WWYD? birthday party etiquette advice...

[gatorsmom]

Last Friday, a mom from our school called me to ask if I could give her a copy of the school directory. Since we were going out that night, I offered to copy it and drop off the copy on our way to the restaurant. She told me then that it was sending invitations to the kids for her son's birthday party. She asked if we could come the following weekend to the birthday party. I said we could and we'd see her there. She said she'd send us an invite with times of the party. So, I was at Target this week and picked up a Lego gift (my go to gift) for her son and a gift bag. Haven't signed a card yet for him though. Anyway, i received the invitation today and inside the card was this note, clearly printed off the computer and I assume included in everyone's invite:

Please consider giving a gift of cash or a TRU gift card. Our son is saving for a special purchase from TRU. Give what you feel is appropriate. your friendship for DS has always been the best gift possible.

I know how some here feel about requesting a specific gift at for birthdays or weddings, etc. That doesn't really concern me right now (though, I admit, in some ways it's a bit tacky). This mother is from a different country so maybe in her country it's normal.

My question is this: would you give cash after having already bought a gift? And I don't have a gift receipt (I forgot. oops). I guess I could pin the entire Target receipt to the box. ugh. But DH is out of town and I have a ton of other things on my plate right now. I really don't want to make a stop at TRU for a gc. I COULD give cash and save the Lego toy for another time (seems we are going to a boys' birthday party every other week). So, it's not a problem regifting it.

What would you do?

[Melaine]

OH my word. That is so tacky, IMO. You picked out a nice gift that you thought the child would appreciate, there is no way I would return it. I would ignore the note and give your gift as planned.

[bubbaray]

OH my word. That is so tacky, IMO. You picked out a nice gift that you thought the child would appreciate, there is no way I would return it. I would ignore the note and give your gift as planned.


:yeahthat:

[waitingforgrace]

If you had a gift receipt I'd say give the legos but since you don't I'd give a little cash and return the legos or save for another gift.

[LMPC]

I agree....tacky, tacky, tacky! I would give the gift I had already bought.

ETA: [Sigh]....still thinking it's tacky but after rereading your OP I think I would give cash and give the legos to the other kid (whose parents are not tacky lol).

[AnnieW625]

I think that is kind of tacky, plus it's just a suggestion. I'd give the gift you already bought. WCS he doesn't like it he can go through the pain of returning it. I would not give extra cash. In regards to the gift receipt you can take a regular receipt with the item on it and get a gift receipt at anytime. If you bought the item with a credit card they can look it up and probably print a gift receipt for it. I might be lucky but I have had pretty good luck with the return desk at Target.

[WolfpackMom]

I would give the gift you already bought.

[robinsmommy]

Ooh, I dunno, we did suggest this more discreetly for our wedding, (those WHO ASKED were told when they RSVP'd and asked about where we were registered), BUT we had a small wedding (less than 100 people total) and everyone knew that I was moving there right after to join DH, who had already moved - there was no good way to ship a lot of stuff that wouldn't have cost us hugely, had we gotten all the gifts at the wedding in the traditional way.

So most people gave gift cards/$, some opted to ship (this was back in the days of cheap oil and shipping was much cheaper from the stores, if not free).

Personally, I think it is a REALLY tacky request to make to anyone outside of family/really close friends, which were the only people attending our wedding.

I would try to regift and give cash, and let the issue of tackiness rest on them. I would call it more than a "bit" tacky, though.

[YouAreTheFocus]

Wow, tacky on so many levels! I would give the gift you already bought, if anything. That note would really turn me off.

[kerridean]

That is SO BEYOND tacky that I would not even GO to the party. Yes, I am serious. GOOD LORD people!

[MamaMolly]

Oh ick. That is just so tacky. I would be so put off by this. I love to give nice gifts, but I also love to shop sales and get $$$ gifts for just a little money. I'd *hate* feeling like I had to give money or a GC with the dollar amount.

In your case, I'd save the Lego gift for the next party, and give the Birthday Boy a $5 in a birthday card. If you wanted to be really creative, you could do dollar coins, one for each year.

[MMMommy]

Tacky, tacky, tacky. I would just give the Legos you already bought. They get what they get.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

OH my word. That is so tacky, IMO. You picked out a nice gift that you thought the child would appreciate, there is no way I would return it. I would ignore the note and give your gift as planned.

:yeahthat: I agree, incredibly tacky. I would not spend any more time on this and would just give the Lego gift. Totally not worht the hassle of going to TRU.

[twowhat?]

It's totally tacky (from a US perspective LOL), but given that she's from another country I'd cut her a little slack. Money is the norm to give for bday gifts (and everything else, apparently) in my culture.

Since the lego is easily re-gift-able, I'd just stick a $10 bill (or however much you paid for the lego) in his bday card and call it a day. It wouldn't be any extra work for you (unless you have to go to the bank to get some cash!!! If that's the case, totally just give him the Lego).

[deborah_r]

DS1 received from one child a gift bag with tissue paper surrounding $15 crumpled up one dollar bills. You could do that! :)

I've been meaning to ask if anyone knows if that is a cultural thing or something. I thought it was pretty strange.

[jgenie]

I wouldn't like receiving the note. That said since you know there is something he truly wants and you can regift the legos I would put a little cash in an envelope for him.

[YouAreTheFocus]

That is SO BEYOND tacky that I would not even GO to the party. Yes, I am serious. GOOD LORD people!

:hysterical:

[bisous]

I think it is super tacky too but would probably give cash. I'd either keep the gift (if I knew I could give it to someone else) or else return it on my next trip to Target. Nobody could fault you for giving the gift--that is entirely correct--but I truly love pleasing little kids and would follow the (tacky) instructions.

[egoldber]

In many cultures cash is customary. If you otherwise like them and consider them friends, I would just do as a PP suggested and put $10 in a card.

[sste]

It is tacky, I would never do this . . . but, I can see where the urge comes from to send a note like this!! Following our move and packing hundreds of pounds of toys, I am right now trying to sort all of the DC's toys and buy MORE storage. I think I have spent at least $500 bucks on toy storage not to mention requiring more living space. I struggle with this because we really like to be "inclusive" and have parties that include alot of kids. In our exprience, everyone ignores "no gifts please" and we always end up with at least 20 new toys. It is fun to see DS enjoy opening his bounty of toys but that glow fades quickly as I realize I have no place to put them . . .

[Melaine]

I get that cash may be a customary gift in some cultures, but is ASKING for it via invite appropriate in any culture?
Serious question.

[BabbyO]

Meh...I don't even thing the invite was all that tacky. Maybe her son REALLY wants something that is outside of their budget and this might be a way to help get it. She did say "consider" giving a GC or cash AND added the sentiment that the friendships are the most important gift. IMO she's trying to ask for help in getting something her son really wants in the least tacky way possible.

That said...it would be completely acceptable to give the legos as planned (even in her mind, I think).

Especially since you expect that you can regift the legos for another party, I'd just give some cash in a fun card.

[new_mommy25]

It is a little off-putting, but I kind of understand where she is coming from. Her son is saving up for a special gift he really, really wants. She is putting it out there in the nicest way possible. I would give cash and either return the gift or save for the gift closet.

Where I live cash is customary for pretty much all events. I almost always give $$ when attending the birthday parties for friend's children. I find this easier because I don't know the child and what they have or like. For a friend of my DC I will buy a gift because my children usually have an idea of what they want to get and what the friend enjoys.

[SpaceGal]

It's kind of tacky...and I would give what I already have.

DS1 was invited to a party at the beginning of K. The parents suggested on the back of the invite that her son enjoys Tag Books for the Tag reader system. I was a bit shocked. Granted in the end, DS didn't go but I just figure you invite and a gift is a gift. It's one thing if the party-goer asked what would be something wanted/needed/liked. Just seems a bit forward for a birthday party.