I have a sick, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

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Originally Posted by vejemom

I'm in the minority, but it doesn't particularly ring alarm bells for me. I'll preface this by explaining that I'm single and probably have more male friends than female. Sometimes they treat me a little too much like one of the guys and I hear the weirdest "man stuff". This totally sounds like one of the dumb things guys do. Unless he rivals Ron Jeremy, most guys have some insecurity in that department. And if a new, uh, method becomes available, he'll want to try it. Even if he's been married for 50 years and never gotten any complaints. They worry that we're disappointed and that we're just being polite. Given your history, maybe trust but verify is the way to go. I completely understand your distress, but it may not be anything more than he says it is.

Am I the only one who now wants to go Google this? LOL

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I agree with this. I've had a lot of male friends and worked in a male dominated field and can't un-hear some of the things I've heard. Lol. I do think it's plausible and would chalk it up to dumb things some guys do.

Also, idk if I would leave that picture up of your family after this post. JMO, of course.

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Originally Posted by Still-in-Shock

Please don't beat yourself up about that. My first husband had an emotional affair and it's always in the back of my mind, even though I am now with someone else. As the saying goes, you are no longer a "virgin". You know what things like this can lead to, and you are wary, even if it is only subconsciously most of the time. In my case, I don't vocalize anything unless I think my husband just doesn't realize what's going on. (Like being in a bar after 7 without me, even if it is a work event, is sending the wrong message.) But he hasn't strayed. Yours has, so if your antennae tell you that something's not right, you have a right to get clarification. Trust your instincts. And if you think he is being faithful, let him know that you appreciate him giving you reassurance.

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His earnest reassurance after I had turned away from him and basically dismissed him, that's the thing that actually got my instincts to calm down. Back in the day when he was cheating (not physical cheating but the same ramifications) he would have been defensive, passive aggressive, and even downright mean--no apologies, no concern for my feelings and doing all that he could to "throw me off the trail" by making me feel like I was insane or otherwise lacking in facilities. He was not very nice during that time in our lives. It's a freaking miracle we made it through that mess to where we are now--and I'm sure he's aware of it too. So, for him to have not ignored me or acted like an a-hole to me (which I hate to say I was expecting) but to instead frantically search for the excel document (which he was able to produce and I checked the last time it had been modified which was shortly after the picture he had taken) and then to come around, get down on his knees in front of me on the bed, grasp my hand with both of his and looked me full in the face and told me the whole thing, even when I could see he was visibly upset about divulge something he found embarrassing. That I believe. I know him well enough to know when he's lying to me and I couldn't detect anything after that.

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Originally Posted by vejemom

I'm in the minority, but it doesn't particularly ring alarm bells for me. I'll preface this by explaining that I'm single and probably have more male friends than female. Sometimes they treat me a little too much like one of the guys and I hear the weirdest "man stuff". This totally sounds like one of the dumb things guys do. Unless he rivals Ron Jeremy, most guys have some insecurity in that department. And if a new, uh, method becomes available, he'll want to try it. Even if he's been married for 50 years and never gotten any complaints. They worry that we're disappointed and that we're just being polite. Given your history, maybe trust but verify is the way to go. I completely understand your distress, but it may not be anything more than he says it is.

Am I the only one who now wants to go Google this? LOL

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He has always, always been insecure about his size. And he's above average, or the average that I've seen. He more than gets the job done and yet in our candid moments he has told me he wishes he were bigger. I know he's had "aids" in the past, including when we first started dating and that was very embarrassing when I found out about it (for him, not so much for me). I kind of understood his insecurity because when we were dating I had no boobs at all. Completely flat chested and couldn't have even claimed to have mosquito bites (I was still buying bras from the pre-teen section for crying out loud). I just thought that after almost 12 years of marriage, and three children he would have understood I'm not dissatisfied with his physique at all. You'd think he would have known that out of either of us, I'D be the one more insecure about size of myself down there after three kiddos (which I'm glad to say is back to pre-pregnancy normal if not better than before kids--yay for understanding my muscles down there now!).

I think you're right about how if guys think that something will help they're willing to try it, even if it's not needed. I still don't like the picture but I don't think he'd be stupid enough to have left it in our icloud, iphoto, photostream where I could see it instead of getting our digital camera and uploading it to his desktop computer, emailing and the deleting it if he were up to something. Even though I believe him now after his candor, it will take me some time for my nerves to go calm back down. I'll still be sensitive and emotional and we'll both know why. And I'm sure he's aware that I'll be more watchful in the future.

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Originally Posted by KLD313

Also, idk if I would leave that picture up of your family after this post. JMO, of course.

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I agree, too!

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Originally Posted by KLD313

Also, idk if I would leave that picture up of your family after this post. JMO, of course.

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Agreeing, too (shocker). Your AVI tells me alot about your family and who your husband is by the uniform he's wearing. A sensitive topic on a public board, it's findable.

I don't get that much time to post so I missed this by several hours. It's all changed now.

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Originally Posted by OKKiddo

I don't get that much time to post so I missed this by several hours. It's all changed now.

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FYI, your avatar photo still shows up on your posts, so that hasn't changed.

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Originally Posted by citymama

FYI, your avatar photo still shows up on your posts, so that hasn't changed.

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I wondered, too, and thought maybe she edited posts?

I'm at a loss, I changed my avatar photo and I tried to edit the original post but the same avatar shows up.

Ok, so when I squirrel myself away in a quiet corner I'm able to see that there are two places to change pictures. Done.

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Originally Posted by OKKiddo

I'm at a loss, I changed my avatar photo and I tried to edit the original post but the same avatar shows up.

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Looks like it worked this time!