View Full Version : Ugh.
01-03-2012, 09:59 PM
DH and I just had a major fight in front of DD, and I feel awful. Please, please tell me she won't remember it in a few days. I feel like such a rotten parent. :bag
01-03-2012, 10:03 PM
Don't feel rotten. It happens. And she probably will remember it (at least my children remember the smallest things months from now). The important thing is to let her see how you resolve it - apologizing, hugs, etc. And let her know that it wasn't about her, or wasn't caused by her.
Sorry you had a fight, and hope it's resolved soon.
01-03-2012, 10:10 PM
I have actually read from numerous reputable sources that it's really important for spouses to argue/disagree (respectfully of course) in front of your kids. As a follow up, you show your kids that the disagreement or argument resolved and you love your so. It's a really important for kids in understanding conflict resolution, anger management, arguing means you still love the other person, and personal relations. So do not feel bad, you are teaching your child about relationships! Make sure you show her how you made up!
01-03-2012, 10:12 PM
The important thing is to let her see how you resolve it - apologizing, hugs, etc.
:yeahthat: Although it is not good to fight in front of your kids, if you fight fair, and show them how you resolve it, it might be at least somewhat constructive. Check this out:
01-03-2012, 10:32 PM
She is too young - she won't remember it. Now, if she were 3 then it would be a different story. DH and I argued rather strongly in from DD for the first time when she was 3 and she told my mother that we slapped each other!
01-03-2012, 11:09 PM
DH and I made up after DD went to sleep, but we are going to "make up" tomorrow morning in front of DD. I just feel so lousy. DH and I were yelling at each other and poor DD was crying. It wad just one of those things that spiraled out of control. When I put DD to bed, I gave her lots of hugs and told her it wasn't her fault, she didn't do anything wrong, but I just feel like crying right now. :(
01-04-2012, 11:29 AM
Hugs to you, we've all been there and that is tough! :hug:
01-04-2012, 11:33 AM
:hug: please don't beat yourself up - you and DH are human beings and you had an argument. and you resolved it. you will show DD that you resolved it nicely. and while she may remember it for a little bit to come - a few months. i assure you she will not remember this fight in the long run, and you haven't damaged her in any way. :hug:
01-04-2012, 11:42 AM
I get it OP. No one is perfect and we all have bad parenting moments. I lost my cool over the holidays with my kids a few times and felt awful. The only thing I can do is apologize to them and vow to do better. :hug:
01-04-2012, 11:43 AM
BTDT!!! Don't worry. Like PPs say, stage a make-up in front of her. And if you can't bring yourself to do that (I know - there are times I cannot because I got SO mad), then the alternative is simply to talk to her about it when she asks. Say things like "Yes, Mommy got really mad at Daddy. Yes, Mommy is mad but I will feel better about it in a few days. Mommy still loves Daddy, we just get mad at each other sometimes, just like sometimes you get mad when you don't get what you want" etc. And realize that it didn't upset her anywhere near as much as it upset you - I think little kids just see it as sort of matter-of-fact - an event that happened. No biggie. At that age, she was probably crying because the volume of the noise upset her (just as if a loud truck went by, for example) - not so much that you were fighting.
It will SO be OK!!!
01-04-2012, 11:44 AM
DH grew up in a home where he never witnessed conflict and resolution (his parents just never showed much of that at all, and are not very emotional people). To this day, conflict within our marriage is scary for him, even when it can be handled well, kwim? THat isn't great either.
We have argued in front of the kids (respectfully most of the time) and resolved things and they've seen it. I don't strive to argue in front of them but I think it is good for them to see that not all arguments end in a divorce, kwim? People can argue and successfully resolve things. A marriage can have conflicts but be happy and healthy overall, kwim? I think that's good for kids to see.
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