just sad

[malphy]

I am just feeling so sad.

I know I am slowly making progress in the right direction and for that I am thankful. But I am just feeling so sad.

Even if Dh and I can work things out we still have to face the fact that he has parkinson's and will only get worse. The damage caused between me and his family is irreversible and unfortunately will impact dd. Since I cannot trust Dh to drive w/dd she will not see them that often. I'm sad too because I considered them my family.

Then there is my own sis who blindsided me with her abandonment. I am too depressing for her to handle and it was impacting her family. I made her feel guilty about how happy and successful her family is. ftr, i never begrudged her this happiness. I am just so shocked by her I don't even know how to process. I just hope she does not have to face hardship in her future because she won't get support from me. We no longer have a relationship. Ftr, I only asked for emotional support nothing more.

When I was in crisis in parkinglot of mental hospital she was yelling at me that I was so awful to her. I told her I was suicidal and she decided that was the right time to throw this at me and it was not true. I had no idea what she was talking about. The only thing that saved me was thoughts of dd.

Honestly, I am not such a bad person. I have made mistakes but I am not malicious. I do not understand all this animosity towards me. It makes me feel so bad.

Thanks for listening and pardon typos as I posted from my Droid. Thanks for listening

[crl]

:grouphug:

Catherine

[candaceb]

I couldn't read and not post. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. When my sister was going through a hard time a few years ago, I picked up a card for her that said "When you're going through hell, keep going". I hope you can find the strength to keep going forward until things get better.

[wendmatt]

i am so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Big hugs to you.

[TxCat]

So sorry that you are feeling this way. I've missed some of your earlier posts, so I'm not up to date on all that is going on, but just wanted to say that you'll get through this.

:grouphug:

[Staraglimmer]

I'm so sorry. I'm in that horrible place too, so I understand how you feel. I'm sorry you are going throughout this. Just remember how much your DD needs you.


-Stephanie
Mommy to Hailey Michelle 4/08
& a new addition due 7/1/12

[wellyes]

Oh honey, I am sorry. Keep your head up.

[Kymberley]

:grouphug: We're here if you ever need to talk. I'm serious. More :grouphug:

[elliput]

:hug::hug::hug: I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with on your plate all at once. Hopefully, over time, the relationships will improve again for you.

[elizabethkott]

I'm so sorry.
Please know that we are here, and we support you. You sound as though you are going through a lot- we've got your back, lady.
And your sister can go suck an egg.
(((((hugs)))))

[malphy]

Thanks so much! I am sitting in bed crying and then your tremendous reponse felt like a.big hug.

[malphy]

I'm so sorry.
Please know that we are here, and we support you. You sound as though you are going through a lot- we've got your back, lady.
And your sister can go suck an egg.
(((((hugs)))))

Well she lives in Li so maybe you could drive bu and chuck an egg at her house for me.lol

[georgiegirl]

Many hugs. I can't even imagine how hard this all must be for you.

[ha98ed14]

Sending you more P&PTs. Your sister, well there's a special place for people like that. Honestly, I have had to take a break from being someone's go-to friend/ source of support, but never with the idea that I wouldn't still be present in their life. I'm sorry she wasn't the friend you needed. You deserve better.

[doberbrat]

big hugs

[ecofem]

Hang in there! I know you have been going through a lot over many months.... keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I do not think an egg from my neck of the woods would make it to your sister's house, but I'm willing to try! ;-)

[MMMommy]

:grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through such pain and sadness. I hope for a brighter future for you and your family. Big hugs.

[hopeful_mama]

:grouphug: for you. I'm so sorry for all you have to go through, but how great that you're making progress in such a tough situation. Sending you wishes for peace and strength to get through all that's ahead of you. :hug5:

[kozachka]

I was searching on a particular topic yesterday, and came across your posts from a while back. I remembered your story so checked out some of your more recent post. It was great to see that despite all the difficulties you made tremendous progress - you got a good job, childcare and making progress with getting better healthcare. Obviously, we only know as much about your life as you are willing to share in this public forum, so we probably don't appreciate all the difficulties you struggle with, but you are moving in the right direction and hopefully things will only continue improving. Sounds like you are mourning the relationships and connections that in your mind you should have had, but that was not the reality pre-separation with your XH. As far as your sis is concerned, what can I say. Karma is a bitch and it will catch up to her.

Lots of hugs. Try to stay positive, and come here to vent if it helps. We'll be here for you.

[mjs64]

I was searching on a particular topic yesterday, and came across your posts from a while back. I remembered your story so checked out some of your more recent post. It was great to see that despite all the difficulties you made tremendous progress - you got a good job, childcare and making progress with getting better healthcare. Obviously, we only know as much about your life as you are willing to share in this public forum, so we probably don't appreciate all the difficulties you struggle with, but you are moving in the right direction and hopefully things will only continue improving. Sounds like you are mourning the relationships and connections that in your mind you should have had, but that was not the reality pre-separation with your XH. As far as your sis is concerned, what can I say. Karma is a bitch and it will catch up to her.

Lots of hugs. Try to stay positive, and come here to vent if it helps. We'll be here for you.

I don't know your whole story, but based on what kozachka said, you're doing an amazing job coping with a lot. Give yourself some credit. I'm sending you my PT.

[DebbieJ]

Sorry you are going through so much. I wish I could reach right through this computer and give you a big hug!!!!

[larig]

big hugs. :grouphug:

[Myira]

:grouphug: You are doing a great job. Hang in there mama. You will get through this. Your little girl is is so lucky to have you. Sending P&PT your way.

[citymama]

Maggie, I am so sorry you are going through this but you WILL make it through this rough time. Your DD needs you more than ever, you have made incredible strides in the last few months. You are a strong woman, and a loving mama. And we are here for you, we really are. Please do not ever hesitate to come here and vent, cry, fume, whatever. OK? Big hug and take good care, sister.

(Forget about that other sister - you have all of us to lean on now.)

[kwc]

A big yes to everything Kozachka said...

Maggie, I have followed your story only sporadically but it seems like you are in a better place for yourself and your DD... all through your strength and hard work (and yours alone)!
I am so sorry there is no one there IRL to pat you on the back and say, "Good job! It is so hard but you are killing it!" You have been going through so much, and I think mourning the relationships you had (or hoped for) is normal and reasonable, even though it hurts.

And honestly, your sister sounds unbelievably selfish/ narcissistic, and that she would abuse you when you were in crisis indicates that she would never have been a source of healthy support for you and DD. But I can imagine the loss of even that relationship hurts, even if it was never going to be what you hoped for.

Hugs, Mama. It's OK to be sad, but I hope you feel proud, too. You can do it . You ARE doing it.

[plusbellelavie]

:grouphug: stay strong! Focus on yourself and your DD and the positives! :grouphug:

[hillview]

Hugs. You will get better. You will survive this bad time. You can do it.

I had depression when I was younger it is a terrible place to be. You can beat this.
/hillary:grouphug::grouphug:

[chozen]

:grouphug: stay strong! Focus on yourself and your DD and the positives! :grouphug:

:yeahthat::grouphug:

[TwoBees]

:grouphug:

[wellyes]

I wish I could help you more. I think you're doing GREAT working through so many difficulties. Keep it up :grouphug:

[SkyrMommy]

:grouphug: Stay stong mama! You are doing amazingly well working through what life keeps throwing at you.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm sorry you're going through this! :grouphug: Many hugs to you!

[Raidra]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really hard when things just pile up and up and up.

Your sister sounds like a real piece of work. I have people like that in my life (not just my husband, hah). Therapy has really helped me see that their issues are THEIRS, and the way they behave reflects much more on them than it does on me. It's taken a while to get there, but remember.. when she's being selfish, mean, and nasty.. remember that it's not because there's something wrong with you, but because there's something very wrong with her. If she can't support you emotionally when you're in a crisis, then she must be a very broken person.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this. :(

[HonoluluMom]

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time. :grouphug:

[Globetrotter]

You don't need the negative energy from your sister. It's her, not you! Try not to internalize it.

Continue to stay strong for your daughter :grouphug: