Time out for 22 months old?

[boogiemomz]

DD is extremely strong willed and it's becoming clear that we need to have a regular consequence in place for bad behavior. She's been throwing things (she broke her favorite cup last night) and occasionally when she gets very frustrated she will bite me or pinch me with her whole hand. I really want to implement time-out, and hear of some people having a "time out chair," which sounds wonderful, except at her age, she would just laugh if I told her to sit in one place voluntarily. I want to be strong with her, saying no and meaning it, and not letting things slide and teaching her that she can just push back a little and get her way. But I don't know what to do! I have her in the PNP right now after a little incident of throwing another cup, and she is removing the mattress. I'm pretty sure she will be climbing out of the PNP soon too. Help!!

[emily]

DS is the same age and going thru the same stage. Not sure if he knows the words "time out" from hearing it being used with his big sister, but just the mention of time out makes he go crazy. He immediately starts crying and screaming and going CRAZY. We've only been able to get him to time out successfully a couple of times. I cant remember when we started using time out with DD but for DS, I thinks it's too soon. So for now, we just try to distract and remove him from the situation.

[llama8]

My DD is 22 months. We use the pack and play for tv (elmo) and we use it for time out.

When she is really bad i ask her, "do you want to go in the pack and play with NO tv?" She always says no and stops the bad behavior.

[BabyBearsMom]

My DD is a little bit younger, but we have the same issue with biting and pinching if she isn't getting what she wants. I usually plant her firmly on the floor immediately (not a hard plant, but firm so it isn't just like I am putting her down normally). I say, in a very firm strong voice, no smile at all "NO ____" and put in the behavior (bite hit etc.). If she is doing it repetiviely, I hold her face in my hand and make her look at me while I say it (not hard, just firmly). She usually cries for a minute or two because she is surprised (I am almost never firm, biting, hitting and standing on furniture are the only things I am ever firm about) and then she gets over it and goes back to her toys.

My DH tried to put her in time out once...I told him she was too young but he insisted that we needed to "discipline" her. So he puts her in the corner and says "No throwing! You have to stand here for one minute." Um yeah, DH, 17 mo don't stand in one place for 10 seconds let alone one minute. :ROTFLMAO: In the end, it was unsuccessful because she started to think it was funny to see how many steps from the corner she could take until he would put her back into the corner. She was laughing and my DH couldn't stay mad. We agreed to hold off on time outs until 2.

[MamaInMarch]

At that age, I think the concept of a traditional time out a la Super Nanny is usually fairly ineffective. Think of it more as a removal from whatever stimulus that is causing the misbehavior. And he doesn't have to be alone. If he's already showing you that it will escalate the situation then that's not when learning and discipline happen.

I think at that age, it's all about consistency, repetition, and action. If he is doing something you don't want him to do it has to be stopped ASAP by a "no, we don't __________. let's do ____________." coupled with a physical redirection to an appropriate activity. It's hard and a pain in the neck and it gets old but it works. FTR, my DS is one of those that if I raise my voice at all and startle or upset him, it goes in the toilet and nothing good comes out of it. So it's all my power not to lose it sometimes.

[lowrioh]

IMO 22 months is too young for effective Time Outs.
There is a book called Positive Time Out that I found very helpful It is directed at the 3 year and up crowd but it helped me get in the right mind set. I still struggle to keep things positive and not punitive but parenting is a journey right?

[sntm]

Agree that at that age, redirection is the only way. Misbehaviour is not about trying to piss you off or pull one over on you - it's lack of impulse control, so expecting them to tolerate a situation where more control is needed is futile.

With throwing things, I would say simply, calmly but firmly "cups are for drinking not throwing, and remove the cup." If she tries to bite you, I'd say something similar and remove yourself from her so she doesn't have the ability to do it, while directing her towards soemthing else.

[fedoragirl]

We are going through the same thing especially now that newborn is here. I follow the 1-2-3 concept and put her in a secluded room for 1 1/2 min. We usually don't get to a 3 but every now and then, it happens and it works for us.

[MSWR0319]

DS will be 3 next month and time outs have just become effective in the last 6 months. We have a time out mat that he goes to and sits on. He doesn't always stay on the mat, but it's in the foyer and he doesn't leave the foyer. We tried around your DC's age, but it was a disaster and did not work.

[hillview]

Agree that at that age, redirection is the only way. Misbehaviour is not about trying to piss you off or pull one over on you - it's lack of impulse control, so expecting them to tolerate a situation where more control is needed is futile.

With throwing things, I would say simply, calmly but firmly "cups are for drinking not throwing, and remove the cup." If she tries to bite you, I'd say something similar and remove yourself from her so she doesn't have the ability to do it, while directing her towards soemthing else.
:yeahthat:

[boogiemomz]

OK, the message is getting through. I have a hard time with it, I think because my mom raised me with a very firm (but loving) hand, and DD's behavior is getting more deliberate and defiant so I just feel like she should have an immediate consequence. In our house, sometimes redirecting is difficult, with an open floor plan and I end up feeling like I'm just chasing her, a situation in which I think we both suspect she has the upper hand. And in situations where she deliberately hauls off and bites me, or worse, her little playmates, I feel like I have to really step in and... do something, to let her know that is NOT okay. It's a hard age, I guess. Thanks so much for the input and advice!

[wendibird22]

boogiemomz I am in the exact same place with 21mo DD2. She's a climber, pincher, biter, hitter, thrower, hair puller, destroyer, and also the most intensely funny and loving child all rolled into one. And I too get so frustrated with knowing how to respond to her behaviors. Some of these behaviors have improved as she's become more verbal, so I have to keep reminding myself that it is a phase that will keep getting better. But it's still hard.

Oftentimes redirect just doesn't work. She's too focused on what she wants or what she's doing. And sometimes she'll even say, "Mommy bite, ow!" while pointing to my arm and then go ahead and bite it again. Exasperating! A few times I have put her in her crib, but that involved corralling her, taking her upstairs, putting her in the crib, waiting a minute, etc and I'm sure all that is lost on her. But, it gives us some physical space and me a chance to think about a different approach. I can also now say to her "Do you want to go to your crib?" and that will stop the behavior more often than not.

So, all of that to say in a very longwinded way that you are not alone. I sympathize. This too shall pass!

[boogiemomz]

Thanks, wendibird... that makes me feel better! It's true, sometimes the redirect just doesn't seem to work, when she has decided exactly what she wants to be doing, because she's not supposed to be, and any sort of redirection results in the same temper tantrum. Usually I just move her either to the middle of floor so she can knock herself out (hopefully not literally) having her tantrum, or just let her have it in the PNP. She is also very verbal, and it's clear she has made up her mind to be throwing, biting, pinching, etc, and I just feel like I need to separate her from people. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I really think that she gets it a little bit, when she bites me and immediately I pick her up and put her down somewhere else, away from me. She is working very hard to show us that SHE is in charge, and I am feeling like I need to be the adult. It's just hard to figure out how to do that sometimes! Thanks for chiming in. Just a phase, good to remember!

[Simon]

I think people are just saying that a "traditional" time out won't work at that age (and I agree).

But, I think it is very effective to react immediately with a specific consequence. Here, we usually remove something--either the toy goes away or the toddler is removed from the injured friend/toy, etc. I will remove myself. Or, we replace with an appropriate object (you can throw this...). At most, I give one verbal correction/warning before acting. I think the 1-2-3 Magic stuff is also too much for this age. They don't understand why it was OK to do it wrong three times but not the fourth.

We limit correction to a) explain what was wrong in toddler terms (i.e. a short and firm--no throwing toys) and what is now going to happen (i.e. no more blocks; teddy goes bye-bye), etc.

Or, if it is a matter of being wound-up or overly upset, then work with Dc to calm down. We teach slow, deep breathing to help kids learn to scale back on their big feelings.

Although I try to be very consistent, I tend not to react as strongly for what I see as a lapse in impulse control, which is natural, OR if I have done something to set up the situation as a game (e.g. Ds2 suddenly things we're playing chase even though I'm saying "Stay here." kwim?). I try to be very careful not to use discipline for what I see as developmentally appropriate behavior. I immediately correct bite/hit/kick or throwing harmful things. I do not correct when he is fidgeting at mealtimes and the like. Also, I try to make sure I am not "correcting" a behavior when it is just Ds trying to communicate something to me. Eg. when he stands up in the bath is he really just done? I use HALT: hungry, anxious, lonely, tired to assess when there is a real meltdown.

[tmahanes]

B is 19 months. We will hold his hands (not mean but just to get his attention). Then we say "we don't hit mommy that hurts. Ouch. We are gentle" and then use his hand to touch softly.

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