5-Year-Old Won't Go to Sleep!

We're at our wits' end over here, clearly in a nasty battle over sleep with our 5-year-old. Clearly she's having difficulty, and I have some sympathy for her (starting Kindergarten is difficult), but not after she's begun a battle royale over going to sleep and the rest of the house is being held hostage to it. So here's the situation: her bedtime has been 8:00 for about a year now. (Kisses @ 7:30 p.m., reading 'til 8:00, lights out at 8:00 p.m.) She wakes anywhere from 6:30 - 7:30 a.m. A few weeks ago, we found her with her lights on, reading, way past bedtime. (The worst night she was up 'til 10:30 p.m.) After gently trying to tell her that this was against the rules, we decided to lay down the law and tell her that if she continued to flout bedtime rules, she would lose her books.

When we enforced this rule, a hellish night ensued, with her screaming and yelling so loudly she woke her 15-month-old sister (who sleeps like a LOG), and though we tried everything to calm her, we basically had to wait 'til she passed out (11:00 p.m.) before she went to sleep.

Having laid down the law that night, we thought she knew we were serious about this. So this week we had her "earn" her books back by going to sleep properly, at 8:00 p.m., for 5 nights in a row. She easily accomplished the task. But just as I put the books back in her room, she started saying, mischievously, "I think I want this new routine and might read after lights out to get it back." I explained that we would be happy to continue to play with her and shower her with attention 'til 8:00 p.m. OR she could read her books 'til 8:00. In other words, if she loved the new routine, she could have it and there was no reason for her to break the rules... If she could just go to sleep, she could have her books IN ADDITION to having the new routine, if that's what she wanted. So we checked on her at 8:20 p.m. and, sure enough, her lights were on and she was reading.

We took away her books again last night. A 1-hour screamfest ensued. I will admit, we were not Supernanny perfect in NOT talking to her, but we're talking about a truly stubborn child.

The next night, she once again started screaming and throwing a fit at 8:00 p.m. The only thing that stopped it was that my husband accidentally banged her in the head as she was bashing on her bedroom door and he was trying to open it (to put her back into bed). This jolted her out of her fit and she went to sleep after drinking some water and icing her "boo boo."

I think the worst part is that I can't even talk with her about the situation without her instantly getting really angry. She makes it impossible to have a productive discussion and understand how to move forward. We have a very bright girl (she's been reading since 3-1/2) who doesn't have the impulse control to go to sleep on time when her books are around. It's our job as her parents to help her get the rest she needs... But all of this is just leading to nightly power struggles.

What's going on, here? I hate to keep books out of her room permanently... What is this about??? How can we get her to sleep and have some time to ourselves in the evening again? HELP!

I don't have a child that age, but I did nanny for one. If it were me, I would just remove her light from her room at the designated time. Tell her you have set the rules and you are going to see that she follows them. If she is cooperative (no fits) for a week or so, then you can leave the light. I would definitely follow up to make sure she is not turning it back on though. You can also tell her that you want her to have her privacy, but if she is disobeying consistently then you will have to leave her door open to be sure she is going to bed at the proper time. Tell her you want to trust her, but she has to earn that trust by not disobeying behind your back. I would try to give her some extra attention during the day since you think the phase is about her getting used to K, etc. Whatever you do, I hope it's just a short-lived phase for her.