Am I the only DW with a DH

[niccig]

who isn't home and it's 10pm. He was there at 8am this morning. DH says it doesn't matter as I'm studying every evening, but still 14 hours in a computer chair, albeit very expensive ergonomic, no one dares adjust the settings because he has back problems, chair. And it's going to be like this all week.

[essnce629]

Nope, me too! DBF is a second year lawyer and is often not home till 10pm or later. He was home at 6:30 or so today though, but that is pretty rare. If he's home before then kids are in bed then I consider that early. He's starting a new job at a new firm in 2 weeks and I'm sure he'll be working late a lot more often.

[niccig]

Latia, this is why you and I are online so late...kids are asleep, it's quiet.

We skype on the nights DH will not be home to see DS...do you do something similar so the boys can say goodnight?

[kijip]

I am sorry Nicci. Especially given that your husband's work is not going to be loyal to him in the long term/force early retirement it seems really unfair. Like use them up and spit them out. I am sure he is great at his job and I am sorry that he has to work so late so often. I hope it comes in fits and spurts and there are periods of relative downtime.

[niccig]

I am sorry Nicci. Especially given that your husband's work is not going to be loyal to him in the long term/force early retirement it seems really unfair. Like use them up and spit them out. I am sure he is great at his job and I am sorry that he has to work so late so often. I hope it comes in fits and spurts and there are periods of relative downtime.

Thanks Katie.
There are fits and spurts. It's not always like this, it generally gets worse the closer he gets to the movie's release date.

I've pretty much accepted DH's work and don't get upset over it. He has no control over it. DH has the same attitude - he knows he's at beck and call of client while on their project. For the most part, DH still enjoys his work and he wants to maximize what he earns while he still can. At least, he gets paid overtime, and as he says "more for our financial goals".

I feel guilty as I'm still not working and it'll be a few more years until I am. DH keeps telling me I'll be picking up any slack as his work decreases.

And believe it or not, DH's work schedule is pretty good for someone in his industry. We have friends whose DH works 7 days most of the year. Another friend's DH is in town 5 days, out of town 2 weeks, in town 2 days, out of town 10 days...so really, in comparison I have nothing to complain about.

And then compared to military families, I most definitely can not complain...I don't know how they deal with deployments.

But trust me, there is NOTHING glamorous about working in Hollywood!!

[Toba]

Another late night DH too. Twice a week, he takes grad classes about 90 minutes away. On those nights, he gets home around 10:30 pm. It stinks, but our situation is temporary since he graduates in May. Sorry for those DH-sick (instead of homesick) mommies out there ... I'm one too. :(

[amldaley]

DH was home and asleep last night...because he had to be up at 3:00 a.m.

Then again, we have several mama's here on the Board whose husbands are deployed overseas and several whose husbands travel days and weeks on end on a regular basis. So, I guess I am lucky, by comparison, that he is home at all!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Not as bad here at all but I would love for dh to leave before 9:30-10am and maybe come home before 7! He says that those hours are best to avoid traffic. They are not best for our family. Plus he does nothing useful while at home- he sleeps in and I have to get ds1 off to school and ds2 all ready for the day plus all the other stuff associated with running a house.

Beth

[jenfromnj]

We're in the same boat here! It's not always this bad, but for the past few months, DH has been leaving the house at ~6am and not getting home before 9:30 or 10, sometimes later, and there's no end to it in sight. (He's also a lawyer.)

In some ways, I almost wish he was traveling during the week, since he does nothing with DS or around the house, but does like to complain incessantly about things around the house, what I made for dinner, etc etc etc. I am trying to cut him a break because I know he's tired and stressed, but sometimes I dream of having a nice, quiet house to myself, with no complaining! And (sorry this is turning into a BP!) he loves to tell me that I have no idea how hard it is to work those hours--he seems to have forgotten that I spent over 7 years doing just that!

[Hawkeyewife]

DH finally got home late Friday night (after being on a det for 3 and a half weeks) and this week he is on a night field carrier landing schedule. He will probably get to work about noon-ish and be home about 4/5am or to sleep and will repeat all week. I feel your pain. It sucks trying to keep the kiddos away while he is sleeping. We are off an on this schedule until he leaves in early October for a month-long det.

[gatorsmom]

who isn't home and it's 10pm. He was there at 8am this morning. DH says it doesn't matter as I'm studying every evening, but still 14 hours in a computer chair, albeit very expensive ergonomic, no one dares adjust the settings because he has back problems, chair. And it's going to be like this all week.

last week DH was gone 4 nights due to work travel. The week before that he was trying to sell in brazil. He was there for 8 days. The week before that he was in Guatemala for a work opportunity. Hr was there 5 days. He's traveling more because with the economy being so uncertain, he's working harder to prepare for the worst.

It's hard but I think in these uncertain times you gotta appreciate every opportunity to work that you can. Jmho. (I don't always feel this supportive when it's a school night and I'm trying to get 4 wild kids in bed while imagining him having a leisurely dinner in a restaurant somewhere before going to bed in his quiet hotel room. :D)

[g-mama]

You are not alone. I'm right here with you. Not home as late as 10 on a regular basis, but it's not unusual. 7:30 or 8 is a more typical time that he arrives home, but that's late! I am always one of the only moms at soccer practices with both of the other two kids hanging with me.

And when he does get home at 7:30, he is back downstairs in his office from about 10pm til 2am, making up for the work he didn't get finished in order to be able to leave at 6:45 or 7, so I am alone until I go to bed...alone.

And like your dh, my dh has a special chair with all sorts of special back pads, massagers, seat pillows, etc. b/c his back is bad, probably from all the sitting for 12-15 hours a day!

[niccig]

I knew I wasn't alone.

I know I shouldn't complain, as other families have more to deal with. It's not good on Dh physically - yes, his back but I worry when he drives home after a long day, especially if he got home late the night before.

It's 10pm and he's still at work and he has my pizza for dinner!! His work has take out menus for those that have to work late (client pays for the meal) and if our favourite pizza place is on the menu, he'll order a pizza and salad and he'll pay for it. I've had a long day and it's so nice to not have to cook, just make something easy for DS. He thought he would be home, so he ordered it, and as just about to leave, a client turns up and wants more work done. DH was only person left on this project.

And he has to work all day Saturday too. But we shouldn't complain as it's good to have the work and be busy when jobs aren't secure. And the more client interaction DH has, the more relationships he can build, and if you get requested for work, you're valuable to the company....

[mum-to-be]

Not as bad here at all but I would love for dh to leave before 9:30-10am and maybe come home before 7! He says that those hours are best to avoid traffic. They are not best for our family. Plus he does nothing useful while at home- he sleeps in and I have to get ds1 off to school and ds2 all ready for the day plus all the other stuff associated with running a house.

Beth

This is my DH. It is so annoying. I wish he kept normal work hours so he could be home at dinner/bed/bathtime for the kids.

[niccig]

This is my DH. It is so annoying. I wish he kept normal work hours so he could be home at dinner/bed/bathtime for the kids.

My DH normally works those hours because it guarantees DH and DS some time in the morning. We never know if DH will be home before bedtime in the evening. Tonight he was ready to leave at 7pm, and it's 10.30 and he's still at work.

I wouldn't be happy if DH didn't need to work those hours, or if he didn't help when he was home... I still do most of the morning routine, but DH does get DS up and dressed most days.

[mum-to-be]

My DH normally works those hours because it guarantees DH and DS some time in the morning. We never know if DH will be home before bedtime in the evening. Tonight he was ready to leave at 7pm, and it's 10.30 and he's still at work.

I wouldn't be happy if DH didn't need to work those hours, or if he didn't help when he was home... I still do most of the morning routine, but DH does get DS up and dressed most days.

Mine just rolls out of bed with enough time to get himself ready. He will put a loaf of bread on for us for lunch, and may help with breakfast if asked, but that's about it. He doesn't allow enough time to watch the kids while I shower. It really annoys me, but I've recently joined a gym with childcare so I just go to the gym in the morning and shower later. I've also told him to set an alarm because I am done with nagging him out of bed every morning.

[niccig]

Mine just rolls out of bed with enough time to get himself ready. He will put a loaf of bread on for us for lunch, and may help with breakfast if asked, but that's about it. He doesn't allow enough time to watch the kids while I shower. It really annoys me, but I've recently joined a gym with childcare so I just go to the gym in the morning and shower later. I've also told him to set an alarm because I am done with nagging him out of bed every morning.

Dh has done more since I've gone back to school. Most days I drop DS at school then go straight to college, so I've got to get myself ready too. When I wasn't in school, DH just got himself ready too.

I still do more than DH, but on Fridays he has to take DS to school. I leave by 7.30am and I pack DS's snack, it's pizza Fridays so he doesn't need lunch. I normally do oatmeal as I shower, so Dh gives DS breakfast, gets him dressed and drops off to school. Really not much as I've taken care of snack and breakfast.

I'm the one though that has to set the alarm. I'm not good at setting it and if I sleep in, then it's too much running around. I've been better this year though.

[essnce629]

Yeah, I'd get mad if DBF didn't help out with the kids when he is home. Since most nights he's not around and I'm in charge of dinner and nighttime duty, he's in charge of morning duty. During the week, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the kids breakfast. Once he's out of the kitchen and in the shower I get up and make DS1's lunch for school. Then DBF takes DS1 to school on his way to work and I stay home with DS2. I've had to drive DS1 to school a few times when DBF has had to be at work super early for meetings, but it's way more stressful. I see no need for me to have to pack up DS2 and drive DS1 to school when it's on the way to DBF's work and he's already up and dressed. So I'm lucky that way. I just pick up DS1 from school in the afternoons. Once DS2 starts preschool I'll be driving him, but that's because most preschools don't start till 9am usually.

[amldaley]

I knew I wasn't alone.

I know I shouldn't complain, as other families have more to deal with. It's not good on Dh physically - yes, his back but I worry when he drives home after a long day, especially if he got home late the night before.

It's 10pm and he's still at work and he has my pizza for dinner!! His work has take out menus for those that have to work late (client pays for the meal) and if our favourite pizza place is on the menu, he'll order a pizza and salad and he'll pay for it. I've had a long day and it's so nice to not have to cook, just make something easy for DS. He thought he would be home, so he ordered it, and as just about to leave, a client turns up and wants more work done. DH was only person left on this project.

And he has to work all day Saturday too. But we shouldn't complain as it's good to have the work and be busy when jobs aren't secure. And the more client interaction DH has, the more relationships he can build, and if you get requested for work, you're valuable to the company....

If you can't complain here, then where?????!!!! ;)

[amldaley]

Mine just rolls out of bed with enough time to get himself ready. He will put a loaf of bread on for us for lunch, and may help with breakfast if asked, but that's about it. He doesn't allow enough time to watch the kids while I shower. It really annoys me, but I've recently joined a gym with childcare so I just go to the gym in the morning and shower later. I've also told him to set an alarm because I am done with nagging him out of bed every morning.

Ok, THAT would make me crazy. He is an adult. GET THE HECK OUTTA BED, BIG BOY. You must be a much kinder, gentler, wife than I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!