I have a sick, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
DH and I had a date night tonight and when we got home the babysitter informed us that DS1 has his first loose tooth with the new one right behind it. She works at our dentists office too and said she didn't remember seeing that on his x-ray around 5 months ago. I know I did because I took a picture of his x-ray to text to my DH.
I opened up iPhoto on the laptop to try and find it and while scrolling through I found a "dick pic" of my husband that he obviously took of himself in his study (taken downwards towards the floor and his feet). He was "standing tall" and well trimmed. My heart plummeted and I felt like I was going to throw up. I've mentioned our history about this before and I hate that it immediately all came flooding back as though it were only yesterday. I hate that I doubt him.
I called out to him and asked him why there was this picture in iPhoto and only a short pause before a high pitched "what?!" followed by his presence next to me to confirm the picture and immediately followed by "I told you about it, I was fooling around with a program to see if I could make it bigger." I wish I could believe him. My radar is picking up on something and I want to tell it to shut the eff up. But I can't just close a blind eye and turn away because now we have three children that could be affected by the fallout of any kind of an affair. There are also reasons I don't believe him and those are: I have a very good memory and even though it's sometimes affected by mommy brain, I don't forget big things (I might forget to mail something but I won't forget something crazy like a dick picture), his high pitched tone had the note of falsehood in it, then the "I told you about it" forcefully reminds me of when he used to tell me "you're crazy/paranoid/it's in your head", and finally the lame excuse that he was playing around with a program.
I looked straight at him and told him he had to of known what I would think looking at that and he kept telling me "sweetie no, no, I didn't do anything, I wish you wouldn't think that." I want to believe him so badly but I don't. I couldn't even look at him so I went back to the computer to look for that x-ray picture and he told me that he wished I didn't have to go there and I whispered back that I wish he had never gone there so that I didn't have to relive those months of hell over and over again like this.
