etiquette re: hand me downs
I've asked questions about HMDs before, but this is new for me....
background: very friendly neighborhood. several neighbors have passed HMDs to me for the kids since moving here. two do so every single season. I pass back to a couple of them. it's great.
I have a new baby this year, which means new hand me downs for someone ELSE. there just so happens to be 4 pregnant ladies on the street right now, only one having a girl so she gets them all by default. we are friendly, but i wouldn't go as far as to say "friends." she's an absolute doll, though. it's her first girl, second child.
I've started passing her HMDs from DD2. Two loads so far. I didn't pass on anything that was obviously stained or damaged in any way. I tend to gravitate toward higher end brands. All that to say, it's nice stuff and a lot of stuff. The first time I sent stuff down, she sent back a thank you note, flowers, and two outfits for DD2. At the time, I thought it might be because DD2 had just had surgery and that's what the gifts were for....
but THIS time with the second box of HMDs, she has responded with a thank you note and a $25 giftcard to target!
she does NOT need to be sending me something in return for these. They are going to be donated if I don't hand them down to her, you know? And I certainly don't respond with gifts when other neighbors give us hand-me-downs. (maybe I should?) though, in two of the 3 cases, i've been able to respond "in kind" by giving hand me downs for another child (like the mom with older boys has a younger girl, so i get her big boy stuff and pass to her my girl stuff, kwim?)
further complicating this is that I felt like it was possible I was overhwelming her with stuff, so I sent her a message. Her response baffled me...here it is, can you help me? this is over text message, my initial text to her is first and then her response.
Me: "So, I'm clearing out my closet....am I totally overwhelming you with hand me downs? I don't want to be a pain in the neck for you! Let me know if you would like me to find another home for our outgrowns!"
Her: "haha ! I appreciate them. If you have other people in mind that is fine too! Whatever you would like I can see what I can use if you don't have anyone else in mind!"
So, should I keep sending her hand me downs? is she politely trying to get me to stop? Also, I feel like I want to make it clear that I don't expect ANYTHING in return. I absolutely do not want her to keep gifting to me every time I send her a bag....the sheer amount of stuff I have, you have no idea. spoiled is not the right word for my youngest. LOL the gifting would get obscene! and now do I need to send a thank you for her thank you? I'm so confused by this!
and I'm overthinking it, I'm sure, but these are our neighbors and I don't want to cause any neighbor conflicts. TIA!
etiquette re: hand me downs
She sounds like she wants and appreciates the hand me downs. I like the come over for coffee idea.I had something similar happen. I was mailing a box of hand me downs to DHs cousin every 4 months or so, especially the nice stuff. Cost me around $20 per box to mail but it made me happy to know the kids' cousin was going to be in their loved clothes. They started sending us $25 amazon gcs each time any of us had a bday - 3 boxes a year, 4 birthdays a year. I emailed to say they really don't need to send us gcs for our birthdays. They started sending checks to cover mailing costs! (I told them to just stop!)
Once you send the message clearly, it's up to her to scale back her appreciation. I know that when DHs other cousin gave us tons of lovely hmds, I did respond with special gifts for her much older kids - not just to say thanks, but more of a splurge than usual. Saying thanks is something some of us like to do!