Feeling really dumb and sad... (long)

[kwc]

Tonight I bought magazines from one of those teenagers that go door-to-door. It gets worse than that... I gave her cash because I fell (sort of) hard for her sob story, even though part of me thought I might never see the cash or magazines but because I wanted her to get out of the cold and rain, and it sounded like this kid was in near-indentured servitude to this company (drives them around the country, drops them off to sell magazines, picks them up after they have "made their quota"). And she came back twice and really talked talked talked about herself.

Mind you, we live in a major city and I am one of those people who doesn't even give my credit card number over the phone and we shred everything with our names on it because we are so paranoid. I also usually have a "high BS" factor because I often work with teenagers.

DH freaked out about it when we came back because 1) the Dept. of Justice is investigating companies like this for scamming reg folks and manipulating those who work for them
2) possibiliity of spam/ identity theft because they now have the name and address of a sucker like me
He doesn't even know about the cash (though that's the least of it). He actually asked if this was "a cry for help" because I wouldn't normally do this and if I needed more adult contact!
Maybe I do... I'm not really great at this staying home stuff, only 4 months into it... and when I see the baby all day, I forget how the world sometimes works (or doesn't).

So we "cancelled" the subscription but now I am awake at 3 AM feeling dumb and sad that I am supporting the manipulation of these teens, sad that I am not otherwise helping them, and now worried that I've given out enough info for them to rob me in person or electronically... I just hope that "they" weren't casing our house to rob it as they now know I am occasionally home alone with my new baby in the evenings, name, etc. Of course, there's not much to steal except baby stuff... :)
But I do feel a bit that I've failed some in my only "real job" these days, keeping my baby safe.

Karen

[AngelaS]

You haven't failed! Take a deep breath and next chalk it up to experience. We all have moments that make us think, "what was I thinking??" :)

Once when I was nannying for newborn twins in a big city, I got scammed by a door to door magazine salesperson too. I too cancelled my subscription and freaked a bit. I got my money back and all was well.

[COElizabeth]

Karen,

Don't be so hard on yourself! I don't know what info you gave out, but if it was just your name and address, it doesn't sound like info that isn't available anyway. I wish I could think of a snappy comeback to your DH on the "cry for help" line, because I really think it deserves one! At any rate, I'd say that you should tell him that yes, you do need help, and ask him to take care of the baby while you go pamper yourself for a while! But don't worry that you have failed your baby!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Karen,
Bless your heart!
Sadly enough our public school systems has children doing this exact same activity as well. I'm older than most on this board, but remember the days when I moved back to this country where we had huge assemblies (mandatory)during the school day urging us to sell magazines to neighbors and our parents. We would all get so motivated so that we could win a one inch pom pom called a "Weeble" that probably cost 5 cents at a local dime store. Just tragic, and back in those days I didn't realize that the kid who sat next to me might come from a family that could barely pay their lunch and their watching me come in with parents who just renewed Time and Newsweek and National Geographc...how sad!!!! Kids going door to door sets them up to be molested too...

Feel comfortable in yours and DHs decision to cancel the membership...by not supporting the activity hopefully these children will be out of the rain and doing a different "job"...
Neve
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[momathome]

Karen-
The same thing happened to me when I was home with newborn Kasey and a teen came to the door with sob story and magazine subscription in hand. I ordered from her and then came to regret it when I realized how expensive the subscription was compared with what it should be. When I told dh, he immediately called them up and cancelled the order and I promised to never fall for this pitch again! It is very unsettling when this sort of thing happens, try not to dwell on it!
-Lauren

[kwc]

You are all making me feel better! While I am not happy that anyone has been in this position before, I don't feel so stupid.
It is all very sad though, and I felt so much worse that as I was talking to this girl, there was a new stroller box just inside our door... we are very fortunate and so many others are not. It's not really even about the money as DH reminded me that I can give to any charity I want to, but a scam is something different. But those poor teenagers...

DH was actually very supportive after he saw how upset I was, and this morning (after finding DD in bed with us because I was sure someone would steal her in the middle of the night and finding out that I got up twice to check the windows and locks) and reassured me that the likelihood of any real badness coming to us is very low.

Elizabeth, don't worry, as soon as he said the "cry for help" thing last night, instead of being mad, I was actually thinking about it... and we agreed that he needs to come home earlier and we are trying to find a way for him to do a bit more of his work from home... so I may not know how things work in the outside world but can still negotiate things at home ;)

Neve, DH had to sell magazine subscriptions as a child too, for Catholic school... that and jog-a-thons... man, those sucked. I almost quit Girl Scouts because I couldn't handle selling cookies... and people actually want those! But my mom always went with me, and we only sold in our immediate neighborhood.

We've actually spent a lot of time thinking about how we want to raise our children... we don't want them to "fear the world" as DH grew up but neither should they trust _everyone_ as I did and sometimes still do. How to find a happy medium... it's hard, and the world seems to be getting more dangerous.

Thank you ladies for your kind words!

Karen

[COElizabeth]

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. It sounds like you and your DH are both incredibly thoughtful and caring people.

I know what you mean about worrying about the happy medium between trust and caution. My mom is definitely in the fear camp, and it rubbed off on me. Still, even though my sister and I were raised to fear kidnappers, we were still vulnerable. I remember once our friend down the street talked us into getting into a car with a man who was looking for his dog. Yep, the classic lure for little kids. She said she knew him, but who knows how well she did, and my sister and I didn't know him at all. I was scared enough to sit right by the door with my hand on the handle, but I cringe when I think about us getting in that car and what could have happened.

On a lighter note, my sister and I were once talking to my 4-year-old nephew about things that were "dangerous." He became very fascinated with this topic and kept asking for more examples. My sister said, "What if some man in a car says, 'Would you like some candy?' Do you take it?"

My nephew nodded yes, and my sister looked very stern and said, "Andrew, no. Someone you DON'T know asks you if you want some candy. What do you say?"

Andrew replied, "*Please* can I have some candy?"

We knew we still had work to do!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[kwc]

Wow, glad you and your sister are ok! Since becoming a mom, I have also relived the time I ran in front of a car at age 5 and narrowly avoided being smushed (hence my grudging approval of wrist harnesses!).

I love your nephew's story... so CUTE but I admit (as I am sitting front of a box of See's candy my dear MIL bought me), I might say the same!

I am trying not to take myself so seriously and your story helps a lot!

On another light note, I have a good (also new mommy) friend who is even more trusting than I am... after telling her the whole story of what happened... she looked at me and said, "Oh sweetie, that sucks! But what magazines did you order?" :)

Karen