Thanks everyone for the advice. It was very helpful & I appreciate everyone's honesty!
Thanks everyone for the advice. It was very helpful & I appreciate everyone's honesty!
If it was once in a while I'd let it go, personally. But twice a month is too much.
And your DH is old enough to make his own choices too! But you can't change someone else's behavior by nagging (even if you're in the right). Continuing what you're doing, since you've made your feelings clear already, may just enable it to continue.Quote:
DH said, "Well, he's old enough to make his own choices". I said that doesn't mean you have to make excuses for him.
If I were you, I'd not let the in-laws family have that frequent/powerful a place in my life. I'd flat-out tell him that you do not have a good time when visiting your inlaws due to his drinking and the way he behaves around his brother. So in the future, you want to go less often. Once a month. If he absolutely insists on going, let him go without you. Send him with the girls (if you are sure he won't drive them home while he's intoxicated) and make a date with a friend or spend the day enjoying yourself at the spa. Go only if & when YOU feel like hanging out with your SIL.
I know some people wouldn't agree with that approach but it's the best I can come up with :) I am a big believer in taking action to break negative behavior patterns.
I wouldn't go, and I certainly wouldn't send DDs. I have nothing against drinking, but drinking until you're sick in front of your kids on Christmas? Come on. Your DDs deserve better. Major hugs to you. I know this can't be easy.
I wouldn't want my kids growing up around that either. My advice would be to tell him out straight that I didn't think this behavior was good for him or them, but I know how that could seem like you are asking him to choose them or you. It doesn't have to be one or the other if he is willing to set stricter boundaries between him and his family, but he has to see why he needs to do that. Does it bother you enough for you to suggest counselling over it?
Me neither.Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinFoxes
You've made it clear to your husband you don't like how he behaves around his brother. Your BIL isn't going to change and neither is your husband. Stop going to your in-laws. If DH wants to play silly games with his brother then at least you won't have to watch. You don't want your children exposed to that (and who would?) so that is your "out". Invite your SIL to visit you.
I should clarify...in my anger I forgot to note that the beer pong might not happen at every visit, but there is always some excuse for DH's bro. to bust out the hard liquor. The "shots during videogames" thing happens more than the bp. As far as DH getting really sick, there were maybe 3 times this past year where he's gotten really sick from drinking: 1x during a normal visit, once at the grad. party his mom threw 4 him when he finally completed his Bachelor's degree, and this xmas.Quote:
Originally Posted by wellyes
My MIL is nice & I do like spending time with SIL and my nephew, so I feel like not visiting as often would deprive MIL of time with her grandkids...I don't want to punish her just because her son's an immature loser. I feel like I'm stuck.
I agree that I wouldn't go nor would I allow my kids to go. They sound like toxic people, honestly.
I don't think making an ultimatum to your DH is necessarily the way to go... I'm not sure there is really anything you can do to force him to change. But if that were me, I know that it would become a real problem between DH & I if he continued to allow himself to get sucked into that behavior. Even if only because it bothers you so much.
:yeahthat: and counseling.Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinFoxes
This makes me sad as I had a relatively drama free 2009 & I feel like I'm about to open up a can of worms and the ****s going to hit the fan. I agree though..I'm just going to continue to get frustrated watching it happen. So next weekend when it's time to visit the in-laws I'll just have to tell DH that he can go alone if he plans to play his little frat boy games with his brother. I know talking to DH didn't work, and ultimatums aren't fair either..but you are all right in that I don't have to watch it happen and neither do my daughters. Hopefully this will be a step in making DH realize what he's doing.