Feeling generally sad...my 2 yo is starting daycare

Hey, I just noticed your DS just had a birthday last weekend! I hope he had a great birthday!!!

I'm sorry the transition is so tough for you, but I'm glad Kai seems to be adapting well. I didn't check that site (and am not sure if I want a dose of daycare guilt this morning - I get enough from MIL ;)) so I can't comment on that. You've heard this a zillion times, I'm sure, but we all do what is best for our families, and we need to learn to be okay with those choices, especially when we have no better options. Sometimes they are hard choices, but we make them with everyone's best interests in mind, and over time things will get easier. Do keep on top of the daycare about any of your concerns. Sarah recently moved over to the two year old room and we've had to chat with her new teachers a few times, luckily about minor stuff.

I hope work is going well for you, and that things continue to go well for Kai.

Hugs,
Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

Hi Deborah,
Sorry I didn't have time to respond to this earlier...hope things are going well for you and Kai.

Both my boys have been in day care since they were 3 months old. It is extremely hard. I would say that it is never EASY, but it does get EASIER. I work because I have to--my DH earns less than me and I don't earn very much. It is a struggle for me because I'd rather be with my kids more than I can be, but I love my job so I think I'd like to work a few days a week even if I didn't have to.

My kids are in a national chain daycare (Kindercare) which I'm sure is not the best, but it is the best that is available to us. However, my 3 year old LOVES it. He is excited to see his friends every day, and he talks about his teachers and gives them hugs and kisses all the time. Day care centers will never be the perfect solution, but if it was the cold, unfeeling, diaper-changing, disease-breeding factory that the web site you linked to suggests, I doubt Elijah would be running to hug and kiss his infant room teachers and the center director each day, along with his regular teachers. We have a huge box full of his art projects. He can recite the stories his teachers tell him. He is learning to write letters. He gets lots of exercise every day. He is always with children his age in a room full of age-appropriate toys. So it isn't all bad.

That's what I tell myself when Noah's infant room teacher says to me, "Noah is not the youngest child in the room, but he's the only one not on cereal yet...don't you want to start him?" and I have to patiently explain that we have decided to wait until Noah is at least 6 months old to start solids. And I have to explain why I still breastfeed him. Etc, etc, etc. Or when I walk in to drop off the boys in the morning and find a huge sign saying that there is a virus going around the center. And just when I'm feeling horribly guilty and like there has to be SOME way I can quit and we can afford to live even more modestly than we already are, one of the teachers tells me about how Noah was laughing and laughing while they played, and I know that it is OK. Not ideal, but OK.

And FWIW, Eli has had two ear infections, three mild colds, and one extremely mild case of hand, foot and mouth in his three years. Noah has had one mild cold since he started daycare. I'm convinced it has to do with long term breastfeeding! :-)

I know it is rough, but I try to look at the positive side--and the benefits I get, and my boys get, from me working.

Hallie,

Thanks for sharing your experience! It sounds like your boys are doing great in daycare, and I'm sure you are a huge part of that!

Tomorrow is our first full day. I think he'll be OK until he reaches a point where everything isn't so "new" and "fun" and then we may have a problem for a while. I think he is a prime candidate for the "honeymoon phase" syndrome!

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. It sounds like he is going to do beautifully. Try not to spend your whole day worrying, okay?
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!

Deborah - it does get better in due time. I had to put DD in homecare around 10 months and it was a temp situation which lasted 3 months. I'm again faced with putting DD in homecare in 2 weeks and I'm sad and torn about it. I am going to be working only 3 days so this will be a bit easier. And I found a great homecare today, the lady runs it out of her home and has 4 part timers and 1 full time so there's never really more than 3 kids at a time. She's a bit more expensive but I love the ratio and the flexibility.
Like other moms here, I would anything to stay home with DD but I don't have that choice. I work on consulting basis so I made a lot of money for short period of time which pays for health benefits and other bills. Until my DH finishes school and can start a career that will offer him health benefits and a steady paycheck, we have no choice.
:(
PS i have few friends who work in daycare centers and i have heard the horror stories. It just boils down to lack of staff, lack of training and screening, not any malicious intent on the caregivers part. But what can you do? that's why i chose homecare, i guess the lesser of 2 evils...

Deborah,

Hope Kai's first full day goes well tomorrow. I'm sure he will do fine! I'm stressed right now because Jacob really likes the home daycare where he's at (4 days a week, 6-8 hours a day) but I just got a new job and need to look for new daycare that isn't 15 mintues in the wrong direction (like my current daycare is). I'll probablly be posting my own day care woes story soon! Good luck with everything.

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

Well, we survived his first full day. He did pretty well, but he hasn't been going to sleep at a decent hour so he was over-tired and only took a short nap. He looked absolutely bedraggled when I picked him up, but I am sure that is all about the lack of sleep lately.

I guess I don't get the "warm fuzzies" from his teachers at all, and am hoping I start feeling some kind of connection with them soon. If not, I will start looking at other daycares. There's nothing I can point to, but I just don't know if they are really connecting with Kai or me. Then again, I may just be feeling hostility toward them because they get to spend the day with him and I don't! And I feel a distinct lack of control over his care, which is to be expected after 2 years I'm sure.

So even though everything went fine, I've still felt like crying all day and all evening. Also they have screwed up my first bill, which was left in our "inbox", and when I saw it, I just wanted to scream, because it is so not in keeping with what I discussed with the director. Like we are being charged for 4 extra days! I'm hoping it was a simple miscommunication.

deleted