what to say about over-apologizing

[lmh2402]

DS is in a phase of saying, "i'm sorry, mama." for all kinds of random things.

some are fully warranted - hitting me in the face, throwing toys.

but many times, he's apologizing for things like tripping. or dropping something. or walking into something.

i'm assuming it's a phase. but it's making me sad. and i haven't figured out the right way to respond. i definitely want to encourage him to say he's sorry when he owes an apology. but i do NOT want him feeling badly about things that he shouldn't feel badly about.

thoughts? thanks.

[DrSally]

DS does this sometimes too. I think they just don't fully understand the meaning of the phrase, and say it whenever some sort of mistake has happened. Next time he says it after an accident, I'd just say something like, "oh, you just tripped, that was an accident, not your fault".

[o_mom]

I would just have some on-going discussions about apologies are for when you hurt someone else or make them feel bad, not when you are the only one hurt (like tripping). At this point, he is over-generalizing a rule and that is perfectly age-normal and most likely hasn't connected saying 'sorry' with feeling bad, just that you say it when something bad happens. Eventually he will figure out the subtleties of the various situations. I wouldn't worry too much on it.

I would be careful in the phrasing of explaining why he doesn't need to apologize for tripping, though. We are at the opposite point with my 6 yo in that he refuses to apologize if he did something on accident - to him, apology=on purpose. He can run into someone and knock them down on accident and will not apologize because he didn't do it on purpose. We are trying to get him to accept that you need to apologize even if it was an accident.

[MomToOne]

don't be sorry be careful :wink2:

[s7714]

My older DD does this because she's fearful of making adults upset if she makes a mistake. She's an anxious type who has always been that way, so we're now working on coping skills. Hopefully your DC will out grow it, but some kids don't. :(

[egoldber]

:yeahthat:

My anxious DD does this a lot. She's a perfectionist and feels the need to over apologize for everything. I think this is pretty typical of many kids who tend to get stuck in patterns of rigid, inflexible thinking.

[JTsMom]

Jason does this too. His SLT will say in a bit of an upbeat, but matter of fact voice, "Oh, we don't have to apologize when we trip!"- kind of like it may have never occurred to him, so she's just informing him- then keeps going as if nothing happened.

[jenfromnj]

Just wanted to chime in and say I'm glad you asked this question, an thankful to see the responses, as we're having the same issue here with DS lately. It's so hard to impart to a newly 2 y/o where to draw the line on apologies!