please help me be tactful and sensitive! (long...sorry)

[Melanie]

Good for you! I'm so glad you stayed calm, and it went very well.

It's fun when a plan works out, isn't it? ;-)

[elvisfan]

Janey-I'm glad all worked out; I knew that this was an awkward situation for you.

[MinnieMouse]

I know this is too late to contribute to your conversation for THIS year...but an idea none the less...


My husband's stepmother's family does a Homemade gift exchange. Each year at Christmas we draw names for the FOLLOWING Christmas. The rules are as follows.

EVERYONE is included down to the smallest child. As yet to be born children are not (ie preggo and due Jan 30th).

Just because you are involved int he Homemade gift exchange it does not preclude you from buying gifts for family members.

The gift MUST be handmade.

That's it! This will be the 4th year I've been participating, and dd's 2nd. I LOVE this tradition. You have a year to plan and make the gift (although I have brought items that were still tacky w/ paint and wrapped them in the car!) and it just wraps all the good things about Christmas into one big event. :-)

When we do the actual exchange we start with the youngest child, after they open then they give their gift and so on. If it circles back to someone that already opened, we continue with the next youngest that hasn't opened yet.

There are some bonehead gifts (dh got a blank keepsake notebook to keep thoughts about dd in....they just labeled different pages w/ topics) but generally everyone steps up to the plate. Some parents all out do the gifts that their children give...I try VERY hard to have dd do the majority of the gift she gives. Last year she made a trinket box for her 8yo female cousin...I bought the plain box, painted it white then got some nice colors for dd to "paint" it. It turned out great, very "modern" looking and her cousin loved it. This year dd has another family member (the exact link is murky...adult female works for now!). I purchased an unfinished tissue box cover and will have dd do something similar to last year to it.

Dh has painted unfinished kid desks, and made serving trays as well as a killer collage he did last year for someone who ran in his first two marathons. This year I'm making an apple wreath for my SIL.

Like I said earlier....it really wraps up all the good things about Christmas. Maybe you could float this idea to your SIL (and rest of the family) at Christmastime for next year?

HTH

Christine

[alkagift]

Janey,
I didn't reply to the post when you originally asked because I couldn't really help, but I wanted to say that my mom once had the same thoughts as your cousin. My dad (her inlaws)has a very large extended family with kids that we only see once a year. It's a bit dysfunctional and so we don't know much about them. There was a time that mom was out buying gifts for 14 kids that she essentially didn't know--what their interests were, sizes, anything. So, it was a huge burden and she always felt sad that she didn't get the kids really "good" stuff that they might have actually wanted, but clothes instead--usually sweats or something practical.

Anyway, that's my only somewhat belated thought.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03