kindergarten parents - a couple of q's

[brgnmom]

Hi all,

my DS is about a month into his school year in kindergarten and it's been fun but a little challenging in ways that I didn't anticipate. My son's teacher requires that all the students are assigned a show-and-tell day on a weekly basis, and she doesn't want the show-and-tell item to be a toy. Lately, I've noticed that a couple of parents have been bringing in treats &/or books for their DC's classmates as the show-and-tell item to keep. Fortunately, they can afford to do this, but we cannot as we already are stretching our budget to cover the private school expenses for the year. I feel like I'm not doing enough by having my DS bring in drawings that he has made to share with his classmates on his show-and-tell day.

Some other observations: Yesterday morning, one mom brought in gifts specifically for the teacher & teacher's aide and the same mom baked cookies for the entire class today just because she felt like it according to her. It was really sweet of her, although I feel like the bar for parents has been raised in my son's class. Is it the norm to do things like this? Also over the weekend, my DS mentioned how another classmate gets special lunch deliveries from his mom - she'll pick up happy meals & quizno kid's meals during lunch and drop them off for her child. I would love to do this, but practically speaking, I don't think that I would drive the extra 15-20 minutes each way to do that with my infant DD. I'd rather have my DS continue to eat his homemade sandwiches.

I'm wondering whether my experiences are pretty usual (or not) in elementary school and would appreciate any suggestions/feedback. I attended a public school during my early schooling years, and don't recall these types of things that I've described. Thank you.

[bubbaray]

I wouldn't say this is the norm in our area, but treats were handed out for days like Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter.

If you want to "go with the flow", some cheap ideas are melted crayon hearts, or have your DS draw a special picture for all the students, stickers from the dollar store, pencils or erasers from the dollar store.

Of course, if the issue is that you don't want to do this, then I would talk to the teacher.

There was one family that tried to bring a hot (McDonald's) lunch every day for their DD in Grade 1. The teacher quickly put an end to that. The same family tried to do that for camp in the summer between K and G1 -- again, the camp put a stop to that after the first day. All students at school (and camps) are expected to bring a lunch with them in the morning (no school cafeterias here). The only exception is when the school has catered hot lunch (usually once a week).

[Puddy73]

Yikes, that sort of thing is not normal in our area! Our schools don't permit outside food in the cafeteria. Treats are limited to birthdays and class parties (Halloween, Winter Holiday and End-of-Year). The room parent coordinates teacher gifts for Winter Holiday and Teacher Appreciation Week. If parents give beyond that, I don't know about it.

Do you have PTA or PTSO? Perhaps you could bring it up at the next meeting and find out what the norm is for the school.

[brgnmom]

Hi Melissa,

Thank you for the great suggestions! I didn't think about bringing stickers, erasers or pencils as an option, but I think my DC's classmates would love them. And I almost forgot about the dollar store - I'll have to check the dollar tree store out again.

[brgnmom]

Yikes, that sort of thing is not normal in our area! Our schools don't permit outside food in the cafeteria. Treats are limited to birthdays and class parties (Halloween, Winter Holiday and End-of-Year). The room parent coordinates teacher gifts for Winter Holiday and Teacher Appreciation Week. If parents give beyond that, I don't know about it.

Do you have PTA or PTSO? Perhaps you could bring it up at the next meeting and find out what the norm is for the school.

Yes, we have a PTA & a room mother as well. The mom who has been bringing in treats for the past two days is not the room mother, but she has been going well beyond my expectations & while I appreciate her efforts, I feel like I'm not doing enough as a new parent at the school.

Thank you for the advice - I should ask someone who is part of the PTA. There's a family mixer event next week, and I may bring my q's up then - although I feel somewhat shy and uncomfortable to do that.

[maestramommy]

I don't think this is the norm for Dora's class. But if such a thing were going on I wouldn't know unless Dora told me. heck I had no idea they even had show and tell until she said she wanted to bring her doll to show! :loveeyes: I've not received any teacher notes saying what you can and cannot bring to show and tell, but if parents did start bringing treats we'd get a teachers note because it's a strict nut-free classroom, and the only time there are universal treats is for a seasonal class party, and the teachers will provide them.

Why can't kids bring their favorite toy to show? Seems like that would be typical for a 5 yo.

[bubbaray]

Why can't kids bring their favorite toy to show? Seems like that would be typical for a 5 yo.


No toys for S&T here. I think it has something to do with it becoming a "showing off" thing? Not really sure. In K and G1, the kids were given a theme for S&T. During the 2010 Winter Olympics, DD#1 brought in things related to that. She also took in her soccer medal once (hilarious, as she hated soccer!). I'm not sure if they do S&T in G2.

FWIW, we've never gotten any letter or direction from the teacher about S&T, the "rules" have always been passed along to me via DD#1.

[AnnieW625]

I work full time so I haven't gone into the classroom at all so far this year so I can't tell you if anyone has brought stuff in yet except for birthdays, they had 2 last week. We have two room parents, both parents of older siblings in the school too which is nice so they know how things work and what the teacher and the aide like and don't like. As far as I know we do a Christmas present, end of year present, and maybe a birthday present for the teacher, and I am fine with that.

Hot lunches cannot be delivered at our school at all by parents, but I think if a parent forgets a lunch then they can drop off a cold home made lunch at the office. The school has a hot lunch program that is run by an outside company so for $4 or $5 it's made fresh that day and it's cheaper and less hassle than having a parent drop off a hot lunch. Even if we could drop off hot lunches to our kids I wouldn't. I have signed DD1 up to have an emergency lunch provided if necessary.

I would email the teacher and see what she says. The PTA probably won't have much say unless the room parent program is coordinated by the PTA, ours is coordinated by the teacher and the school office manager.

[crl]

Ds goes to public school and that does not sound typical to me! I am annoyed enough that kids at his school bring loot bags for the whole class for Halloweeen, Christmas, Chinese New Year, birthdays, and Valentine's Day. The only in class treats are for birthdays and one party at the end of the year. If they started doing it randomly (like at show and tell) I might explode.

I would ask the teacher if this is typical. I totally sympathize on the budget issue, but also not wanting your kid to feel left out. If you feel like you need to send things, I agree that stickers are a good idea. IME, kindergartners have very little idea of what things cost so there is no need to spend much on stuff to hand out. Last year we handed out glow bracelets for Halloween, crayons (the 24 boxes purchased at back to school sales for 25 cents each), valentines cards with a lollypop attached and books from the Scholastic book order.

One parent went on many of the field trips and for Christmas she printed out photos for everyone. The packages were personalized so they were of the kid who was receiving them--super nice and made me feel like a total slacker!

Catherine

[brgnmom]

No toys for S&T here. I think it has something to do with it becoming a "showing off" thing? Not really sure. In K and G1, the kids were given a theme for S&T. During the 2010 Winter Olympics, DD#1 brought in things related to that. She also took in her soccer medal once (hilarious, as she hated soccer!). I'm not sure if they do S&T in G2.

FWIW, we've never gotten any letter or direction from the teacher about S&T, the "rules" have always been passed along to me via DD#1.

The theme-based S&T's sound fun!

my DC's teacher specified no toys in her first newsletter to the parents, but she didn't elaborate on her reasoning. Maybe it does relate to showing off toys. She writes weekly newsletters w/ homework guidelines and updates for the entire week.

DC's private school is Christian-based, and I was a little surprised to see how some of the moms have already been bringing gifts for the teachers from the start of the year & random treats for the kids. I guess I'm used to holiday-focused gifts in the school setting.

[brgnmom]

Ds goes to public school and that does not sound typical to me! I am annoyed enough that kids at his school bring loot bags for the whole class for Halloweeen, Christmas, Chinese New Year, birthdays, and Valentine's Day. The only in class treats are for birthdays and one party at the end of the year. If they started doing it randomly (like at show and tell) I might explode.

I would ask the teacher if this is typical. I totally sympathize on the budget issue, but also not wanting your kid to feel left out. If you feel like you need to send things, I agree that stickers are a good idea. IME, kindergartners have very little idea of what things cost so there is no need to spend much on stuff to hand out. Last year we handed out glow bracelets for Halloween, crayons (the 24 boxes purchased at back to school sales for 25 cents each), valentines cards with a lollypop attached and books from the Scholastic book order.

One parent went on many of the field trips and for Christmas she printed out photos for everyone. The packages were personalized so they were of the kid who was receiving them--super nice and made me feel like a total slacker!

Catherine

Catherine,
thank you for your input! I think I should talk directly with the teacher since she is expecting DS to bring in weekly show-and-tell items. The homework packet DS gets every week feels like a breeze compared to the show-and-tell assignment. I wouldn't have known about the goodies until my DS started bringing them home & mentioning how he wanted to bring things for his classmates to keep too.

[brgnmom]

I work full time so I haven't gone into the classroom at all so far this year so I can't tell you if anyone has brought stuff in yet except for birthdays, they had 2 last week. We have two room parents, both parents of older siblings in the school too which is nice so they know how things work and what the teacher and the aide like and don't like. As far as I know we do a Christmas present, end of year present, and maybe a birthday present for the teacher, and I am fine with that.

Hot lunches cannot be delivered at our school at all by parents, but I think if a parent forgets a lunch then they can drop off a cold home made lunch at the office. The school has a hot lunch program that is run by an outside company so for $4 or $5 it's made fresh that day and it's cheaper and less hassle than having a parent drop off a hot lunch. Even if we could drop off hot lunches to our kids I wouldn't. I have signed DD1 up to have an emergency lunch provided if necessary.

I would email the teacher and see what she says. The PTA probably won't have much say unless the room parent program is coordinated by the PTA, ours is coordinated by the teacher and the school office manager.

Thanks, Annie. I'll bring up the q's w/ the teacher & I may bring up the hot lunch question to the school office manager. I know that there's no hot lunch option served by the lower grades' campus, but I'm curious about how things will work in a few years.

[hellokitty]

That's over-the-top. I'd be really annoyed with those parents doing that. Already these kids are so spoiled from all of the, "parties" at school and every.freakin.party, they now get goodie bags. So, I say you stick to your guns and NOT give out goodies when it is your child's turn for show-and-tell. It is absolutely NOT necessary and I highly doubt that the teacher will hold it against your child. If the other kids get pissy about it, well, then, IMO they are just being ungrateful, spoiled brats.

[tiapam]

I wouldn't be upset about the cookies. I would not be happy about S&T being turned into G&G - Give and Get. AFAIK, neither of these things are happening at DD's public school.

For K, DD's class could bring in toys and then the teacher let them play with the toys. I was not happy when she came home with some sort of powder on her clothes and body from some horrid doll that changed hair color or something. But I didn't say anything and otherwise thought it was fine.

For 1st grade, the teacher has given them each a news day - so no show, only tell. I like that idea.

As far as the Happy Meals, etc., I think it is wrong of the school to allow that on a regular basis. I would tell my kid that they probably forgot his lunch, even if it happened every day and I know better. And then I would say, don't you have a nice mommy and daddy, who (mostly!) remember. :) It's not special if you do it almost every day!

[american_mama]

100% not normal at my kids public school. There is hardly ever show and tell in kindergarten, no one brought food for it to my knowledge, parents rarely bring in class treats except on birthdays, and I've seen fast food brought into lunch for a child only once or twice. Frankly, I feel sorry for a kid getting fast food at school... it seems like such a last minute, quickie solution to the known fact of school lunch. If you have time to pick up the fast food and drop it off, why don;t you have time to take your child out to eat it and spend some time with you?

[LexyLou]

Wow! Do you live in my town?!

The parents here TOTALLY try to one up each other.

Our kids get INSANE amounts of homework and special projects that require a TON of parent participation. It's obvious that the parents do a lot of the "work" because it's clear a kindergartener didn't do it.

For birthdays the teacher told us flat out we need to bring a goody bag for each kid and it can be as "elaborate" as we want! Let the games begin...DD has the first birthday so I'm sure I'll be scoffed at. Oh well.

[mytwosons]

For birthdays the teacher told us flat out we need to bring a goody bag for each kid and it can be as "elaborate" as we want! Let the games begin...DD has the first birthday so I'm sure I'll be scoffed at. Oh well.

WTH?!? Please tell me there is a chance the teacher was trying to say no child should be left out - IF you bring goody bags, you need to bring one for every child.

Is this a private school?

[brgnmom]

Wow! Do you live in my town?!

The parents here TOTALLY try to one up each other.

Our kids get INSANE amounts of homework and special projects that require a TON of parent participation. It's obvious that the parents do a lot of the "work" because it's clear a kindergartener didn't do it.

For birthdays the teacher told us flat out we need to bring a goody bag for each kid and it can be as "elaborate" as we want! Let the games begin...DD has the first birthday so I'm sure I'll be scoffed at. Oh well.

Very possibly - if not, our area sounds quite similar. My DS also gets more homework than I anticipated in kindergarten. He receives a weekly stapled packet of homework & reading log/1st-grade level book at the beginning of the week, and needs to turn in the packet & log after three days. On a positive note, I like the weely newsletter the teacher prepares to keep the parents informed on what's going on in the classroom & in terms of field trips. The show-and-tell day is *every* week, and while at first it was fun to prepare for, I now get a knotted feeling in my tummy thinking about how my son's show-and-tell will be interesting & fun for his classmates, especially when we need to try to meet the unspoken standard of finding items that are more like weekly gifts/bday treat bag items.

I haven't yet talked to the head teacher about the show-and-tell question... will re-vist that opportunity soon later in the month during parent-teacher conferences. A lot of the kindergarten moms stick around during morning drop-off time, and I feel uncomfortable bringing up the issue in front of others who don't seem to mind.

Thank you again everyone for your insight and responses!

[anamika]

The show-and-tell day is *every* week, and while at first it was fun to prepare for, I now get a knotted feeling in my tummy thinking about how my son's show-and-tell will be interesting & fun for his classmates, especially when we need to try to meet the unspoken standard of finding items that are more like weekly gifts/bday treat bag items.
!
Yikes - that sounds terrible. I'm sorry you are stressed about this.
This is not the norm for where we are, thankfully! My jaw just dropped reading your OP.
I would try not to get sucked into doing a weekly gift bag (I know, easier said than done). Even if you go cheap, it adds up, iykwim. And the stress of finding something - I can't imagine.
Maybe it is a beginning of school thing - everyone is very enthusiastic in the beginning so it may taper out over time?
And I have to say I love the idea of sharing artwork. I will have to have DD do that for S&T this year. Last year, in K, she took her toys a couple of times. It was entirely voluntary for the kids.

[nmosur]

I do not like toys for show and tell - we have had situations where DD took nothing for Dow and tell. Other kids brought toys and she insisted on taking only a toy and I would not allow that. Also because of the other kids getting toys, DD started asking for stuff that I didn't want to get her.

That said, yes, I am one of "those" moms. I take treats/goodies for every mystery reading session, class party, celebration. It makes DD very happy to pick out these things, plan for class parties and organize them - she is my little party planner. Being the only child and having no family around, we do end up celebrating everything with the class kids. And it never occurred to me that other parents would resent it. Growing up my grandfather did that for all the grandkids. If he came to school for any reason at all, he brought a bag of candy for the whole class. I have never been a room mom and I have no interest in "showing off" or "one-upping" any of the other parents. I lay low in all major political plays and do not involve myself in any committees just because it is not my cup of tea. But I try to do my best to be involved in DD's school life. Again, I am lucky because I don't work right now.

And yes, I am guilty of delivering hot lunches and ChikFilA lunches to DD when she was in preschool. The reason being that I have a child who just does not eat in school and weighs in the 5 to 10 percent range. She has to eat and I had to make sure that she ate. If it meant ChikFilA once a week - I did that. The teachers knew and didn't mind - in fact one teacher suggested that I do that everyday instead of sending in a cooked meal - fries and chicken fingers were one thing she ate.

I'll stop before I get more defensive :-)

[kboyle]

In our Primary school (K & 1st gr) NO outside food or drink is permissible for anything, not for holiday parties, not for show and tell. It is up to the teacher's discretion if they want to allow parents to bring in an allergen-free, individually-wrapped treat for the class with the ingredients label shown for a child's bday, but they are encouraged to bring in a non-edible treat (so yes, toy/book/pencil/bookmark/etc). Nothing handmade is allowed into the bldg unless for your child's personal lunch or afternoon snack.

as for lunches, yes, our school is like that. they allow a parent to drop off or eat lunch with their child and happy meals and such are permitted. i don't agree with it so have never done so for my child. they know it's unfair that other kids do it and understand why i chose not to do so for them. and it's not cause i'm not in the school or don't have the time, or can't afford a special treat; i have been (and currently still) the PTO secretary for our elementary and primary schools, so im ALWAYS in the bldg. i just think it's unfair to those children who's parents aren't able to do that for them due to finances or work constraints.

[brgnmom]

That said, yes, I am one of "those" moms. I take treats/goodies for every mystery reading session, class party, celebration. It makes DD very happy to pick out these things, plan for class parties and organize them - she is my little party planner. Being the only child and having no family around, we do end up celebrating everything with the class kids. And it never occurred to me that other parents would resent it. Growing up my grandfather did that for all the grandkids. If he came to school for any reason at all, he brought a bag of candy for the whole class. I have never been a room mom and I have no interest in "showing off" or "one-upping" any of the other parents. I lay low in all major political plays and do not involve myself in any committees just because it is not my cup of tea. But I try to do my best to be involved in DD's school life. Again, I am lucky because I don't work right now.

And yes, I am guilty of delivering hot lunches and ChikFilA lunches to DD when she was in preschool. The reason being that I have a child who just does not eat in school and weighs in the 5 to 10 percent range. She has to eat and I had to make sure that she ate. If it meant ChikFilA once a week - I did that. The teachers knew and didn't mind - in fact one teacher suggested that I do that everyday instead of sending in a cooked meal - fries and chicken fingers were one thing she ate.

I'll stop before I get more defensive :-)

Sorry my posts have caused you to get defensive - that was not my intent. My DS is actually on the small side as well (he was in the 5-10th percentile for weight until recently). He has come home without finishing his lunch, but a part of that can be due to his lunch break being short (15 minutes). Recently, he has been getting better about finishing his lunch & snacks. I don't mind dropping off food from XYZ restaurant, but in my situation, I think he would benefit from learning how to appreciate the homemade sandwiches/ treats he receives rather than expecting my DH and I to follow the lead of his classmate's parents. DS gets the option to choose what snacks he'd like to eat from the grocery shop.

In terms of planning for class parties, I'm all for helping out with those and have already signed up to help organize some of them and bring specific items. We also don't have relatives in the immediate vicinity, and since we're new to our current neighborhood, it's been important for me to have my DC nurture friendships here. My original post relates to the weekly show-and-tell assignment, however, and how I didn't expect for it to become like a give-and-get type of activity. DS doesn't bring toys for that assignment, since his teacher doesn't allow it, but he has brought artwork that he has made. I was hoping that it would be considered creative to the teacher, but from what I heard this morning, she particularly embraces the show-and-tell items that can be shared/distributed.

Thanks again for your input.

[Canna]

What the OP described was not typical of our experience at all! Kids brought in cupcakes for birthdays but just that. One parent talked about a cultural holiday they celebrate and had small goody bags. I can't think of any other time things like that were brought in to the class. Definitely no random gifts or goodies. That really sounds like a lot of unnecessary stuff.

And they didn't have share time in K, but this year in 1st they do and "no toys" has been requested. From the teacher's comments at open house, it seems like the main reason for the no toys rule is that kids will want to play with the toys. So far kids have brought in things like a sea glass collection, a lego creation (I guess technically a toy but also kind of a craft), a photo of the child (who is adopted) in her birth country. My DD plans to bring in potholders she has woven.