If a toddler tests your rules, is she old enough for a time out?

[TwoBees]

I'm wondering if DD is old enough to understand time out. She is 19 months (16 months adjusted). She knows the rules and tests them. For example, she knows she is not to stand in her PBK Anywhere chair. She does it, looks at us, and grins. She'll sit when we remind her of the rule, but then she stands again and thinks it's funny. We have begun to remove the chair for a few minutes when she does not listen. She does the same thing with putting her feet on the table when sitting in her high chair. Is she old enough to understand time out, or should we continue to just remove her from the situation instead?

[wendibird22]

We are in the same situation with DD2 who is 18mos. Grin and all! We remove the item or her. She isn't able to sit still for a time out so for us it wouldn't be effective. DH once put the chair behind the baby gate in another room because she'd find it and drag it back. I'll be following this thread for other ideas.

[lowrioh]

[QUOTE=TwoBees;Is she old enough to understand time out, or should we continue to just remove her from the situation instead?[/QUOTE]
In my experience, that is really too young for time out. My DD really only started to understand time out once she was 2 and even then it didn't really sink in until 2.5.
I just redirected, removed her from the situation or took things away. It isn't always easy though.
Traditional "time out" in a chair doesn't really work for us so we sent her to her room. It is usually for serious offenses (hitting, biting etc). I think for things like standing on a chair or feet on the table that time out is a bit excessive IMHO.

[barkley1]

DS is 23 months and has been doing the sit/stand/grin thing for months...we are having a hard time enforcing the rule of not standing up on furniture since Grandmama (he stays w/ her during the day) lets him do this. BUT, we have tried timeouts (usually for more serious stuff) and sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. Sometimes he goes and puts himself in timeout - HA! What the heck do you do then? It's almost like he thinks its a game....

[Melaine]

Yes, we did time outs before then. If she is disobeying knowingly, then she is old enough for consequences IMO.

[ahisma]

I started them at 15 months for DS1. I don't remember the circumstances, but he had clearly pushed the rules, over and over, and I was feeling stuck in a bad rut.

I tried it on a whim (for 1 minute) and it worked. I just had him sit in front of the closet door, explained that it was a time out and why. It worked great! No tears, no drama, and the behavior corrected.

[ha98ed14]

Personally, I think that is too young to put *her* in time out, but absolutely removing the thing (toy, chair) and putting it in time out is fine. "You do it, you lose it." was my motto when DD looked at me knowing what she was about to do was a no-no. We didn't start T.O. for DD (we do standing and facing the wall) around 2.5-3. We are still working with it at just-turned-four.

[WolfpackMom]

We have done 1min time outs for things like pulling the plugs out of the wall, a potential dangerous thing that he LOVES to do. He goes for it, we say no, he goes again smiling the whole time and waiting for us to watch and we put him in his crib, the only contained space we have for 1 minute and he doesnt do it again for the rest of the day (usually), Im not gonna lie though, we have given up on making DS not stand on his ride on toy. He never falls, even if he did its only 4" high and hes on carpet, and he thinks its the funnest thing ever. As long as he isnt near any furniture or anthing he could hurt himself on then I let that slide.

ETA, DS stands on his Anywhere chair all the time, its in a corner, theres nothing he can fall into, and I dont really see the harm. He cannot stand on regular furniture though, we immediately sit him down or put him on the floor if he stands on the couch.

[ashleybama24]

I asked the same thing of my local mom's group and everyone said my DS (15 mo at the time) was too young for time out. They all recommended various books and guess what, ALL THE BOOKS SAID TO START TIME OUT AT A YEAR. Which ironically is what we had done. For us it works...at 19 mo if I tell him no and he does it again to test me and I count down from 3,2,1 and he still hasn't stopped he goes into time out for 1 min. He can sign I'm sorry, give a hug and kiss and doesn't repeat the behavior afterwards. He has only been in time out once in the last few weeks.

I have also gotten better about reading his moods since he doesn't talk. If he starts acting out I know he is either hungry, tired or bored. As much as it sucks to leave the park after 5 mins or leave a play date early if he isn't in the mood it's only going to get worse. He has improved so much and is actually sweeter because I think he is less frustrated that I wasn't understanding him.

[ahisma]

You know, I think it really depends on the child's personality. If time outs hadn't worked at 15 months for DS, or if they would have been emotionally stressful for him, I wouldn't have done them.

At 2 1/2, we started sending him to his room to calm down, because it worked. I didn't do time outs in his room, but if he was tantruming, I'd send him to his room to calm down. Again, I did it on a whim and it worked. He went up there for a minute or two and came down calm and collected. MUCH easier than a long tantrum, for both of us.

[hillview]

Personally, I think that is too young to put *her* in time out, but absolutely removing the thing (toy, chair) and putting it in time out is fine. "You do it, you lose it." was my motto when DD looked at me knowing what she was about to do was a no-no.

:yeahthat: