Would love your views on 'a ton of birthday gifts' - not good / responsible??

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smilequeen

Your friend is entitled to raise her kids how she wants. She's happy with it and it works for them and that's great. That doesn't actually mean it's the superior way. If you want to let your kid get presents, I'm sure you have plenty of ways to teach your kids to be responsible and grateful. More than one way to do things and have kids turn out OK.

---

Nicely said! We did a gift party last year (about 12 kids), and independently my DD asked if she could have a no-gift party this year and have us pick her out one big present instead (she apparently heard about this idea from a friend of hers). I don't think there's any reason to be worried. (I mean, I might be worried about where they would all go or something like that logistically, but I'm confident your DD will be just fine morally after receiving 30 presents!)

We allow gifts, but our parties are very small compared to what you are going to have. usually around 10, without siblings.

I don't really no gift parties. As the person attending, it makes me feel awkward not to bring a gift. Or a lot of times people will write "in lieu of gifts please donate...so what I end up doing to donating money to the charity AND buying a smaller gift for the child. So I end up
Spending a lot more than I would have.

I don't think there's anything wrong with allowing the child the receive presents. And I don't feel like it's teaching them bad responsibility, etc

First off, There's an excitement for the giver to select a gift to give to their friend. My girls are always super excited about it

There's also a lot of joy in watching the child opening presents. My kids are 5 and 8. And they do end up with a lot of presents and a lot of them may not be what they want or is "crap" like your friend thinks.

But that's when I tell them a gift is a gift and the thought is what counts, not what you got. So they learn to accept gifts graciously. And I'm proud to say my girls always says thank you regardless of the gift they get (and that includes a simple flower a friend picked up from the ground walking to school together).

As far as what to do with 30 gifts you don't want, just donate them to a good cause. Let your kids decide or help them decide and take them to a local hospital, toys for tots, etc. I know people say they end up keeping unwanted toys in the house for a long time but I just don't see that as a deterrent since there's so many places you can donate them to. You don't have to keep them just because they're gifts

As far as favors, I like the tradition of giving them so each kid goes home with "goodies". I don't like junk either so I don't buy party city type party favors. So for the last 2 years, I give out either a box of crayons or a box of colored pencils inside a plastic pencil box. Things that they'll use and the parents would've bought anyways


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

We do no gift parties. I hate having extra crap around, especially crap my kids don't use. At the last bday party we hosted, I mandated no gifts. Other than the gift cards, all the toys we got went to toys for tots. We didn't keep one. We tried to have every guest bring non perishable food for the local food pantry, but that didn't work. It drives me crazy that folks don't listen to no gifts mandate. I don't like goody bags either. 90% of a goody bag will end up in a landfill or is crap candy filled with artificial colors and flavors. In the past we have had specialty cookies made for each attendee or gave out soccer balls (at a soccer party). I also don't believe the "it's the kids birthday" theory. All that said, do what you think is best. While I tend to agree with your friend, she sounds sort of self righteous about this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ckso

I don't really no gift parties. As the person attending, it makes me feel awkward not to bring a gift. Or a lot of times people will write "in lieu of gifts please donate...so what I end up doing to donating money to the charity AND buying a smaller gift for the child. So I end up
Spending a lot more than I would have.

---

Or you could just follow the hosts' request and not bring a gift. You're really bringing discomfort and extra expense on yourself. I've been to one "no-gift" party and it was cool. (And I don't mind shopping or gift buying, I actually enjoy it.) My neighbor brought a gift because she hadn't read the invitation but I think she was the only one.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TwinFoxes

Or you could just follow the hosts' request and not bring a gift. You're really bringing discomfort and extra expense on yourself. I've been to one "no-gift" party and it was cool. (And I don't mind shopping or gift buying, I actually enjoy it.) My neighbor brought a gift because she hadn't read the invitation but I think she was the only one.

---

I've only ever been to maybe 2 truly no gifts parties (one of them was for a 90 yr old woman) and in those cases I didn't bring a gift. BUT for the one kid party we went to, about half the people brought gifts and so I end up feeling awkward coming empty handed. Maybe it's because true "no gifts" party isn't really that common around here but if it were I'd probably feel different.

Most of the "no gifts" parties are "in lieu of" parties so for the host it might be a no gift party but for the attendee it's a specific gift request. So to honor the request, I end up bringing a check and yes a small gift for the child. I just bought a book about fairies and fairy stickers as that's the theme of the party. That again goes back to over half the people will bring gifts anyways and even if I just did bring the gift of a check, it feels empty handed to me


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

I feel its absolutely fine for kids to get presents on their birthday! I also feel like many kids would resent it/feel deprived (even if they don't need the "stuff") if they don't. I am sure some kids will get it, but in general IMHO I wouldn't do this as a way to teach kids responsibility/not to be selfish, etc! If there is ever a day to be self-centered, its your birthday!

That said, I respect when parents decided to do this. When we are invited to parties like this, we don't bring gifts (although its hard as I find most others do).

Although I would not stop my kids from getting birthday gifts, I do limit their video game/device usage more than most...so I do feel parents are entitled to raise kids by their values.

I'm totally fine with a huge amount of gifts every few years, like once every 3/4 years. It's fine. Childhood goes by in a blink of an eye. I usually help my DC decide whether or not to keep or donate a gift (well after the party) taking into account if they have a similar toy already or perhaps it is something they don't really care for. One year, DD got 5/6 Barbie dolls. No big deal, but she doesn't care much for Barbie so we kept one and donated the others.

It's your party! Enjoy it.

Do what works. This will be a new experience for everyone. We've never done a no gifts party, but I do understand the feeling of being overwhelmed by gifts after a kid party. The largest one we've had is about 12.

My oldest of 3 is turning 13 and we have done all sorts of parties through the years - whole class at venues, playgroup with siblings chaos at home, class parties at home, small home parties, family trips, invite single friends for all day outings, two or three friends for an activity - it depends on the kid, age, and where we're at as a family.

Do what works for you and your child and enjoy.

I am more in line with your friend- I always do no gift parties and people just don't bring a gift. Sometimes they will bring a homemade card or small token- think lollipop or similar. I've never had an problem with gifts being brought anyway.

I really struggle with all the "stuff" in our life and how focused we are on it. The kids get gifts from family, several from us, and plus they are getting a huge party to boot. Not to mention, grandparents who think nothing of buying a gift for no reason at all. Yes, the party is celebrating them and I want them to feel special, but it's more important to me to focus on the experience and developing friendships rather than the gifts. Plus- I don't want to drill into their heads that "stuff" is involved when celebrating- to me, its about people. Also- I don't want my kids birthday to be a source of stress ($$ to buy a gift) for another family. you never know what people's financial situation is and I certainly don't want to add to another obligation to a tight budget- I've been the the situation myself when getting an invite and thinking "argh, I have to carve out $15 for a gift"

Not to mention, I hate finding a gift for a party- and I'm relieved when it says no gifts. I must be in the minority.

Although I do like the opportunity to practice gracious receiving and also giving freely that other kids get to do. But no, not for us.