7 month old getting whole milk (cow's milk) no breastmilk or formula

[longtallsally05]

I know this is wrong, but can I say anything without it being a "mommy drive-by"? My cousin's wife is pretty proud of her 7 month-old for being "bottle broke" and herself for giving him whole cow's milk in sippy cup (as opposed to breastmilk or formula). It doesn't matter about the bottle vs. sippy cup, but I cringe a little every time I see that she's feeding him foods like Snickers Ice Cream Bars instead of plain, wholesome table food or baby food. The cow's milk thing is just the latest "accomplishment". This is a kid who has been to the ER on multiple occasions for "severe reflux". Ugh, I hate to think of it, but it's difficult not to. I should just look the other way, right?

[swrc00]

I don't think I could look away, but then again I don't like confrontation. I might say something like did the pedi recommend DC to stop bfing/formula? That is really scary and the fact that there have been ER visits related to digestion makes it even worse. What an awkward position to be in. Good Luck!

[mikala]

What is your relationship with her husband (your relative?) or other family members?

I try not to meddle but there are times that I feel like I have to at least ask questions when someone is doing something that could really impact a child's health. What she's doing could really impact growth, cause anemia, exacerbate reflux, etc. If you have an in-person conversation with her or anyone you're closer with it might be worth a neutral question or two.

The Snickers thing is ridiculous but wouldn't bother me as much if the kid were at least getting the lion's share of calories through bm or formula.

[ckso]

I think the drinking whole milk thing bothers me too. I mean, isn't that borderline child neglect.

I would say something to your cousin.

[Still-in-Shock]

I find it hard to believe that the pediatrician OK'd the whole milk at 7 months, but I learn something every day. But Snickers Ice Cream Bars?! WHUCK!? That's either child abuse or gross stupidity.

As for what you can do - short of finding out who the pediatrician is (or which ER it is) and calling it in, not much. I suspect everyone in her family is either afraid to talk to her or has given up trying. But if the conversation does turn to how to reduce the baby's "severe reflux", it's OK to say "perhaps it's related to whole milk.".

Good luck staying gracious!

[brittone2]

I think this is worth saying something about. If I had a parent doing this when I was working, it would be reportable. As a professional (and mandated reporter) I would try to give some literature and info/education, and if the parent continued I would report it to CPS, because I would *have* to.

Tougher when it is a family member but it is serious enough that yes, I would try to find a way to say something. We aren't talking about doing it at even 10 or 11 months, but a baby young enough that it needs to be addressed.

[TwinFoxes]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think what she's doing is a good idea AT ALL. But is it really that unusual? It seems like a lot of non-BBB type moms think it's a big accomplishment if their DCs are on table food early, I think people wean from BM/formula at 6 months pretty commonly. If the milk is possibly causing the reflux, I'd concentrate on that. I doubt she'll decide to pay more $$ for formula instead of milk, but maybe there's something else she can give the baby instead (I don't know what). I'm assuming the snickers ice cream bar was a treat, and not "breakfast".

Again, I don't think it's a good idea (my kids certainly didn't eat that way), but I think she'll have a lot of other people congratulating her "accomplishment" so I'd really concentrate on the milk/reflux aspect of this whole mess. Good luck (and yes, in this case I'd say something).

[Kindra178]

I am pretty blunt, so I would have no problem telling my sil that cow's milk is not acceptable for a baby that small. And then I would tell her why. Make sure you know the research about milk too young. Also, if she says her ped is supportive, tell her ped doesn't understand the massive body of research. The snickers thing is something else, and I wouldn't necessarily get involved in that.

I think the lack of bottles is not a big deal though.
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[BayGirl2]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think what she's doing is a good idea AT ALL. But is it really that unusual? It seems like a lot of non-BBB type moms think it's a big accomplishment if their DCs are on table food early, I think people wean from BM/formula at 6 months pretty commonly. If the milk is possibly causing the reflux, I'd concentrate on that. I doubt she'll decide to pay more $$ for formula instead of milk, but maybe there's something else she can give the baby instead (I don't know what). I'm assuming the snickers ice cream bar was a treat, and not "breakfast".

Again, I don't think it's a good idea (my kids certainly didn't eat that way), but I think she'll have a lot of other people congratulating her "accomplishment" so I'd really concentrate on the milk/reflux aspect of this whole mess. Good luck (and yes, in this case I'd say something).

Really?(to the bold) I've never never heard of anyone doing that. I thought it was pretty universal that Milk before 1 year is not ok, and most of my IRL mom contacts are not BBB-like at all, some barely do the bare minimum.

OP - I'd approach her with it as a question. Like - Oh, you can give her real milk before 1 year? I always thought that could cause problems? Then see her response and react gently. I always think the playing dumb/clueless mommy bonding gets you further than giving advice, even when its super obvious.

The snickers bar is another issue, but you can only make baby steps. My 8.5 month old is a robust eater, finger feeding herself very confidently. But I still can't imagine giving her a processed food with that list of ingredients.

[momm]

OP - I'd approach her with it as a question. Like - Oh, you can give her real milk before 1 year? I always thought that could cause problems? Then see her response and react gently. I always think the playing dumb/clueless mommy bonding gets you further than giving advice, even when its super obvious.




:yeahthat:
can you ask her if she talks to her pediatrician about her child's diet? maybe she genuinely doesn't know?

I'd try to have a conversation with her, too. Try to talk to her like you would someone who really doesn't know, but you want to educate.

[elektra]

From my understanding, it is perfectly fine to start giving cow's milk to kids from 6 months on. It's just like feeding them the dairy in yogurt. BUT it's in no way a replacement for either formula or breastmilk, at least for the first year. So fine to give them some milk or water as a drink but they should be getting most of their nutrients from formula or breastmilk.
My SIL started using cow's milk for baby cereal for my DN, as DN was exclusively breastfed and SIL did not want to pump or use formula. So the ped said it was fine to add cow's milk to DN's cereal.

I would probably say something like, "you know a baby needs the bulk of their nutrition from either formula or breastmilk for the first year of life, right? The other food, drink is really just for practice. "

And if she is so set on the "bottle-broke" thing, I would just give the formula in a cup. There have been so many horror stories I have read about people trying to get around dealing with formula (remember that woman from Florida whose baby almost died because sh was watering down the formula so much so that the baby had toxic levels of water in her system?) Unless you are in poverty (I think the Florida mom was) it just seems like an easy decision to make to feed your baby formula instead of cow's milk.

ETA with link:
http://www.parenting.com/article/ask-dr-sears-cows-milk-for-babies

Quote from article (and it's talking about kids closer to or over 1 yo) "However, consider the bottles of cow's milk as an addition to, but not as a substitute for your more nutritious milk."

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think what she's doing is a good idea AT ALL. But is it really that unusual? It seems like a lot of non-BBB type moms think it's a big accomplishment if their DCs are on table food early, I think people wean from BM/formula at 6 months pretty commonly. If the milk is possibly causing the reflux, I'd concentrate on that. I doubt she'll decide to pay more $$ for formula instead of milk, but maybe there's something else she can give the baby instead (I don't know what). I'm assuming the snickers ice cream bar was a treat, and not "breakfast".

Again, I don't think it's a good idea (my kids certainly didn't eat that way), but I think she'll have a lot of other people congratulating her "accomplishment" so I'd really concentrate on the milk/reflux aspect of this whole mess. Good luck (and yes, in this case I'd say something).

:yeahthat:

in my mom's group, one mom mentioned that her ped told her at her DS's 9 month check up that it was ok for her to start supplementing with cow's milk instead of formula. She mentioned how excited she was bc formula was $$ (he was mostly nursing). i remember being a bit taken aback but, who am i to say anything...her PED said it was OK.

[brittone2]

I think the concern is that cow milk doesn't have the same nutrient balance and fat content, minerals, vitamins, etc.. as breastmilk and formula. Since solids early on are just practice, there isn't a reliable base of nutrients there as a safety net, like there would be with formula or breastmilk.

I actually do think it is unusual. Most people I know who wean at 6 months still give formula until the baby turns 1 or close to it.

Besides the digestive issues, this could put baby at risk of anemia, for example.

http://kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/milk-supplements/

[sntm]

I kept thinking about this when trying to go to sleep last night. I would say something - the easiest would have been when you first found out and could just have been genuinely surprised. But I would say something, especially because this kid clearly is suffering in a way that could be related to what he is eating.

[longtallsally05]

Unfortunately, my cousin & his wife are several states away from me. I cannot say anything to her unless I call her on the phone or contact her via Facebook, which I how I found out about the milk instead of formula: she proudly posted it as a status update :-0 I thought about sending her a private message, but I have been reluctant to do so. I know it would be perceived as a hostile move; her relationship with our family is strained. I don't really know what to do. I cannot ask my mother or my aunt to speak with Cousin's wife. My aunt has poisoned the well; a civil, private conversation is out of the question. Cousin himself has no facebook account, otherwise I'd send a message to him. In my observation, Cousin defers to Wife in almost all things, so I'm not sure it would matter if I contacted him.

Cousin's Wife thinks she knows a lot because 1) that's her personality and 2) she used to run a daycare. I think Cousin's Wife loves & is proud of her child, but that she is misguided and under educated. The child went to the ER a few times early in life due to severe reflux. The pediatrician's advice was to add rice cereal to every bottle of formula. Since then I haven't heard of more visits to the ER, despite the fact that the child has eaten every kind of baby food there is and has now moved onto table foods, and apparently, whole cow's milk.

You all know and I know that it is inappropriate to feed a seven month old cows milk as a replacement for formula. I just wanted to know if it would be considered a "mommy drive-by" if I were to bring it up. It seems the consensus is "No". It looks like the only options are to 1) send Cousin's wife a private message via FB with a link explaining why NOT to do what she's doing or 2) attempt to call Cousin directly and hope that Wife does not answer the phone. This feels a lot like I felt the times I have gently corrected a child's carseat straps or tried to tell another cousin about not forward facing her less than one year-old child. This could get ugly. Sigh.

[TwinFoxes]

Since you read about it on FB, are you sure there was no possibility of misinterpretation, or that it was a joke/exaggeration? I just had a FB mis-communication (a harmless and even amusing one) that I didn't forsee at all. Just be sure.

Is $$ an issue? I think women not on WIC, but hurting for money are more likely to not use BM/formula and use milk instead.

Good luck. :hug:

[longtallsally05]

Since you read about it on FB, are you sure there was no possibility of misinterpretation, or that it was a joke/exaggeration? I just had a FB mis-communication (a harmless and even amusing one) that I didn't forsee at all. Just be sure.

Is $$ an issue? I think women not on WIC, but hurting for money are more likely to not use BM/formula and use milk instead.

Good luck. :hug:

Not a miscommunication, unfortunately. I inquired about it and she answered that she gives the baby "whole milk in a sippy cup", no formula at all. The breastmilk ship sailed long ago. I don't give a hoot about the sippy cup, but the whole milk only thing made my eyes go wide.

Not a money issue either. Cousin makes 6 figures, from what I understand. Cousin's wife has carte blanche.

DH says that Cousin's Wife is a survivor, and her kid is at least 50% survivor too. I know what he means. My father told me his mother used to feed him (and later his brother and sister) canned evaporated (NOT sweetened condensed) milk back in the 1940's. They were poor and it was a hard-knock life, but they survived. My dad is about as sensitive as shoe leather.

[SnuggleBuggles]

You know, if things are already strained I might be willing to further damage the bridge. I would either send a private FB message with reputable links, send her a hard copy of the AAP's caring for baby book or mail her a packet of all sort of the stuff you have been dying to tell her with highlighted passages and all. :)

[hoodlims]

How can she not know? Isn't this like the #1 topic agreed on by ALL moms? Breastmilk or formula until age 1? I would say something like, "how great that he is weaned off of a bottle, that is one less battle for later! But I am pretty sure he should not be weaned off of breastmilk or formula until age 1. Cow's milk can cause many issues with your child's stomach/body. Have you discussed it with your ped?" Start with a positive compliment, then throw in the concern.

[hoodlims]

Oh, I'd just say it straight up on her wall. I am sure somebody reading her page is dying to say something. You may as well just start it off, I bet others will start chiming in too. Then you won't be the only nosy one. :)

[fedoragirl]

I just want to chime in and add that cow's milk is recommended after 9 months of age in Canada according to my French Canadian friend. She fed both her kids cow's milk after that age.
That being said, I was fed cow's milk after 3 months of age and have had GI issues and anemia all my life. I don't know if it was the cow's milk in early infancy but I think it was.

[Still-in-Shock]

Oh, I'd just say it straight up on her wall. I am sure somebody reading her page is dying to say something. You may as well just start it off, I bet others will start chiming in too. Then you won't be the only nosy one. :)

After reading this and fedoragirl's comments, I am thinking that a post on FB asking her to clarify this might be a good approach. Something like, "I know in Canada they recommend cow's milk at 9 months, but isn't whole milk a little too rich for (Cousin's baby's name)? How is (s)he handling it? Has this helped his/her reflux issues?" The congrats about the sippy cup from hoodlims previous post might help soften the post too.