How long to keep trying for a nap?

We're going through major sleep issues (of course). Last night she cried from 10:30pm until 3:30am. I'm not even going to touch that right now. My question is in regards to naps. She's going un-swaddled cold turkey (yes, at 9m old she still needs to be swaddled). The reason is because she's much stronger now and can roll over in her swaddle and get stuck. I have some success with her sleeping on her tummy but that's really only a matter of a few minutes. The longest nap session is about 20 minutes. The usual length of naps before she cries and gets up is about 3-7 minutes. Then I go back in, rock her a little, pat her some more until she falls asleep. Then the process repeats. Swaddled, she'll sleep between 40-120 minutes.

How long should I keep doing this?? At what point do I give up this nap and call it a day? She's obviously tired but needs my constant patting, my being with her. I have a 3.5yo I have to attend to so I can't spend 2 hours with her, locked in her room.

Should I call it quits and give her another nap at the next nap time or do I bump up her next nap, thereby risking messing up her bedtime?

Right now I'm so pissed off (it's 4:30pm and I've been in there since 2:30pm - she napped a total of about 20 minutes, in my arms and 3 minutes in the crib) that she's CIO. She's hysterical but I need my space otherwise I'm going to do something I will regret.

You might want to try a sling if you haven't done that yet. My DD fights sleep like crazy. She is currently cosleeping (out of necessity so that I can get some sleep.) But I still have trouble getting her to "give up" and go to sleep. Sometimes I will just wear her around in the sling and she will start to relax and fall asleep. At least that way you could still take care of your DS. Maybe the sling will help her feel swaddled too. I have a maya wrap and like it alot since she likes to be held all the time. At least that way she can be rocked and relaxing even while you are tending to DS.

Its funny you ask because DD is fighting a nap right now. Lately I have to take her in the basement because its the only dark room. I turn off the lights and play soft music on the computer. (Kenny Loggins return to Pooh Corner is great). I walk her around or sit at the computer and let her watch the visualizations on windows media player. She nurses and goes to sleep. Of course then I end up holding her for up to two hours while she takes a nap. I have learned not to lay her down or she will not get a full nap and I will pay for it later. But at least I get to have time at the computer checking the message boards while she sleeps.

Well I guess I better get back to her--she is attacking the keyboard now.

Gina E

DD 15 yr Jade
DD 11 mo Olivia

Thanks for the response.

I don't want to sling her (or take her for a car ride as a friend suggested). I don't want to get into that situation and have another crutch to have to wean off. When we're out and about she will nap in my wrap but if we are at home, I want her to nap in her crib. I feel that we already have a problem with sleeping and having her sleep elsewhere is just a temporary fix, basically moving the problem from one area to another without resolving the underlying issue.

I find it funny that my friend suggested the car as she logged 100's of miles in her car since that was the only way her DS was able to nap and repeatedly told me that was one of her biggest parenting mistakes.

I feel for you, I know how frustrating it is to FINALLY get them to sleep only to set them down and they wake up again (or else the phone rings).

You could possibly put her down in the sling and slip out of it once she is good and asleep. Just make sure she is fully asleep before you put her down. Sometimes I rush it and put her down too soon and she wakes up. She seems to sleep deeper in the afternoon than in the morning so for her afternoon nap I am more likely to be able to lay her down once she is asleep.

Is this typical for your DD or does it just seem to be a stage she is going through now? If it is typical, you might want to check out Askdrsears.com and look up high-need child and sleep issues. If this is not typical maybe she just is going through some teething or something that is making her uncomfortable? I think that my dd may have had a little reflux, though she was never diagnosed. She never liked to be held "like a baby" unless she was BFing. She always wanted to be up on our shoulders. It also seemed she would sleep longer on a softer surface (ie NOT her crib).

Will she play in her crib? Maybe you could try giving her some quiet playtime during naptime. (Just trying to think of other options).

I guess *anything* you do could be considered a "crutch". I think some babies can't settle down as well as others. If you don't help them settle, then the only other option is to let them cry it out. To me personally that is not an option--I choose to ease her into sleeping rather than to force her to sleep. I want her to learn that sleep is a pleasant thing and not to be afraid of it. I have to constantly remind myself that pretty soon she won't want to be held and to take this time to enjoy her. I can't even get a hug from my DD of 15 yrs-we yell more than we hug these days. So I enjoy this time while I can.:-)

Gina E

DD 15 yr Jade
DD 11 mo Olivia

This is a tough one because it's obvious that she sleeps better swaddled, but I can see why you want to stop that. Is it possible to swaddle just her body and leave her arms free? That's how we eventually stopped the swaddling. DD was getting her arms free anyhow, but we didn't want her flailing around too much, so for a couple of months we swaddled her body nice and snug but kept one arm free, then both arms free.

I agree with pp, if this ISN'T typical, meaning if she was previously a good (or at least okay) sleeper, then something is disturbing her. IS she teething?

You didn't way but how many naps does she take a day? I think at this age dd was taking 2 naps, however they were 60-90 minutes long. I know of one high needs child that was still taking three 30 minute naps a day at this age, and is currently (at 16 months) taking two 30 minute naps a day. Sometimes he will wake, then resettle and sleep for another 30-45 minutes, but it's pretty rare. He's always been a catnapper, not because he doesn't need the sleep, but because that's how his brain is wired. He wakes up really early in the morning too, but his mother doesn't go in to get him until 6.

Depending on how long this has been going on, your dd may just be exhausted and wired from lack of sleep (you may be feeling the same!).