momof2girls]

So sorry. This is the toughest part! I hope you baby sleeps better soon. I know this was the most miserable part for me as well!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

There is no "end of the day", right? It's just one really really really really long day.



:yeahthat: this is it, exactly. a few months ago, when i had a rough day with DS at least after about 10pm there was time to relax for a few moments and look forward to ~7 hrs of sleep. whereas now, there is no "end of day" its just time when my DS is asleep (hopefully) so i only have my DD. and then at 8am, it's time to do it all over again..it's like a neverending marathon!

[lmh2402]

:hug: maybe you could hire a sitter this weekend? even if it was for a few hours during the day. let DH play with DS for a bit. get sitter to help with baby. not sure if you're nursing, but if so, sitter could bring baby for you to nurse. and then just do the job of holding/soothing baby in between while you sleep.

[sste]

Night nurse. You need a night nurse. Just one or two days a week so you can get yourself together and get a few decent nights sleep. I was totally going to do this with DD and even had someone lined up but then DD turned out to be super-easy. I was surprised but in my area a night nurse, who is not usually a nurse per se, runs about $12-14 an hour. They will bring the baby to your bed to BF if that is what you want.

I did use a nanny three days per week - - our nanny also straightens the house, deals with dishes, and does laundry so it was an extra pair of hands even more than straight childcare. It actually freed me up alot to snuggle with DD and nurse and also to take care of myself, get to the doctor, get to the gym, etc. I don't regret a penny of that money spent. :)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks again everyone...wow at the moments both kids are finally asleep (a miracle!) and i have a few moments to type while my lunch is heating up

about getting help, thankfully the sitter is coming for a few hours this afternoon to watch my son. i still haven't had anyone sit for DD since she's still nursing so often and isn't on a predictable schedule. plus i often have the sitter take DS to the park to let him run around and that can't really be done as effectively (IMO) if she has to watch my DD as well.

anyway, my DD is definitely a drama queen...so different from my DS. DD has to be held all the time. sometimes i have to put her down for 2 minutes so i can go to the bathroom, and she screams her head off, as if her world is ending. she screams so hard she turns red, and when i finally pick her up she immediately stops and is panting from all the screaming. my DS wasn't like this.

[twowhat?]

thanks again everyone...wow at the moments both kids are finally asleep (a miracle!) and i have a few moments to type while my lunch is heating up

about getting help, thankfully the sitter is coming for a few hours this afternoon to watch my son. i still haven't had anyone sit for DD since she's still nursing so often and isn't on a predictable schedule. plus i often have the sitter take DS to the park to let him run around and that can't really be done as effectively (IMO) if she has to watch my DD as well.

anyway, my DD is definitely a drama queen...so different from my DS. DD has to be held all the time. sometimes i have to put her down for 2 minutes so i can go to the bathroom, and she screams her head off, as if her world is ending. she screams so hard she turns red, and when i finally pick her up she immediately stops and is panting from all the screaming. my DS wasn't like this.

She'd get along well with my drama queens (especially DD2).

[sste]

Ms. Pacman, what about a mother's helper? I was actually in the house with the nanny and DS and the new baby. If the nanny was taking care of the baby she would bring her to me to nurse. Also, once I nursed I could sometimes run out for an hour or so to do something special with DS. But, really the best part was having all the housework taken care of.

Hang in there!

[ccather]

My oldest dd was a mama's girl and wanted to be held constantly. A sling was my life saver. See what you can find to wear her. It'll free up your hands. You'll be surprised how much you can get done with a baby in a pocket on your person!

[jennilynn]

:hug:
And I second the sling suggestion. I just retired our Moby a few weeks ago after using it every single day for eight months. My DS wants to be held all the time too.

[Tondi G]

HUGS mama... it'll get better! She is still so little. Once she gets on a more predictable schedule/routine you will get more down time. I third the suggestion for a sling or mobi or pouch.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

hi thanx for all the replies

i already use a sling (sleepywrap) several times a day. but still, it's super hard..the weight of holding DD or wearing her constantly puts a big strain on my back and knees. last time after having DS i had to go to physical therapy for a few months for post partum knee pain. this time, the pain is even worse but with 2 kids there is just no time available for me to go to PT. also, maybe im too weak or not coordinated enough but even with DD in the wrap i can't seem to do certain things like lift DS to his changing table, change him, lift him to the sink to wash his hands, etc. it's hard bc DS is still in many ways a baby and is still dependent on me to do a lot of things for him.

about a night nurse, that is a brilliant idea...though i asked DH but he immediately nixed the idea bc he doesn't like the idea of a "stranger" staying at our house while we're asleep.:( it was hard enough last year convincing him to get a sitter and to hire cleaning people, for similar reason (he was afraid ppl stealing from us, abusing DS, etc).

anyway, what also makes things tough is that my DH works from home, so it's hard on him too to hear all the chaos during the day. i feel like a failure on many days bc there are many instances where one baby is screaming and i know it's hard for my DH to get any work done while listening to that so there's that added pressure on me as well. i feel horrible for not being able to do a better job and keep both kids content most of the time. :(

[longtallsally05]

How about a Moby wrap? Might be a better fit for a preemie. I have a sling & a Moby & I felt more secure with my newborns in the Moby. Just a thought.

[twowhat?]

.
anyway, what also makes things tough is that my DH works from home, so it's hard on him too to hear all the chaos during the day. i feel like a failure on many days bc there are many instances where one baby is screaming and i know it's hard for my DH to get any work done while listening to that so there's that added pressure on me as well. i feel horrible for not being able to do a better job and keep both kids content most of the time. :(

This IS really hard - I cannot imagine how hard that is. It really would be so much easier if he were working outside of the home because having 2 kids crying at the same time, or one crying while you attend to the other - is just a part of the normal that comes with having 2 young children - it's not a reflection of your parenting skills. It just IS. You simply can't be in two places at once. Maybe he could (temporarily) move his office upstairs?

[ThreeofUs]

Hang in there - it's HARD during these first few months. :hug:

FWIW, watch her for reflux. That screaming while lying down is a symptom....

ETA: There is no way you're going to be able to keep both kids content at all times. Don't set this goal for yourself - it's a recipe for failure, and who needs that?!?! You're doing a great job, you're a good mother. This is just one of the hardest times. And talk to doulas around, maybe they do night work and you can convince your DH in that they are insured/bonded (usually) if they come from an agency.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks guys, i think i really need to be reminded that having at least one kid crying is part of the new "normal" that i will have to get used to....attending to the needs of two screaming kids is just, in most cases, a physical impossibility! still is frustrating to hear though...

and while my DH is super helpful (he does all the cleanup after i cook, and sometimes helps me out during lunchtime with the kids) in someways is harder when he's at home bc i feel bad knowing how hard it is for him to work with DD and DS there. normally it's not too horrible but today my DS has been so sick with allergies so he was crying a lot, refusing to eat and just acting out in general.

and about reflux, i do have the Nap Nanny which i think helps a bit, but i've noticed that even when i have her on it or an incline (like in a bouncer), she still just wants to be held. like she stop crying immediately once she is picked up. another thing with her is that she totally prefers to be on her stomach or on her side (which of course i can only let her do when i'm holding her bc of SIDS risk).

[StantonHyde]

One of the issues with preemies is that they don't have that 36-40 weeks in utero---when they learn how to sleep!!!!!! I found this out 2 years after I had DS who was born at 36 weeks. OMG--it was pure torture. He would wake up, it would take an hour to feed him, change him, and get him back to sleep. And then he would sleep for ONE hour and wake up again--SCREAMING. I thought I was going to DIE. I had a sitter for 4 afternoons a week and I took a 3 hour nap. Anything to get through the day. I needed sleep.

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for your DH. He can work with kids screaming. There is no way you are going to have 2 kids quiet at the same time. Just not gonna happen.

I wore him constantly because it was the only thing that kept him happy. BUT he was my first. I don't know how you are doing this with your first being so young. You need lots and lots of help. Fine, if DH won't let you hire a night nurse, then he can stay up late--you can go to sleep as soon as your older DS goes to sleep and DH can stay with baby for 4 hours so you get at least 4 hours of sleep in a row. I made my DH take the baby from 10p-2a.

Big, giant hugs!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

^so true about the preemie thing. i thot, hey, DD was only 5-6 weeks early so it should be no biggie, right? Wrong. it makes such a huge difference. the newborn stage was rough with my DS (born at 38wks) but i remember that at 7 weeks of age he was already sleeping in his own crib in his own room, for 4-5 hour stretches at a time. by then he was very alert, awake during good chunks of time during the day. whereas now at 7weeks old my DD (34/35 weeker) is still very much like a newborn...it seems most of her "awake time" is just to cry for food or whatever. at night she still in the cosleeper in our room, wants to be held by us or wants to be in our bed. she doesn't like sleeping in her crib at all (it still feels too big for her, i imagine). at night she will go (sometimes!) for 5 hours between feedings, but she wont' be asleep between feedings..it may take an hour to get trhu a feeding and to get to sleep, and then 1 or 2 hours later she will wake up screaming, i or dh will hold her in the rocker, then maybe 1 or 2 hrs after that she will need to nurse again.

[arivecchi]

That sounds so so hard! It will end at some point though! Just take it day by day until that blessed day comes! :hug:

[crl]

I don't know if it would help your dh feel comfortable, but our night nurse actually was a nurse, an RN, so she had had a background check to get her license. And I talked with references. Other people at her agency who were not nurses had also had background checks done. Ours was a godsend.

Catherine