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okinawama
06-07-2011, 04:18 PM
My 2nd DS is 7 weeks tomorrow, and I feel like I'm still just keeping pace. I barely stay on top of the house and I go at least 3 days between showers (and they're always at night). We have just started to be able to run errands and join in on play dates, but we're always late, I'm always flustered and someone is always crying.

Did it take everyone else this long to adjust to life with 2? When did you feel like you were a little more on top of life rather than being drug along through it?

brittone2
06-07-2011, 04:22 PM
A long time.

The transition to 2 was harder for me than the transition to 3. My kids were each about 3 years apart.

When DS1 was a baby, I was able to tend to his every need. The hardest part for me was learning how to "triage" needs. DS1 still needed wiped when DD was an infant (always just as I had gotten her to sleep in my arms...), etc. That was really, really hard.

Over time we found a new normal and I realized DS1 was growing emotionally, and DD was resilient when I couldn't always meet her needs immediately.

Hang in there, and give yourself and your family lots of grace. It is a tough transition for many families.

We had triage down pretty well by the time baby #3 came along and that was much easier for me.

:hug:

lcarlson90
06-07-2011, 04:28 PM
Hang in there :hug: It does get easier but it will take some time. I would say that it took about 4 - 6 months for me to feel like I was able to manage both kids. My 2nd DS is just about to turn 3 and I am still not able to keep up with everything like I used too, but I have just accepted that.

gatorsmom
06-07-2011, 04:32 PM
It's not the fact that you have 2 DC, it's the fact that the youngest is 7 weeks old! Little babies make the simplest trips difficult. I think you shouldn't expect so much from yourself. I don't know how old your oldest is, but if s/he is toddler or preschool age, that will makes things more complicated too.

As baby gets older, things will get easier. As for being late, I will tell you the best thing to do is give yourself an extra 30 minutes before you leave to makes sure your diaper bag is packed, baby is changed, bottles/sippies are ready, older sister/brother has gone potty and give yourself 15 minutes to struggle with them in the car. It just takes longer with more kids.

Our church in our last neighborhood was 10 minutes from our house. Mass started at 11am. After our twins were born, I'd start getting everyone's bums changed, shoes and coats on, babies strapped into infant seats, etc., at 10:10am. And we'd always walk through the church door with about 2 minutes to spare. You just have to plan more time in there to do EVERYTHING with little kids. :hug: It gets easier.

maestramommy
06-07-2011, 04:33 PM
I felt it was somewhere between 4-6 months where I not only felt like the house was becoming normal again, but I was actually enjoying both kids. Arwyn was becoming more active and interactive, and Dora was becoming more interested in her.

longtallsally05
06-07-2011, 04:34 PM
Longer than 7 weeks! Hang in there; it will get better. I was fortunate to have my mother stay the first 8 weeks, so it wasn't too bad up until that point except for the breastfeeding learning curve. DH stayed home for the first 10 days. After my mother left, DD had preschool spring break and it felt like I had fallen out of the frying pan and into the fire. It got better after DD went back to preschool 3 x week. If you are far from family, I highly recommend finding a p/t preschool for your older child just so you & the baby can catch a nap, or you can run some errands, go to a doctor's appointment etc with only one child instead of two. I was on Okinawa too (KAB), btw. DD really enjoyed Casa de Ninos preschool. USNH on Lester sucked (DD in '06), but Adventist Med Center (DS '09) was awesome!

elephantmeg
06-07-2011, 04:35 PM
a year to forget that you ever just had one :) and a good 4-6 months to get to the point that someone isn't always crying in your arms. Congrats on #2!

hillview
06-07-2011, 04:47 PM
Congrats! It took me a while. It gets better over time. It was about 18 months post birth of DS2 when I felt normal again.

hellokitty
06-07-2011, 04:51 PM
DS1 and DS2 are only 18 mo apart. When I had DS2, life was hellish, esp since DS2 was a high needs, fussy baby and DS1 was a spirited toddler. It took at least 6 mo before I even felt halfway back to normal. My slings/carriers were my lifesaver.

truly scrumptious
06-07-2011, 04:53 PM
I feel the same way! DD is 10 weeks and I feel like we can barely keep up. But I see my friend who is a SAHM with DCs about the same age apart as mine but 6 months older and she seems to have found her groove so I'm hoping we'll find ours soon.
The main thing is that I miss DS. Whenever we need to divide and conquer 90% of the time I take the baby and DH takes DS. So I really miss spending time with him - and I know he misses me too. I hope that changes soon.

Good luck to you too,OP, with finding your groove soon.

♥ms.pacman♥
06-07-2011, 04:59 PM
great thread, i too was wondering the same thing. my DD is almost 3 months and in some ways i feel like i've adjusted for the most part, but still a lot of aspects (when DH has to travel) are rough. but yeah, the whole showering every 2-3 days, never having time to put make up on, looking like crap all the time makes me miserable sometimes. i know i started feeling "normal" after DS when he was about 3months..i think it will take a lot longer than that this time around. having 2 is just so much more time-consuming than having 1, and the logistics of getting out somewhere are just so much harder.

and about getting out with both kids..i usually take both kids on errands (grocery shopping, etc) about 2-3 times per week. i usually leave around 11:15am and am back 12:30 so DS can eat his lunch and then nap. i start getting ready (getting DS a snack cup, water, checking diaper bag, loading everything int eh car, nursing DD, changing both kids diapers) a little after 10..so yeah, it's pretty much 1 hour from the time i start getting stuff ready to the time both kids are strapped in the car. like gatorsmom said the time to get both kids ready (when you only have one person available to do everything) can take forever!


I feel the same way! DD is 10 weeks and I feel like we can barely keep up. But I see my friend who is a SAHM with DCs about the same age apart as mine but 6 months older and she seems to have found her groove so I'm hoping we'll find ours soon.
The main thing is that I miss DS. Whenever we need to divide and conquer 90% of the time I take the baby and DH takes DS. So I really miss spending time with him - and I know he misses me too. I hope that changes soon.

Good luck to you too,OP, with finding your groove soon.

yes, we have this issue too. i always take DD because of the nursing thing. a lot of times when DH runs an errand in the evenings he takes DS with him. so yeah, i feel bad that DS and i don't get to spend as much time together.

daisymommy
06-07-2011, 05:00 PM
Absolutely about 6 months. And even then, life was never the same! It was a new "normal".
Totally agree with what Beth said. Learning to "triage" their needs is just plain hard. And life with a pre-3 month old baby is even harder.
Give it some time, relax your standards, get some help, and hang in there!

BabbyO
06-07-2011, 05:05 PM
Congrats. No BTDT advice, but according to our sitter (has 4 DC) with 1 child it is a 2 on one game, when you have 2 kids...you are officially outnumbered!

I'm hoping that it gets easier for you as your second one gets a little older. I'll be in the same boat come Sept! :)

Melaine
06-07-2011, 05:16 PM
Three years.

jennilynn
06-07-2011, 05:25 PM
Still struggling some days, feeling like supermom on others. My youngest is 10 months, oldest is 2 1/2.

elektra
06-07-2011, 05:37 PM
Those first few weeks are SO tough. It got much better when DS was maybe 3 months or so?
And then now, they play together and things are really fun (most of the time. ;))

pantrygirl
06-07-2011, 05:39 PM
Thanks for this post. I'm pregnant with #2 and been dealing with anxiety and trepidation about juggling two.

I'm glad to hear from other who feel this way and also survived. :p

Thanks.:grouphug:

Avispa
06-07-2011, 05:43 PM
Don't give up, take it easy and don't put too much pressure onto yourself! DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 is now 5 months. I'd say we sort of got our new comfortable pace when DD2 was about 4 months. I think right now you should try to enjoy the time your DC2 is small to cuddle, they grow up so fast and soon you'll be out and about with both without having to plan etc.
Our DDs are now entertaining each other, it becomes easier every day.

jenstring95
06-07-2011, 10:05 PM
Absolutely about 6 months. And even then, life was never the same! It was a new "normal".
Totally agree with what Beth said. Learning to "triage" their needs is just plain hard. And life with a pre-3 month old baby is even harder.
Give it some time, relax your standards, get some help, and hang in there!

A very big yes to all of this. After 6 months it got easier for us, and after that it got easier still. By the time my younger DC was 1yr things were much easier. It seems like such a long time, but it goes by so very, very fast. Just remember that you can only be in one place at a time, so often someone (whether your other DC, a friend, DH, whomever) has to wait!

ahrimie
06-07-2011, 10:13 PM
Thanks for this post. I'm pregnant with #2 and been dealing with anxiety and trepidation about juggling two.

I'm glad to hear from other who feel this way and also survived. :p

Thanks.:grouphug:

I feel the same way. My due date is next week and I swear I'm having panic attacks!

twowhat?
06-08-2011, 12:38 PM
Three years.

Haha. :yeahthat: We're not quite at 3 years yet, but I am just starting to REALLY (and I mean REALLY) enjoy my kids instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime.

In terms of getting to where I wasn't stressed out all the time/panicked whenever DH had to leave town...probably that was when they were about 15 months old. Before then, I'd stress big time whenever DH traveled (even with family help). I was a SAHM until they were about 20 months. It got easier after that:)

scrooks
06-08-2011, 12:42 PM
I would say about 6 months.... But even now things are always changing... With each new phase for each child there is a bit of an adjustment...