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"I am nervous to have them close in age b/c, as an only, I have NO idea how to balance everything. I find it difficult enough with just one child!"
Trust me you learn ;) I'm a 2nd generation only, although their are certain things about "siblings" i'll never understand LOL
~Pamela Mom to the Trio Of Trouble http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/otn/angels/newangel.gif
http://lilypie.com/baby4/010103/0/5/3/-6/.png
<The one thing that holds me back is that adults who were only children seem reluctant to have only one child themselves. That is compelling to me, and I'd like to know more, but all of my close friends have siblings, so I haven't explored the sentiment more fully.">
I wanted more than one because of the lack of family i had/have, by age 11 if i lost my mother i would have been truely alone, i wanted to avoid that for my children if i could.
The odd twist to this whole thing, is how my eldest would have been a great only child and how having three kids has changed my own feelings about my lack of siblings.
~Pamela Mom to the Trio Of Trouble http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/otn/angels/newangel.gif
http://lilypie.com/baby4/010103/0/5/3/-6/.png
<"DH was the third of three, and as someone mentioned, his parents didn't seem to have enough energy for him.">
I know of this all too well, dh is the "third" and seemed to miss out on alot of the things his siblings got because i guess their wasn't enough, money, time, energy etc.
Not saying it has to be that way, i try my best as a mother of three not to have ds miss out on things but i'll admit in all honesty it can be hard but is certainly doable ;)
~Pamela Mom to the Trio Of Trouble http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/otn/angels/newangel.gif
http://lilypie.com/baby4/010103/0/5/3/-6/.png
My DH can't understand why I am worried about integrating 2 kids into our life, he has a younger brother. I'm hoping that he can provide the "wisdom" that I am lacking!
Then again, my DH and his brother don't really have a relationship and DH states if his brother ever needed anything, that he'd be there. I can't exactly understand that, I must be looking at the sibling relationship like a friendship relationship- there's give and take on both sides, not just one.
I'll raise my grape juice glass to us figuring this out when we have more than one child!
Lisa
Christopher 3/18/02
Another boy EDD 9/20/04
>The odd twist to this whole thing, is how my eldest would
>have been a great only child and how having three kids has
>changed my own feelings about my lack of siblings.
If I'm not being too nosey :) I'm really curious about this part of your post. What exactly makes you feel your eldest would have been a great only child? I have that feeling about my daughter, but I have no personal experience to base it on.
And has having 3 kids yourself made you feel less sad about not having siblings or more so--or do the 3 kids just eliminate any possibility of feeling alone!
Again, I hope I'm not prying, just feeling very curious about all of this lately.
>The odd twist to this whole thing, is how my eldest would
>have been a great only child and how having three kids has
>changed my own feelings about my lack of siblings.
I'm curious, too! =)
I recall being somewhere with a family and the siblings fighting...I want to say they were maybe 4 or 5 years apart. The mother in exasperation turning to us saying, "And would you believe I had HIM so SHE wouldn't be lonely!"
As I've said to my friends IRL, I want a sibling for Audrey more than I want another child for myself. I don't feel a tremendous urge to have another baby right now, although the idea is becoming more and more appealing as Audrey gets easier and easier as she's older. I feel like having two--if that is, indeed, what happens--is a choice I'll be happy about in the long run...although, who can predict what happens in the future?!
Our decision to have just one was a long and involved one. My DH comes from a family of 4 (he was the third), but he has 5 older half-siblings as well. He adamantly wanted an only. I AM and only and I know the pros and cons. I wanted 2, but I didn't want to 'force' that on my DH. Even after we had DD and I asked, "are you sure you don't want a boy?" He replied, "no, she's all I need."
But, of course, as many have said, it is very personal. We had many, many small reasons that added up. One big one is that DH is in the Air Force and gets deployed a lot (not right now, thank goodness) and I wanted to be sure that whatever family we had was one that I could handle during those months when I am a 'single mom'. I guess I have a fear of being outnumbered!
DD was (and I'm not kidding about this) THE perfect baby. She slept, ate, rolled over, sat up, exactly when she was supposed to, was never sick, and hardly cried. I was not allowed to talk about my child when I got around my friends because they were so insanely jealous of the sleep I got! And then, at 9 months, she walked... (evil laughter soundtrack)
Well, we are finally starting to reach our equilibrium again (she'll be 3 in October) and I am looking around at babies, because they are cute, but I realize I have no desire for another. Some of our reasons for having only one. Financial, she can take all the gymnastics classes she wants, she will have college paid for, and we are setting aside money for a wedding (all of which my DH missed out on and I got). Emotional/Financial, with one we can afford for me to stay at home. Emotional, I think, upon honest reflection, that I am not made to mother more than one. I have a friend who had triplets and she said the comment she got most often was, "better you than me," to which she replied, "you are probably right." Some folks seem to be able to go with the flow and accept glitches. I get wound tighter and tighter. So I guess, recognizing what you are and what you can do plays a big part. Luckily I have a family (and I include my in-laws in that statement) that really support whatever we decide on.
Jen in Okinawa
mom to one wonderful pre-schooler Noelle
who will be 3...THREE!!! in 44 days